I'm really excited to share this chapter with you guys. Till now its my favorite cause I just love the dynamic between Kate and her Dad. Hope you'll enjoy it as much as I do. :)
Rick was still half asleep when he felt someone moving beside him, he rolled over and put his arm out to get a hold on Kate- stopping her from getting out of bed.
"Come back. Stay in bed." He mumbled half of his face pressed into the pillow.
Kate chuckled and leaned towards him, kissing him on the cheek and running her hand through his hair. "Sleep a little more. I'm having breakfast with my dad." She replied before getting up and moving into the direction of the bathroom.
Rick heard the shower going on and relaxed into the mattress. He felt happy, not as happy as he could've been but much better than the last previous days.
Kate hadn't agreed on keeping the baby but at least she didn't seem too determined about her decision anymore- even promised him to think about the option of having this child.
He wouldn't push her, hell he would give her all the time she needs if it would mean that there was the slightest chance that he would have a family with her.
She hadn't told him that she was meeting up with her dad, but then again they hadn't talked to each other for five days. It was just natural that she wanted to talk with her dad about it; she had talked with his Mother, even though Martha hadn't told him anything about the conversation- only that he should man up and go talk to her.
He must've fallen asleep cause he woke up again to someone shaking him slightly.
"Rick" Kate spoke softly "Hey Rick wake up."
"Wassup?" he muttered while rubbing his face with both hands.
Kate chuckled, fascinated how he looked like the cutest little boy not ready to get up yet.
"You can stay in bed if you want." She whispered into his ear "But I gonna go now, just wanted to let you know."
Rick moved his fingers gently over the soft skin of her forearms while asking "You gonna come back?" Kate was startled a little by his question but getting where he was coming from, he was afraid that after the talk with her dad she maybe would disappear.
She brought her hand up and put it against his cheek- smiling down on him. "Whatever happens I'm gonna come back. Promise." And to seal this promise she pressed her lips soft against his. When she pulled away he could hear the faint whisper of a "See you later" before he closed his eyes and fell asleep again. Catching up on all the sleepless night of the last couple days.
Jim was already sitting in their usual booth when Kate entered the dinner they had gone to since she was a little kid.
"Hey Dad" she greeted when she slipped into the seat.
"Hey Katie. How are you doing? Haven't heard from you in a while. How's everything going with Rick?"
She bit her lip not really sure about how she should start this conversation.
Jim fixes his eyes on her face -noticing her shifting from site to site in her seat and knotting her hands in her lap.
"Katie." He tried again "What's wrong?"
Looking up into her father's eyes she spilled the secret. "I'm pregnant" releasing her breath when the words leave her mouth.
Her father eyes light up. "That's great news. Congratulations." His smile fades when he catches up on Kates shiftlessness. "Not good news then?! Does Rick not want the baby?" he questions.
"No" she blurts out "No he's" Kate makes a pause "…excited."
Jim reaches over the table and takes her hands in his.
"So if Rick isn't the issue. What is it Katie?"
Kate takes a little time breathing in and out before answering her dad. Having him asking her about the issue makes her feel ridiculous. She's always the issue, isn't she? Always the one holding back. How messed up can a person be? Apparently pretty much if she was looking at herself.
"I'm the problem Dad. I don't want it. I…I'm not ready." She looks up under her long lashes not knowing how her father reacts to these news, but her dad is giving her nothing than a reassuring smile and squeezes her hands. "You know what's funny? Your mom didn't want to have you when she first heard that she was pregnant."
"What? She always told me she couldn't wait to hold me in her arms." Kate replies.
"Yes." He chuckles thinking back at that time "When she got used to the thought of being a mom she couldn't wait." Jim squeezes her hand again smiling at her. "You were the best thing that could've ever happened to us."
Kate has to blink away the tears, she knows that she was everything for her parents-still is for her dad -but it feels good to hear him say it out loud.
"How could she not wanted to be a mom? She was married, had a house, a great job." Kate wonders out loud. She couldn't wrap her mind around the fact that her Mom at some point didn't want to have her. It makes her feel more at ease with herself to have this little piece of information, knowing that her mom went at least a little bit through the same things she did right now.
"What if I ask you the same question?" Her Dad points out "You have Rick, a big apartment, a job- how come you don't want the baby?"
Kate sighs and looks out of the window. "That's not the same. Rick and I are not married we don't even live together."
"A lot of couples aren't married when they get a baby." Jim says not satisfied with her answer.
Taking a sip of the tea she ordered Kate gulps down the hot liquid before looking up again and making her point. "But most of these expecting moms are not cops"
Jim raises his eyebrow. " I never thought the Job would be something that stops you from getting everything out of life."
"Really, Dad?! Weren't you the one telling me, that you would not be able to sleep anymore, cause you would know that I'm out there chasing bad guys- able to get shot at any minute when I first joined the academy?"
"Point taken. But you shouldn't punish a baby for a decision you made years ago."
"How do I punish the baby?" Kate asks irritated.
"Well, what you're basically telling me is that you can't have the baby cause you're a cop. " Jim says before taking a sip of his coffee.
"No" Kate insist "What I'm telling you is that I don't want to have the baby cause I'm a cop."
Jim shakes his head slightly "Katie. You're never able to promise to come home every night, doesn't matter what job you're having."
She knows he's right. She could never promise to come home at the end of the day- that's a promise nobody can make. "But the chances are higher if you're not a cop." She replies on a faint whisper.
"Maybe they are, but that shouldn't stop you from having a life. You put the job first for years before Rick came around, making you realize that there is other stuff worth living for. And now it gets messy and you're hiding in your work again. But right now you should put yourself first- what do you want? If you wouldn't have the job what would you do?"
"I don't know dad. I really don't know." Kate whispers in a hushed tone and shakes her head.
"It's just I can't stop picturing the kid growing up without a mom. I don't want that my child has the same fate I had. I don't want them to end up like me. Broken…waiting for someone to come around and put them back together. I don't want that for my baby." Kate is on the edge of crying again. Great, was there one day in the last week she hadn't cried?
"That's it isn't it?" her Dad speaks softly "You're scared that this child will have the same fate you had. But Kate not all families break apart. You shouldn't think this way. Sometimes you only see the shattered pieces but Kate there is so much more to it. Even though your mother's death was the worst thing that ever happened to us- it made you who you are now. And you're amazing Katie, you've grown up to be such an inspiring and wonderful woman. Don't throw your chance of happiness away just because life dealt you awful cards. You made the best out of your situation and you should make the best out of this situation. It'll maybe turn out to be equally amazing."
Kate looks up into her Dads eyes, they both were never ones to talk about their feelings much and this speech may be the only time were he told her what he was thinking about the person she had become. She gave him a smile, so glad that he was there for her- helping her in a way he may not even know.
"Thanks Dad. But what if this isn't the right moment? I just…I don't feel like it is. I don't have the feeling that I can be a mom right now." She bites her lip again desperately hoping that her Dad has an answer to this question as well. Something that will take away all of her fears and insecurities.
Jim sighs, stroking his thumb over Kates knuckles. He gives her one last piece of advice, the last thing he has to offer.
"Katie. Let me tell you one thing: the timing is never right. The perfect moment doesn't exist. At one point you just have to jump in even though you're scared. It'll be worth it."
"I'm not sure if I can" she whispers.
"Give yourself time. You'll find out what's right for you and I promise you" and he looks into her eyes "I promise you" he repeats "the moment you make your decision- and not out of shock, or denying or cause it's the easy thing to do- Rick will be with you on this."
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