A/N: Nothing to report! Enjoy!
Peter sighed as he looked down at his bandaged fingers, wishing that someone had told him before he started the damn project that sewing is fucking difficult. He had lost count of how many times he'd accidentally pricked his own fingers, let alone how many times he'd gotten off-course with the thread and had to start over.
Despite the lingering discomfort, Peter pushed the project to the back of his mind as he walked into the kitchen, where Clint had already begun his morning argument with the microwave.
"Look, all I want is to heat up this frozen breakfast sandwich. Is that really too much to ask of you, the microwave, whose job it to heat things up?"
"I'm sorry, but since I am, as you said three point two days prior, a 'fucking ugly pile of scrap metal', I cannot comply with your request. Perhaps you ought to ask the toaster for assistance."
"Hey, don't drag me into your little feud! I have nothing to do with this!"
Clint groaned in frustration, causing Natasha, who was quietly sipping her coffee behind him, to chuckle a bit.
"You know, Barton, you could try asking it nicely."
The archer scowled at his partner, but turned to the microwave, putting on his best kiss-ass smile. "May I please have this breakfast sandwich heated up?" He asked, his voice absolutely dripping with false sincerity and heavily implied ire.
"Processing request... not on your life, bucko."
Clint threw up his hands in defeat. "Okay, fuck it, I'll just have cereal. Again."
At this point, Peter, who had slipped into the kitchen unnoticed in the midst of the man and machine's argument, chuckled and grabbed a frozen sandwich of his own, walking over to the microwave. "Good morning, Derick."
"A good morning to you as well, Peter. The usual, I presume?"
"Yep!" He replied, placing the sandwich in the microwave and shutting the door. In approximately ten seconds (Tony had upgraded the microwave while giving it sentience), the machine beeped, signalling to Peter that his breakfast was heated to his liking. The teen promptly pulled it out and took a large bite out of the sandwich, turning to face Clint, who was staring at him with a dumbfounded expression.
"Wut?" He asked, his mouth still full of egg, cheese and some sort of meat.
"You have got to be shitting me! Why doesn't that hunk of junk give you a hard time?"
"Because this 'hunk of junk', as you so eloquently put it, actually enjoys Peter's company."
Natasha snickered into her coffee. "Well, Barton, it appears that you've broken your record. You were owned by the microwave twice in one morning!"
Clint just muttered angrily as he got out a spoon in response. Peter chuckled once more, then looked up at the clock.
"Sfit!" Quickly, the teen stuffed the rest of his sandwich into his mouth and swallowed. "I'm late, gotta run! Bye Natasha, bye Clint!" Peter yelled hurriedly as he ran out of the kitchen, nearly running head first into Thor.
"Good morrow, Son of Stark-"
"Sorry, Thor, no time! I'll catch you later, okay!"
With that, the brunette ducked into the elevator, willing it to go faster. Once the doors opened, Peter rushed out as quickly as he possibly could, but unfortunately not fast enough to evade his father.
"Hey, now, squirt, are you trying to sneak off to school without saying goodbye to your dear ol' dad?"
Peter squirmed under Tony's arm, trying to escape. "Dad, I don't have time for this! I'm gonna be late for school!"
"I can take you!"
"Dad, no. I'm not going to have you carry me to school princess style in the armor. Not after what happened last time."
"Hey, those assholes had it coming!"
"You didn't need to scare them half to death by almost firing a laser at them!"
Beside them, Pepper giggled. Even after all these years, she still found Tony's interactions with his son to be both amusing and heartwarming at the same time. After she and Tony had broken up almost five years ago, she'd been worried about him, all alone in his big mansion. When he decided to adopt Peter, she'd been surprised (and more than a little... concerned about how Tony could barely take care of himself, let alone a child), but once she saw how happy the genius was with his new son, she found her concerns to be without cause.
A tap on her shoulder snapped Pepper out of her thoughts. "U-Um... Miss Potts?"
Pepper turned, smiling at the familiar voice and the man who possessed it. "I told you, Happy, call me Pepper."
The tall man blushed self-consciously. "R-Right, Pepper, sorry. A-Anyway, um... I was... I-I was wondering..."
"Yes, Happy?"
Happy blushed even harder. "I-I was w-wondering if... maybe, if you're not busy, if you m-might, um, might like to-"
"Oh my god, Happy, have you still not asked Pepper out yet?! I gave you my permission months ago, man!" Tony interrupted loudly, releasing Peter from his grip.
This time, it was Pepper's turn to blush. "Wh-What?"
"Mr. Stark!" Happy shrieked, his face bright red.
Tony sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Okay, let's make this simple. Pepper, would you like to accompany Happy to dinner and movie this Saturday?"
"Sir, please don't-!"
"Shh!" Tony interrupted again, holding his hand up. "Let the lady speak!"
The redhead looked away shyly, twirling a lock of her hair around her finger nervously. "I... I'd love to go out with you, Happy."
Happy's eyes widened in shock. "R... R-Really?"
"And they all lived happily ever after! The End!" Tony said with a flourish. "Hey, wait, where's Peter?"
"Bye, Dad!" The aforementioned teen yelled, already out the door.
Ten minutes later, the brunette youth collapsed into his desk in his first period class, panting heavily from having run all the way from Stark Tower to his high school. Before he could fully catch his breath, however, a pair of delicate hands covered his eyes, blinding him.
"Hey-!" He started.
"Guess who." A familiar voice cut him off, stopping his protests and forcing a grin onto his face.
"Hmm... could it be my wonderful, brilliant, beautiful girlfriend?"
Gwen giggled, pulling her hands away and giving her boyfriend a quick peck on the lips. "Why, aren't we ever the flatterer this morning?"
"It's not flattery if its the truth, Gwen." Peter replied, causing her to giggle again. Just then, the bell rang and students hurried to get in their seats as the teacher walked in.
"See you at lunch?" Gwen whispered as she got into the desk in front of Peter's.
He nodded in response, then turned his attention to the teacher.
"So, what's with all the bandages?"
Peter jumped a bit at the question. "B-Bandages? What, uh, what bandages?"
Gwen raised an eyebrow suspiciously. "The bandages on your hand, duh."
"Oh!" Peter laughed nervously. "You mean those bandages! Uh... I had some trouble with... the printer! Y-Yeah, there was a really bad paper jam, a-and... well, I got a lot of paper-cuts."
Gwen's eyebrow remained quirked. "A... paper jam? Really, Peter? Is that the best excuse you could come up with-?"
"There you two are!" Someone interrupted loudly, causing the couple to jump.
Thank you, you red-haired, loud-mouthed angel of the lord! "H-Hey, MJ!"
"H-Hello, Mary Jane."
"Don't you 'Hey, MJ!' and 'Hello, Mary Jane' me! Why is it that you lovebirds are always trying to get away from us?!"
"Us?" Peter looked over and saw the other part of the 'Us' that she was referring to. "Oh, hey, Harry!"
The brunette grinned at his friend, taking a seat next to Peter. "Hey, Pete! Hi, Gwen. Don't mind MJ, you know how crazy she gets when she thinks people are avoiding her."
"Hey! I resent that!" The redhead glared at Harry for another second, then straightened as a huge grin overtook her features. "Anyway! Guess what just happened?"
"You... got an A on your science test?" Gwen guessed.
"You're cutting your hair and selling it to make wigs for cancer patients?" Peter asked.
"You're finally getting the lobotomy you so clearly require?" Harry deadpanned.
MJ glared at him once more, then shook her head. "No, nope, and fuck you, Harry! The cast listing for The Little Mermaid was just posted!"
The group straightened; Ariel had been MJ's dream role since she saw the show on Broadway when it first opened. "And?" They pressed in unison.
The grin became even wider. "I don't know when, I don't know how, but I know something's starting right nooooooow!" She sang loudly. "Watch and you'll seeeee! Someday I'll beeee! PART OF YOUR WOOOOOORLD!"
"You got the part?!" Peter exclaimed incredulously, standing up.
The redhead nodded enthusiastically, bouncing up and down a bit.
"Wow, congratulations, MJ!" Peter said, walking over to hug her.
"You got Ariel! That's great!" Gwen gushed as she joined in the hug.
Harry grinned and gave her a thumbs up.
The group proceeded to chatter happily for the rest of their lunch period. When the bell rang to signal the end of lunch, they all said their goodbyes and headed for their respective classes.
Or at least, that's what Peter had planned to do before he was stopped by a teacher in the middle of the hallway.
"Mr. Parker?"
Peter turned around. "Uh, yes?"
She handed him a yellow slip of paper. "Please go to the office right away."
The teen looked at the sheet in surprise. "Did... did I do something wrong?"
"You're not in trouble. Your father has signed you out for the day."
He looked at her, his expression alarmed. "Is everything okay?"
She hesitated. "I... I think you might want to see for yourself."
When Peter arrived at the office, he was surprised to find Steve and Natasha waiting for him, rather than his dad.
"Guys? What's going on, why are you here? Where's," he swallowed a lump in his throat, "Where's Dad?"
Steve looked away uncomfortably and Natasha sighed. "Peter, your father-"
Suddenly, a young, high-pitched voice interrupted her. "HEY! I wanna tell him, I wanna tell him!"
Peter stared at them in confusion. "What the... who was that?"
Natasha sighed again and moved to the side, revealing a little boy, no older than four, in a too-big sweater. His dark-brown hair was mussed, possibly from sleep, and his big chocolate colored eyes stared back at Peter expectantly.
"... Oh god, did you guys kidnap an evil dictator's son to try and force peace?"
Steve and Natasha's eyes both widened in shock, but the little boy started laughing uncontrollably. "Oh, man, good one, Petey!"
This time it was Peter's turn to stare in shock. "W-Wait a second, 'Petey'? The only person who calls me that is... Dad?!"
"Bingo!"
Peter looked up at the pair of adults. "Okay, this may be the weirdest question that I've ever asked, but why does my father currently resemble a four-year-old version of himself?"
Steve hesitated briefly. "Short answer? Loki."
Peter sighed, picking up his father, who protested a bit to being held, but quieted down quickly. "And... the long answer?"
"Loki escaped his imprisonment on Asgard somehow, came to Midgard, broke into the tower, turned your father into a child, and then disappeared. Thor went after him, but came back after about an hour." Natasha elaborated. "He says that the enchantment should wear off after about a week, but it could be sooner or later than that."
"So... basically, instead of acting like a four-year-old, now he is a four-year-old."
"HEY!"
"Pretty much, yeah." Steve agreed, nodding.
Tony turned to glare at the super-soldier. "Don't agree with him, Stebe!"
A silence fell over the office for a moment.
"Tony," Steve began, "Did... Did you just call me 'Stebe'?"
"N-No!" The four-year-old shouted, flushing. "I called you Stebe!" He paused. "I-I mean, Stebe! Stebe! Stebe Stebe Stebe Stebe Stebe Stebe FUCKDAMMIT!"
"Oh my god he's adorable." Natasha stated incredulously.
The still-flushing child glared at the assassin. "Sh-Shut up, Natatha!" Tony paused again. "OH COME ON!"
Peter chuckled. "Well, I think that we should probably head back to the tower, seeing as I've been excused from the rest of my classes."
"Good idea. Although, fair warning, he fell asleep on the way here, he's liable to do it again."
"H-HEY! Don't tell Pee-tah that!" A pause. "GOD FUCKING DAMMIT!"
Sure enough, Tony did fall asleep on the drive back to the tower, despite his protests that he wasn't even tired. Peter had to admit, his dad really was unbearably cute as a little kid. The oversized sweater (which was Natasha's; apparently it was the smallest they could find, and it was that or let Tony run around butt-naked, since none of his own clothes fit) did nothing to take away from the adorableness factor, and in fact increased it exponentially.
Quietly, Steve removed Tony from the car-seat (where they got that, Peter had no clue), shushing him softly when the child began to fuss because of his disturbed nap.
Peter grinned at the scene, something that did not escape the blonde's notice.
"What?"
"Nothing. I just never expected you to be so good with kids."
Steve flushed a bit. "Wh-What? I'm not good with kids..."
Peter chuckled, patting Steve on the shoulder. "I think that Dad would disagree. I'm going to call Pepper, okay?"
As the teen walked into the house, Steve looked down at the sleeping child in his arms. At that moment, the tiny Tony was curled up against the super-soldier's chest, gripping his shirt loosely and breathing softly.
Steve could think of many words he'd use to describe the billionaire. Cute was not one of them. Arrogant, yes. Drunkard, yes. Handsome- wait, what? Where did that come from?
Well, in any case, under normal circumstances, Steve would never refer to Tony as cute.
Under these circumstances, though? Tony was the very definition of the word cute.
Tony sighed in his sleep and turned in Steve's arms, and the blonde couldn't help but smile.
A few hours later, while the adult Avengers and Tony were in the living room watching TV, Peter had finally completed his little sewing project. Standing back, the teen admired the red-and-blue suit, the spider insignia displayed proudly on the chest and those web-shooters Peter had been working on stored safely in the gloves.
"Attention all units; we have a bank robbery in progress at 7th Avenue. All units, respond."
Peter looked at his old radio; he had no idea why the old hunk of junk sometimes picked up police messages, but he'd never seen a reason to fix it. Now, though, he was grateful for it. The brunette looked over at the suit he had just completed.
His father was out of commision for the next week.
The team would be too distracted by this to be helpful (and didn't respond to bank robberies, anyway).
In his experience, the police had always been useless.
He had freaking superpowers.
With great power, comes great responsibility.
Without another thought, Peter grabbed the suit.
A few hours later, the would-be robbers found themselves in a net-shaped web, and the police and the bystanders found themselves both amazed and baffled.
"All yours, officers!" The mysterious masked man called, swinging away a bit clumsily.
Chief Stacy looked up at this spandex-clad vigilante. "Hey! Just who the hell are you, anyway?!"
The web-slinger landed on a nearby sign, pausing briefly. "Me?" He replied eventually. "I'm just your friendly neighborhood Spiderman!"
A/N: And thus, the web-slinging begins!
A note: I know the whole "Loki-turns-one-or-all-of-the-Avengers-into-little-kids" has been done to death, but I just love the idea of kid!Tony. So, to mix it up, he has his adult memories and mind, though he has regained the speech impediments (another headcanon) he had at that age.
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