101 Ways To Kill Jar Jar Binks
Guess what? It looks like the Anti-Jar Jar Binks Organization is going to pay Jar Jar a visit again…after all, he isn't going to kill himself by his own hands…well OK, maybe he is dumb enough to do that, but what fun would that be?
After going through some of your reviews, I've decided a way to kill him…and I hope that it will be make you happy like those happy meals you get at McDonalds. Unless McDonalds make you fat.
I assure you, Jar Jar isn't going to be happy about this one…
Chapter 80: Skinned Alive
Jar Jar Binks as usual was stuck waiting for his friends, who were currently being brainwashed by being forced to watch horrible movies such as The Garbage Pail Kids Movie or The Last Airbender. He could hear their screaming, and began to wonder what was going on.
"Why are mesa friends screaming? Are thesa being tortured?" he wondered.
Suddenly, he noticed that there was a sign saying "Anti-Jar Jar Binks Organization" in rather big letters
"Anti-Jar Jar Binks Organization? Wait a minute! That's mesa!" he bellowed.
Underneath the sentence was a smaller message. Apparently, it was their motto, as it said "Slaying A Gungan That Ruined The Star Wars Prequel Trilogy". Immediately he started to become worried. There was a conspiracy!
There was also a tally next to the sign that said how many times they had killed him, it was 79, which initially confused Jar Jar Binks, but that confusion turned into even more fear when he discovered on a calendar that today was the day that the Anti-Jar Jar Binks Organization was going to kill him personally. They had in fact already done in seven times, but this didn't matter to the Gungan. All he knew was that he had to get the heck out of there.
"Mesa needs to find way to escape! Dis place is death trap!" he bellowed.
Immediately, he noticed the vehicle that the Anti-Jar Jar Binks Organization had used to bring him here, and he got an idea.
"Mesa hotwire truck and escape by using highway! Thesa can't catch me if mesa drives fifty miles above speed limit!" he exclaimed.
And so he climbed into the truck through the window and started trying to turn it on. Unfortunately, an Anti-Jar Jar Binks Organization member made the mistake of leaving the keys inside the truck, allowing him to place them in and turn it on.
"Freedom!" he squealed. Escape was in his grasp!
Meanwhile, the Anti-Jar Jar Binks Organization was discussing how to kill Jar Jar Binks. They decided that it should be a very gruesome death, and one that would be very painful too. But just how were they going to do that this time? It seemed that there wasn't one suitable for Jar Jar Binks after how many times they had killed him and how many times he had kept annoying people anyway.
"How many times do you think we can kill him before we completely run out of ideas?" asked one of the members, who began scratching his head.
"I don't know…sheesh, who would have thought killing a Gungan would eventually become so difficult? Personally, I'm already out of ideas! What's a guy to do?" replied another member.
Suddenly, they noticed that there seemed to be an engine running. Was someone starting a car or something?
"What's going on out there?" they wondered. Was it already time to leave work? Something seemed wrong.
They looked out the window, and noticed that someone had turned on the truck they had used to bring Jar Jar here in the first place. Much to their surprise, the annoying alien was at the wheel!
"So long, bad people who want to kill mesa!" Jar Jar Binks squealed.
"Oh shoot! He's trying to escape! What are we gonna do?" one of the members exclaimed.
"Stop him!" ordered his higher-up.
Suffice to say, the Anti-Jar Jar Binks Organization had their hands full trying to stop the Gungan from escaping. By the time they had located him, he had already started the truck.
"So long suckers! Yousa not killing mesa today!" he taunted as he started driving away.
Thankfully, they were eventually able to stop him by ordering on walkie talkie one of the members (who was guarding the headquarters in the strange occurrence they were somehow attacked) spike the truck with a sharp pair of tacks, causing it to get four flat tires.
"Why is da truck stopping? Go vroom vroom!" he demanded, not realizing what had happened.
He was immediately dragged out of the truck by several muscular Jar Jar Binks haters, who dragged him back to the headquarters and strapped him to the chair.
"Let mesa go! Mesa wanna be free!" he screamed.
Soon afterwards, the boss came in, looking furious.
"You stole one of my trucks, you little vermin! And because of you, I'm going to need to get more tires! I should skin you alive for this!" he screeched.
Suddenly, this gave the members of the Anti-Jar Jar Binks Organization an idea. Immediately, they pulled off knives and started cutting off the Gungan's skin, causing him to scream in agony.
"Da pain! The horrible pain!" he yelled, as he began to experience horrible agony. Immediately, he began struggling against the straps of the chair. He had almost broken free when out of the blue he began to feel faint and passed out from the pain. He died shortly afterwards after a few more cuts.
"Good work team, now let's resurrect him. His folks are brainwashed once again and should be murdering him again soon." ordered the boss.
The Anti-Jar Jar Binks Organization members agreed. They unstrapped Jar Jar's carcass from the execution chair and then resurrected him using the Book of Resurrection. They then shoved our heroes into the truck along with the Gungan and drove them back home.
"Isn't this job great? We get to kill Jar Jar Binks for fun and profit!" asked one of the members.
"Ah yes, this is easy money. Unlike my last job…" agreed another member.
It appears that Jar Jar Binks has finally discovered that there is an organization plotting against him. How do you think he'll react when he visits them again? You think he'll fight back even more? But until then, he'll have to deal with his friends and family, who are going to kill him with more gruesome methods than ever…once again some of them will be picked by you…others I will think of myself I suppose.
I hope you enjoy this latest chapter, and feel free to leave me reviews. Just don't send me hate mail or anything like that because nobody wants that. So I'll be seeing you next time.