101 Ways To Kill Jar Jar Binks
In this chapter, Jar Jar Binks will die one of his many horrible deaths…but you should all know by now considering that he's died so many times…
In this case however, he will die from an infamous type of alien that has starred in several horror movies…can you guess what it is?
Oh, what the heck, you can probably figure it out just by the title…so I guess I'll stop asking you questions and start this chapter already…
Chapter 77: Xenomorph
Our heroes as usual were plotting how to murder Jar Jar Binks again…unaware at that particular moment that something evil was plotting to murder them…
As it turns out, a miniature alien was looking around for victims…it had recently hatched from its eggit spotted C-3PO and R2-D2…but strangely it did not attack them…apparently it was looking for something organic, not mechanical.
At that particular moment, the alien spotted its victim, which naturally was Jar Jar Binks, who was happily skipping along the ship unaware of what was going to happen to him as usual. "Nothing can go wrong!" he squealed.
Suddenly, a Facehugger ran up to him and latched onto his ugly face.
"Get off of mesa face!" he demanded. "Mesa love mesa beautiful face! Mesa wanna make out with hot Gungan chicks! Leave mesa face alone!"
Surprisingly, it did so, and died shortly afterwards.
"What was dat all about? Why did it latch onto mesa face? Did it like mesa face or something? Mesa not sure." Jar Jar Binks wondered.
A few minutes later…he started to feel a little ill. But he paid it no mind, as it was probably nothing. Still, he couldn't help but shake the feeling that there was something now inside him. What in the galaxy could it possibly be? Did it have anything to do with the alien that had latched onto his face earlier? It seemed rather harmless.
"Mesa ganna have wonderful day today! As soon as mesa stop havin' stupid chest pains. Mesa hate havin' chest pains!" he squealed, unaware of what was in store for him and his crewmates.
A few hours later…
Meanwhile…our heroes were plotting Jar Jar Binks's death as they spoke…they were wondering if they should shoot him to death with a minigun…or should shove a grenade in his mouth and make his head explode. Both of them seemed rather cliché, but our heroes thought that maybe it would be a good idea anyway.
"I say we shoot him to death with a minigun! I'd love to see him covered with bullet holes!" bellowed Anakin Skywalker, who wanted to pump Jar Jar Binks full of lead.
"I think we should blow his head up with a grenade. That would be more entertaining." argued Padme Amidala, who wanted to see Jar Jar Binks's head explode into chunks.
"Both of your methods are cliché, my apprentices. I suggest we try something more original…maybe we could slice him into itty bitty chunks and then shove him down the garbage disposal? I figured that would be where he belongs…but then again, we might have a difficult time resurrecting him if we do so." contradicted Obi-Wan Kenobi.
"All of those methods should be highly lethal against Jar Jar Binks." calculated C-3PO.
R2-D2 beeped some more violent things they could do to their archenemy Gungan.
Ironically enough, while our heroes were still discussing how to murder Jar Jar Binks in more gruesome ways than ever before, the obnoxious Gungan came up to them…he looked like he was very sick.
"Mesa chest feels like it's on fire! Mesa feel like dere's somethin' dat wants to come out!" he bellowed.
"I can't help but get the feeling of déjà vu." thought Qui-Gon Jinn. Why did it feel so familiar? It felt like he had experienced what Jar Jar Binks was now experiencing…but he couldn't put his mind to it.
A few seconds later, the Chestburster emerged from his chest, killing him instantly.
"Hooray! Jar Jar Binks is dead! And once again we didn't have to do it ourselves!" squealed Anakin Skywalker.
"What the heck is that thing? It looks like some sort of snake with no eyes…" wondered Qui-Gon Jinn.
The Chestburster immediately slithered away…as it did so, our heroes couldn't help but notice that it seemed to be growing bigger rapidly. What was going on?
"Something's not right here…" thought Obi-Wan Kenobi, who felt a rather deep disturbance in the force. He couldn't help but shake the feeling that the alien would return later…and it would be out for blood.
"I wonder why it ran off? I was pretty sure that it was going to attack us…maybe we dodged a bullet or something?" asked Padme Amidala.
"I guess today's our lucky day…that alien killed Jar Jar Binks and not anyone else…still, I can't help but shake the feeling this won't be the last we see of it." pondered Anakin Skywalker.
In the meantime, our heroes wondered if they should resurrect Jar Jar Binks…he had already died today, so should they bother to kill him again? They weren't sure.
They were still considering what to do with his carcass, when suddenly a ferocious Xenomorph burst into the room and started tearing our heroes to shreds. It loosely resembled the Chestburster they had encountered earlier. Could they be the same?
"What the deuce?!" bellowed Anakin Skywalker.
Thankfully, our heroes managed to gun it down using the minigun they were originally planning to use on Jar Jar Binks and blow it up using a grenade…but not before Obi-Wan Kenobi was decapitated and Qui-Gon Jinn was sliced in half.
And to make matters worse, corrosive acid was now all over the floor, and was tearing through the hull.
"This isn't good…" thought Anakin Skywalker.
Eventually, a gaping hole formed into the ship, and the soul-sucking darkness of space started swallowing them, causing them to scream like little girls.
C-3PO and R2-D2 were unfortunately sucked in, and they died a horrible death. Thankfully, Anakin Skywalker and Padme Amidala were able to escape…
"We should resurrect our friends now that we managed to kill that horrible alien…" thought Padme Amidala.
"Shouldn't we repair that enormous hole in our ship first? For all we know it could end up causing it to crash or something…" disagreed Anakin Skywalker.
And so our hero and heroine used the Book of Resurrection to repair the gaping hole in the floor that the vicious Xenomorph made and then went to resurrect their friends.
Interestingly enough, Obi-Wan Kenobi wanted to visit a nearby jungle planet this time…little did they know that said planet was populated by yet another hostile species…one that liked hunting other aliens for sport.
Aren't Xenomorphs deadly aliens? As you can also see, they're rather cunning creatures too…even in death that particular Xenomorph managed to remain a threat…isn't that right, R2-D2 and C-3PO?
And to make matters worse, our heroes are going to encounter another type of alien shortly afterwards…thankfully, these ones aren't as dangerous…as long as you know how to deal with them…but of course our heroes won't know what to do and therefore some of them will die horribly.
So I hope you'll enjoy the next bloodbath just as much as you enjoyed this one…assuming that you enjoyed this chapter that is. After all, Jar Jar Binks died another gruesome death, didn't he? And so did most of his friends…including C-3PO, who you probably hate nearly as much as our least favorite Gungan himself…
Now then, I'll see you next time…probably during or after Thanksgiving…I've got some time now that I'm on Thanksgiving Break…a lot of time in fact…so expect to hear from me soon…hopefully at least.
So, don't forget to leave me a review or two! That way I'll be encouraged to continue. And you all want me to continue, right?
Adios!