Chapter 17

Paul closed his eyes as he felt the hot water start to soothe his aching muscles. His body throbbed with exhaustion as the droplets beat down on his chest before trickling towards his waist. He yawned loudly as he turned his face towards the shower head. Paul could feel his eye sockets burning with tiredness. He hadn't gone to bed at all last night and he was beginning to question that judgement. Instead of lying next to his wife, he had opted to mindlessly surf the television channels eventually watching some slapstick comedy show he had never seen in his life before. Some middle aged guy was having marital problems. God knows he knew all about those. In fact it was his own marital issues that had kept him from sleeping last night. Not that he would have gotten any rest anyways. He was still too worked up from his argument with Stephanie. That's why when the sun had started to rise this morning, he had headed to the basement and worked out instead. Pumping iron had always been the perfect outlet for his frustrations.

As Paul pushed his hands through his soaking wet strands, he didn't know what pissed him off the most about the whole situation. The fact that another man had kissed his wife or the fact that Stephanie had chosen to keep him in the dark about it. He trusted her implicitly and had always thought there were no secrets in their marriage. Obviously, he had been sadly mistaken and it hurt to think that she had deliberately been keeping things from him. It also raised the question in his mind that if he hadn't found out the way he did, would she ever have told him about it? And quite honestly, he couldn't help but think that the answer would be no. Stephanie obviously had no intention of telling him that Mark had kissed her and it bugged him as to why she would do that.

Paul let out a heavy sigh as he lifted his face to the water one last time before turning the water off and stepping out the shower. He grabbed the towel that hung over the screen and quickly rubbed it through his hair before wrapping it round his waist and heading to the bedroom. His preoccupied frown soon turned to a genuine smile as he saw his daughter bouncing up and down on their bed. His heart swelled with love as it always did when he watched either of his children. Both of them were his perfect miracles.

"Why, hello there Miss Ellie." he said, greeting her.

Paul grabbed her around the waist and Ellie let out a scream before giggling as he threw her back onto the sheets. Her wayward blonde curls fell over her face.

"Have you finished getting ready for school?" he asked her.

Ellie nodded her head and smiled as she got back to her feet, pushing her hair back into place. "Mommy let me wear my new denim pinafore today. Do you like it?"

Paul nodded his head and grinned to show his appreciation. "You look gorgeous short stuff." He winked at her while he walked across to the huge walk in closet. He could hear his daughter's footsteps behind him as she followed him inside. "I'm sure Aaron will think you're cute too." he teased.

Ellie rolled her eyes and shook her head as she sighed in exasperation. "Daddy, I told you he's not my boyfriend any more. He likes Maddy, remember?"

Paul lightly scratched his beard before pulling a white shirt off a hanger. "Maybe but after seeing you today, I think Maddy might just get dumped."

Ellie's hazel eyes lit up as she laughed. "You're silly, Daddy. Anyway, I don't want a boyfriend. Boys just annoy me."

Paul grabbed a pair of jeans before ruffling her hair affectionately. "Good. Then I won't have to worry about beating up any of the boys in your class." he chuckled as he walked back to the bedroom. Ellie followed on behind him.

"Daddy, are you taking me to school today?"

"I sure am." He smiled at her as he brought his clothes over to the unmade bed placing them down on the crumpled comforter. "Just give me five minutes, okay?"

Ellie nodded her head. Her little face looked serious as she hoisted herself onto the bed and sat there just watching him and by the way she chewed on her bottom lip, he could tell something was on her mind. It was a mannerism she had gotten from her mother. Stephanie did the exact same thing when there was something she needed to talk about. Paul tapped her nose affectionately getting her attention.

"Is something bugging you, sweetie?"

"Daddy, are you still mad at Mommy?"

Paul slowly shook his head knowing that part at least was true. He wasn't angry with Stephanie. Just disappointed in her inability to be completely honest with him.

"No. I talked to Mommy last night and everything's going to be okay." he told his daughter.

Ellie's brow crinkled with her confusion. "Then why does Mommy still look sad? Her eyes are red like she's been crying Daddy."

Paul let out a slow breath as he sat down on the edge of the bed beside her and took her small hands in his. He tried to ignore the twinge of guilt in his chest about his wife and the fact that she had been crying. "Try not to worry about it, okay? I promise you that everything is going to be fine."

"Pinky swear?"

Paul chuckled as he let go of her hands and held up his right hand, cocking his pinky in her direction. "Pinky swear."

Their pinkies joined together and they shook on it. He leaned forward kissing her forehead and smoothing back the curls from her face.

"Now run along and grab your stuff. I'll be down in a minute."

"Okay Daddy."

Paul ran his fingers through his hair as he watched his daughter jump off the bed and leave the room. He couldn't help but dwell on what Ellie had said. Stephanie was obviously still upset and while part of him felt like she deserved it, the other part of him felt terribly guilty because he knew he was the reason behind her tears. He had made a statement, conscious or otherwise, by not sharing their bed last night and he knew wouldn't be the only one who hadn't gotten any sleep.

After throwing on his clothes, Paul eventually made his way down the stairs. He had successfully managed to avoid Stephanie all morning but now he knew he'd have to face her. The question was, what did he do? Did he continue to give her the cold shoulder and upset not only her, but Ellie too or did he make good on his promise to his daughter and try to get things back to normal? Deep down, he knew what he wanted to do. He had always hated any sort of tension between him and Stephanie and it killed him to feel any sort of distance from her. So he had no option. He had to stop his stubborn pride from getting in the way of making things right with his wife. He also had to get over feeling somewhat betrayed that he had found out the way he had. Stephanie had deliberately kept him in the dark and he had to admit it hurt just like it hurt every time he thought about someone else touching her. His natural instinct was to kick the living shit out of Mark for even trying. Of course it wouldn't be his proudest moment beating up a guy that had just buried his daughter and Stephanie knew that. She even admitted it was the reason she hadn't told him about the kiss. She knew how he would have reacted. She knew he would have gone after ark despite the guy's circumstances. If that was the case, was he even entitled to still feel angry with her?

Paul pondered that thought as his hand rested against the kitchen door. He could hear the movement behind it and letting out a calming breath, he pushed it open and walked into the room joining his family. He almost collided with Stephanie who was clearing up the breakfast dishes but she somehow managed to swerve him and deliberately avoid looking at him as he made his way towards the table. His son was sitting in his high chair and he squealed, waving his hands enthusiastically as soon as he saw his father. Paul smiled and walked across to kiss the top of his head.

"Hey, little man." He picked up the red toy car that had fallen to the floor and brushing off the remnants of his breakfast, he held it up in front of him. "Are you looking for this, buddy?"

Jake grinned as he clutched the car in his little hand and began to bang it loudly off the tray. Paul chuckled and shook his head watching him for a moment. He really did feel truly blessed for having such a perfect son. His eyes, his face – everything was perfect about him and it was amazing to think he was a part of him. Their baby boy was a part of Stephanie too.

Turning his head, Paul's eyes sought out his wife. Her back was turned to him as she stood silently at the sink. Her big blue eyes stared out the large kitchen window. He didn't need to see those eyes to know Stephanie was still upset. Her whole demeanour was filled with melancholy and it killed him to see her this way. He never could handle her sadness especially when he knew he was the one responsible for her being that way. Letting out a sigh, Paul made his way across to her. He could see her visibly tense as he got closer and she sensed him behind her.

"Steph?"

Stephanie turned her head and as their eyes locked Paul could see her anguish. He felt that knot of guilt in his chest again; the guilt that knew her pain was entirely his fault.

"I'm sorry." he told her softly.

Her big blue eyes glossed over as Stephanie slowly shook her head.

"I'm the one who should be apologising. I messed up. Simple as that."

Her hand lifted to brush away a tear as she let out a shaky breath.

"I should have told you about Mark and I'm sorry. I can't tell you how sorry I am. I just don't want us to fight any more, Paul."

"I don't want us to fight either." Paul told her as he tentatively reached for her hand. Stephanie's fingers were like icicles as he gripped them in his and squeezed them gently. Her shaky smile broke his heart as she blinked back her tears.

"Then can you forgive me? Because I don't think I can handle you being mad at me any longer."

As her voice waivered, Paul gently pulled Stephanie to him. His arms wrapped around her tightly holding her close to him as he closed his eyes and breathed her in. There was a faint trace of vanilla and baby powder. He could feel her hands grip his arms as she sniffed, trying to control her tears. His big hand rubbed her back, soothing her and he dropped a kiss in her soft hair when she eventually pulled away.

"I promise I'll talk to Mark."

Paul opened his eyes to feel her hand touching his face, cupping his cheek and tracing his skin with the pad of her thumb.

"I'll put him straight I promise. Because you and the kids, you come first and I won't risk losing you. I can't."

"Steph you're not going to lose me." he reassured her as he reached up, tucking a lock of her hair behind her right ear. "In fact, you'll be lucky to ever get rid of me."

Stephanie's mouth lifted in the tiniest of smiles. "You promise?"

"Oh I promise."

Paul smiled back before brushing his lips over hers. As he pulled Stephanie into his arms once more, he saw Ellie standing there watching them with a huge grin on her face. He grinned back flipping her a wink and he couldn't help but chuckle as she managed to flip him a wink right back. It made his heart soar to know she was happy and that he'd made good on his promise to her.

"What's so funny?" Stephanie asked as she lifted her head from his chest curiously.

"It's nothing." Paul told her as he released her and gestured his head in Ellie's direction. "Our daughter is just desperate to get to school and show off her cute little self to Aaron."

Ellie let out an exasperated puff as she watched her father grab the car keys from the black marble counter top. "Daddy, I told you. Aaron likes Maddy not me." She turned to look at Stephanie, her brown eyes pleading with her to make him understand. "Mommy, tell him will you?"

Stephanie grinned as she turned to her husband. "You need to keep up with the playground gossip, honey. Aaron is ancient history. He has been for at least a week."

"Yeah? Well in that case, hurry up and let's get you to school." he told Ellie. "I can beat him up for dumping you before the bell rings."

Ellie giggled as she made her way towards the door, stopping briefly to kiss her mother. "Bye Mommy."

"Bye sweetheart. Have fun."

"Bye Jakey." she called as she disappeared out the door with her father.

Stephanie waved until they had disappeared from sight. Closing the door behind them, she turned to her son and smiled as he held out his hands towards her. She grinned as she unclipped him and scooped him up into her arms. Her lips dropped several kisses on his face causing him to squeal with delight.

"Let's get you dressed sweetie." Stephanie said as she made her way out of the kitchen and towards the stairs. "What will we put on you today, huh? Something warm judging by that frost on the ground. Has Nasty Jack Frost come to visit, huh?"

Stephanie had just placed her foot on the first step when the doorbell rang. Confused as to who would be visiting at this hour, she made her way to the door. She saw Debbie's mother standing at the other side and her brow lifted with her surprise as she turned the key in the latch and greeted her.

"Jane? This is a surprise. Is everything okay?"

Jane pushed the glasses up on her nose and she looked agitated as she shook her head. "I'm afraid not. Mark is in a right mess. Hysterical actually and we've tried to our best to console him but it's no use. We just don't know what to do. Do you think you could come over and maybe get him to talk to you? I know you've been close to him the last few days and honestly, it's getting desperate."

Stephanie felt her heart go out to Mark and her natural instinct was to help him. He was her friend after all. However her emotions were conflicted and her stomach knotted anxiously as she tried to figure out what the hell to do. If Paul found out she was over there, he would blow a fuse and rightly so, especially after his ultimatum last night. On the other hand, Mark sounded in a state and she was honestly worried about him. Jamie's death had hit him hard and she knew how badly it had affected him. He needed someone who understood and given their history and their recent friendship, she probably understood him better than anyone else right now. Jane, although a family member, was practically a stranger by all accounts. She obviously felt out of her depth too. That was obvious from the distressed look on her face and her cry for help. So she had to go. She clearly didn't have any other choice. Mark had no one else to turn to. And if she did go over, she could always make out to Paul that it was under the premise of telling Mark she wanted to set the record straight with him. And she had every intention of doing so when he was feeling better. Just not right now. God knows the guy was an emotional wreck as it was. The last thing she needed to was to upset him even further. Her mind made up, Stephanie nodded at Jane and saw her relieved expression at her agreement to help.

"I'll be there. Just give me twenty minutes or so. Paul is dropping Ellie off at school right now but he'll be back by then to look after Jake."

"Thank you so much. We just didn't know what else to do."

Stephanie nodded and closed the door behind her. She tried to ignore the uneasy feeling she got in her gut as she hugged Jake to her chest. She was doing the right thing. Of course she was. Mark was in pieces and she was the only one right now who maybe had a chance at putting him back together. She couldn't just abandon him. Not today. It was the morning after Jamie's funeral. It had probably just hit him that his baby girl was never coming back to him. God knows how she would feel or cope in his shoes and the trouble was Mark wasn't coping. How on earth would she feel if she abandoned him and something happened to him? She couldn't live with that on her conscience. No, she had to help him one last time. She had to be there for him in spite of everything. In spite of Paul. In spite of what she had promised him. She just hoped she knew what the hell she was doing.