101 Ways To Kill Jar Jar Binks
The ending to this story is rapidly approaching, I have to say. In just a few more chapters we'll get to see the grand finale...and what a show it's going to be...but for now let's watch this little Gungan get what he deserves...through being vaporized completely and utterly!
Granted, it's probably not going to be as painful as the other deaths...but at least it's going to be satisfying to watch...hopefully anyway. I know that you love it when he dies gruesomely...and when he cries in pain.
Chapter 96: Vaporization
"So, you're ready to vaporize Jar Jar Binks, my apprentice? You seem awfully excited about murdering him..." questioned Obi-Wan Kenobi.
"Yes...I was thinking that we should use a laser cannon on him or something...granted, it's similar to a certain meme but it will get the job done." answered Anakin Skywalker, who had a rather evil-looking grin on his face.
"I take it we'll need to go to the laboratory again?" inquired Padme Amidala.
"It looks that way. On the other hand, I think I saw it just near the entrance..." stated Qui-Gon Jinn.
"In that case, it shouldn't be too hard...after all, we do have a magical book on our side." pointed out Anakin Skywalker.
"What would we ever do without it?" agreed Padme.
And so our heroes prepared a plan to kill Jar Jar Binks. Once again, they invited them to go on a trip with them...but he immediately got suspicious.
"No way! Mesa gonna get killed if mesa travel with yousa! Mesa hate being killed!" exclaimed Jar Jar Binks.
Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi tried to grab him by the arms so that they could kidnap him, but unfortunately he was already prepared for that. He pulled out a lightsaber and forced them to stay away from him. He certainly wasn't letting his guard down this time, as he then pointed it towards our heroes.
"Nice try! Mesa run yousa through if yousa try anything funny!" exclaimed Jar Jar Binks.
"It looks like we may have a problem." stated Obi-Wan Kenobi.
"I detect a large amount of midi-chlorians inside of Jar Jar Binks." warned C-3PO.
R2-D2 beeped in fear. Was he more powerful than Anakin Skywalker? If so, it looked like that they wouldn't be able to kill him.
Anakin Skywalker on the other hand was simply frustrated at Jar Jar Binks's attempt to defend himself. Why couldn't he just come along quietly for a change? He just kept on getting harder and harder to kill, and already he was getting tired of it.
"Oh c'mon! We only need to do this a few more times! After that, the total will reach one hundred and one...and then you'll be free to go!" exclaimed Anakin Skywalker.
"Well when you put it dat way..." said Jar Jar Binks.
Reluctantly, he decided to go to the laboratory that would become his tomb.
Unfortunately, it seemed that the scientists had ramped up their security ever since the Evil Jar Jar Binks incident that had created a monster. In fact, they had come up with several creative ways to protect it. They now had multiple Terminators, several mutants, Rambo, monkey ninjas, a man-eating shark, Optimus Prime, a pack of fiery wolves, and even Chuck Norris to guard the place.
"Things might be harder for us than we thought." stated Padme Amidala.
Suddenly, one of the Terminators spotted our heroes, and immediately began to open fire.
"Run!" exclaimed Anakin Skywalker.
Unfortunately, two Terminators blocked the way out, so the only option was to simply run into the laboratory and hope that one of then survived so that they could resurrect Jar Jar Binks later.
Suffice to say, things were about to get messy.
"Aargh!" screamed Anakin as he was vaporized by a laser blast from one of the Terminators.
"Noooo!" exclaimed Obi-Wan Kenobi. His apprentice was dead! Why George Lucas why?
Thankfully, everyone else was able to escape from the Terminators...but now they had to deal with the mutants.
Immediately, they started spewing acid at our heroes...which for some reason was capable of melting through steel. Suffice to say it would have a similar effect on flesh and bone, as Padme Amidala discovered when she was hit by one.
"I'm melting..." stated Padme as she became a pile of goo from the deadly acid.
"Yuck!" screamed Jar Jar Binks. Why did Padme have to die so gruesomely? Then again she never seemed to die that much.
After getting past the mutants, they now had to deal with Rambo, who as usual had a ridiculous amount of firepower that could kill pretty much anything, even if it was bulletproof.
He immediately started shooting our heroes, forcing them to try to dodge the bullets Matrix-style.
In this case, it worked well for Obi-Wan Kenobi and Qui-Gon Jinn...as for C-3PO, not so much.
"Bullets are tearing through my circuits...I'm shutting down..." stated C-3PO.
Suddenly, he exploded, causing R2-D2 to shed a tear made out of oil and let out a sad beep.
"How many more of us are going to die?!" exclaimed Obi-Wan Kenobi.
"I hope that the next victim is Jar Jar Binks." answered Qui-Gon Jinn.
Next up were the evil monkey ninjas, who immediately let out a screech upon spotting our heroes. They then pulled out banana boomerangs and started throwing them...and for some strange reason were capable of cutting through flesh. Just where exactly did they get those bananas?
"I wonder if the scientists ran out of ideas." thought Obi-Wan.
Suddenly, Qui-Gon Jinn found himself with his head cut off when one of the monkeys threw one at his neck.
"Curse you monkey ninjas!" screamed Kenobi.
Thankfully, a truck full of bananas came by...and ended up crashing into a building. Apparently the driver was intoxicated or something.
The monkey ninjas took the opportunity to begin looting the truck, hoping that they would end up getting all the bananas they ever wanted in their entire lifetime. Suffice to say Obi-Wan Kenobi and R2-D2 had dodged a bullet.
They then found themselves dealing with a man-eating shark...which was in a kiddy pool so that our heroes could simply go around it.
"I guess they decided not to test this one after coming up with so many ways that were more than capable of killing people." thought Obi-Wan Kenobi.
Next up however was Optimus Prime...but since he was a pacifist he decided not to kill them.
"Again, it looks like today's our lucky day...of course, the same can't be the same for everyone that's already died..." stated Obi-Wan Kenobi.
R2-D2 beeped in agreement. He even shook hands with Optimus...since he was also a robot he figured they would get along...and curiously enough he thought right.
However, the flaming wolves proved not to be so friendly, as Obi-Wan Kenobi discovered when they began eating him.
"They're eating me, and then they're going to eat you! Oh my force!" screamed Kenobi.
But contrary to what he had said the flaming wolves did not try to eat R2-D2...they instead dragged Obi-Wan's carcass towards their den. Suffice to say they might have complications trying to resurrect him later.
Finally, all that was left was Chuck Norris...who thankfully was sleeping on duty. Jar Jar Binks tried to blow a raspberry, but the droid did not approve of him tempting fate and covered his mouth with his robotic appendage.
R2-D2 and Jar Jar Binks then discovered the laser cannon. The droid pushed the Gungan inside of the laser cannon and pressed a button. Unfortunately, he was incapable of speech other than beeping and therefore couldn't say something cheesy such as "Ima firin my lazor!"
But nonetheless, the Gungan screamed as he was completely and utterly vaporized...well, maybe not completely. But certainly utterly.
R2-D2 then scooped up the ashes and then pulled out the Book of Resurrection...but unfortunately he was unable to read the spell.
Fortunately, one of the Anti-Jar Jar Binks Organization members came by to check on their progress. Perhaps he had realized that Jar Jar Binks's killers were in danger and decided to lend them a hand. He decided to resurrect the deceased for R2-D2...and pretty soon everyone was back on their feet.
"I don't think we should visit this laboratory again. It's just too dangerous." thought Anakin.
"I agree, my apprentice. Let's go somewhere else."
Unbeknownst to our heroes however, an extremely dangerous adversary of theirs had spotted them, and he was already plotting his revenge.
"Yousa are going to die...especially you, Jar Jar Binks." stated the mysterious being.
Who do you think has a bone to pick with the entire cast? It could probably be anyone for all we know? Maybe it's the telemarketer? The grudge is probably pretty after all.
You'll find out in the next chapter...which of course will once again feature Jar Jar Binks dying a horrible death.