101 Ways To Kill Jar Jar Binks
In this chapter, Jar Jar Binks is going to die through a method you've all been dying to see...he's going to get dissected...and to make things ironic he's going to end up being dissected by a bunch of other aliens. And they're not going to use anesthesia...suffice to say Jar Jar Binks is going to feel a lot of pain...kind of like back when he was in Hell. Well, now he's in a living one for a change. But once again he's going to die...
Chapter 95: Dissection
Jar Jar Binks was lying around in the middle of the night ignoring the cold, freezing air from the lack of sun. He had decided to gaze at the stars, and was unaware of the horrible, beastly things that were going to happen to him in just a short while.
"What a wonderful day mesa is having today! What can possibly go wrong? It's not like someone's gonna kill mesa today!" he asked.
Soon enough he would get an answer. Suddenly, he heard a mysterious whirring noise, and began to wonder who was there.
"Who's going after mesa? I demand yousa to come out and show yousaself! Quit hiding like some coward, yousa losers!" he demanded.
Shortly afterwards, he noticed that there was a rather large spaceship flying straight towards him. Judging from the green tractor beam, someone was trying to abduct him.
"Oh noes! Mesa better run! Mesa don't wanna end up being abducted and probed! Aah!" he screamed, trying to escape his inevitable fate.
Unfortunately for Jar Jar Binks, the alien spaceship proved to be too fast for him, and soon enough he was kidnapped by the mysterious visitors. What could they possibly want to do to him?
As it turns out, he had been abducted by little green men who looked somewhat like the aliens from Toy Story...only they were more evil.
"Do we always have to use a green tractor beam? It's getting kind of dull to be quite frank with you." asked one of them.
"I dunno...I asked the boss if we could use a red one, but he said no. I guess he just likes the color that much." answered another visitor.
"I don't understand him really...he's really violent, yet he doesn't like the color red. Some intergalactic warlord he is." they questioned.
"What did you say about me?" asked the intergalactic warlord as he marched into the room. He was wearing scary-looking black armour, and was carrying a laser axe, although it was already obvious that he was in charge due to how big he was.
"Um, hi. We didn't see you there!" exclaimed the visitors, trying to weasel their way out of their unfortunate situation.
The intergalactic warlord smashed the unfortunate visitors's heads together, causing their heads to explode into purple goo. He smiled to himself as he went to check on their prisoner.
"Ugh, can they do anything right! I was expecting a human being, not this obnoxious Gungan! No wonder I killed them, they were completely and utterly incompetent!" he muttered.
"Well, since you're already here, I might as well have some of my scientists have some fun with you." the intergalactic warlord stated.
"Yay! Mesa gonna have fun! What game are wesa gonna play? Mesa hope wesa playing checkers!" he asked.
"What game? Oh, you'll find out in just a moment...trust me, this game is a cut above the rest!" exclaimed the intergalactic warlord.
"What exactly do yousa mean by that? Dat sounds like a double entendre if you ask mesa." inquired Jar Jar Binks.
"Oh, you'll find out soon enough, my friend." stated the evil alien.
The intergalactic warlord pressed a button on his trusted remote control, and Jar Jar Binks was released from the green light. He then pressed another button, and all of a sudden the Gungan was strapped to an operating table.
"What the-hey! Let mesa go! Mesa don't like dis game! Mesa don't wanna play anymore! Let mesa go back home!" bellowed Jar Jar Binks.
"But we just started playing! Surely you would have more hospitality than this as one of our guests!" answered the intergalactic warlord. "Now then, in case you were wondering, in just a few minutes, some of my best men will be here to dissect your organs."
Jar Jar Binks turned white as a ghost...which he would be shortly once the aliens were through with him.
"Nooo! Stay away from mesa organs! Mesa love mesa organs! Mesa need mesa organs to survive! Don't take them away from mesa!" demanded the Gungan.
Naturally, the warlord ignored his cries of mercy as if he was wearing earplugs, and soon enough the aliens arrived to start taking away Jar Jar Binks' organs. He struggled and squirmed, but his puny Gungan arms naturally could not break through solid metal. He was screwed.
And how painful being dissected by the aliens was! The aliens didn't do the job quickly, on the contrary, they took their time removing Jar Jar Binks's organs...in fact, they didn't even start the job straight away. They instead started by cutting into his legs and into his arms, making sure that he would experience the maximum amount of agony.
"Nooo! Mesa feel like mesa on fire! Make it stop! Make it stop!" demanded Jar Jar Binks.
The aliens ignored Jar Jar Binks, and all of a sudden they started taking his organs away one by one by one using a scalpel and a pair of pliers. The Gungan had never felt as much pain in his entire life...excluding the times where he was technically dead and was being tortured in Hell, of course.
"Mesa do anything! Mesa give yousa mesa wallet! Mesa give yousa mesa cookies! Mesa give yousa mesa credit card! Just don't kill mesa!" begged Jar Jar Binks.
Once again, his pleas fell onto deaf ears...or in this case deaf antenna. Finally, the long torture session was over...and the Gungan finally met the sweet release of death.
"Was the operation a success? Surely you wouldn't want to disappoint me, now would you?" asked the intergalactic warlord.
The alien scientists nodded. Dissecting was so much fun! They wondered when they would be able to do it again.
"Good...hopefully now we can learn how to kill more of those obnoxious Gungans...they must be a pest to all of the galaxy judging by how annoying this one was. Just looking at him now makes me want to strangle him...but since he's already dead we might as well get rid of him before he stinks up the spaceship." pointed out the warlord.
Jar Jar Binks's corpse was then dropped off...coincidentally in the exact same place he ended up being abducted by the same aliens not too long ago.
"You sure we shouldn't have probed him?" asked one of the kinky visitors.
"Do you want to stick things up that obnoxious alien's butt?" answered the intergalactic warlord.
The alien shrugged. Sticking probes up others' butts was awfully fun too...but today they would not be able to do it seemed.
"Well, I sure don't! He might fart in my face or something...and for all we know it could be toxic." stated the intergalactic warlord.
The aliens then flew away to search for more victims to dissect. Surely they would be another one around the galaxy somewhere.
The next day, our heroes discovered Jar Jar Binks's body, which for some reason was already flea-ridden and decomposing.
"Sheesh, how many times is he going to wander away from us? He must be really determined to avoid being killed...but apparently that didn't help him this time." pointed out Anakin Skywalker.
"Ah yes...I determine he was dissected by other aliens." explained C-3PO.
R2-D2 beeped with delight. The evil little Gungan had been tortured to death!
"Why didn't we think of that? We could have probably donated his organs to science!" exclaimed Obi-Wan Kenobi.
"We would have probably ended up being caught anyway...the scientists would probably notice that something was up if the organs were all mangled and still fresh..." contradicted Padme Amidala.
"Still, it would be nice to actually get paid to kill Jar Jar Binks for a change. That way we could buy more things to kill him...of course we've already used a lot of things to kill him already...what thing haven't we already used on him?" inquired Anakin Skywalker.
"Maybe we could try vaporizing him this time...that sounds like it would end up coming in handy." suggested Padme Amidala.
"Alright then...let's do it!" agreed Obi-Wan Kenobi.
And so our heroes had already come up with the next way to kill the annoying Gungan...it seemed that there was always another method to murder him.
It wa sonly a matter of time before some alien came along and murdered Jar Jar Binks, am I correct? Then again, that has actually happened to him twice before...but it's not like they technically dissected him...but these ones sure did! It must have been a painful experience for Jar Jar Binks...and therefore one you should have all enjoyed.
Anyways, like I said...in the next chapter, Jar Jar Binks is going to end up being vaporized! I bet you all wanted to see this one coming! At least, some of you probably did. You always seem to come up with rather crazy suggestions...all the while, the countdown to the final chapter is still approaching...tick tock tick tock.
So goodbye then...