I felt my heartbeat in my ears.

The air filling and leaving my lungs.

My fingers gripping the end of the sofa.

I wasn't ready for the truth- I was ready to love Con for ever, I was ready to love Jere in some way nobody but I would quite understand, I had been ready to marry the man I loved since forever, and I was ready to sometimes wonder if it had been the right decision. But this, I was not ready for.

I could hear my husband hurrying down the steps towards us. Jere saying goodbye to whoever he was talking to on the phone.

I had second left.

Maybe less.

Are you over Jeremiah, Belly?

The words, the whole question, were twisted and turned in my head. They were so absurd, and at the same time so incredibly realistic, that I was confused. Was I ?

I couldn't dare to open my mouth. I wasn't in control of my body. I was scared of my answer. But Taylor was looking at me, impenetrable, and I couldn't dare to see her like this any longer- hurt. Broken. Hopeful.

„I love Conrad" i croaked.

„You didn't answer my question."

„I love Conrad," my voice was full of panic now. „I love Conrad. I love Conrad. I love Conrad.." I wrapped my arms around my legs and swayed back and forth, my eyes never leaving Taylors face.

„I love Conrad, I love Conrad.." My voice was fainting, it was only a whisper. A whisper like the silent waves, a whisper like the ocean here at Cousins...

Cousins.

My favorite place in the whole world.

I tried to concentrate on that thought, tried to pull myself up, but I was struggling.

Taylor was saying my name, quietly, gently, as if trying to put me to sleep.

She needed answers, she was saying. She needed to know.

I was so confused. And sad. And incredibly lost inside of my own body, its thoughts, its feelings. I just wanted leave.

„Belly. Please," I could hear the despair in her voice.

This threw me even more off balance, but I tried to order my thoughts and looked straight into her eyes, dizzy.

I could hear the boys laughing somewhere outside on the porch.

„I'm sorry I'm hurting you Bells. You know I hate doing that. But I have no choice-"

I was crying now. It was hard to contain the sobs but I managed somehow. It was hard to identify her expression when everything was so blurry, but somehow I could.

And seeing it made my heart slam painfully against my ribs.

„I love Conrad," I managed to say, my voice only a light breath against my naked skin.

„I know you do."

„I love him more.More than anything."

She nodded, and took a deep breath. She relaxed a little. „I'm happy about your answer, Bells. Thank you." She stood up and began to walk to the door, where Jere was presumably standing.

„-I love him, too."

She stopped, but did not turn around to face me. I closed my eyes and continued.

„Jeremiah was my lover, my first boyfriend. I know everything about him and I still love him. He will always be there for me and I will do the same for him. When I see him, the world seems complete. Please, Tay - please don't take this from me."

My speech seemed so pathetic, so desperate, but I had to tell her the truth. She deserved it.

„Where does this leave us, then?" My best friend asked, bitter, and it not even sound like a question.

„Didn't you listen to me? I love Con more than anything in the world. Jeremiah completes my world, but Conrad completes me. I don't exist without him, Tay. It's like all the times where he was not there to share them with me seem so irrelevant. All of this- the Ocean, Cousins, the sun and all of the memories we have here, I don't want them without him. You're asking me to choose," I took a deep breath and watched her slightly turn to face me.

„although you already know the answer."

And with these words, I was absolutely sure I had captured everything; my confusion, my feelings, my longing.

Taylor blinked.

„Conrad." She said, and we looked at each other with such lightness, as if it were the most obvious thing, the most obvious answer. And it was.

Hope you enjoyed the story ! I think it is a good part to stop. However, If I get tons (and i mean tons) of grievances I might think about doing some additional chapters.

Please review and chek out my profil once in a while, I'm going to upload other stories in the future.

xxxx