101 Ways To Kill Jar Jar Binks 78
In this chapter, Jar Jar Binks will encounter deadly aliens known simply as Predators, known best for hunting down humans…and of course other aliens…
In the event you ever find yourself in Predator territory…I suggest that you don't bring a weapon for you…in fact, try to appear weak and defenseless so they don't try and hunt you down…that way you won't have an intergalactic funeral later…
Chapter 78: Predator
Our heroes had decided to visit a local jungle planet this time, unaware that as soon as they landed that they were being watched by an alien race.
"Now where are we? I don't think we've ever visited this planet before…" asked Anakin Skywalker.
"We're visiting a local jungle planet my apprentice…my friends said that they would meet us here…but where are they? They all seem to have vanished…maybe they're out playing poker or something? They never seemed to take their duties seriously…" noted Obi-Wan Kenobi.
Curious, our heroes decided to look around and see if they could find anything. Of course, they were stupid and decided to go off in different directions, Jar Jar Binks included.
The Gungan himself naturally decided to go into the woods, despite the fact that he had read the guide to horror book movies recently and had therefore discovered the dangers of getting ambushed in the forest. Soon enough, the Gungan discovered a dead body of a Jedi, and wondered what had happened to them.
"Why are yousa dead? Did yousa spontaneously combust or somefing?" the Gungan asked.
Curious, he noticed that he was holding a lightsaber in his hand. Apparently he had died trying to defend himself.
But Jar Jar Binks took no heed to do that, and instead tried playing with the lightsaber.
"Yay! Now mesa can become a jedi! Mesa always wanted to be jedi!" squealed the Gungan stupidly.
Suddenly, he heard strange noises coming from the woods. Was there somebody else there? He got the feeling that it probably wasn't human…
"Who is dere? Mesa got lightsaber and mesa no afraid to use it!" screamed Jar Jar Binks.
Immediately afterwards, somebody shot a laser beam at Jar Jar Binks, which blasted his arm off and caused it to lie there on the ground, still holding onto the lightsaber.
"Dat was mesa favorite arm! Mesa was gonna write letter today! Give mesa arm back!" he demanded.
Shortly afterwards, he had his head blown off by the same attacker. Sizzling from the gun could be heard as the strange attacker put his gun away.
A few minutes later…
"Did you hear something?" asked Anakin Skywalker.
"Yes, I think it was Jar Jar Binks." answered Padme Amidala.
"We should probably check on him. If we're lucky he might be dead!" he yelled.
"Sounds good to me." agreed the galactic princess.
Our heroes went to the forest, where they discovered their Gungan enemy's gruesome fate.
"Hey! I found a dead body!" screamed Anakin Skywalker.
"Where?!" asked Padme Amidala.
"I found it lying out in the forest…I think he got attacked…and he has a big gaping hole in his chest…what the deuce happened to him?" the Jedi apprentice said.
"I wonder who could have done that to him?" replied the only girl in the galaxy.
Suddenly, they were spotted by a strange alien, who aimed his weapon at them.
"Look out!" Anakin screamed.
Curiously, the alien did not seem interested in attacking them…it simply stood there waiting…until the Jedi apprentice pulled out a rock.
"Back you fiend! Back!" he screeched.
Immediately, the alien pumped Anakin full of lead with a trusty minigun, killing him instantly. Padme screamed like a little girl and ran away.
Shortly afterwards, she ran into Obi-Wan Kenobi and Qui-Gon Jinn, who were curious to why she was panicking all of a sudden.
"The jedi are dead! They've been killed by aliens! I think they were hunting them for sport!" screamed Padme Amidala.
"I see…wait, where's Anakin…" murmured Obi-Wan.
"He's dead too! The aliens shot him to death with a minigun!" yelled Padme Amidala.
Obi-Wan Kenobi facepalmed. Talk about overkill…
"We should probably get their bodies and resurrect them…but to do that we'll have to get past the aliens…" said Qui-Gon Jinn.
Our heroes began thinking to themselves how to do so…suddenly, they recalled that for some strange reason, the aliens didn't attack anyone who wasn't wielding a weapon. Perhaps they shouldn't go in there with their lightsabers?
"Sounds like a plan then." agreed Obi-Wan Kenobi.
And so our heroes went into the woods weaponless and went to recover Jar Jar Binks and Anakin Skywalker's bodies.
"I wonder why Jar Jar Binks' arm is missing…" thought Padme Amidala. Did the Predators shoot it off? Had he accidentally sliced it off with a lightsaber? She wasn't sure.
Our heroes then dragged the carcasses back onto their shuttle, and used their ancient mumbo jumbo to resurrect Anakin Skywalker and the annoying Gungan so that they could kill him once more.
"Where is mesa right arm? Hello? Right arm, where is yousa?" asked Jar Jar Binks, who started searching around for it around the shuttle. Unfortunately, they had forgotten to regenerate it.
"Relax, we'll take care of it." said Anakin Skywalker, who used the book to grow him a new arm simply to stop his compaining.
"Thank you, Anakin! Yousa mesa buddy!" he squealed.
"Don't ever call me buddy." mumbled Anakin.
And so our heroes set out to go somewhere that wasn't infested with alien hunters that wanted to mount their heads on a random wall.
I don't think our heroes will be visiting that particular planet again, do you? After all, they might step in a bear trap or something that was left behind by the predators…
First Xenomorphs and now this eh? It seems our heroes have encountered a lot of horror icons…I suppose we should probably take a break from that and move on to something else…
In the next chapter, our heroes will hijack a tank…and use it to kill Jar Jar Binks! Doesn't that sound like fun? Something tells me you'll agree with me…