Chapter 15

Paul's eyes nipped painfully as he stared straight ahead. A couple of orange coloured leaves swirled in the wind before falling and settling eerily on top of the small white coffin. He let out a shaky breath as he stepped away feeling the emotion of the day start to creep up on him. The people who had come to pay their respects moved slowly from the graveside as the funeral came to an end. As he watched them filter towards their cars, he couldn't help but feel so grateful it was over. The whole thing had been just horrible and emotional and he had spent the entire time thanking God it wasn't Ellie. He hadn't been able to help himself. Throughout the whole service, she was all he had been able to think about. His daughter was always at the forefront of his mind knowing it could so easily have been her that had ran out onto the road that night.

Paul shivered lightly in the cold breeze. He stuffed his hands in the pockets of his black wool overcoat and watched on as Stephanie pulled Mark into her arms and hugged him tightly to her. From the moment they had got here, she had been the one holding his hand, keeping him together. Mark had been so distraught and each sob ripped at his gut. It had been particularly difficult when the coffin had been lowered into the ground. Paul shuddered as an icy chill ran through his spine. It had been a harrowing experience and one he would be keen never to repeat in his life. Ever.

"It's so hard to believe she's gone."

Paul looked to his left to see Jane, the woman who was Debbie's mother standing beside him. He offered her a small smile. He wasn't sure what to say and felt slightly uncomfortable. "I'm sorry for your loss. Jamie was a wonderful little girl."

Jane nodded her head and smiled. "She was, wasn't she?"

She sighed as she looked over at Mark and Stephanie. Stephanie was still holding him as he cried, his sobs carrying in the wind.

"I'm glad your wife has been there for him. I just don't know he'd have managed to cope otherwise. God knows how we're going to tell Debbie when she contacts us." Jane paused or a moment pressing her lips together. Her left shoulder lifted in a shrug. "If she ever contacts us, that is."

Paul stood silently unsure what to say. He still found it hard to understand how as a mother, Debbie could have walked away from her family like that. It seemed a drastic measure and a selfish one at that. But then again, he didn't know the full story. It wasn't his place to throw stones at people he knew nothing or very little about.

"Stephanie looks very much like her, you know. I almost had to do a double take when I saw her in the church today."

"Sorry, who did you see?" Paul hadn't been paying attention to Jane and had only caught the last part of her sentence.

"Stephanie. She looks like our daughter, Debbie."

Paul put his head down and frowned. He didn't know what to say to that. But one thing was for sure, he didn't like it. The idea of Stephanie looking anything like Mark's estranged wife unsettled him. It made him feel uneasy about Mark. Actually he felt uneasy about Mark in general anyways. He didn't know what it was but from the second he set foot in his home, he had disliked the guy. There was just something about him. Of course he was somewhat reluctant to admit that given the circumstances. It seemed harsh and probably cruel after what had happened to his daughter but it was the truth. His sympathy for the guy didn't mean he could trust him.

Lost in his thoughts Paul didn't notice Stephanie appear beside him. Her hand skimmed his back making him jump slightly and he lifted his head. His eyes met the raw redness of her sad blue orbs and forgetting all about Debbie and Mark, he placed his hands on her arms, rubbing them gently.

"Are you okay?"

Stephanie nodded and sniffed. "Yeah. I'll just be so glad when today is over, Paul."

"Me too."

Paul pulled her into his arms and hugged her, rubbing her back affectionately. His big arms held her tightly, trying his best to comfort her.

"Mark's invited some people back to the house." Stephanie told him as she pulled away and sighed, brushing her hair behind her ears. "I hope you don't mind but I said we'd go for a couple of hours before we pick up Ellie from school. Mom's not bringing Jake back until five."

Paul nodded his agreement. He wasn't overly keen about the idea but he knew Stephanie would want to go. He clasped her hand in his as they made their way to the car.

Paul watched as Debbie's father downed yet another glass of whisky. That had been at least seven in the space of less than an hour. He knew the guy was hurting but getting paralytic was not the way to deal with it. Although how you dealt with losing your grandchild, he just didn't know. Hopefully he would never get the chance to find out either. As Paul took a sip from his drink, he wondered where Stephanie was. They'd have to get going soon if they wanted to get Ellie from school. But then again, if she wanted to stay, there was no harm in him picking up Ellie alone. Stephanie seemed to want to be here. She wanted to show her support for Mark and Paul couldn't fault her for that. Not when it was proof of how caring she was. His wife had such a big heart. In his eyes she was pretty amazing.

Paul placed down his glass on the table and decided to look for Stephanie to find out what she wanted to do. He put his head round the kitchen door and his eyes scanned the room for her. He could see no sign of her. Just then, Jane appeared with a tray of glasses and she held it out in front of him.

"Paul, would you like one?"

Paul shook his head and smiled. "No, thank you. I was just looking for my wife. Have you seen her?"

Jane nodded her head and smiled as she pushed her glasses up her nose. "She's in the back garden talking with Mark."

Paul nodded and excused himself as he made his way through the women who had congregated in the middle of the floor. Paul shook his head. He always wondered what the deal was with that. It was the same with any party or gathering he went to. The majority of the women always ended up in the kitchen gossiping about something or other.

As he pushed open the back door, the bitter chill in the air prickled his skin. His breath left a thin trail of vapour in front of him. Walking out into the silent garden, Paul peered through the shadows of the remaining daylight. He made out Stephanie sitting on the garden bench with Mark. Their backs were turned to him. He made his way across the lawn and was about to shout out to get their attention when what he heard left him standing, frozen to the spot.

"I don't regret kissing you at all Stephie."

Mark's words were like a punch to his gut. He'd kissed his wife. That mother fucker had kissed his wife! Paul struggled to catch his breath as the blood beat loudly in his ears. He wanted to say something, He wanted to scream. In fact he wanted nothing more than to grab him and beat the living crap out of the guy but even in his anger, Paul knew now wasn't the time or place. Instead, he did the only thing he could think of. He turned around and walked quietly back to the house. He had to. If he stayed there any longer, he wouldn't be responsible for his actions.

Paul blindly pushed his way through the people in the kitchen. His eyes were focused straight ahead and he felt like he was reeling as he made his way to the front door. He was on his way out when Jane spotted him. She tapped his shoulder and when he turned round, she was taken aback by the pure look of anger on his face.

"S-sorry Paul. I just wondered if you'd found Stephanie?"

Paul took a second to compose himself before he replied. It wasn't Jane's fault and the last thing she needed was for him to bite her head off. He let out a shaky breath clearing his thick throat. "No. Em, if you see her, will you tell her I've gone to get our daughter?"

Jane nodded her head and Paul thanked her before walking out, slamming the door behind him.