101 Ways To Kill Jar Jar Binks
In this chapter, Jar Jar Binks will die a horrible death in a very ironic way…he will be slain by his own evil twin! How are our heroes going to kill him this way? The answer is through a rather elaborate machine…suffice to say our heroes are going to be paying a visit to a local laboratory…they always seem to have a bunch of fancy gadgets and gizmos…
So I suppose it would be appropriate if our heroes decided to put one of these to use…of course, their killing methods always seem to go wrong nowadays…let's hope that doesn't happen again…of course now that I said that things are almost certainly going to go wrong…ah well.
Let's hurry up and kill Jar Jar Binks already, you're probably sick of my commentary as it is.
Chapter 83: Evil Twin
"Maybe we should get someone to help us kill Jar Jar Binks…he's starting to become harder to kill for some strange reason. I don't really see why he's been acting so suspicious of us lately." suggested Anakin Skywalker.
"Ah yes…is it just me or is he getting more intelligent every time we kill him? At this rate he's going to be some sort of supergenius…as hard as that sounds considering how dumb he used to be." agreed Padme Amidala.
"He is getting wise to our tricks. We need to formulate a new way to kill him, one that he won't see coming." spoke Obi-Wan Kenobi.
"But what method haven't we tried yet?" wondered Anakin.
"Maybe we could create an evil twin of him or something, and then use it to kill him." answered Qui-Gon Jinn.
"Alright, that sounds good. But how are we going to do that? I think we'll probably need some sort of state-of-the-art machine." asked Anakin Skywalker.
"I would recommend going to the local laboratory, they have lots of machines, some of which resemble myself." C-3PO stated.
R2-D2 beeped with excitement. Maybe he'd see his robot buddies R1-D1 and R3-D3.
"I dunno, those scientists might catch us messing with their equipment…and who knows, they might be crazy." warned Anakin Skywalker.
"On the other hand, I think that it might be worth the risks." contradicted Padme Amidala.
"Then it's settled. We'll sneak into the heavily guarded laboratory and use a cloning machine to create an evil doppelganger of Jar Jar Binks." agreed Obi-Wan Kenobi.
Unfortunately, Jar Jar Binks overheard them talking about a laboratory, and he became suspicious. As soon as they asked him if they wanted to go to the laboratory, he surprisingly said no.
"Yousa not gonna kill mesa with deadly laboratory equipment! Mesa knows what yousa up too!" he bellowed.
"Don't worry about it! We're not going to kill you Jar Jar…we just want to create a clone of you so that you'll have a playmate." answered Qui-Gon Jinn.
"If yousa say so. I wonder what mesa clone will be like!" agreed the Gungan.
And so our heroes went to the local lavatory…I mean laboratory, so that they could find a machine to create an evil version of Jar Jar Binks.
Soon enough, after sneaking past several FBI agents and several insane-looking scientists, they managed to find one. They set the dial to evil mode, and asked the Gungan to step in.
"Yousa sure about dis?" he asked.
He was then pushed inside by C-3PO. Soon enough he felt strange energy splitting his body.
"Ouchies! Dis really hurts! Why did yousa put mesa in here?" he asked.
Soon enough, the cloning process was complete, and he stepped out of the machine, coughing due to the intense smoke.
"Dat was waste of time! Nothin' happen! Mesa wanna go home!" he exclaimed.
Out of the smoke, he was unexpectedly grabbed around the collar by another Gungan, who immediately snapped his neck in two. Unsurprisingly, Jar Jar Binks was instantly killed by this grisly act.
The smoke then disappeared, revealing the evil version of our least favorite Gungan. He resembled Jar Jar Binks heavily, except for the fact that he was black as soot and that he was wearing a red uniform.
"Yes! We've done it! Jar Jar Binks is dead! Again! Let's go throw a party!" Anakin celebrated.
Suddenly, Evil Jar Jar Binks pulled out a red lightsaber…and swung it towards our teenage hero's neck, slicing it in one fell swoop.
"Noooo!" Padme screamed.
Evil Jar Jar Binks then killed our heroine as well, by stabbing her in the chest.
"You monster! You won't get away with this!" bellowed Obi-Wan Kenobi.
Qui-Gon Jinn pulled out his weapon of choice, and engaged in a lightsaber duel with Evil Jar Jar Binks. Unfortunately, it didn't last too long, as he was simply too strong. Eventually, he was sliced in half.
"Mwahahahahaha! Yousa losers are no match for mesa!" laughed the evil Gungan.
"Run for your life!" screamed C-3PO.
And so our three surviving heroes began trying to leave the laboratory. They were stopped a few times by the FBI…but they ended up being chopped in half by the demented Evil Jar Jar Binks.
Our heroes then locked the entrance to the laboratory, and began thinking of a plan to kill the pure evil Gungan.
"In retrospect, maybe this wasn't such a good idea. I mean, Jar Jar Binks was already evil…" pointed out Obi-Wan Kenobi.
"I calculate that Evil Jar Jar Binks may be one of the most evil aliens in history." agreed C-3PO.
R2-D2 beeped sarcastically. What did it matter? They were already doomed!
Suddenly, they heard a cutting noise. Apparently, Evil Jar Jar Binks was slicing down the door with his lightsaber.
Once again, C-3PO ordered them to run away screaming at the top of their lungs, but it was already too late.
The evil version of Jar Jar Binks came out of the laboratory, and began laughing maniacally.
"Mesa gonna kill yousa all! Yousa are all gonna die! Mesa will den drink yousa blood! Mesa love da taste of blood! Mesa also eat yousa intestines! Intestines taste like spaghetti! Hahahahaha!" he laughed.
Suddenly, Evil Jar Jar Binks lost his balance due to his "good" counterpart's clumsiness, and he fell onto the ground. In the process, his red lightsaber flew out of his hands and into the air…and immediately impaled him through his backside.
"Noooo!" he screamed. Blood immediately began leaking out of him. He tried licking the blood to get it back inside of him, but it didn't work. He died shortly afterward.
"Thank the force for Jar Jar's clumsiness…I'm never creating an evil version of Jar Jar Binks again after what he did to my comrades." thought Obi-Wan Kenobi.
As usual, Obi-Wan Kenobi resurrected his friends using the Book of Resurrection, wishing to himself that they wouldn't end up dying so much, as using the book was becoming quite a pain, and he wanted to go back home and have a nice relaxing nap.
Unsurprisingly, Anakin, Padme, and Qui-Gon had been horrified by the evil version of Jar Jar Binks as well.
"Who would have thought that we'd create such a horrible monster?" questioned Anakin Skywalker.
"He was sick and twisted…a repulsive creature to say the very least." concurred Padme Amidala.
"Next time, we shouldn't play with science." said Qui-Gon Jinn.
And so our heroes left the laboratory…they wouldn't be coming back any time soon.
Unbeknownst to our heroes however, the mad scientists discovered Evil Jar Jar Binks' body.
"Hmm, it seems that he's dead…no matter! We can rebuild him! We have the technology! We'll make him stronger, faster, and smarter! We'll make him superior in every way! He shall be known as Darth Jar Jar Binks!" they plotted.
And so the mad scientists went to work on creating a monster that would replace Emperor Palpatine on his demonic throne. In a matter of delicious irony, he would rapidly turn on the mad scientists and kill them…but that was another story.
So, do you guys want Evil Jar Jar Binks to return? Of course, seeing though you hate the regular Jar Jar Binks so much you probably think two Jar Jars is too many…but he's there if you want him to come back.
Of course, if he does come back, there's probably going to be a lot more bloodshed considering how horrible he is. It's not going to be pretty, I can tell you that. But if you still want him to return…
Either way, I don't think I'll be bringing him back just yet…I've got another death planned for Jar Jar Binks at the moment…but did you appreciate the concept of an evil Jar Jar Binks?
Feel free to leave me a few reviews…