Beginning of this chapter is from Castles POV which I haven't done before. I hope you enjoy it. And this chapter is waaaay longer than I intended it to be so I really hope you like long chapters. ;)

Castle opened the door to Kates apartment with the key she had given him months ago. It was so familiar for him to come to her apartment every now and then, it was and felt like his second home but now stepping into the dim lighted apartment it couldn't have felt more out of place. Last time he had been her she had told him the happiest and most devastating news he had ever received. The most amazing one by letting him know that she was carrying his child and the other one telling him that she didn't want to keep the baby. He still didn't know how to feel about the later one, he knew there was more behind it, than that she only wanted to get out of this situation the easiest way possible, but he felt angry and hurt by her decision. A decision she had made all by herself before he could even give his input on anything of it. Stepping more fully into the room he noticed that Kate was nowhere to be seen. Was she home at all? He had called the precinct and they had told him that Kate had taken the whole week off without further explanation. His Mother had told him that Kate felt awful about how they had ended things the last time they had talked but that was her fault not his. But still he cared about this woman more than about anything else and he knew that despite everything she needed him and if he was honest with himself he needed her. He hadn't slept in days but was too proud to just call her to take him out of his misery, he hadn't even planned to come over here at all today but while taking a walk through the city he had mysteriously taken the route to her apartment. Like something had drawn him near her presence.

"Kate" he called out into the empty space hoping for an answer. He put the take-out boxes he had brought over down on the kitchen counter. Food would help- it always did when they had to talk about something. He had brought Chinese-her favorite, Kate was awful in taking care of herself especially when it came to regular eating habits but now she had to eat more regularly cause she was not only eating for herself and she didn't only damage herself by not eating she was putting the baby in danger as well. It was just how Kate was and he did his best to be the supporting boyfriend she needed right now.

She still hadn't replied to his call out for her but Castle could see a fading light coming from under her bedroom door. He opened the door as softly and quietly as he could and there she was lying on the bed, eyes closed. She was sleeping. He had always admired her for her beauty and this was a moment were he was just in awe that this woman had chosen him to conquer her heart- Even if it had taken forever.

He put his jacket down on the bedside table and crawled into the space next to her. Putting his arm around her he rested his hand on her belly. He moved closer nuzzling his face into her hair which was sprawled all across the pillow. He was still mad at her and they hadn't resolved anything but he loved her and right now he was just tired and hoped he would be able to sleep at least a little bit. He hadn't been able to do so in days.

Kate woke up to someone rubbing her tummy in circling movements. She hadn´t slept so well in a long time and she didn't want to open her eyes. Her bed felt like the safest place on earth. She could feel Ricks presence nearby and smiled.

Wait…Rick?

All of a sudden she was wide awake. She laid her hand over the one which was still running soothing circles over her abdomen. Feeling the presence of the other hand the circulations stopped. She could even feel him holding his breath.

Kate tried to turn around in their tangled arms, which was not an easy task to do. When she was finally able to face him she looked up into the deep blue of his eyes. Castles eyes were full of sadness and fear that she would reject him-again.

When Kate spoke her voice was strained "Rick. I…when did you get here?"

Glazing at the clock on her wall he replied "A couple hours ago."

"I'm glad you came." She admitted barely over a whisper.

"I came because I think it's time for us to talk." His voice was tensed letting her know that he hadn't forgiven her but that he was ready to hear her out.

"I know it doesn't make things better but I'm sorry, I'm so sorry how I dropped the news on you. I handled it terrible and I lashed out I…" Kate begged, a tear slipping down her cheek.

"Hey shhh Kate... I know you're sorry and I know you can't take your words back but they're still out there and I can't…I can't just forget them. But what about we first eat something before we talk about any of it? I brought Chinese." He brought his thumb up while talking, brushing away her tears.

"I'm not hungry." Kate replied in a whisper.

"You have to eat." Rick insisted getting up and reaching his hand out for her to help her get up.

"Did you bring my favorite? Chicken and shrimps?" she asked slowly not able to look at him at all.

Rick handed her a sweater he had found on the floor. "Yes of course I did."

After she had put on the sweater Kate gave him a smile. "Thank you. That's really sweet of you."

"Well someone has to take care of you and the baby." He answered simply.

She tensed at the word baby,still not used to hear him saying it out loud. She shook her head and went to the kitchen without saying anything to the topic.

Kate put the take out containers in the microwave to heat them up. While she waited for the Bing of the microwave to signal her that the food was heated up she leaned against the kitchen counter crossing her arms over chest.

It had taken him another two days before he had come to see her. Their fight was five days ago but imprinted on the back of her mind like it was yesterday.

Castle entered the kitchen and got two plates out of the cabinet putting them on the table.

After he had put the chopsticks on the side of each plate he sat down on one of the chairs, he didn't look up when he voiced his first question. "How far along are you?"

Kate sighed but answered him right away "Nearly four weeks."

"When is your next appointment? I mean to check on the…baby?"

"Next week."

"Next week?" Rick questioned "so soon?"

"Yes. I…" Kate stopped, she knew she had to tell him the truth why she had the next appointment already next week but she was afraid of how he would react.

" Dr. Talbert wants to talk with me about … a couple things." She starred up at the ceiling and hoped he hadn't noticed her slip.

But this was Castle and he had caught her hesitation to the question.

His jaw tensed. "He wants to talk with you about the abortion." He spitted out, looking at her with disgust.

"Gooosh Kate" he went on "Have you maybe already made an abortion appointment? Do you really want to talk with me at all? Or is this just you pretending that you give me a chance?"

The bing of the microwave startled both of them and Kate, glad to have something to distract herself with, took the take out containers out of the microwave and walked with them over to the table and put them down before she took a seat.

"Answer me Kate." He demanded his hand was balled into a fist.

"No. I haven't made an appointment and I'll not make one without talking to you first." She waited till Rick looked up and into her eyes. "I promise."

He released his breath and picked up his chopsticks reaching out to one of the take out containers and putting a little bit of the Chinese food onto his plate.

"It's just" he murmured "I'm not sure about anything when it comes to you and your pregnancy. I don't know what you would and wouldn't do."

Kate taking the take out container out of his hand and putting some of the shrimps on her plate stared down onto her food for a couple seconds before she replied.

"I know that it looks like I already made all the decision-but I haven't. I mean it when I say that I want us to talk about this. You're my boyfriend and…" she continued after a pause "this is as much your decision as mine and I would never take that away from you."

They ate in silence for a while neither of them knowing what to say. When they were both done with their food Kate threw the take out containers in the trash while Rick put the plates into the dishwasher. When they finally sat back down across from each other Rick was the one to break the silence.

"Kate, why don't you want to have this baby?" he stared into her face trying to find the answers he desperately needed, but she was just biting her lip not saying anything.

She needed quite a while before she was able to answer him, there were so many possibilities to answer this question and she didn't know where to begin so she started with the obvious.

"This isn't the right time. Rick we don't even live together. We're only dating for a year; there is so much we haven't talked about yet. I have the feeling that a baby would be too much for us right now. I'm not ready to be a mom. I.." Rick interrupted her.

"So what, we don't live together. We can change that if you want, you can move into the loft tomorrow If thats whats bothering you. And so what, we have been dating for only a year we know each other for more than five years now Kate. How long do you want us to be together before we have kids? Yes of course the timing is not the best but we can't change it. It's how it is and that's ok. We can make it work Kate- but only if we want to."

"And that's exactly what I don't want Rick. I don't want us to rush into things just because we're expecting a baby!"

"Kate be honest with yourself, it was time for you to move in with me quite a while ago we just never pressured the issue."

"And know all of a sudden we do?" she questioned back.

"Yes now we do Kate. Because for once we talk with each other about where we think this relationship is going. So let me ask you this Kate, do you want to have kids?"

"Yes" she whispered.

"Okay and do you want to have kids with me?"

"Yes" she admitted looking down on the kitchen table; she could feel Ricks gaze on her when he continued

"Then why don't you want this baby?"

"Because it means such a huge change in my life Rick! Have you ever thought about my job? What it means for me going out in the field knowing that there is a baby for me waiting at home? That it means that you can't follow me around anymore? That I would fear every day that I die while being on a case, having my child growing up without a mother? That I think that this is a big burden for our relationship and that I'm afraid that our relationship may break under so much pressure? That I want to have you for myself for a couple more years? Maybe we'll suck at being parents Rick! It's the truth when I tell you that I'm not ready to be a mom- at least not now."

"You would never suck at being a parent Kate. You're extraordinary and you're able to deal with so much every day. You'll be an amazing mom! Trust into your abilities Kate, you're the best cop this city has ever seen, two loyal partners on your side which will protect you no matter what. I would never be afraid that you'll maybe not come home one night cause I know you would do everything to avoid that. And I love you Kate more than anything and I will do everything I can to make this work and I believe that what we have is forever. I said that I'll be on your side -always. I'm not gonna break that promise."

Kate was at a loss of words. She didn't know how to voice all of her fears.

"Kate I know this means that everything will change but that's not a bad thing. Give it a chance. I promise you everything will be ok!"

"You can't promise me the world, Rick." She replied simply.

"But I wish I could." He looked into her eyes and she saw all the worry and concern that she would shut him out again.
"I know you do. The truth is: we shouldn't make promises we can't keep. I can't promise you that I'll keep the baby." His heart broke into a million pieces when he heard her saying it but somehow she was able to fix it or at least started to put it back together when she continued 'but I can promise you that I'll think about it."

thoughts? You guys know reviews are everything to me!

And who else is super excited for tomorrow? I literally CANT WAIT!