101 Ways To Kill Jar Jar Binks
In this chapter, our heroes are going to murder Jar Jar Binks once more…how you ask? With a giant fan! Won't that be fun? Of course, you might have guessed that already because I gave you a hint or two. But either way, it's going to be a bloodbath for Jar Jar, and he's going to die horribly. Problem is, he just keeps on getting harder to kill. Last time he tried to get away from them…and he was smart enough to try to use the airport.
This plan of his of course did not succeed, but he's starting to become harder to kill nonetheless. At this rate our heroes won't be able to kill him…they had better reach one hundred and one kills, and fast.
Chapter 86: Giant Fan
"There sure are a bunch of deadly objects in the museum." stated Anakin Skywalker.
"Yes, makes me wonder why they built this place in the first place…could they secretly be Jar Jar Binks haters like ourselves? It's some food for thought." agreed Padme Amidala.
"I recall seeing a giant fan among the museum objects…I believe that we may be able to use it on Jar Jar Binks, my apprentice and his girlfriend." noted Obi-Wan Kenobi.
"Sounds like a plan!" agreed Qui-Gon Jinn.
Our heroes returned to the Museum of Abnormally Large Things, only to discover that they had unfortunately increased their security. There were now more security cameras and more police officers around the museum well. In other words, it looked as if they were going to have a harder time killing Jar Jar Binks.
Our heroes tried using the spell they had done earlier, but unfortunately it didn't make all of the police officers and security cameras leave. It was still too risky to try murdering the Gungan again, lest they end up in jail.
"How are we going to get rid of them now?" asked Anakin Skywalker.
"Recast the spell?" inquired Padme Amidala.
"I'm not sure if that's a good idea to be honest. We'll probably get executed for witchcraft if we keep on casting spells left and right." warned Qui-Gon Jinn.
"Ah yes, execution for witchcraft has occurred for quite some time." agreed C-3PO.
R2-D2 beeped in fear. Was he going to become scrap metal for using dark magic? Then again, he hadn't actually read the spell himself…but considering the kangaroo court withcraft trials were what did that matter?
"I think that we'll need a distraction of some kind. But what can we use to make them stop paying attention?" suggested Obi-Wan Kenobi.
Soon enough, R2-D2 approached the police officers and started beeping cutely at them. Suffice to say, it immediately attracted their attention.
"That's adorable…" thought the cops, clearly unaware of what he was planning.
He then lured them out of the museum with promises of free donuts and coffee, which worked surprisingly well.
"Seems that the police force the museum has is surprisingly incompetent." thought Anakin Skywalker. "Then again, why should we question something that we like?"
Now that the police officers were out of the way, all that was left were the cameras. Our heroes smashed as many of them as they could find, until none of them were left. They were now officially all clear.
But unfortunately, Jar Jar Binks had once again disappeared.
"Not again!" screamed Padme Amidala.
Immediately, our heroes checked the airport to see if he was trying to escape there. However this time, he wasn't.
Instead, they found another taunting letter from Jar Jar Binks on one of the chairs.
Dear Yousa Stupid Losers,
Mesa bet yousa were expecting mesa to be at airport, didn't yousa? Well mesa hated airport security and worried mesa mighta get airsick, so now mesa gonna take train ride! Mesa will be seeing yousa in California, where yousa will not be killing mesa! Mwahahaha! Yousa cannot stop mesa!
Sincerely,
Jar Jar Binks
"Dang it! It looks like he's going to the train station now." said Anakin Skywalker.
"I guess that means we're going to have to stop him before he boards the train." answered Padme Amidala.
"Then we've got no time to lose! To the space shuttle!" exclaimed Obi-Wan Kenobi.
Our heroes did as Obi-Wan said, boarding the space shuttle and driving it to the train station so that Jar Jar Binks's couldn't get away. Unfortunately, by the time they got there, he was already boarding.
"So long yousa losers!" laughed Jar Jar Binks.
Was it too late to stop the Gungan?
"We have to stop the train!" bellowed Qui-Gon Jinn.
Our heroes then drove the space shuttle to the railroad tracks, and started sabotaging them.
"I hope this stops him." thought Anakin Skywalker.
Meanwhile inside the train…
Jar Jar Binks chuckled to himself. His plan had worked! Now he wouldn't have to worry about his friends ever going to kill him again! He was instead going to relax at a nice California resort for a vacation. Of course, he would eventually run out of money and have to go back home, but he would cross that bridge when he came to it.
Suddenly, the train came to a screeching halt, and he began to wonder what was going on.
"Why is da train stopping? Mesa wanna leave! Maybe mesa should talk to da conductor." he thought.
Suddenly, Qui-Gon Jinn and his friends boarded the train and abducted Jar Jar Binks, causing all of the other passengers to wonder what was going on.
They then drove him back to the museum, but all the while, he was kicking and screaming.
"Nooo! Yousa not gonna kill me again! Mesa tired of dying! Dying sucks!" he screeched.
"Yeah yeah yeah, whatever." replied Anakin Skywalker rather sarcastically.
Our heroes then went back to the museum, where they prepared to murder Jar Jar Binks using a giant fan.
"Oh please no!" he screamed.
Our heroes then activated the giant fan by pressing a button on its side, and not a moment too soon, as Jar Jar Binks bit into Qui-Gon Jinn's arm and forced him to let go.
Unfortunately, they once again forgot something important.
"Aargh! We're getting swallowed in!" screamed Anakin Skywalker.
"Anakin, I've always loved you!" shouted Padme Amidala.
"Farewell, my apprentice!" yelled Obi-Wan Kenobi.
"That fan sure is dangerous." C-3PO stated the obvious.
"At least mesa will get resurrected…" thought Jar Jar Binks.
They were then cut into pieces by the powerful fan, which were then scattered across the entire museum. Qui-Gon Jinn vomited in disgust. Thankfully, the fan automatically turned off shortly afterwards.
"Ugh…and to think I was the only survivor." he thought.
All of a sudden, R2-D2 went up to him, causing him to jump.
"You scared me! Oh that's right. We sent you to distract the police officers…how did that turn out?" he asked.
R2-D2 then beeped that they were getting wasted at a bar.
After using the Resurrection Book to reassemble the pieces of his dead friends, our heroes were once again ready for action. How would they kill Jar Jar Binks next?
And Jar Jar Binks was just cut into confetti by a killer fan…if only that fan wasn't moving so fast…that way he might have survived. But it was a killing machine…so he ended up dying.
Any suggestions on what our heroes should use from the Museum of Abnormally Large Things? There's a ton of things they can use…
Make sure to check the chapters to see if I've already used a killing method before suggesting it, will you? It hasn't happened very often but I'd still like you to pay attention. Of course, I sometimes have problems paying attention myself but anyways…once again feel free to review. See you another time in another galaxy or another universe or another world somewhere.