101 Ways To Kill Jar Jar Binks 82
In this chapter, Jar Jar Binks is going to die through a method that you might have seen in a certain video game series…well OK, maybe more than one video game series…but to me there's one particular video game series that comes to mind.
He's going to die through a rocket launcher! Won't it be fun? Well, not for Jar Jar of course, but for everyone else it will be…
Let's join our heroes as they prepare to murder Jar Jar Binks through a rather explosive weapon that certainly shouldn't be played with…this is the killing method that you've probably been dying to see…which I suppose is the reason why I've saved it for late in the story.
Chapter 82: Rocket Launcher
"So, my apprentice and his girlfriend, are you ready to go to the gun store so that we can search for weapons to kill Jar Jar Binks with? There are always so many weapons we could buy there." asked Obi-Wan Kenobi.
"I hope that we can keep our criminal records clean…otherwise we might have a hard time buying things from there." noted Qui-Gon Jinn.
"I'm always ready to kill Jar Jar Binks…but haven't we already killed him using a bunch of different weapons?" asked Anakin Skywalker.
"Technically, most of those deaths you're talking about were done by a bloodthirsty horror icon." pointed out C-3PO.
R2-D2 beeped in fear, remembering the horrible things they always seemed to encounter nowadays. Who would they encounter next?
"Why don't we use a rocket launcher? I don't think we've used that yet. Then again, I suppose there are a lot of weapons we still haven't used yet…" suggested Padme Amidala.
"That's actually a pretty good idea. Let's blow him up, shall we?" agreed Anakin Skywalker.
And so our heroes hopped into their space shuttle and flew to the guns store so that they could buy a rocket launcher. On the way there, they stopped at an intergalactic McDonalds. Why you may ask? Our heroes wanted to purchase a happy meal there so that they could fill their bellies. Why you may ask? Because they didn't want to fight Jar Jar Binks on an empty stomach and wanted to eat some delicious fast food , so stop asking questions.
Unfortunately, our Gungan villain saw them leaving and got the feeling he knew what they had planned. And he wasn't going to allow it. He began to formulate a plan to defend himself, which was made a bit difficult due to his lack of brain.
"How am mesa gonna stop them from killing mesa?" he wondered.
Suddenly, he got an idea. And for some strange reason, a lightbulb appeared on his head.
"Where did dat lightbulb come from? Mesa didn't buy lightbulb. And mesa friends are at da store to buy things right now…Wait a minute! Mesa know what to do! Mesa barricade house so dat thesa can't get inside!" he thought.
And so he pulled out a bunch of wooden boards and started barricading the door and windows. Before long the entire house was covered with them. There was now no way for them to get in, or so he thought anyway.
"Yes! Mesa finally safe from mesa friends' wrath! Mesa friends will never kill mesa again! Mesa not gonna go to Gungan heaven dis time! Mesa gonna survive now! Mesa not gonna die! Hooray!" he thought.
At that particular moment, Anakin Skywalker and his friends were returning after spending a lot of money at the gun store. Qui-Gon Jinn was now armed with a rocket launcher, ready to fire it at the Gungan as soon as he saw him.
Problem was, their house was suddenly barricaded! Who wanted to keep them out? One thing was certain, they were going to have a hard time getting inside.
"Darn it, now how are we going to kill him! There's got to be a way…" screamed Padme Amidala.
"Maybe we could try to blast the door open? We do have a rocket launcher after all." wondered Anakin Skywalker.
For a moment our heroes considered that, but then they realized that they had only brought one rocket, meaning that if they tried that they wouldn't be able to kill Jar Jar Binks with it.
"I guess we'll have to go back to the store and get more rockets then." suggested C-3PO.
R2-D2 beeped in frustration. Their house just had to be barricaded right when they were planning to kill who was inside, and now they would have to spend time and energy going back to the store just so that they could get back to the house.
"Wait, did they barricade the chimney? I think we might be able to get in if they didn't..." asked Anakin Skywalker.
Sure enough, our heroes were able to climb to the roof and get through using the chimney, much like Santa Claus. Jar Jar Binks noticed them and immediately welcomed them, believing them to work for jolly Kris Kringle.
"Are yousa Santa's elves? Yay! Give mesa presents! Mesa been good boy this year! Mesa wanna action figure!" he demanded, ignoring the fact that it wasn't Christmas and that therefore Santa Claus and his elves shouldn't be paying him a visit.
"Here's your Christmas present, Jar Jar." retorted Qui-Gon Jinn.
Immediately, he fired the rocket launcher. Jar Jar Binks tried to get away from it, but the rocket was too fast and he was immediately blown to bits, spreading Gungan guts and blood all over the place.
"Looks like a job well done." stated Obi-Wan Kenobi, who then put away the rocket launcher.
Our heroes then set out to remove the barricades Jar Jar Binks had placed around the house so that they could get in and out. Unfortunately, C-3PO and R2-D2 were stupid and accidentally killed themselves using the nailgun he had used to barricade the house. They were subsequently resurrected along with Jar Jar Binks so that they could end this particular chapter.
See, I told you that you would enjoy it. At least, I hoped you enjoyed it. I have to admit, this one was rather gruesome. And for some strange reason, Jar Jar Binks was prepared for our heroes and barricaded the house so that they couldn't get inside. This move was not enough to save him in the end, but it did prolong his death somewhat.
Any more killing suggestions? I'm all ears. Of course, for some strange reason, some of you have actually sent me killing suggestions that I've already used. I suggest that you read the story before you actually start putting them in…or at the very least read the chapter titles so that you'll know which ones I already used.
But I suppose that's not that much of a big deal…still, I'd like to see a killing method that I haven't actually used yet. That would be much appreciated.