101 Ways To Kill Jar Jar Binks

In this chapter, Jar Jar Binks will die yet again…how you may ask? He's going to fall into a fissure…and die. Yes, you may be familiar with this attack being a one-hit knockout in Pokemon…now if only it wasn't so inaccurate…of course if it wasn't then it would be too powerful and the move would probably be banned from official tournaments.

What's that? Having him fall to his death isn't enough for you? Fine then…it's going to be more gruesome than that…he's going to get crushed too! How you ask? From falling boulders. You happy now? Or do you want more than that? Sheesh, sometimes you guys are really demanding.

Now then, let's watch Jar Jar Binks die once again from a natural disaster…or unnatural disaster considering how our heroes are going to cause it. I'll give you a hint: a wizard did it!

Chapter 91: Earthquake

Our heroes began reading for the Book of Resurrection to see if there were more spells they could use to kill Jar Jar Binks. There was a surprising amount of deadly spells they could use against him despite the book's name and its main purpose, ironically enough. Apparently, the book was written by a powerful spellcaster…did the Anti-Jar Jar BInks Organization steal it or something? Or was there a powerful sorcerer out there who worked closely with them? Either way, they were glad that it had so many uses.

Unfortunately, it couldn't be used as a cookbook, as there were no recipes. At least, aside from ones that involved cooking Jar Jar Binks into a delicious Gungan barbecue…and our heroes had already eaten him for lunch and dinner. He tasted surprisingly good.

Our heroes began to wonder if theyshould use him to compete in a cookoff so that they could probably earn money. Then again, they'd probably be arrested for using Gungan flesh…and end up getting sentenced to life in prison, which meant that they wouldn't be able to kill Jar Jar Binks anymore. So it probably wasn't a good idea to use him in a competition.

"So many spells…but just what spell can we use against him? There are so many candidates." pointed out Anakin Skywalker. "Then again, we've probably killed him already in similar ways to these spells…."

"Good point." Padme Amidala agreed. "But still, I can't help but shake the feeling that there's one spell that we could still use on him."

"Perhaps we could try the fissure spell? I don't think we've tried killing him using an earthquake or any other natural disaster for that matter." answered Obi-Wan Kenobi.

"Fissure spell? That sounds dangerous." Qui-Gon Jinn pointed out.

"You'd probably kill us all." warned C-3PO.

R2-D2 beeped in fear. Were they all going to die?

It was then that Jar Jar Binks came by. Apparently he wanted to annoy them once more like he usually did.

"What are yousa guys doing?" he asked.

He then noticed they were reading the Book of Resurrection, and realized what they were planning.

"Oh no! Not dis time! Mesa gonna get away!" exclaimed Jar Jar Binks, who began to run away.

"Darn it! Not again! Why can't he simply hold still?" exclaimed Padme Amidala.

"Sheesh, and to think he was so stupid before." thought Obi-Wan Kenobi.

In an act of desperation, Anakin Skywalker read out of the Book of Resurrection so that he could kill Jar Jar Binks…unfortunately, he selected the fissure spell, causing the ground to shake.

"Anakin, what did you do?!" exclaimed Padme.

"I just read out of the Book of Resurrection." replied Anakin.

"You're going to make us all become one with the force!" bellowed ObI-Wan Kenobi.

Jar Jar Binks immediately fell into the open fissure, and he began to scream.

"Noooo! Mesa gonna fall to mesa death! Curse yousa earthquake! Curse yousa mesa friends! Why can't mesa have wings! Mesa would love to have wings! Boohoo!" he exclaimed.

He was then crushed when some nearby boulders fell into the fissure and made him into delicious bloody Gungan pancakes. He was now officially dead…but so were most of our heroes in just a few moments.

Qui-Gon Jinn was the first one to fall in…

"Mommy!" he exclaimed as he fell to his doom.

Then Obi-Wan Kenobi…

"I sensed a disturbance in the force today, now I know why." he thought.

Padme Amidala was next to go…

"Oh the humanity!" screamed Padme.

And finally, the unlucky C-3PO and R2-D2 fell to their doom…

"There's a 100% percent chance that we're both going to die, R2-D2. It's been nice knowing you." explained C-3PO.

R2-D2 beeped "Goodbye, cruel world!"

When the fissure finally closed, Anakin Skywalker was the sole survivor.

"Noooo! What have I done!" he exclaimed, realizing that the fissure spell had killed off of all of his friends.

Thankfully, he still had the Book of Resurrection, so that he could bring back his friends, hopefully anyway.

Unfortunately, he stuttered when he read from the book, causing his friends to be reincarnated as zombies.

"Alright, I didn't know that could happen." Anakin thought. "I guess I'll have to be more careful next time."

"Mesa gonna eat yousa brains! And den yousa flesh! And den yousa kidneys! And den yousa intestines! And den somfing else!" stated the zombified Jar Jar Binks.

Anakin Skywalker then had to kill his friends again, using his trusty lightsaber and the force to send them back to the grave.

"Darn it! I killed my friends again! I suck! I wonder if I'm really cut out to be a Jedi…" he thought.

Suddenly, he got a cell phone message from Emperor Palpatine asking him to join the dark side.

"No thanks, I've got enough problems as it is without me being a lord of darkness that goes around killing innocent people." he thought.

He then used the Book of Resurrection to bring back his friends back from the dead…and of course to apologize for killing them twice.

"Sheesh, being a zombie sucks. All you ever do all day is to try to eat people's brains." Padme Amidala stated. "And there's already a ton of games where you pump them full of lead."

"I never want to be a zombie again." agreed Obi-Wan Kenobi.

Afterwards, he resurrected Jar Jar Binks, although he was secretly hoping that he would become a zombie again so that he could kill him for the third time. But this did not happen, and he came back from the dead his normal self. Well, normal being a relative term.

"It's Friday Friday, getting' down on Friday…he said.

"Nooo!" our heroes screamed.

Well, we're approaching the end of this story…there's only ten chapters left to go after this…what did you think of this chapter? Was it intense? Or do you think I should change something? I certainly hoped that you enjoyed it…it's a shame that this story's going to end soon…

But I hope you guys will enjoy this story until the end, am I right? Because I'm probably not going to continue this fic if you guys don't enjoy it…and then it's going to end up in the fic graveyard where an unfortunate amount of short ones end up…

So I guess I'll be seeing you until next time.