Hey guys!

Good news! I have a very long chapter for you!

Hopefully this will make up for the long update

Happy Readings!

"Mistah J" Harley sang softly. Slowly opening my eyes, still dazed from my sleep, I peer up to the lovely sight in front of me. My girlfriend stood there in a lovely, tight nightdress and a bright smile on her face. Rising up and leaning onto my elbows, I smile to the blonde. "I made you breakfast!" Harley squealed as she pointed over to the bedside table. Sure enough there was a plate on the table, I laugh as I notice how she arranged the fry up into a smiley face. Looking back to her, a wicked plan formed in my mind. Quickly grabbing her arm, I drag Harl on top of me and roll her over. Once underneath me, I started to attack her with kisses. Sweet moans filled my ears as I quickly began to remove her clothes, feeling her stroking my hard on through my trousers. The next thing I knew, Harley flipped me over and straddled me down to the mattress. Her head flew to my neck and kisses covered my skin as her hands quickly pulled down my zipper. Not before long, Harley had my erection out of my pants and in her hand. I look up from the sight to see her face above me and with a final wink from her baby blues; she began to move her hand down my shaft. Sweet mother of fuck! Fuck Harl, that's so good! I throw my head back with a moan as she began to speed up, causing me to fold my arms behind my head. It had been so long since I last had a woman wank me off, unable to release myself during my stay at Arkham. With the speed and the tightness of Harley's hand, I knew I wasn't going to last long. Damnit! I don't want to cum yet, I want to flip Harl over and fuck her so hard but the pressure was building up inside of me. Another time toots. Giving into the pleasure, I allowed my body its sweet release as I came onto my stilled for a few moments until Harley released me and moved over to my side.

"Morning Harley" I say breathlessly as I stare at her.

"Good morning Mistah J" She laughed at the state of me. "Your breakfast has gone cold"

"Oh I'm sure I can make it up to you!" I began to move closer to her, feeling my erection grow again at the dirty thoughts in my mind. Unfortunately they stopped as soon as Harley's hands came up to my chest, keeping me a few inches away from her.

"But Puddin, you have presents to open! Remember?" Damn presents fucking cockblocking me! Can't you see your legs are the only things I want to open right now!

"Presents?"

"Yeah! Remember, I told you I got you some things when I went shopping!" Oh yeah, I do remember she said something about that last night. "I know, why don't you go and take a shower while I go and sort them out" Harley squealed with excitement as she got up from the bed and put her nightdress back on. "I can't wait till you see what I got you!" I watched as my girlfriend walk around the bed and to the stairs. "Go on Mistah J; get in the shower or no presents!" She laughed as she skipped into the office. With a final sigh, I rag myself up from the bed and walk into the bathroom. Stepping into the large bath tub, I turn on the shower and turn the temperature down. Nothing like a cold shower to rid a hard on! Though I would rather get rid of it by fucking Harley! I swear that girl is gonna get it one day! Damn I hope these presents are worth it! Why did she get me anything anyway? It's not Christmas, is it? No! That's like two months away yet!

After changing into new clothes and applying new make-up, I step into the office to see Harley sitting on the chaise with a few presents by her feet. The boxes ranged from big to small with purple wrapping paper and big green bows on them. I had to laugh at the colour scheme, seeing how much thought Harley had put into them. Like a kid at Christmas, I ran over to the chaise and sat down next to my girlfriend.

"What have you got me?" I ask with glee.

"Jeez Mistah J! Calm down before you pop a vein" Harley laughed as she passed me a small box. Ripping off the paper in one swift move, I open the box and find two black circle cases and a black tube. Reading the white label across them, I realize exactly what the black objects are. It's my make-up! "I noticed that you where running low so when you said I was going shopping, I quickly took note of the colours and brand name. Are they the right ones? If not I can go and change them"

"It's perfect Harley! Thank you" I quickly place the make-up back into the box and place a big kiss on her cheek. No one has ever thought about me like that before. Harley knows how much I depend on this stuff but to actually go out and buy it for me because I am running low? Without me telling her? Wow, she truly is one of a kind!

"Anything for you Puddin!" She squealed as she brought up another present for me to open. This box was very large compared to the others.

"A laptop?" I asked once all the paper was completely off.

"Yeah, it's kind of a two-in-one gift" Harley passed me another smaller box before I could question. Placing the laptop box on the floor, I reach for the box and ripped the paper.

"A camcorder?"

"Yep!"

"Urm... Harl? What do you mean a two-in-one gift? And what's with the laptop? You know we can't get the internet here without the risk of GCPD tracking us"

"I know that Mistah J but a computer can be used without the internet. Beside I got you the laptop and the camcorder so that if you have hostages you can make videos and send them to their loved ones or even the news!" Harley squealed as I remained quiet, staring wide eyed at her. After a while, she noticed my stare and began to worry.

"Harley... that is... you are the most... YOU ARE A GENIUS! A pure genius!" I laugh as I pull her to me, squeezing her chest to mine.

"You like them Puddin?" She asked as she pulled away.

"They are wonderful baby!"

"Good coz I'm not done yet! You still have one more to open" I watch as Harley reaches behind her and pulls out a small box. Once in my hands, I slowly and carefully remove the paper from the small but heavy box.

"A cell phone?"

"Yeah, I got myself the same one last night. Now when ever a job is running late you can let me know if you are ok" Harley winked.

"Sorry about that babe" I whisper softly. Looking through my new phone, I see Harley's new number has already been programmed in for me. "Hey Harley! Say cheese!" I shout taking a quick picture of her.

"Mistah J! I wasn't ready!" She laughed, trying to grab the phone out of my hand. Teasing her further, I pretend to look shocked at the picture. "What? What is it?"

"Oh it's nothing dear" I say with pretend laughter.

"Oh my God! Is it bad?"

"I... wouldn't say bad... just... it's ... not your... best look" I lied as I slowly rose from the chaise and backed away.

"Give me the phone!" Harley laughed while trying to be serious.

"Ain't gonna happen!" I stick my tongue out.

"That's it, you're gonna get it now!"

"You will never take me alive!" I scream as I run around the room with a laughing girlfriend fast on my heels. Ha! She will never catch me! Not even Batm... Arhh! Suddenly I was lying on the floor with Harley lying on my back. We pause to take in our surroundings for a moment then resumed to our play fighting. After a while and many rolls around the floor, we called it quits and snuggled up to each other. I watch closely as Harley grabs something from above us and pulls it into view. Clicking through my phone, Harley managed to pull up the picture I took. "You look good baby" She does, it's not a bad picture I was just teasing her.

"It's ok, I guess I can let you keep it" Harley smiled as she locked the phone and placed it into my pocket.

"Thanks for the presents toots. How did you know what I would like?"

"Well I was your doctor Puddin" We both laugh at my stupidity. Yeah I guess you have to have good judge of character to be a shrink. To know what personality someone has with a few simple questions. Hell, even just by looking at someone! What a minute! Rising up from our embrace, I stare at the office door as a plan forms in my mind. "What is it Mistah J?"

"I just thought of something you can help me with" I turn back to my girlfriend and smile.

I leaned against the door frame of the office with my arms folded as I watch my henchmen fill the living room before me. In the far corner stood the old timers; Bruno, Jinx, Jackson, Finch and Pluto. I've worked with them for years now; Jinx and Pluto are the originals, they both started not long after I became the Clown Prince of Crime. Jackson came in not long after that. I found Finch during one of my heists; he was working as a security guard at the Gotham Museum. Actually he was the only one in the building; Finch must have had a very bad day because when I arrived, everyone was dead. I knew at that moment that this security guard was destined to handle a gun. Then there was Bruno who actually is still a newbie, the only been with us for two years but he stuck around even when I was in Arkham for a year. That reminds me; I got to pay a little visit to Milo and Yank! Milo and Yank; like Jinx and Pluto, they were there from the start. Through thick and thin, me and the old timers stayed together like a pack of wild animals, me as their leader. Then it all stopped. I got sent to Arkham; spent a year with my feet up only to return to see two of my trusted men have left the pack to work for Mr. Freeze. Mr. Freeze! Of all the villains in Gotham! Why not sell yourself out completely and go work for The Penguin!

Looking across the room, I study the faces of the new henchmen. They are worried. And they should be! Today, we will find out if they will make it or break it.

"Alright boys!" I growl across the room making most of them jump. "I want all of you to get into a group of three. NOW!" Quickly, the men did what I said and stared at me with awaiting minds. "Good! Now one group at a time, I want you to go through that door!" I move my hand over to my left, pointing at the closed gym door. "Line up against the wall and when Harley calls you, you WILL sit at the table and answer her NICELY! Any funny business and you will wish you were never born!" The men just stared at me with shock. Bloody newbies! "WELL WHAT ARE YOU STANDING THERE FOR?" Quicker than a bullet, the first group stepped into the gym and out of my sight.

An hour or more later, I was still leaning against the door frame, staring at my new henchman as I tried to figure them out. They stood along the wall with their faces down, 'hello my name is' sticky labels on all of their chests. Gotta hand it to the girl, she picked some good names! Eyeing up the labels in a line, I smiled at the girly writing. Razor, Delta, Mickey, Denozo, Fido, Lenny, Willis... the list went on. Suddenly the gym door burst open and my girlfriend came waltzing in.

"All done Mistah J!" Harley squealed in a weird voice. I looked at her confused as she stopped in front of me, dozens of Polaroid pictures nesting in her arms. "Oh boy, that was a little CRAZY!" She winked at me with a serious face, knowing I was the only one that could see her. Oh yeah! Harley is meant to act crazy! Wow, she is doing a good job at it!

"Good girl Harley! Now put them on the table" I watch my girlfriend move over to the table as I turned my attention to the new henchmen. "You can go now!" One by one, the men left the room either by the lift or the stairs. Once the room was clear, I walked over to the sofa and sat next to Harley. I watched her closely as she lay out the Polaroid pictures out on the table before me, their new names written under the faces. Finishing the last lot of pictures, Harley noticed my stare and turned to meet me.

"What's wrong Puddin?"

"What is two times two?"

"Four..."

"On traffic lights, what does the colour green mean?"

"Go, Pud..."

"What colour is the sky?"

"Blue! Mistah J, what are you doing?"

"Checking you're not crazy. Blimey Harley, that performance was brilliant! You deserve an Oscar!" I roar in glee as I clap my hands wildly. Harley smile beamed brightly, making me smile even more.

"I took a few acting classes in high school" She laughed.

"You could teach them lessons!" My attention was yet again drawn to the little faces on the table. "So what have we got there doll face? Oh by the way, I like the names"

"You do?" Harley's eyes shined a little brighter at my complement. "Well you are in luck Puddin! Most of the men are psychopaths and schizophrenics which is good but there are a few that..." She paused and looked down at three pictures that had red circles around them.

"What is it baby?" I asked concerned.

"I don't like these guys. Frankie is a rapist; Chopper screams traitor and Hedge... I think he might be a cop or a paid informant"

"What! How do you know that?"

"Well after spending so much time with officers in Arkham, I can spot a cop pretty good. Even if he is dirty, I don't think we should risk keeping him here in our home. Well you seen Chopper for yourself and as for Frankie... the way he was looking at me... it wasn't lust in his eyes... I've seen that look before..." Harley soon became quiet and her head bowed. Oswald.

"I'll be right back toots" Rising from the sofa, I walked to the lift and jumped in. It soon stopped at the 37th floor and I walked out of the open doors. The henchmen had this floor to themselves, some stayed here while others went home.

"Boss?" Jackson asked with concern.

"Where is Frankie, Hedge and Chopper?"

"Chopper and Hedge are patrolling the entrance and Frankie is in the shower room, why what has happened Boss?" Pluto asked as he rose from the battered sofa.

"I want you, Jackson and Bruno to send Hedge up to meet me here. When he is in the lift, I want you to dispose of Chopper"

"Yes Boss" The boys replied and made their way to the doomed men. I turn to see Jinx and Finch before me.

"When Hedge gets here, make sure he can't escape" I look at the faces around the room as I storm over to the shower room and knocked on the door.

"Wait your turn shit head!" A man yelled from behind the door, making me even more angry. Taking a step back from the object, I rise my foot and kick it in. As soon as it opened, I was inside and slamming the door behind me. Frankie peered up from the sink, his face half covered in foam and a razor in his hand. His pervy eyes filled with shock and horror.

"You know Frankie, I'm an evil man. A very evil man! But there are some things in this world that truly are ugly! Ugly things like sex with children... sex with women against their will. But hey! What can we do about it? Somewhere on the other side of the planet, people are being raped, what can I do about it? NOTHING! They are on the other side of the world and I am here, in Gotham, in a shower room with... you! Now," grabbing my favourite blade from in my jacket pocket, I flick it open and turned it in the light slowly. "Harley use to be my doc at Arkham, you know. She's good at picking at someone's brain and do you know what she told me? She told me that you, Frankie, are a rapist. You wanna know how she knows?" In one quick movement, I had the poor soul against the wall with my hand gripped around his neck. Slowly, I raised my knife before his eyes and waved it around. "By these. My little Harlequin saw the way you looked at her, that look. She has seen it before like so many people around the world have. I may not be able to help the others but if there is one thing I can do, I can make sure Harley never sees that look again... especially from YOU!" I scream as I launch the blade into his right eye. His blood gushed over me as his screams filled my ears. Making sure that the wound wouldn't kill him; I moved my blade out of his socket and placed it over his only working eye. Frankie's head began to thrash around but soon stopped as I grabbed his jaw, stilling him. Then slowly, I began to move my blade closer until it pierced the first layer of his eye. I kept this slowly pace, watching the blade slowly sink into the socket. Then quickly, I removed the knife and let the bastard sink to the floor, his face covered in blood and unrecognizable. I wasn't gonna kill him, it would be too quick. Instead I walk out of the room, knowing full well that the pervert will die of blood loss.

Returning to the main room, I see most of my henchmen looking at me. They were standing around a battered Hedge who was sitting, tied up to a chair. Wiping my blade clean, I place it back in its home as I walked over to the man.

"Chopper?" I ask Jinx next to me.

"Chopped into tiny pieces" This made me laugh. Turning to meet the gaze of the other henchmen around the room, I decided it was time for them to have some fun of their own.

"Good news boys!" I shouted in joy. "It seems we have a cop in our mist, isn't that right Hedge?" I hear others around the room whisper to each other. "Is it true, are you a cop Hedge?"

"NO!" The man screamed desperately.

"So you saying my ex doc is a liar?" I dared him.

"NO I'M NOT! I WAS A COP! I WAS! BUT I QUIT! YEARS AGO!"

"Once a cop, always a cop!" A henchman growled from the crowd.

"Too right Sir! This is a pretty bad place to be, cop or ex cop!" I stare at the whimpering man under my gaze. Stepping back and walking over to the lift, I turn my head back to see many angry men around the rookie. "Have fun boys!" I laughed as I step into the lift and pressed the 42nd button. It quickly shot up to the floor I called home and opened its doors. Completely satisfied with the bloodlust I have caused, I walk over to the sofa and throw myself on it. I watched Harley as she looked over my bloody clothes, expecting her to freak out. Instead, she pulled out a pen and paper and began to write on it. Bleach. Stain remover. It's a shopping list! Watching her put away the items; I quickly grab her and place a huge kiss on her cheek.

"So?" She asked, eyeing up the blood on my clothes.

"All taken care of, you won't be seeing them again" I smile sincerely.

"Thank you Mistah J!" Harley screamed as she flung herself at me. Quickly catching her, I flip over so that my girlfriend lay under my body. Our lips attached like magnets as our passion grew.

"Ahem!" A male voice sounded, causing me to tare myself from Harley and look up. Just outside the lift stood a man, a friend.

"Mr Dent!" Harley screamed happily as she spun up, moving me off her.

"Harley, Joker" Harvey nodded. "Hope I'm not interrupting something" He smirked. Smug Bastard!

"Not at all Mr. Dent!" My girlfriend squealed, maintaining her madwoman act.

"Harley, you know you can call me Two-Face or Harvey" The man spoke as he sat on the armchair next to the sofa I was now sitting on.

"Ok Two-Face! Would you like a drink?"

"Got any whiskey?"

"I'll go and look!" I watch my girlfriend run to the kitchen like a trained dog. That girl surprises me every day!

"You're a hard man to find Joker!" Two-Face stated as he continued to stare at Harley, confused.

"And what are you doing here Harvey? It's nearly been two weeks, missing me?" I laugh.

"You wish" Harvey joked as he turned his face to me. Harley then came running back in to the room with two glasses and a bottle of whiskey in her arms. Placing them on the table, she opened the bottle and poured our drinks. When done, she passed me mine with a wink and picked up the other.

"Here you go Two-Face!" She squealed, passing the man the glass. Taking the glass, Harvey eyed up the blonde again.

"Cut the crap Harley! I know you're not crazy" The words seemed to shock my girlfriend as I heard a gasp escape her lips. Pulling her down to the sofa, I wrap my arms around Harley and kissed her head.

"It's ok Harl, Harvey knows"

"He does?"

"Since Arkham" Two-Face confirmed as he raised his glass like a toast. "The question is; what's with the crazy act?"

"We decided that it would be safer for people to believe I turned Harley insane. Stop people coming after her, make her look like a victim" I say calmly, feeling Harl starting to relax in my embrace.

"Yeah, I see how that works"

"What are you doing here anyways?" I asked the guest.

"Poker, tonight, Iceberg Lounge. You in?"

"The Penguin?" I waited for a reaction from Harley, but it didn't come. Not even a flinch.

"Still in Arkham. Guards caught him easily enough" All three of us laughed at the fatso's expense.

"Yeah I'm in"

"What about you Harley?"

"She's not going!" I growled before Harley could say anything.

"Aww come on Mistah J, please?" She begged with her wide blue eyes staring at me.

"No" I say calmly.

"Come on Joker! You never know, she could win some bucks" Two-Face intercepted.

"The answer is still no"

"But Mistah J! I like helping you. I really enjoyed today. Please Puddin? Can I help?"

"Hang on! You named the new boys and did your mojo on them! It's not like you helped me on a job!"

"Maybe... I could?" Harley asked with a very small voice. She wants to go on jobs with me! She wants to become a criminal!

"Oh... no way in hell I am letting you..."

"She did break a load of us out of Arkham on her own!" Two-Face stated while flipping his coin across his knuckles.

"She got lucky!" I growl over to the man in the armchair.

"Two-Face is right sweetie" Harley said softly, sending shivers down my body.

"No! No! No! You are not going on heists! It's too dangerous!"

"How is it?" My girlfriend huffed.

"Because if someone f..." I suddenly remembered that Harvey was in the room and I stared at him.

"Don't worry, I'm going" Two-Face laughed, downed his drink and placed the glass on the table. "Game starts at 8pm, see you there" He rose from his seat and looked at the blonde. "See you next time Harley, good luck!" We both walked the half and half coloured man disappear behind the doors.

"Puddin please?"

"No Harley...?" I rise from our embrace and walk into the office. Hearing the door slam shut, I turn to see Harley behind me.

"Why? Give me one good reason why I can't?" She asked with her arms folded. She isn't gonna let up. Can I really tell her what... no, not yet. It's too soon. We don't have to worry about that just yet. But I have to tell her something! With a sigh of emotion and concern, I stare at my girlfriend.

"I have done very bad things to people, Harley. I have hurt them, some more than others. If anyone ever found out that I have feelings for you... they could use that against me... they would come after you, just to get back at me. I can't risk that, I'm too fond of you" We just stare at each other in silence. I know that my words have sunk into her head but I can't tell what she's thinking, so many emotions where flashing in them beautiful eyes of hers. This silence was starting to become unbearable, I could faintly hear the traffic of Gotham below.

"What if they don't find out?" Harley finally spoke softly, her eyes wide at her idea.

"And how do we make sure they don't?" What is she thinking? What are you getting at Harl?

"You could show them you don't like me..."

"If I didn't like you Harl, you would be dead. They know this already"

"You know what I mean Mistah J. What if we show them that you don't feel anything for me, that you think of me as an object? That I'm disposable, that you only keep me around because I'm useful to you sometimes"

"And how am I going to show them that?" I ask, my anger rising after hearing Harley speak of herself like that. I watch as she closes her eyes and take in a deep breath; I tensed myself for her answer as she opened her eyes.

"By hitting me" She spoke quietly. What? Her answer sent pains through my chest and into my heart. No... no I could never do that to her. No, never!

"I won't hit you Harley" I said softly, hearing the sensitivity in my voice.

"Mis..."

"NO!"

"But..."

"I SAID NO HARLEY!" I screamed, sending my girlfriend to march towards me. Stopping a mere few inches from me, Harley grabbed my shoulders and shook me a little.

"WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP AND LET ME EXPLAIN!" Her outburst caused my rage to still and my eyes to widen. "Mistah J... you don't have to really hit me"

"What?"

"Well you remember I told you I took some acting classes in high school? They taught us how to 'stage fight'. To everyone who is watching, it looks like you are hitting me but really you're not hurting me at all. It's really affective too!"

"How does that work?" Stage fighting? I have never heard of it before.

"Hang on one sec!" I watch my girlfriend walk over to my desk and rummage through the draws until she found the camcorder. Rushing back over to me, her fingers fiddled with the buttons and placed it on table, making sure it was facing us. "Right Mistah J," Harley smiled in front of me, positioning us in the view of the lens. "When I go to slap you, I want you to snap your head to the right and moan. Ready?" I nodded at her request and readied myself. Soon enough, Harley's hand raised up and softy brushed across my cheek.

"AHH!" I fake scream as I flung my head to the side.

"Very good Mistah J!" Harley smiled as she ran over to the camcorder, stopping the filming. We both walked over to the laptop and connected the items. Within minutes, the film was playing on the screen.

"Wow that looks real!" It really did look like she hit me.

"I know yeah! That's how they do it in movies"

"Where did the clap sound come from?"

"I made it by hitting my thigh!" Her smile beamed more as I swung my arm around her, bringing my girlfriend closer to me as I placed a kiss on her head.

"You clever girl!" She makes me so proud! Thinking over the plan in my mind, something was still badgering me. "But Harl, I can't go hitting you one day and the next day you look 100%! It's not possible"

"How long do bruises take to form?"

"I dunno, a day I guess" Harley pulled away and smiled.

"Go to hit me" Sighing the tension away, I raised my hand and quickly brushed her cheek. I watch as Harley flings her body into the air and lands on the floor.

"Fuck! Harley are you ok?" I ask as I rush to her side. She only laughed as I helped her up.

"Fake landing, Mistah J. Did it look painful?"

"Very" I said with a concerned laced voice.

"Sorry Puddin, didn't mean to worry you. Anyways, while I was lying on the floor I thought of a way to make it look real. Be right back Puddin!" Harley soon ran out the office and into our room, leaving me confused and alone. Well might as well come up with more evil schemes! Sitting at my desk, I pull out paper and pens and laid them around me in an organised mess. Placing a red pen onto the paper, I try to focus on a genius plan but only to realize that my mind had gone completely blank. Throwing my pen in temper, I look at the mess before me and notice my new phone next to me. Quickly grabbing it, I pull up the pictures and began to stare at the screen. Unknown to Harley, I've been taking pictures of her all day. Some were blurry and others missed her out apart from a bit of an elbow here, a bit of hair there. I did manage to capture some gems though, silly things like Harley painting her nails, brushing her hair and washing the dishes. A smile raised on my lips as I stared at the beauty on the screen.

"Whatcha smiling at Puddin?" A sweet voice sang softly next to me. I turn to meet her gaze and my heart stopped.

"HARLEY! WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO YOU?" I ask as I jump from the desk and go to comfort my girlfriend. On her cheek lay a very dark, painful looking purple and yellow bruise.

"Relax Mistah J," Harley laughed as she brought her hand to her cheek. She was holding a wet wipe and began to rub half of her bruise. "It's just make-up" She giggled again, removing the wipe from her face and revealing the smudged colours.

"It looks so real!" I was astounded at what make-up could do, I only used it to scare people but I never knew it could be used to deceive people to. "Let me guess, you learnt this at them acting lessons?"

"Nope, YouTube" We both laugh at nothing funny but I don't care, her laugh makes me feel good. For the next few hours we practiced different moves and effects, mixing them up a bit. Surprisingly, it was quite fun pretending to beat each other up.

"You are really good at this Puddin" Harley sighed in content as she snuggled further into my chest. Yeah, play fighting was fun but it sure is tiring! For the last ten minutes, we just lay on the floor of the office, wrapped up in each other's arms, laughing at silly things.

"I have a good teacher" I smile, kissing her head.

"So? Can I join you on jobs now?" Way to ruin the moment Harl!

"I don't know toots..."

"Why not Mistah J?" Harley asked as she pushed herself up on her arms, looking down at me.

"Harl... it's just that... It's not like I can tell you that I'm gonna 'hit' you in front of people, that would give the game away!" Wow, that was a lame excuse!

"Oh... well... Oh I know! We can have a safety word!"

"A safety word?"

"Yeah! You can say this thing that tells me that you are about to beat me! It's perfect! Now all we need to do is think of something that you don't say all the time which isn't stupid like... I dunno... big blue butterfly... coz that will totally give us away..." I zone out my girlfriend's voice as my thoughts roamed my mind. Would this trick really work? I agreed to the 'I am your psycho slave' act purely because it will protect her. Ok yeah, it's fun watching her act all cuckoo! But to have her on jobs with me... yes, the whole plan of me being abusive to her would work, people will believe it. They think I would do something like that; I am The Clown Prince of Crime after all! But is she ready? Well... I guess there's only one way to find out. I look up at Harley as I came out of my daze and noticed that she looked confused. "Puddin?" That's it!

"Don't call me Puddin" I say loudly with realization. Harley's face turned cold and her eyes filled with hurt.

"But... I thought you like your nickname" She whimpered.

"No I..."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Seeing her eyes water up, I rise from the floor and pull her closer to me.

"Harley, baby, doll face," my voice fills with care "I do like the nickname. You call me it all the time!"

"That's because I thought you liked it"

"I do! Don't you see? That's our 'safety word'! When I shout 'don't call me Puddin' it means I'm going to 'hit' you" I laugh at her eyes as they dried and filled with joy.

"Does that mean you're going to let me go on jobs with you?" She asked with glee, already knowing the answer.

"Yes bu..." Before I could finish, Harley squealed loudly and threw herself around me.

"THANK YOU MISTAH J! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!" She screamed while thrashing around. What can I say? I know how to please my girl!

"Harley!" I growl as I softly push her a few inches away, allowing me to breathe again. "Yes you can go on jobs with me when you are ready. First you need to train. I can't have you going out there without you knowing how to fight! You will need to learn hand to hand combat and then train how to use weapons..."

"I know Puddin but I'm a fast learner! I swear, I will make you proud!" Rising my hand to her fake bruised cheek, I softly stroked it as I stared at the most amazing woman.

"You already have babe" I whisper as I inch closer and take her lips with mine.

Holding the cards close to my chest, I peer around the table at the fellow players. Sat there was Two-Face, Killer Croc and The Riddler. The Scarecrow didn't like to gamble so he never came to these things.

"Show 'em!" Two-Face growled and we all, one by one, laid our cards out.

"Looks like you win again Joker" The reptile moaned. I always keep an Ace up my sleeve. Collecting my winnings I see a slim figure appear behind Killer Croc.

"Hello boys, cheating again Joker?" The redhead woman spoke, sitting down at the table. Who invited Plant Brain? Sure wasn't Two-Face!

"What you doing here Poison Ivy?" Dent growled, staring evilly at her.

"Half happy to see me Harvey?"

"Nope for once, both sides agree on something"

"And what's that?"

"We both want to strangle you with your stupid plants!" Jeez, talk about a bad break-up!

"My ex boyfriend, such a charmer!"

"ANYWAYS... Who's turn is it to deal?" Edward questioned, breaking the unwanted tension in the room.

"Ladies first!" I laugh as I tossed the cards to Killer Croc, enjoying the glare Ivy was sending me. After a couple of rounds and a few wins for me, topic of conversation turned to our favourite subject. The Batman.

"Nearly got 'im you know!" Two-Face started.

"Oh don't start this again!" I groan. "Every time we play, we always do 'I nearly got him' talk! Let me guess. Riddler, you made some riddles and surprise surprise, he figured them out and saved the day! Ivy; after you stopped having sex with a hanging Jasmine, you lead Batsy into a jungle filled with poisonous plants and toxins. Unknown to you, Batman carries a gas mask in that wonder belt of his! Two-Face; you kidnap the second highest selling author of the second month and you didn't expect him to find you at the club Double or Nothing! And as for you Croc... you threw another rock at him!" My outburst caused everyone to drop their cards and stare at me. Keep it together Joker!

"I don't have sex with plants!" Ivy growled, turning her head away in a strop.

"Could've fooled me!" Two-Face growled under his breath.

"But it was a big rock this time" Killer Croc said, defeated.

"Where is the Bat lately anyways?" Nigma asked bored while fiddling with his chips.

"He is currently busy stopping Bane..."

"BANE!" Killer Croc yelled as he rose from the table and slammed down his giant fists, causing the table to flip. We all stop and stare at the angry monster in front of us as he picked up the table and returned to his seat.

"As I was saying," Two-Face growled "He is busy stopping you know who from shipping venom..."

"VENOM!" Killer Croc yelled again, repeating his actions.

"Ok big boy, let's go and get a drink" Ivy said as she rose from her seat and dragged the reptile over to the bar.

"Anyways..."

"Save it Harvey, I have figured it out. Besides, we don't want Croc over hearing..."

"BANE! YOU KNOW WHERE BANE IS?" We look over the crowd of people to see Croc holding a poor man by the collar.

"I suppose I better talk some sense in to him before he breaks Oswald's golden rule!" Edward sighed as he made his way over to the commotion. The Iceberg Lounge is a place where people like us can relax without having the cops and the Bat breathing down our necks. But for it to be like this there was a golden rule, no fighting in the club. It's fun watching Bane and Croc trying to be in the same room together!

"What was that back there?" Two-Face grumbled lowly enough for me to hear. His tone told me that he didn't want anyone to hear our conversation. Keeping our eyes firmly on the scene before us, we remain still, hoping no one would notice us.

"What you talking ab..."

"That little outburst about Batman. There's something you're not telling me"

"What makes you think I would tell you anything?" I growl lowly.

"Oh come on Joker! I saw the state you were in when you arrived at Arkham; you were left within an inch of your life! I didn't think you would make it through the night..."

"Still here aren't I?" Shit! I forgotten Harvey was admitted a mere week before I was!

"Yeah I guess but something is bothering me..."

"Spit it out then! I got Harley waiting for me!"

"Joker, I'm serious here." To think of it, his voice did sound concerned. "Everyone knows that Batman refuses to kill anyone. It's his only rule..."

"Tick tock, tick tock!"

"What did you do to The Batman to cause him to nearly kill you?" Two-Face asked as he turned to me. I stare at the man, contemplating whether to tell him as my mind and emotions raced.

"Harley's waiting for me" with that I leave my friend and walk out of the club.

Wow that was long!

So what do you think oh Harley's and Joker's fake abusive relationship plan?

Hopefully you liked it, I wanted to change the reason for Joker to hit Harley. I notice that most FanFic on here says he hits her because... that's what he does. I just thought maybe people might fancy a little change. Like me know if you it please.

Sinnx: You are serious becoming one of my favorite reviewers, you reviews always bring a smile to my face.

You and Rookie70Penguin get SUPER CYBER HIGH FIVES from me!

Cece

xx