101 Ways To Kill Jar Jar Binks

What's this? It seems that this killing method is going to be one that you've all been dying to see. Why you ask? Because Jar Jar Binks is going to die by being roasted in the oven…mm-hmm…it's certainly not to be a fun experience, for him. Oh no.

Problem is, he's going to get suspicious of his friends and family and realize what they have planned. Once again, he'll try to escape from his fate…will he actually succeed this time? Probably not considering the title of this story, but at least it will be suspenseful.

Now then, I'm going to teach you how to cook Jar Jar Binks to make a delicious dinner…are you feeling hungry? Then again, you probably don't want to eat him because you hate him so much…but who knows? Some of you might actually enjoy the taste…

Either way, our heroes aren't going to be hungry tonight, no sirree. Let's get it in!

Chapter 88: Cooked For Dinner

And so our heroes once again decided to pay a visit to the Museum of Abnormally Large Things. Problem is, there was even more security than before. There were even military soldiers inside the museum. Something told them they would end up being shot if they tried anything funny.

"Wow. They seem to be pretty serious about guarding this place from thieves…" thought Anakin Skywalker.

"They won't stop increasing their security! What are we going to do!" stated Padme Amidala.

Once again, they tried using their spell to remove the security, but it didn't work too well, and the police officers and military began to become suspicious.

Suddenly, they decided to see if there was a brainwashing spell in the book. Sure enough, there was. Using the spell, they made the police and military turn on each other…and eventually, they wiped each other out.

"Why didn't we think of this before?" asked Padme Amidala.

"Something tells me that people are going to get suspicious when they see the dead bodies. Let's destroy the cameras so that we can destroy the evidence." suggested Obi-Wan Kenobi.

Our heroes did as Obi-Wan Kenobi requested. However, it wasn't easy this time as there were a ton of cameras all around the museum. Once again, the museum curator was being ridiculous about security.

"Funny enough, I'd actually like to meet that guy and ask him why he values security so much. I'm not sure if many people would want these things to be honest. Well, aside from us that is, of course." Answered Qui-Gon Jinn.

"Have you seen Jar Jar Binks?" asked C-3PO.

R2-D2 beeped in frustration. How many times were they going to have to try to catch him?

Curious, they decided to check the train station if he was there…but sure enough he wasn't. Instead, there was yet another taunting letter.

Dear My So-Called Friends,

Guess what! Mesa no longer using train station either! Mesa learned lesson after yousa sabotaged train tracks! Mesa not making dat mistake again! No sirree! Mesa gonna use boat and head to another continent! Good luck trying to find mesa now!

Sincerely,

Jar Jar Binks, Your Sworn Nemesis

P.S.: Feel free to leave mesa cookies! Mesa love cookies!

"He just keeps on becoming more and more cunning." thought Anakin Skywalker.

"Quick! We need to head to the port before he escapes!" warned Qui-Gon Jinn.

Unfortunately, by the time they got there, the boat had already taken off, and Jar Jar Binks was already escaping. Once again, he left another taunting letter.

Dear Yousa Hopeless Losers,

Guess what! Yousa guys are too late to stop mesa this time! Mesa knew boatride was good idea! Besides, mesa love water! Mesa never liked hot climates…so mesa heading to Greenland! Have fun never seeing mesa again!

Sincerely,

Jar Jar Binks, Whose Always One Step Ahead Of Yousa

"Now how are we going to catch him?" Anakin Skywalker asked.

"I guess we should check the Book of Resurrection for a teleportation spell." answered Padme Amidala.

Sure enough, there was in fact a teleporting spell they could use to catch Jar Jar Binks. They decided to use it to teleport to Greenland…suffice to say it was rather cold there.

"Now all we have to do is wait for Jar Jar Binks." stated C-3PO.

"D-Do we r-really have to w-w-wait for him in t-this cold w-w-weather?" stuttered Anakin Skywalker.

A few hours later, the boat finally arrived, and the Gungan immediately stepped out.

"Yes! Finally! Mesa is safe from his friends!" he exclaimed.

Suddenly, he saw that there were waiting for him.

"Oh no! Mesa friends found mesa! Mesa need to run! Aahh!" he screamed.

Unfortunately, his friends were too quick, and once again he found himself grabbed.

"Nooo! Mesa was so close! Dis isn't fair at all! Let mesa go!" he screeched.

"How should we kill him this time?" asked C-3PO.

R2-D2 beeped in thought.

"L-let's j-j-just get out of h-h-here! I'm f-f-freezing!" Anakin Skywalker continued to stutter.

Obi-Wan Kenobi then recalled seeing a giant oven among the Museum of Abnormally Large Things, and he got an idea how to kill Jar Jar Binks.

"Alright, my apprentice, we'll head back to the museum so that you won't freeze to death." agreed Obi-Wan Kenobi.

"T-thank you." nodded Anakin Skywalker.

Our heroes then teleported back to the museum and took Jar Jar Binks towards the oven, but unfortunately he realized what they had planned and he bit Qui-Gon Jinn in the arm.

"Yeowch!" screamed Qui-Gon Jinn. Why did his teeth have to be so unusually sharp?

The Gungan then tried to run away again, but Padme Amidala pulled out a pistol and shot him in the leg.

"Ouchies! Mesa leg!" he screamed.

He then tried hopping away on his remaining leg, but Padme shot him again, causing him to collapse on the ground.

"Ouchies! Mesa other leg!" he bellowed.

Our heroes then resumed dragging him to the oven…opening up the door, they tossed him inside and began trying to cook him.

"How do we turn this on?" inquired Anakin Skywalker.

"Just press the button, my apprentice." explained Obi-Wan Kenobi.

Our heroes then activated the oven, causing flames to appear and for the Gungan to be roasted a crispy golden brown.

"Yeowch! Being cooked hurts! Why do yousa guys have to kill mesa this way? Yousa guys are sick! I hope yousa guys die in a fire!" he screeched as he was cooked alive.

Afterwards, our heroes opened the oven and took out Jar Jar Binks's corpse. They then pulled out some silverware and began eating him, because he was delicious.

"We should do this more often." suggested Qui-Gon Jinn.

R2-D2 beeped in agreement.

After finishing their supper, our heroes used the Book of Resurrection to resurrect Jar Jar Binks so that they can kill him once again.

"I'm not sure if we should use this museum again, the staff is overly obsessed with security. At this rate we won't be able to use it at all." warned Obi-Wan Kenobi.

"Shame." thought Anakin.

And our heroes have cooked Jar Jar Binks for dinner…what a gruesome way to go, eh? Shame that we only have several more deaths to go.

But I'll try to make these deaths intense…because that's something you all seem to enjoy. So expect another horrible death in the next chapter, which if I'm correct should be coming very soon…of course I have been updating a lot lately so that I can wrap this story up…

Do you think I should slow down? Or do you think I should keep on counting to one hundred and one? Either way, this story should hopefully be finished soon…

So, you all have fun now.