101 Ways To Kill Jar Jar Binks
Guess what guys? Jar Jar Binks is going to die yet another gruesome death…of course you should know this already…but in this case he is going to die by being blended…how is he going to get blended? How else? Our heroes are going to blend him using a giant blender! Expect a lot of blood…and of course gore for that matter.
Hopefully I won't need to change the rating of this story to M, I don't think the story's violent enough for that but I still don't want this story to be too extreme…but then again you do like seeing Jar Jar Binks die so it probably wouldn't matter to you.
Let's watch Jar Jar Binks get what's coming to him once again.
Chapter 85: Blender
For the next execution of Jar Jar Binks, our heroes decided to visit the Museum Of Abnormally Large Things. They began to wonder why they hadn't visited this place before, as it was filled with things that they could use to kill him, such as giant knives, giant anvils, giant flowerpots, giant cactus, giant catapult, you name it.
Despite all the options, they unanimously decided on the giant blender, due to the fact it was a rather creative and a rather gruesome way to murder Jar Jar Binks.
The only problem was that it was filled with police officers and several security cameras. Apparently, they didn't want anybody to steal from the museum, or let any of the dangerous objects fall into the wrong hands.
"How are we going to get past them?" wondered Anakin Skywalker. There had to be a way they could use to get rid of the police officers and the security cameras so that they would be free to do whatever they pleased, but just how were they going to get past all of that?
Curious, he decided to read from the Book of Resurrection to see if there was anything they could use. Sure enough, there was.
"The number of useful spells in this book never ceases to astound me." stated Obi-Wan Kenobi.
R2-D2 beeped in agreement. When would they ever run out of spells to use?
Sure enough, there was a spell they could use to prevent them from getting caught doing these horrible things. Casting the spell, the police officers immediately decided to leave so that they could get a coffee break along with some free doughnuts, because coffee and donuts were so delicious.
At the same time, the security cameras immediately shut down, allowing our heroes to kill Jar Jar Binks without fear of interruption.
Suddenly, our heroes noticed that he no longer seemed to be with them. They looked out the window and noticed that their space shuttle was missing, and realized what had happened.
"Curses! He's escaped! And just when we were about to kill him too! That jerk!" screamed Padme Amidala.
"He's probably gone home already. Fortunately, there's also a teleporting spell that we can use in the Book of Resurrection." informed Qui-Gon Jinn.
"Why didn't we use that spell before?" wondered Obi-Wan Kenobi. Then again, considering how many spells that were in the book, it wasn't too surprising that they had a hard time finding a specific one. Granted, they did include a table of contents, but it still would have been helpful to list the spells in alphabetical order.
As it turns out, the Anti-Jar Jar Binks Organization were in fact planning to create a second version of the book that would include that along with a bunch of new spells that would help people murder Jar Jar Binks, but that was a story for another time.
Our heroes immediately teleported to their house (which in case it wasn't obvious, was like no other place in the galaxy), but Jar Jar Binks was hiding again. Where was he now?
"He's got to be around here somewhere." stated Anakin Skywalker.
Curious, R2-D2 started to scan the house, but strangely enough he couldn't find anything. He had vanished without a trace!
"Darn it! Where is he!" exclaimed Obi-Wan Kenobi.
Suddenly, they noticed a letter on the ground and immediately they read it.
Dear Mesa Friends,
Due to da fact that yousa haven't been treating me nice, mesa gonna run away wherea yousa will never find mesa! I'm gonna go to Hollywood and there's nothin' yousa can do about it! See yousa guys on da twelveth of never!
Sincerely,
Jar Jar Binks
"Darn it, he's one step ahead of us again! At this rate we'll never catch him!" bellowed Padme Amidala.
"I believe that he's currently at the airport trying to get on a flight. We have to stop him before he annoys any more people." warned C-3PO.
R2-D2 beeped in agreement. They had to find him before he did something stupid, like trying to fly the plane without a pilot's license and crashing it into a building.
Our heroes then went to the intergalactic airport, where they saw Jar Jar Binks carrying a suitcase.
"Where do you wish to go?" asked the lady at the counter.
"Mesa wanna go to Hollywood! Mesa wanna be famous! And don't bother mesa with all da security crud! It's completea pointless!" Jar Jar Binks bellowed.
"We're sorry, sir, but it's part of the standard procedure. If you want to fly one of the planes, you're going to have to go through with security." she explained.
"Airport security sucks! Mesa can't travel with all dis bogus metal detectors and police officers!" he bellowed.
Suddenly, he was grabbed from behind by Qui-Gon Jinn.
"Let mesa go! Mesa have plane to catch! Dat plane is gonna leave in fifteen minutes!" he screamed.
Qui-Gon ignored Jar Jar Binks, and drove him back to the Museum of Abnormally Large Things. They then went back inside the building and continued their plan.
"You ready everyone?" asked Qui-Gon Jinn.
"We've been waiting for ages!" answered Padme Amidala.
Our heroes then shoved Jar Jar Binks into the giant blender. Immediately he started screaming and trying to get out of the blender, although it ultimately proved futile.
"Noooo! Not again! Curse yousa scoundrels! Mesa hate spinning!" bellowed Jar Jar Binks.
Anakin Skywalker then turned on the blender, causing the alien to become chunky Gungan salsa.
"Should we eat it?" questioned Padme Amidala.
"I dunno. It actually looks kind of tasty." replied Anakin Skywalker.
Curious, he decided to take the abnormally large straw (which ironically was right next to the giant blender), and took a few sips. The taste surprised him.
"Dang that's good!" bellowed the Jedi apprentice.
Anakin and his friends then began drinking the chunky Gungan salsa using some more abnormally large straws (why they had more than one, I'm not sure myself), and began drinking the delicious smoothie that they made out of the Gungan. It was actually rather disgusting, but considered how much they hated Jar Jar Binks, they really weren't in the mood to care.
After they had their delicious drink that tasted of cherries, our heroes then brought back Jar Jar using the Book of Resurrection so that they could kill him once again using another enormous object.
"Which one should we use this time?" asked Obi-Wan Kenobi.
"Let's just say that I would really like Jar Jar Binks to blow away." answered Anakin Skywalker.
What giant object is Anakin Skywalker going to murder Jar Jar Binks with this time? He already gave us a hint, so you should probably be able to figure it out. But if not it shouldn't be too much of a big deal. You should know this already, but it certainly isn't going to be pretty, oh no. In fact, our least favorite Gungan is going to be torn to shreds, I can tell you that much.
What's this? It seems I've given you another hint as to how the Gungan is going to end up. Well, I suppose that you should have figured it by now. But either way I hope you're going to enjoy the next chapter, which should hopefully be coming up pretty soon, since you love this story so much.
So please feel free to leave me a review like always. After all, I do like receiving killing suggestions. Of course, considering that this story is drawing to a close I won't be able to use too many of them…but it's still an option if you wanna do it. So until next time. Toodles!