"Running away is not the answer and deep down you know it." Sebastian backed down on the chair, he was serious. More serious than I have ever seen him.

"Neither is staying at your house."

"I didn't say you needed to, I say if you wanted to."

The deal was pretty much like this, I had to stay 72hrs in Ohio, either at his house or mine and if by the end of that I still want to go, he'll personally buy me the ticket.

"I'm not going to stay at your house. If I'm going anywhere it's to my own house, in New York. Not yours, the fact that you just asked is eerie."

He shrugged. "Then either I take you or you drive back. You have about five seconds to decide."

"Why are you doing this?"

"Because as usual, I know better."

I could have told him to fuck off. I could run, buy a ticket and ignore him. I could have taken a plane and be as far as I could from Ohio, but there was something in the pit of my stomach telling me Sebastian was right. That I couldn't just go and pretend it never happened. I hated to admit it, but he was saying out loud what I was feeling inside.

I breathed deep. I couldn't go to his house, we weren't friends and something about being vulnerable around him made my stomach clench.

Since the recent events prove I'm not able to drive and Sebastian was already there, and it was like 8 am on a Sunday and normal people were asleep I let him take me back home. I hated myself a little more for hitting his car, I mean from the hundred cars parked here I had to bump his, didn't I? And worse I had stayed and allowed him to convince me. For a runaway I was terrible.

Before we left I took one last look at my car, it wasn't that bad but it wasn't like I was going to drive now so I didn't particularly care. "By the way, you can call the insurance company and tell them it was all my fault, that I was trying to murder you."

"I don't need that." He looked at me for a second and then turned back to the road, laughing. "I only used that to keep you there while I tried to figure out a way of kidnapping, you but with your consent."

"You planned to find me here? What?! Couldn't you just tell Blaine to come himself? Or you could have just let me go."

"Yes, and trust me it was my first option when I got a call in the middle of the night but then Blaine told me what happened with — "

"Don't" I said before he added anything else, or named him. If he'd said his name with the word death in the same sentence I'd have snapped right there and I couldn't because I was, so very much okay. Thanks for not asking. "You don't need to make me your charity of the month, you know that right?"

"Already did one this month, this is an extra."

It was the first time someone didn't try to force the news down my throat and keep on talking about it even if it was obvious I didn't want to. He just joked the subject away, he didn't care about my reactions, or lack of them. Truth be told he didn't care for me at all and it was okay. I liked that. I liked his cold glares at me as he picked up on my outfit once more. It felt normal.

"I know you are super busy looking down at the road right now but I need you to put your address on the GPS, I'm not a psycho and I don't know where you live."

I sighed. "Too bad I always imagined you stalking my house, trying to come up with new ways to annoy me."

"Oh, I know you would love that, but my life actually doesn't gravitate around you."

"A real shame." I replied, ironically.

Twenty minutes later he parked in front of my house. I must say I was a bit disappointed because I was ridiculously waiting for him to take twenty days to came here, or I don't know, perhaps a crash that would send me to a coma so I don't have to face any of it, but as neither of those happened I opened the car's door and exit the car.

I was halfway out when he grabbed me, because apparently he likes holding my arm and said. "Give me your phone."

"Are you going to steal me? C'mon I thought better of you."

"Don't be stupid, would you? Just give me your phone."

I gave it to him, and he punched his number on it and returned it. "In case you think about it and decide you want to see my house."

"I was hoping for a 'Call me later' and a wink, you are such a disappointment Smythe!" I said that because jokes are the best way of hiding that I was freaking scared and stupidly hopeful of what I'd find the moment I went inside.

But when I did the house was as I had left it, everything was the same. It seemed clear then, I went out for about two hours, that's not enough time for something to change dramatically. And what was I expecting anyway? To have all the lights turned on and Finn sat on the couch waiting for me with popcorn?

Maybe.

I stepped into the kitchen and found my dad and Carol reading the newspaper there, it felt for a second like we were back to normal, like I could just break the silence with a 'Hi.' and then I'll be served a full breakfast made by Carol that would be too big for me and Finn will complain that his coffee was too coffee and tasted like petrol and then he would pour himself a glass of milk and I'll say—

Nothing. I will say nothing because that wasn't happening, ever again. That's when I realized for the first time that we weren't and probably will never be the family we once were. And that I wasn't dreaming.

My dad glanced up at me, his eyes red and tired. "Hey Kiddo." He said with little emotion.

"Hi." Fuck my voice sounded barely louder than a whisper.

Carol smiled ever so softly, but the smile never got to her eyes. "You left your tea this morning, do you want me to make you some coffee?"

If by coffee you mean my brother back yes, if by coffee you mean that thing that tastes like petroleum then no. But I didn't say that to her because if I was broken, she was shattered on the floor.

"No, it's —" I struggled to find a word, but ended up saying "Okay." because it was the only word that seemed appropriated. "I'm going up stairs"

I went to my room, closed the door and collapsed on top of the blankets. I didn't cry. I just can't cry because crying will mean that I'm fully aware of what happened and I'm not and I don't want to. I just can't accept it, if I do it will be the end and I'm not ready for that.

This just simply can't be the end

The morning sunlight was creeping through the open lids of the windows but I didn't close them. I just laid there hugging the hoodie I was still wearing from last night and mentally memorizing the most complex trigonometric equations I had to resolve in math class back when I was in high school.

Anything was better than thinking about my brother.

Quick Author's note, thanks to any one reading this! I hope you like it :)