101 Ways To Kill Jar Jar Binks
In this chapter, Jar Jar Binks will die through yet another movie reference…however this time around this one is going to be more foreign…but I think you'll probably enjoy this chapter anyway…
Coincidentally, it's almost Halloween, so it'd be fitting that this chapter would be spooky…but naturally it'll be comedic at the same time.
By the way, I'm three-quarters done with this story…well excluding the final chapter anyway…I don't have much longer to go…I hope you've been enjoying this story. Let's watch the latest chapter shall we?
Chapter 75: Alien Circus
Padme Amidala and Anakin Skywalker were on a date…in this case, they were happily gazing at the stars…and for some strange reason a bunch of teenagers were there to do the same thing.
"I have to admit, star gazing sure is fun." agreed Anakin Skywalker.
"I know, right?" asked Padme Amidala. "Of course we're always exploring the galaxy so-"
Suddenly, an orange meteor shot past the sky, and landed into the woods a few miles away.
"Holy cow! It's a shooting star!" Anakin Skywalker yelled. "Should we make a wish?"
"Something seemed odd about it." wondered Padme Amidala. Since when were shooting stars supposed to be orange? And she didn't think she had ever seen one that big…something wasn't right.
Near the meteor's crash site…
"Mesa love shooting stars! Mesa make a wish! Mesa wish dat da circus was in town! Mesa love da circus!" Jar Jar Binks squealed.
Suddenly, he noticed an orange circus tent was exactly where the orange shooting star had landed. It looked like his wish had already come true! What were the odds?
Of course, if he was sane, he would be wondering what the heck a circus tent would be doing in the middle of the woods, but the Gungan was far too excited to care. After all, it wasn't every day when the circus was around.
He looked around the tent, and noticed that curiously it was made of metal. Since when were circus tents made from those? And where were the clowns?
Suddenly, two clowns stepped out of the circus tent and immediately noticed him. They were holding what appeared to be toy guns.
"Hey yousa guys! Mesa love clowns! Can yousa give mesa cotton candy? Mesa hungry!" asked Jar Jar Binks.
The clowns responded to this by using their ray guns to turn Jar Jar Binks INTO cotton candy…due to the fact that this gelatinized his body this was lethal and he died almost instantly.
The space clowns let out an evil laugh, and carried the cotton candy cocoon into their tent. Or should we say spaceship? Either works I guess.
Unfortunately, Jar Jar Binks would be far from the only victim that particular night. In fact, he would only be the very first. Already, the space clowns were plotting an invasion, and they were attacking everyone that was outside the town, turning them into more cotton candy so they could drink their blood and have a fun party.
And to make matters worse, Obi-Wan Kenobi and Qui-Gon Jinn also happened to be star-gazing, and had no idea what was to come. They didn't even sense a disturbance in the force.
"Did you hear something?" asked the Jedi apprentice.
"I'm not sure, my apprentice. Did you?" asked the Jedi master.
Suddenly, two of the space clowns popped out of the bushes. Curiously enough, they offered Qui-Gon Jinn some popcorn.
"Why, thank you…" he said, eating some of the popcorn. "But what are you circus performers doing out in the forest?"
Suddenly, a baby space clown burst out of the Jedi's chest, killing him gruesomely. Obi-Wan Kenobi immediately panicked and ran away like a sissy little coward. He had to warn the others immediately!
Ironically enough, our hero and heroine had decided to investigate the clown's spaceship. Inside, they discovered cotton candy cocoons…
Curious, Anakin Skywalker decided to rip off a piece…and discovered that corpses were inside! Immediately, he screamed just like a little girl.
"Holy force!" he bellowed.
"What kind of circus is this?!" yelled Padme Amidala.
Suddenly, one of the evil space clowns came in…and immediately he spotted them. Our heroes were just barely able to escape…as they used a conveniently located car to drive away from the spaceship…
But in the process, they lured the space clowns towards town…which would go from the population of 9090 to the population of 10 in just a few hours.
Inside town…
"Did you encounter evil space clowns like I did?" Obi-Wan Kenobi asked.
"How'd you guess?" Anakin Skywalker replied.
Desperately, our heroes tried to warn everybody about the approaching alien invasion…but unfortunately the police chief was stupid and didn't believe them.
In fact, even when he got a several dozen calls from the citizens that were being attacked…he decided to be lazy and not send police officers to help.
Also, he arrested C-3PO and R2-D2…simply because he didn't like them. Wasn't he a jerk?
Naturally, his ignorance to the many phone calls he received would ultimately prove to be his downfall…as one of the space clowns went into his office and started pulling pranks on him.
Furious, he decided to lock him in with the same cell as C-3PO and R2-D2…only to end up being strangled by him.
"Can I ask you what you're in here for?" asked C-3PO.
R2-D2 beeped with curiousity.
A few minutes later…Obi-Wan Kenobi went inside to see if he could find any weapons to help deal with the space clowns. Instead, he discovered that the police chief had been turned into a puppet.
"Calm down. All we want to do is strangle you with your own intestines." said the puppet of a police officer.
"You sick sons of a Sith Lord." murmured Obi-Wan.
The space clown then tried to attack the Jedi…but in a moment of sheer luck he pulled out a lightsaber and sliced the clown's nose off.
This caused it to explode in a rather bizarre explosion…why it didn't blow up the entire police station the galaxy will never know.
But Obi-Wan Kenobi had discovered the evil clown's weakness…he immediately busted C-3PO and R2-D2 out of jail and went to inform the others.
But unfortunately, Anakin Skywalker and Padme Amidala had already been captured by the evil clowns. They were stupid and decided to take the clowns on alone. They were currently trapped in a balloon and were being taken away to the big top.
"Obi-Wan Kenobi wherever you are-" Anakin Skywalker stated.
"HELP!" screeched Padme Amidala.
Quickly, Obi-Wan Kenobi used his space shuttle to pursue the big top as it went into outer space.
Thankfully, he managed to rescue Anakin Skywalker and Padme Amidala…who were awkwardly making out when he burst their balloon.
However, he immediately attracted the attention of the evil space clowns…who naturally started trying to gruesomely murder them. Our heroes desperately tried to escape from the big top…but eventually they were cornered, and the space clowns pulled out baseball bats so they could score a home run…and kill our heroes, of course.
Suddenly, C-3PO and R2-D2 arrived…and oddly enough they were wearing clown costumes.
"LEAVE THEM ALONE!" C-3PO screamed in an odd Chris Crocker-like voice.
R2-D2 beeped exactly what he said.
Curiously, the clowns walked away shortly afterwards…were they actually listening?
Suddenly, an enormous clown descended from the sky…apparently, he was the one who was responsible for all the horrible things that had happened that night.
Immediately, he stepped on C-3PO and R2-D2…crushing them into little robotic pancakes.
"Noooo!" screamed Anakin Skywalker.
"Yes!" squealed Padme Amidala.
Klownzilla then immediately turned his attention towards our heroes.
"Run! I'll take care of him!" Obi-Wan Kenobi screamed.
Reluctantly, our heroes ran around like sissy little cowards back into their space shuttle…wondering if he would be OK.
Using the force, Obi-Wan used his lightsaber to pierce the giant clown's nose…causing it to explode like a nuke, killing all of the space clowns and putting an end to the comedic yet horrific alien invasion.
Somehow, Obi-Wan survived the explosion, and he along with the others used the Book of Resurrection to bring the thousands of people who had died back from the dead…which unfortunately included the nasty police chief.
"You're going to jail for five consecutive lifetimes!" bellowed the police chief.
"Will you just shut up?" asked Obi-Wan Kenobi.
"Remind me to never eat popcorn again." stated Qui-Gon Jinn, recalling his gruesome death.
Our heroes then went to another galaxy...where they would travel next…the world may never know…although the author certainly did. After all, he knew everything!
I hope you enjoyed this chapter…it has come to my attention that the story might be getting boring due to the fact that I'm starting to run out of ideas…
In the next chapter, our heroes will encounter flesh-eating zombies! How's that for a Halloween special eh? Of course, I might want to make a Christmas special after I make that…but that can wait until later.
So, hopefully I'll be seeing you all soon…happy holidays!