A/N: Thanks for the feedback guys! It helps me keep going. BG-13 you might like this chapter. ;-)
Weeks later everything was exponentially worse. Jesse was being too clingy, Aubrey was pestering her about the minutiae of taking over the Bellas, and Chloe was nowhere to be found. She had used upcoming finals as her excuse and under different circumstances Beca would have let it go but she missed their late night chats and seamless interactions more than she should.
They would sit in Beca's room and talk about everything and nothing until the sky lightened. It was a little ritual of their's over the weeks leading up to the final competition. Sometimes Chloe would bring her books and she would study while Beca mixed, each girl content to simply be in each other's presence. Come to find out it was something Beca needed in her life, someone to simply exist with her in a harmony that they made unintentionally. She knew she could be thorny at times but it never seemed to phase Chloe. Maybe it was because she could see past the frontal assault of snark to the fearful, dark place that it came from.
Everyone else wanted something from her that she wouldn't or couldn't give. Chloe never pressured her to give anything that she wasn't willing to let go of, which was a lot. It was this patience that made Beca believe that of out of all of her friends Chloe actually cared about who she was not just what she presented to the world.
She was trying her best to be patient with Jesse but every day it seemed like there was something new that made her want to admit defeat. He was all over her in more than one way. He was emotionally and physically sloppy, covering her in his affection and kisses that still failed to spark more than a passing interest in her.
She constantly reminded herself that he was a great guy, which he was, but there were only so many pep talks she could give herself before it went way past ridiculous. She was seriously beginning to think about ending it but it was harder than it might seem. This had been her way to turn over a new leaf. She was trying to be more emotionally available but she was pretty sure that it was going all wrong. She had chosen the wrong person to invest in and fixing that without breaking their friendship was going to be the hard part. She didn't want to hurt Jesse and unfortunately it was a little more complicated now.
Her dad had asked about Jesse off and on after they had met while bailing Beca out of jail and during one of those interactions she was forced to admit to him that they were dating so tonight they were both going over to have dinner at his house. She would have turned it down flat if Jesse hadn't overheard the phone call and swiped the phone from her so he could accept for both of them, which was just an example of little things he did that ticked her off. After they had hung up he had looked as excited as a puppy being adopted from the pound so she had felt guilty enough to keep the date.
Thirty minutes into dinner Beca had determined that she was in hell. Jesse and her father were getting on too well as food and conversation were passed around the table. It seemed Jesse and her Dad had a lot in common, which was completely alarming. The moment that they bonded over a love of cheesy Kung Fu movies she knew it was over for her. They even got Shelia involved in the fun, leaving Beca to curse the day that she was born, though seeing her father trying to imitate Bruce Lee was pretty hilarious she admitted grudgingly.
The upside was that she didn't have to contribute much to the conversation. That left her mind free to wander and after failing to think of a way to escape through the window without anyone noticing, her thoughts went straight to Chloe.
She was tired of wondering what was going on with her. In the past she wouldn't have pushed it, taking the silence at face value but she felt herself compelled to do something. It was probably a result of the huge volume of Chloe related thoughts she had experienced over the weeks. Her logic was that if she could just solve the mystery the barrage of thoughts would stop. She could stop cursing herself for missing the safety of having Chloe around. As soon as she got home she decided to call her, or text. Yes, a text was less intrusive. She prayed that Chloe would answer.
They made it all the way through dinner without further incident, apart from her Dad remarking on her silence and lack of involvement. Beca even managed to be civil to her step-mom and thanked her for having them over. Jesse's goodbyes were much more verbose and she began to despair once again that they would never get out of there..
Finally, they said their final parting words, her dad patting her on the back and saying, "I like this one." She tried to smile but it came out more as a grimace, which refused to leave her face because Jesse chatted at her all the way back to her dorm.
She managed to give him one and two word answers and nodded along to everything that didn't require her to speak but she was pretty sure he had caught on to her lack of attention span. She felt bad for practically ignoring him and unfortunately it had come kind of commonplace for her. It wasn't intentional but it was definitely not fair to him. He deserved a girl who was as smitten with him as he was with her.
They had just reached the entrance to the dorm when Beca saw someone familiar walking off in the direction of the library. Without any warning she was gone, leaving Jesse in mid-sentence. Chloe was about two hundred yards away and walking at a good clip so by the time Beca caught up she was winded. "Chloe," she yelled, "wait up!"
As soon as Chloe heard her name she stopped cold and turned around, her hair swinging with the motion. Beca stopped in front of her, panting. There was a reason she hated running and it was this part. She was sure she looked like a giant dork as she bent over and tried to catch her breath."Hey, where have you been?" Before she answered Chloe glanced back to where Jesse was walking to catch up and then back at Beca who was still panting but standing upright.
"Just studying," she shifted from one foot to another, "This capstone project is kicking my ass."
Beca turned as Jesse approached, wishing she could have just a few more moments alone with Chloe. He stopped beside her and bumped her shoulder with his. "I didn't know you could run that fast, Flo-Jo," he joked. She didn't respond to him but instead focused in on Chloe again.
There was this moment of silent communication that passed between them. It was like they were both reading the same undercurrent and translated the energy as words passing between them. She felt the disquiet and sadness coming off of the redhead like a cascade. She wore it on her face and in her movements. The tension stretched between them opening up a new mental dialogue. Chloe's hands clutched the strap of her messenger bag and her eyes narrowed, as if it would help her take everything in.
"Hey, Chloe," Jesse said, breaking the silence. He looked between them like he was watching a tennis match. "How's it going?" He took in the potency of the moment, sensing that he was now extraneous.
Chloe broke her gaze with Beca and acknowledged him. "Hey, Jesse. It's going... just trying to get past finals." She glanced back at Beca who was staring straight back at her. The intensity of the gaze gave her pause. She wondered if Beca realized that Jesse was still there.
"Oh yeah," Jesse continued, "What are you planning after graduation?" He was using the moment to process and test out a theory.
"Um, well, I got accepted to grad school here so just enjoying the summer until fall comes around again," she finished.
"Nice," Jesse replied, "So, we will still get to see you around."
"Yeah, definitely," Chloe said and looked back at Beca, "Well, I better get to the library." The whole exchange was awkward and she wanted to get out of there in case she gave anything away. Jesse seemed like a pretty perceptive guy and she found Beca's behavior out of the ordinary. Her heart ticked faster and something itched at her mind. She pushed it away and focused on detaching herself from aura of confusing emotion emanating from Beca.
"Okay, see ya later," Jesse said.
"Text me... whenever," Beca said before Chloe gave them a parting wave and started walking again. Beca's body moved involuntarily so that she could watch the redhead as she strode into the night..
"You ready to go up," Jesse asked, breaking her reverie.
"Yeah." She glared at the back of his head as he started off towards the door.
They walked to her room in silence. Beca was on a precipice of self discovery that was somewhat akin to falling off a cliff. This had snuck up on her and that fact coupled with her inability to fight this ardor, even as it set off warning bells, was irritating. She had no idea what the thing crawling around in her stomach was, but it was one of those terrible all encompassing feelings that she usually avoided. Other people might call it longing.
It was apparent to her that she needed to sort this out, maybe for once in her life face something head on. Her heart was so off balance with everything happening at once and the only person she wanted to talk to about it was avoiding her.
It didn't occur to her that she had mentally checked out until Jesse took her arm and sat her down on the bed. She had no memory of entering the room. She felt like she was back in that dream and she couldn't focus on what was tangible. He went back to close the door and lock it in case Kimmy Jin decided to wander in.
He sat down beside her. "What's wrong, Becs?"
"Nothing," she replied, brushing his words aside. Avoidance and ambiguity were her first defenses.
"Come on," he said, "you've been off and on ever since we got back from New York and I've been doing my best to give you some space and let you figure it out but now I'm starting to wonder." He bent down, trying to force her to look at him.
Her head snapped up, giving him her full attention. "Wonder what?" Her mind was spinning and dread beat like a drum in her head.
"Do you really want to be with me," he asked. She was silent, her mouth opening and closing. "Because if you don't, I really need to know now." His face was blank as if his expression depended directly on her reaction.
"Jesse, I.." She gathered all the pieces of her consciousness and gave a second of hard thought to what she was about to say. "I don't know." She winced, this was the hard part. This moment was where she could no longer dodge the truth. "It's totally not you. I just don't know what I want right now." She tried to say it as gently as possible.
"Does it have anything to do with Chloe," he ventured.
"What?!" The question sent her stomach curling into a heated ball. "No, I... what do you mean?"
"Beca, come on, look at what just happened, how you guys act around each other." He took her hand, and waited until she looked up at him again. Dismay colored her features. She had been completely blindsided by his line of inquiry. "It's not just tonight. I've noticed it all along," he said.
"I remember initiation night, I saw you guys talking and it looked like something more was going on but I just shrugged it off," he paused when she stood and walked across the room, "Maybe I didn't want it to be true so I just figured that was just how you guys are with each other but the way you talk about her, and your face when your phone goes off and you realize that it's not her."
Beca sighed and turned towards him again. "What are you saying," she gestured, "That I'm in love with Chloe?" The words came unbidden from somewhere deep inside her.
"I don't know," he replied, "but you definitely like her more than you should if she is just a friend to you."
"Say, you're right," she ground out, "What difference does it make? She doesn't feel the same way." Beca's stubborn nature was making her fight him, even if she realized now that he might be right. It might explain Chloe's behavior of late but hope was something that Beca stuffed down to avoid the cold hurt of disappointment.
"Are you kidding me," he snapped back, "Her face, Beca... all I had to do was look at her face back there." He pointed out the window. "I even saw it when you let her borrow your jacket on the bus the other night. You flirt... both of you"
"I haven't seen her in weeks," now the words flew from her mouth with venom, "How can I flirt with someone who isn't there?"
"Beca, listen to what you just said, it's like you're more mad at her for not being around than you are at me for talking about breaking up." He sighed and let his head drop into his hands.
"Whatever," she said, throwing up her hands. Adrenaline kept her from focusing her thoughts on anything more substantial that what was occurring from one second to the next.
"It's true," his words were muffled as they tricked from between his hands, "It really is true," He looked up, "It's over, isn't it." Any hope he had of being wrong fled when he saw her eyes.
"Jesse," she said his name in a softer tone, tears had sprung to her eyes. He pushed himself up and went to her. She let him envelop her into his arms. He quickly placed a kiss on her the side of her head and released her leaving her arms to hang loosely at her sides in his absence.
"Just don't make her wait too long," he whispered. With that he was leaving, evoking the memories of seclusion she had long since buried.