101 Ways To Kill Jar Jar Binks
In this chapter, Jar Jar Binks is going to get sucked into a black hole…not much for him, is it? He's going to end up lost forever…at least until our heroes resurrect him using the Book of Resurrection so that they can kill him again. But it's still not going to be a pleasant experience, oh no! This black hole is definitely lethal and not something you'd ever want to get swallowed in.
Which is exactly the reason why we're going to use it on Jar Jar Binks today. It's certainly going to be a horrible experience for Jar Jar Binks, I can tell you that much.
Chapter 84: Black Hole
For his next execution, our heroes decided to shove Jar Jar Binks into a black hole so that he would be lost forever in the soul-sucking darkness. As always, they were feeling quite bloodthirsty, and wanted him dead as soon as possible. As such, they immediately began to look for him so that they could put their plan in action.
Problem was, they couldn't find him anywhere no matter where they looked. He had mysteriously disappeared! Had he done something stupid and ejected himself from the ship? Or was he trying to hide from them? Either way, it looked like killing him was going to be more difficult than they had thought.
"Come on Jar Jar Binks! Where are you? There's no use hiding from us. One way or another, we're going to find you." stated Anakin Skywalker.
"He's got to be around here somewhere." thought Padme Amidala. "I mean, how big can this space shuttle be? Surely he wouldn't have that many hiding spots."
"Perhaps you should use your scanner, C-3PO? I believe that you have one that you can use to help us find him." suggested Obi-Wan Kenobi.
C-3PO nodded, and he began scanning the area to see if Jar Jar Binks was around the space shuttle. Unfortunately, his scanner was a bit buggy today. He had recalled bumping into the obnoxious little Gungan earlier, and wondered if it had something to do with it.
"Did he sabotage my scanner so that he couldn't find me? If so, this might be a problem. He keeps on getting harder to kill." wondered C-3PO.
Thankfully, R2-D2's scanner was perfectly intact (as the Gungan had forgot about his particular scanner), and he was able to detect Jar Jar Binks easily. As it turns out, he was in fact hiding from them. Unfortunately, he spotted them.
"Yousa not gonna kill me this time! Mesa gonna get away! Mesa gonna use escape pod to get back to planet!" he screamed. Immediately, he raced towards the nearest escape pod.
"Stop him!" demanded Obi-Wan Kenobi.
Our heroes were able to stop Jar Jar Binks from escaping not a moment too soon, as by the time they had grabbed him he had already opened his method of escape and was about to step in.
"Noooo! Mesa was so close! Mesa was gonna be safe! Curse yousa losers! Mesa gonna get even with yousa one day!" he screamed.
"Right, of course you're going to get revenge on us one time. And then we're going to regret the times we ever killed you." laughed Qui-Gon Jinn.
Afterwards, our heroes dragged their hostage over to the airlock.
"Funny, this feels familiar. Wasn't this the first way I killed him?" wondered Anakin Skywalker.
"It was? Well, I suppose this is going to be a little different this time." agreed Padme Amidala.
"Hurry up! I can't hold onto his arms much longer!" demanded Qui-Gon Jinn.
As it turns out, he was trying really hard to get out of his muscular grip.
"Nooo! Mesa not wanna go into black hole! Black holes suck! Mesa don't wanna die! Please do not kill mesa!" he screamed.
Our heroes naturally ignored Jar Jar Binks's pleas of mercy, and they then opened the airlock and sent him flying into the black hole.
"Nooooo! Mesa being swallowed in! Curse yousa twisted freaks! Mesa gonna get you for dis! Mesa will return from the dead!" he bellowed.
Unfortunately, while they were executing Jar Jar Binks, they forgot one thing.
"Aargh!" they all screamed. The black hole was pulling them in!
Our heroes tried to hold on, but only Anakin Skywalker, C-3PO, and R2-D2 had a strong enough grip. The others were swallowed in to their doom.
"Noooooo!" bellowed the Jedi apprentice.
Thankfully, he was able to get back to his room, where he then used the Book of Resurrection to bring back all of his friends (and his sworn enemy Jar Jar), who appeared out of thin air.
"That was scary." thought Padme Amidala.
"I don't ever want to do that ever again." answered Obi-Wan Kenobi.
"At least we managed to kill Jar Jar Binks again." agreed Qui-Gon Jinn.
"Speaking of which, where he is now?" asked Anakin Skywalker. "He just vanished again."
Meanwhile…
Jar Jar Binks was doing some weight-lifting to make himself stronger. He certainly didn't want his friends to start killing him again, so he decided that maybe if he had bigger muscles it would be more difficult for them to do so.
"Mesa gonna make dem regret everyfing thosa losers have done to mesa! Mesa friends are gonna pay!" he screamed.
And so he continued to lift the weights, hoping that he would become strong enough to defend himself from his horrible enemies.
This is a bit of a cliffhanger, isn't it? Jar Jar Binks continues to make it more difficult for his friends to kill him, as he begins to realize their true intentions. It was only a matter of time before he began to catch on to their horrible tactics. After all, it is pretty much the same thing every time.
Will his efforts pay off? Will his friends be unable to kill him? And will this story come to a premature end? You'll have to wait and see…but until then you can leave me some reviews like you've always done. After all, it is pretty much always appreciated. Unless of course you want to flame me for some reason…everyone hates that, doesn't they? Makes me wonder why people do it in the first place.
So don't tell me to close this fic down…it will probably make a lot of people disappointed. And I'll probably file a report…unless you're one of those obnoxious guests of course. If only can ban IPs…
But that's enough of that. I hope you're looking for the next chapter! Now go out there and have some fun! Killing Jar Jar Binks of course!