101 Ways To Kill Jar Jar Binks
Well, this is the third-to-last chapter, again, it's been a really long story...to think that there are only two more chapters left after this is really surprising...I even decided to use Santa Claus as a death last chapter since a reviewer requested it...of course, another reviewer requested I use the Easter Bunny, but that's not quite as horrible...I mean, the Easter Bunny isn't quite as well-known as Santa...and people kind of expect a bunny to be deadly...
However, I have received a few reviews to kill Jar Jar Binks using even more horror icons...you all seem to love watching them murder Jar Jar Binks...so I got an idea all of a sudden...to make a long story, Jar Jar Binks is going to die in this chapter from many things that have already killed him...yes, he's going to die repeatedly...and it's going to be so much fun to watch...hopefully anyhow.
Chapter 99: Genocide
Today was Jar Jar Binks' birthday...although our heroes didn't really like celebrating it. Nonetheless, his annoying friends had decided to pay him a visit. This posed a problem for our heroes, as they realized that they would try to stop them from killing Jar Jar Binks.
"That's not good...they might call the police and we'd end up getting arrested...and we can't exactly murder Jar Jar Binks while we're in jail." stated Anakin Skywalker.
"Not to mention that his friends kind of outnumber us...who would have thought that there would be so many annoying characters just like him?" continued Padme Amidala.
"We're going to have to come up with a plan..." explained Obi-Wan Kenobi.
And so our heroes began to plot Jar Jar Binks' death just like they had done so many times before...however, this time, they would also plot the demise of his friends, because apparently they deserved to die too.
"It's not like we're the only ones that killed that Gungan anyway...he always seems to fall prey to supernatural forces." stated Qui-Gon Jinn.
"Maybe we could just nuke him and his friends or something...or drop an atomic bomb." suggested Anakin Skywalker.
"If we did that we would likely be arrested for terrorism." warned C-3PO, not looking forward to spending the rest of his life in Supermax.
R2-D2 beeped in agreement. It wasn't like the police would simply eat donuts and drink coffee after witnessing such a massive explosion. It still seemed like such an exciting idea though.
Come to think of it, it wasn't like they were the only ones that had killed Jar Jar Binks. In fact, he always seemed to fall prey to supernatural forces.
Suddenly, Anakin Skywalker got a wonderful idea. A wonderful, awful idea. A truly horrible yet truly terrific idea.
"Why don't we invite people that have killed Jar Jar Binks before to kill him and his friends for us? That way we don't even have to do the job ourselves. It'll be fun for everybody!" exclaimed the Jedi apprentice.
"That's a great idea! Who should we invite first?" questioned Padme Amidala.
And so our heroes began inviting the bloodythirsty killers that had murdered Jar Jar Binks in rather gruesome manners. Jason Voorhees, Freddy Krueger, Chucky, Leatherface, you name it. They also decided to call a few killers that hadn't actually killed Jar Jar Binks yet, simply so that they could add a bit of variety to the deaths.
They apparently enjoyed the idea of killing the obnoxious Gungan again, because pretty soon Anakin Skywalker and his friends started receiving phone calls as well. They even got calls from Evil Jar Jar Binks as well as the T-Rex from Jurassic Park...who for some reason was now capable of speech.
Eventually, they had enough people to slaughter Jar Jar Binks and his friends, and Obi-Wan Kenobi gathered them for a meeting.
"When do we get to start?" asked Freddy Krueger, looking forward to brutally murdering not only a certain Gungan, but also his lame friends.
"As soon as you feel like it, really. Jar Jar Binks and his friends are throwing a birthday party right at that house over there." explained Obi-Wan Kenobi.
"Good." agreed Chucky.
A few minutes later...at Jar Jar Binks' house...
Jar Jar Binks was having a lot of fun. In fact, he was boogieing with his friends Dani Phantom, the Duck Hunt Dog, Scrappy Doo, Ashley Graham, Navi, Slippy the Frog, Barney the Dinosaur, Clippy, Spongebob Squarepants, and for some strange reason a gnome from World of Warcraft named Gary McNoxious. From the looks of it, they were planning to party all night long. In fact, it already was night.
"Dis is da best day of mesa life! What can go wrong?" asked Jar Jar Binks.
Unsurprisingly, things did start to go wrong shortly after he made such a question. All of a sudden, the music suddenly stopped playing, and immediately the Gungan and his friends started to realize that something was wrong. Was the record broken or something? All of a sudden things started to become creepy.
"What's going on?" questioned Dani Phantom.
"You seem to have a broken record. Need help?" questioned Clippy.
"All of a sudden this party isn't so fun anymore." stated Spongebob Squarepants.
"Hey listen!" exclaimed Navi.
Scrappy Doo began to throw a tantrum, causing the dog from Duck Hunt to start laughing.
"What are we going to do?" questioned Slippy the Frog.
"Maybe I could sing a song! I love you...you love me..." sang Barney the Dinosaur.
"I'll pass, thanks." stated Ashley Graham.
Suddenly, the record turned itself on back again...but this time the music track sounded like something that had come out of a horror movie. Jar Jar Binks and his friends were now really concerned.
As Jar Jar Binks and his guests were still wondering what was going on, suddenly, the horror icons that Anakin Skywalker and his friends hired to murder Jar Jar Binks and his comrades broke down the door and entered the house.
"Oh noes! Mesa recognize yousa guys! Yousa have come to kill mesa again!" exclaimed Jar Jar Binks.
"Yes, and we're going to kill your friends too!" exclaimed Chucky.
"Leon, help!" screamed Ashley Graham.
Suddenly, Jar Jar Binks was ensnared by several chains, which wrapped themselves around his arms, legs, and neck. Curious, he looked around to discover that Pinhead was part of the swarm of serial killers.
"Wait a minute! Yousa haven't killed mesa before! Why are yousa part of this horrible teamup?!" exclaimed the Gungan.
"Let's just say that someone wanted this to be a bit more original." stated Pinhead.
Suddenly, Jar Jar Binks was dismembered and decapitated by the chains, killing him instantly. Unsurprisingly, his friends began to panic.
"Run!" exclaimed Navi.
And run they did, with the exception of Scrappy Doo, who stupidly charged at the horror icons even though they outnumbered him heavily.
"Ra ta ta ta ta! Puppy power!" exclaimed Scrappy Doo.
Predictably, Dracula grabbed the puppy and sank his teeth into his small neck. In a matter of delicious irony, Scrappy Doo ended up as pale as a sheet as he began to die from the severe blood loss.
"Puppy...power..." murmured the puppy as he died from exsanguination (and from his own stupidity).
As for the other annoying characters, it became apparent that they were surrounded by these bloodthirsty monsters. Everywhere they looked, there was someone who was just dying for the chance to kill them.
In desperation, Slippy the Frog started hopping towards the chimney, hoping that he would somehow be able to hop his way up and towards the roof where he could make a clean exit. It wasn't exactly a good plan, but when you were in a life-or-death situation, you were willing to try pretty much anything.
However, this attempt to cheat death was thwarted by a man who curiously enough appeared in the last chapter.
"Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas!" exclaimed Santa Claus.
"What the-"
Slippy was suddenly cut off when St. Nick fell down from the chimney and on top of the frog, breaking every bone in his body and killing him instantly.
"That's what you get for stealing my sleigh and modifying it into a Star Fox airship!" bellowed Santa, who had put Slippy on his naughty list last week for doing so.
Navi tried to fly out the window, but Chucky threw a rather sharp knife at her and she was crushed like a bug...assuming that she was a fairy and not a bug.
"Listen to that!" exclaimed Chucky.
"You seem to be trying to commit an act of mass murder. Need help?" questioned Clippy.
"There's one thing you can do." answered Freddy Krueger.
Suddenly, the scary man in the fedora grabbed the paperclip and started twisting him, causing him extreme pain.
"You seem to -OW- be torturing -OW- me. Need help?" questioned Clippy.
"I'm good, thanks." answered Flreddy, who finally snapped the paperclip in half, killing him.
For some strange reason, the Duck Hunt Dog thought what was going on was funny. In fact, he was unable to stop himself from laughing. Apparently he was incredibly sadistic, because most people would not enjoy watching such a horrific bloodbath. But considering this dog thought that the mass murder of ducks was like throwing a party...
To make a long story short, he kept on laughing and laughing. Unfortunately, this allowed Jason Voorhees to sneak up behind the canine and then run him through with his machete. Normally, he did not kill animals, but considering how annoying he was he decided to make an exception that day.
Spongebob Squarepants at this point was mortally terrified. His friends were being slaughtered in horrifying and incredibly violent ways, and there was virtually nothing he could do about it!
He was so frightened, he decided to wet his eponymous pants. Unfortunately, Emperor Palpatine noticed this, and took advantage of the fact that he was now standing in a puddle...by using Force Lightning.
"Gah!" exclaimed Spongebob Squarepants as he was instantly electrocuted. After a few seconds of agony, he was reduced to ash.
"Shame, I would have liked to make him suffer a bit more...but that was hilarious!" exclaimed Emperor Palpatine.
"Leon! Help!" bellowed Ashley Graham at the top of her lungs.
Shortly afterwards, Leatherface cut off her head with a chainsaw.
"I love you...you love...we're a happy family..." sang Barney the Dinosaur, trying to calm down the horrible serial killers.
Shortly afterwards, a dinosaur came by and bit Barney's head off.
As for Dani Phantom...she gave up the ghost when she had a heart attack. Seeing that much carnage tended to do that to people.
As for Gary McNoxious...he was unaware of what was going on despite the horrible screaming. He was upstairs watching TV about hot World of Warcraft players.
Suddenly, the channel changed to a well. A rather dark, depressing well.
"What the-I didn't press the remote! What's going on here?!" he exclaimed.
Shortly afterwards, Samara Morgan emerged from the well, and then went straight through the TV screen.
"What the deuce?" he questioned.
Samara Morgan then gave Gary McNoxious a fatal heart attack...to make a long story short, he died.
Shortly after the horrific job was done, Anakin Skywalker paid them a ton of money he got from selling a lightsaber on Ebay and then resurrected Jar Jar Binks and his friends back from the dead so that they could kill them again.
Suddenly, the Anti-Jar Jar Binks Organization came by to abduct Anakin Skywalker and his friends. As for the villains they hired, they used a spell to send them to the darkest depths of Hell.
"Now we won't have to worry about any interruptions." stated the leader of the organization.
Unbeknowst to them, this would be the last time they would actually get to kill them...the story was called 101 Ways To Kill Jar Jar Binks...after all.
That chapter sure was intense...all of Jar Jar Binks' friends died in horrible ways...and of course Jar Jar Binks also died from Pinhead...so that was an added bonus.
Now you know why I decided to call this chapter Genocide...since you know, they wiped out Jar Jar Binks and his friends...it was a total party kill.
In the next chapter, something bad is going to happen to the Anti-Evil Jar Jar Binks Organization...it's not going to be fun for them...