101 Ways To Kill Jar Jar Binks 94
In this chapter, Jar Jar Binks is going to die yet again…but I suppose I don't have to tell you that do I? It happens once per chapter, just like it will now. But how will he die again? The answer is going to be surprising…he's going to die from none other than the Grim Reaper himself! That's right…he's actually going to do the job this time. Like I said, I wanted the deaths to be creative…and I also wanted them to be gruesome.
Chapter 94: Grim Reaper
After being attacked by the Slenderman, our heroes literally thought they were out of woods…they had in fact escaped from the forest he had called home and therefore thought they were safe from the beast.
Fortunately for the time being, the Slenderman was no longer interested in them, as he had decided to go off to search for more victims, although he was disappointed that one of his would-be victims had managed to get away from him.
He was currently battling Chuck Norris…although by the looks of things the battle was going to last for centuries. However, in the process, they had attracted the attention of the one that was making it possible for our heroes to kill Jar Jar Binks in the first place…death itself.
As it turns out, our heroes were plotting to kill the Gungan once again…they had been doing it for a long time, so why should they stop now? After all, there are so many ways to kill Jar Jar Binks as you can tell by the title of this story. However, their mission to murder the Gungan would once again be interrupted by a supernatural entity.
"Do you hear something?" asked Anakin Skywalker.
"It's probably just the wind." answered Padme Amidala.
"I'm sensing a disturbance in the force…which curiously enough seems to be one with the force. I wonder why." pondered Obi-Wan Kenobi.
Suddenly, the Grim Reaper materialized out of thin air, causing our heroes to panic. Standing before them was a skeleton wearing a cloak and holding a scythe…immediately, our heroes realized what was going on.
"He's going to kill us!" screamed Anakin Skywalker.
"Run for your life!" screeched Qui-Gon Jinn.
"Please, take the robot! He's annoying as heck! He's almost as annoying as Jar Jar Binks himself!" bellowed Padme Amidala.
"Put me down. And quit being a dirty coward." demanded C-3PO.
R2-D2 beeped in fear. If he touched them even once, they would end up dead. He wasn't sure if it worked on robots.
"Not to worry. I'm actually not to kill any of you…except for Jar Jar Binks. Although personally, I don't see why you keep resurrecting him. Shouldn't he simply remain dead? That way he would remain in Hell and therefore demons would torture him for all eternity." pointed out the Grim Reaper.
"We're trying to kill him one hundred and one times." answered Anakin Skywalker.
"So far we've killed him ninety-three times." C-3PO continued.
"I see…well then, I hope you don't mind if I kill him myself, do you? Believe me, a lot of deaths could have been prevented if he hadn't decided to give the Emperor emergency powers." replied the Grim Reaper.
"You don't say?" asked Padme Amidala.
"Now if you excuse me, I'm going to look for him." stated the Grim Reaper, who vanished as mysteriously as he had appeared.
"Did we just imagine that?" wondered Anakin Skywalker.
"I'm not sure of that myself, my apprentice…he seemed authentic to me." contradicted Obi-Wan Kenobi.
As it turns out, Jar Jar Binks was once again trying to prevent himself from being killed, unaware that he was going to die in the most direct manner possible.
Out of nowhere, the skeleton with the scythe materialized in the room.
"Jar Jar Binks…I've come for your soul…" stated the Grim Reaper.
"Who are yousa? Are yousa the emperor? Or are mesa just imagining things?" asked the Gungan.
"No no no, he's the devil. Don't you remember? You sold your soul to him simply so that you could have a cookie or something. I'm not too sure of that myself. As for myself, I am the Grim Reaper, the one who takes people towards him. Anyways, I'm here to claim your soul for the day." the Grim Reaper told him.
"Noo! Mesa like mesa soul! Keep away from mesa soul! Mesa soul is mesa precious!" demanded the obnoxious alien.
"Relax, this will only take a minute…and it's going to be swift and painless, although I'm not sure if you deserve a swift and painless death, to be quite frank with you. What's going to happen to you afterwards though, not so much." explained the Grim Reaper.
Before he could react, the reaper zoomed towards him and touched his chest. Immediately, Jar Jar Binks died and his soul was collected.
"I have to admit, this touch of death can come in handy. It's a pain though. I can't grow a garden or have any sort of pet…and I've had a hard time getting an apprentice without killing them. Perhaps I should have a zombie dog or something? I think they would probably suffice. Or maybe I should get a robot dog? I think they might be immune to the touch of death as well. But I've never tried touching a robot, so I can't be sure about that."
"But where was I? Ah yes. Now that I've got his soul, I should take him to the darkest depths of Hell where he belongs for all the horrible things he has done. I heard Emperor Palpatine designed a special wing of Hell specifically to make him suffer for all the rotten things he has done. Speaking of which, I'm going to need the emperor's permission to send him there." continued the Grim Reaper.
"By all means, go on ahead. I personally enjoy torturing Jar Jar Binks, and I can't pass up the opportunity to do so again." stated the emperor.
"Oh! You startled me! I take it you're going to torture him once again? You always seem to be torturing people every time I see you." asked the Grim Reaper.
"I'm afraid you know me too well." smiled Emperor Palpatine. "Now let's open the portal!"
A portal to the soul-sucking darkness to Hell was opened, and the Grim Reaper dropped the soul inside. Immediately, Jar Jar Binks went on a one-way trip to the overly-sized underground torture chamber known as Hell, also known as the place where bad people go where they die.
And so once again Jar Jar Binks went through horrific, nightmarish tortures that would make most of you squeamish…at least if it weren't for the fact that you enjoy watching him suffer so much like the evil sadists you are.
To put it mildly, Jar Jar Binks experienced pain. More specifically, he experienced agony. In fact, he felt pain like he had never suffered before. Except maybe for when he sold his soul to Emperor Palpatine and got himself into lots of Gungan doodoo because of it.
"Nooo! Mesa hate being tortured! Why does dis always happen to mesa? What did mesa ever do to deserve dis?" he wondered.
"Actually, according to this list of your wrongdoings, you once annoyed several people to death…know anything about that?" asked one of the demons.
"Oh yeah…" he remembered.
The tortures continued, with Jar Jar Binks having hot rocks shoved down his pants, being forced to eat radioactive pie, having to endure jury duty, having to answer calls from the telemarketer, and slipping down a banana peel down a long flight of stairs.
"Ouch ow ooh eek!" screamed Jar Jar Binks.
The tortures raged on, with the Gungan having his eyes shoved down his pants so that he can watch the demons beat the crud out of him, and then having his tongue used to paint a boat. Also, he had a sausage stuck down his throat and starving dogs stuck up his butt.
"Ouchies! Mesa tongue! And mesa butt! Why is dis happening to me?" screamed the Gungan.
"You're in Hell, remember?" explained one of the demons.
"Oh right! How could mesa possibly forget? Owie owie owchies!" yelled Jar Jar Binks.
It seemed to the tortures would never end, as Jar Jar Binks slowly went insane. Well, more insane that he already was.
"Ouchies! Mesa head is exploding! Cut that out! Mesa hate it when mesa head explodes! It gives mesa explosive headache!" he screamed.
But no matter how much you enjoy them, all good (or evil) things must come to an end, as the Grim Reaper had promised to return the Gungan's soul back to where it came from at the end of the day.
Soon enough, Jar Jar Binks was teleported out of Hell and he found himself alive and whole, and mysteriously out of Pandemonium and back to where he was standing previously. He began to get curious.
"Was that simply a bad dream? Mesa can't remember. Being killed by mesa friends gives mesa lots of nightmares." he thought.
Nonetheless, he began to wonder if someone was invading his dreams…like that Freddy Krueger fellow had done earlier. He began to wonder if he should take some medicine to prevent himself from having dreams.
But then again, he had heard that people go crazy whenever they don't dream…and that there had been reports of violence related to it. Perhaps trying to get rid of his dreams wasn't such a good idea…but then again, it might make it easier to protect himself from his friends if he was hostile and violent.
Speaking of which, he wondered if his evil counterpart would be coming back for revenge. He somehow got the feeling that he hadn't seen the last of him…
So, are you sensing a bit of foreshadowing? I heard from a review that you wanted Evil Jar Jar Binks to make a second appearance…granted he appeared rather late in the story but he's still there if you want to see him again…
Or do you want to him die through yet another gruesome method? I'm having a hard time coming up with new ways to kill him…as you might be able to tell by this latest death method…I hope you enjoyed it though because I know I did. Who would have thought that death itself would decide to take care of Jar Jar Binks himself?
Then again, you all probably saw that one coming…after all, there's really no better person to do the job…except for maybe Chuck Norris…but I already used him so I suppose I can't do so again. Unless you want him to murder him and his friends even more gruesomely and in another fashion…
Due to status quo he had to bring the Gungan's soul back however…so I suppose the experience was short-lived. But then again, the story is rapidly approaching its final chapter…so what does it matter? Let's simply finish this story so that we can all celebrate. Adios!