101 Ways To Kill Jar Jar Binks
In this chapter, Jar Jar Binks is going to die from nuclear waste; I got a suggestion for it so I figured why not try it out. As usual, it's going to be rather messy, as you seem to be quite fond of messy deaths judging from how many reviews I've been getting lately.
Oh, and as you know, our heroes are going to get abducted by the Anti-Jar Jar Binks Organization at this end of this chapter…so you'll be hearing from them shortly. After all, they do kill him personally every ten chapters or so. Of course, considering this pattern, it's going to be the second-to-last time they actually kill him, unfortunately.
Believe me, I'm going to end the last Anti-Jar Jar Binks Organization chapter with a big bang…I can tell you that much.
Chapter 89: Nuclear Waste
"Can you tell me why you're taking us to a power plant this time, master?" asked Anakin Skywalker.
"I don't really see how we could use this place as an execution ground for Jar Jar." agreed Padme Amidala.
"Let's just say that they have radioactive chemicals they keep in a quarantined area so that nobody ends up being mutated." answered Obi-Wan Kenobi.
"In this case, we're probably going to have to sneak in." agreed Qui-Gon Jinn.
And so our heroes began coming up with a plan to do so…they decided to do so by using a cardboard box they found outside the power plant.
"This is never going to work." thought Anakin Skywalker.
But somehow, this did in fact work, and the security guards didn't get too suspicious.
"I think that box is moving." stated one of the security guards, who wondered if he was seeing things from being so close to the radioactive waste.
"It's probably just your imagination. It's not like it can grow legs, you know." answered the other security guard.
"Right, of course not." replied the curious security guard.
Our heroes then went to where the nuclear waste was…problem was, it was surrounded by a rather large fence…and it was covered with razor wire!
"I don't believe that we should try climbing that." warned C-3PO.
R2-D2 beeped in agreement. But if they couldn't climb the fence, how were they going to get to the other side so that they could get the nuclear waste?
All of a sudden, Jar Jar Binks came by, wondering what was going on.
"Funny, shouldn't yousa have killed mesa by now? Mesa wonder what yousa guys are up to. Would yousa guys hurry up? Mesa getting bored." he thought. Something just wasn't the same about not getting killed by his friends.
Out of the blue, our heroes then got an idea. They had C-3PO lift Jar Jar Binks into the air.
"Put mesa down!" demanded the obnoxious Gungan.
He then tossed him over the fence, where the nuclear waste was waiting for him.
"Whee! Mesa flying! Wait a minute…" he thought.
He then landed into the toxic goo.
"What da heck is dis stuff? Dis stuff is weird!" he exclaimed.
Suddenly, the Gungan began to mutate…into a chicken.
"Bawk bawk bawk!" said Jar Jar Chicken.
"Hmm, I don't think this is working." thought Anakin Skywalker.
Jar Jar Binks then mutated into a pig, and began to oink.
"Oink oink oink!" exclaimed Pig Pig Binks.
"Funny, he actually looks kind of cute in that form." giggled Padme Amidala.
The alien then mutated once again, this time into a donkey.
"Hee-onk! Hee-onk!" he yelled.
"Funny, this particular one doesn't surprise me." said Obi-Wan Kenobi.
He then mutated once again, this time into a bear. He let out a roar.
"Yikes!" screamed Padme Amidala.
"We may want to stand back." warned C-3PO.
R2-D2 beeped in fear.
Finally, Jar Jar Binks turned back to normal.
"Well, it seems this was a waste of time." thought Anakin Skywalker.
"Hey yousa guys…mesa feel kinda funny." he said.
Suddenly, his head began to grow bigger and bigger.
"Wait a minute." thought Qui-Gon Jinn.
His head continued to grow and grow…
"Mesa have monster headache! Why is mesa head so big so sudden?" he yelled.
His head grew bigger and bigger…until his head eventually exploded!
"Wow." said Anakin Skywalker.
Jar Jar Binks's stupid head was now splattered all over the place. Apparently, it was a side effect of all the mutations.
"I guess we'll have to teleport him out of there and then resurrect him." spoke Padme Amidala.
Suddenly, someone shot them all in the back of the neck with tranquilizer darts. Immediately, they began to feel rather sleepy.
"I think I'm going to take a nap…" thought Anakin Skywalker, as he lost consciousness.
Unfortunately, this did not work on C-3PO and R2-D2, as they were robots.
"Why do you think they're sleeping, R2-D2? It's the middle of the day!" exclaimed the android.
R2-D2 beeped in confusion. Why did they decide to go to sleep here of all places?
Their question was answered when someone pressed the off switch on the two robots, causing them both to deactivate.
"Is that all of them?" asked one of the Anti-Jar Jar Binks Organization members.
"I believe so. Now all we have to do is resurrect Jar Jar Binks." answered the other Anti-Jar Jar Binks Organization member.
They then brought the Gungan back from the dead…however they forgot one thing.
"Mesa smash puny power plant!" bellowed the Gungan. He had mutated into an Incredible Hulk like being from all the radiation, it seems.
Suffice to say, the Anti-Jar Jar Binks Organization had quite a hard time catching him. He was just so fast. By the time they finally did so, he had already blown up the power plant.
"Be careful next time!" demanded the leader of the squad.
"I'm sorry, boss!" answered the ditzy squad member.
Our heroes then placed our heroes into their trusty van along with Jar Jar Binks (who they had thankfully managed to return back to normal), and drove off towards their headquarters.
And the Anti-Jar Jar Binks Organization have abducted our heroes once again…they're going to brainwash them into killing the Gungan through the most vulgar of ways…but in the meantime, they're going to actually do the job themselves. And considering how late in the story it is it's going to be absolutely horrible…
In retrospect, maybe you shouldn't read this story if you're particularly squeamish…but you all seem to love this story so much…so I'll see if I can finish this story once and for all…there's only a few more chapters left to go.
I hope you enjoyed this particular execution method…granted, I suppose it was a little unorthodox, but one of you suggested it so I figured why not.
Oh, and a word of advice, never playing in nuclear waste! Granted, it probably won't mutate you since that would be Hollywood, but I still don't think it would end well.