"Are you Puff the Magic Dragon? Why you sighing so much?"
Presenting the Pieces
He sat on the side of the bed, feeling his worry intensify as he became more aware of the fact that Shikamaru's cough was becoming worse. He gently brushed some hair away from Shikamaru's face, his worry heightening at the sight of the tear tracks and the hollowness of his face. Neji's pale eyes drifted to Shikamaru's thin arms, his heart pounding at the cuts and fingernail lines on his skin. He didn't understand why Shikamaru scratched and bit himself so much, but now that he knew that Shikamaru had a medication problem, it made sense:
Shikamaru was getting itchy blood [1].
Took two weeks to figure out he had a drug problem to begin with.
Neji sighed quietly and laid the back of his hand against Shikamaru's forehead, his eyes narrowing at the surprising rise in Shikamaru's body temperature. He tucked the blanket around Shikamaru's shrinking, narrow frame, trying to not wake him. Quietly, Neji walked out the room, leaving the door ajar. He walked into the living room, not acknowledging Asuma, Choji, and Sakura; too engrossed in his thoughts and worry to pay attention to them. Grabbing a soft ice pack and a towel, he walked back towards Shikamaru's bedroom, feeling the others' eyes following him.
Neji pushed the door open while wrapping the ice pack in the towel and carefully sat on the side of Shikamaru's bed. Gently, he placed the soft ice pack on Shikamaru's forehead; his heart skipped a beat when he saw Shikamaru flinch slightly at the coolness. He slowly brushed the strands of hair that clung to Shikamaru's sweat-drenched face away, his eyes still wandering over the Nara's hollowing face. The tear tracks glared back up at him, as though mocking him for his inability to prevent Shikamaru's internal pain. Neji sighed quietly again. He could do nothing about the things happening inside of Shikamaru's mind and it was this feeling of helplessness that was a huge factor in his worry. He continued to unknowingly stroke Shikamaru's cheek with his finger, too lost in his thoughts and worry to care about anything else.
It's like a rollercoaster. First he seems fine and talking slightly; but then he's crying, screaming, and not talking. Is this normal for someone in this kind of situation?
His brow furrowed slightly as he saw a tear run from the corner of Shikamaru's eye. He wiped it away, running his fingers through Shikamaru's somewhat matted hair.
Shikamaru is in recovery now and I guess the true withdrawal symptoms are coming. First there was a breakdown, now he's kind of having a physical breakdown. Everything self-destructive Shikamaru has been involved with is now hurting him through withdrawal.
Neji felt his heart clench slightly.
He's been living this self-destructive lifestyle for years and I made him stop everything he was doing all at the same time.
He bit his lip gently, continuing to stroke Shikamaru's choppy hair.
Even though it pisses me off to see new cuts and see his pupils dilated or see him passing out because of some kind of drug…I can't get angry at him. He's…
For some reason, he had a problem with the word.
Shikamaru is an addict…he's been an addict for years. He can't stop on his own.
Neji sighed as he felt a pressure build inside his chest and crawl up his throat.
Shikamaru has been in the cycle of addiction and self-destruction for years. He can't break away from it on his own.
"Neji?" The Hyuuga almost let out a yelp of surprise when he heard a soft voice speak from the doorway. He turned his thoughtful gaze towards the door, finding Sakura standing in the doorway. He smiled lightly and looked back down at Shikamaru, lifting the ice pack off his forehead to feel for his temperature.
Get some rest, Love.
He tried to suppress the small smile that graced his face at his pet name for Shikamaru, placing the ice pack back on Shikamaru's forehead and stood carefully, not wanting the movement to stir the younger man. Neji took one last long look at Shikamaru before quietly walking across the room towards Sakura, who was now waiting in the hallway.
"The others are getting impatient, I assume?" Neji asked quietly, closing the door ajar. Sakura nodded.
"Yeah, we all want to know what's been going on." Neji rested his hand on the doorknob and looked over his shoulder at her.
Sakura was honestly very surprised at seeing so much emotion on Neji's nearly-always stoic face. Ever since Shikamaru's behavior changed a few weeks ago, she's noticed a slight change in the Hyuuga's demeanor. She considered herself to be observant of other people, but Neji was a difficult person to read. Neji was never one to express emotion, much less concern. Neji deciding to stay with Shikamaru and not tell anyone was a major indicator of his concern. Neji's never expressed so much emotion before, so why now?
He's trying to hide it, but it's obvious that his concern for Shikamaru is there. And by the look and feel of things, it's growing with each passing second.
"Sakura?" Neji's quiet voice spoke, pulling Sakura from her thoughts. She locked eyes with him.
"Yes?" Neji smiled lightly.
"Let's go."
NejiXShikamaru
He kept his face relatively passive as he and Sakura walked into the living room and sat on the arm of the couch near Asuma. Neji remained quiet for a few moments, trying to organize his thoughts.
"Alright Neji," Choji started carefully.
"I suggest," Neji said quietly. "That you don't interrupt me if you want to know anything about what has happened with Shikamaru." He glanced down the hallway. "And speak quietly. I left his door slightly open. He's resting now." Silence fell in the living room as Neji lightened his gaze.
"I'm not telling you everything," he started calmly.
"What?" Sakura started, her eyes wide. "But he's our friend and teammate, we—"
"What I mean," Neji interrupted. "Is that I'm not telling you all the details. That's Shikamaru's place to do that, not mine." Sakura sighed quietly and played with her fingers in her lap.
"Alright then," Asuma said, trying to prepare himself for whatever Neji was going to say. "How about you take us back to when Shikamaru attacked Ino?"
"I'm assuming you understand the concept of Alecto?" Neji asked, glancing around at them.
"Alecto is Shikamaru's anger in a separate form." Asuma summarized plainly, his eyes never leaving Neji's face.
"Apparently, Alecto was born about 14 years ago." Neji glaced at Asuma. "And it was Alecto who attacked Ino, not Shikamaru." Asuma sat up straighter.
"He's been around for that long?" Choji asked incredulously. Neji nodded.
"Shikamaru didn't even know Alecto existed until seven years ago."
"How does that work?" Neji shrugged his shoulders.
"I honestly don't know." There was a brief moment of silence. "Neither of them have told me much about that."
"What are you willing to tell us about what's been happening with Shikamaru?" Asuma asked seriously. Neji hesitated for a few moments, trying to use his best judgment. A flash of silver caught the corner of his eye, giving him an idea.
There's a start.
"He's explained something to me that he hasn't mentioned to anyone before."
"What would that be?" Neji hesitated again, gently biting his lip.
"Shikamaru's mother committed suicide four years ago."
Silence.
Their brows furrowed as the information settled in. Asuma sighed quietly and looked down at the floor with his hands folded.
Shikamaru's 19 years old now, so he was roughly 15 when she died.
"It's not my place to say how she did it," Neji continued, bringing Asuma from his thoughts.
"So Shikamaru was 15 years old when his mother died?" Asuma said, voicing his previous thought. Neji looked down at the floor and nodded.
"Wait…" Choji started, thinking.
"What is it, Choji?" Sakura asked, looking over at him to her left. Choji sighed and hung his shoulders.
"So his mother died long after the teams were formed." His statement hung in the air, mocking them. Sakura made eye contact with Neji with her brow furrowed.
"His mother committed suicide and he never said anything?"
"He never let on that anything like that had happened. He's never been vocal about things that happened at home." Asuma added, remembering back to when his team first formed. Neji sighed, continuing to stare at the floor.
"He never let on that anything was wrong in the first place." He said quietly, returning everyone's attention back to him.
"What do you mean by that?" Choji asked quickly, worry evident in his eyes. Neji bit his lip again.
How was he supposed to tell them about the years of cruel abuse that Shikamaru suffered in silence right before their eyes? He remembered the scars on the base of Shikamaru's hands and over his arms. He remembered the multiple bottles of pills in the medicine cabinet along with his blood-stained pocketknife. He remembered the dullness in Shikamaru's eyes. He remembered every tear. Neji sighed heavily, feeling the overwhelming guilt come back full-force. Even though he hated himself for showing so much emotion in front of them, he couldn't stop it in time. He reached up and pulled the hair tie from his hair, allowing his dark brown locks to flow down his back and into his eyes. He ran his fingers through his hair, glancing down the hallway to Shikamaru's bedroom.
We could have helped him, but we didn't…we didn't see anything….
"Neji?" Sakura pressed carefully, noticing the spaced-out look in Neji's eyes. Neji looked up at them, still not sure of how to find the words to explain what he needed to say.
"What about Shikamaru's father?" Asuma asked, "Where does he fit into all of this?"
"He's never met his biological father." Neji said, locking eyes with him.
"Did his mother remarry before she died?" Neji's eyes darkened at the mentioned of Shikamaru's mother's marriage to his stepfather.
Shikamaru doesn't say 'my' when he talks about his stepfather…he says 'the'…
"Shikamaru's mother remarried, yes. But Shikamaru doesn't know if his biological father is still in the village or not." They noticed the icy tone of Neji's voice when speaking of Shikamaru's mother's second marriage.
"What about Shikamaru's stepfather?" Choji asked, not sure if he's met him before. Neji stared down at the floor again, his facial expression becoming icy at the thought of Shikamaru's stepfather.
"He abandoned Shikamaru not long after his mother died." He said evenly, staring coldly at the sensei.
"There's more to it than that." Asuma stated, keeping his tone even and non-threatening.
The feeling of guilt continued to eat at Neji and he knew that the guilt would be overwhelming in the others as well. He glanced back down at the floor. There was really no simple way of saying it.
"Shikamaru was mistreated by his stepfather until he walked out." He said softly, looking up at them. Silence fell in the room as they stared back at him.
"Mistreated?" Sakura started slowly. "Mistreated…as in…abused?" Neji nodded shortly, confirming her question. They shifted in silence, all of them feeling overcome by the feeling of indescribable guilt. Asuma sighed quietly and held his face in his hands as Choji and Sakura sat there, completely numb.
"Shikamaru was being abused right in front of us and no one picked up on it." Asuma said quietly, anger and guilt dripping from his voice.
"He didn't want us to know." Neji said quietly, making them all look at him.
"What?"
"Shikamaru did everything he could to make sure that no one would find out that he was being abused. He obviously did a good job."
"Why wouldn't he want anyone to know?" Choji asked.
"From what he tells me, he was so used to that environment that if he was taken away from the abuse, he would've felt out of place." He paused. "Shikamaru knew that what his stepfather was doing to him was wrong…eventually, but he just didn't understand why it wasn't happening to anyone else."
"Shikamaru needed help and none of us were there for him." Sakura said quietly, her eyes tearing up.
Neji was about to say something when a small sound pricked his ear: muffled sobs. He sprung to his feet and hurried down the hallway towards Shikamaru's bedroom. Opening the door carefully, he poked his head inside.
His heart broke.
Shikamaru was laying on his front, crying softly into his pillow. Neji quietly walked into the room and shut the door behind him. He walked over to the bed and sat next to him, stroking Shikamaru's short matted hair. Shikamaru jumped slightly and turned his head to the side, facing Neji.
Shikamaru stared at the bedroom door, sniffling slightly as he hardly blinked. He pulled the blanket higher over his head and snuggled into his pillow, hiding his face from Neji as he coughed lightly and groaned.
"Do you want them to go away?" Shikamaru coughed and groaned again. Neji took that as a 'yes' and left the room and headed towards the others.
I'm sorry.
"Is he okay?" Sakura asked worriedly and Neji tilted his head from side to side as he shoved his hands in his pockets, giving them the signal for them to leave. They stood and Choji opened the door, stepping out into the bright sunlight. They looked back at Neji as the Hyuuga leaned against the hallway wall.
"I'll be in touch." Neji said shortly, causing them all to leave. Asuma gave Neji one last look before closing the door, leaving the apartment still and dark. Sighing quietly, Neji walked over to the door and locked it, knowing that Shikamaru would know that it was unlocked even if he didn't see it.
He walked back down the hallway and into Shikamaru's bedroom, seeing the Nara in the same position that he had left him in. Neji closed the door and sat on the bed, looking down at Shikamaru's still form. His dark brown hair forming a messy halo around the top of his head.
Neji gently tugged on Shikamaru's blanket and the Nara allowed the blanket to be pulled down to his thin waist. Neji's pale eyes narrowed with worry as he looked at the cuts, scratches, and scars on Shikamaru's thin arms; he noticed that Shikamaru now had a few bite marks on his hands.
The itchy blood is getting more intense. Now he's biting himself.
Shikamaru grabbed the blanket and pulled it back towards his head and tucked the corners tightly around his neck, coughing again.
The cough is getting worse.
He blinked thoughtfully as he heard Shikamaru sniff again.
Shikamaru must have heard us talking.
He looked down at the top of Shikamaru's head, noticing that his breathing was becoming shallower. Neji smiled lightly as he realized that Shikamaru was asleep. He scooted closer to wall as he sat near Shikamaru's waist, pulling his thin legs over his. Neji grabbed the throw blanket and draped it on top of him as he got comfortable.
It won't matter how much you push, Love. I'm not going anywhere.
NejiXShikamaru
Alright Gang,
[1: Itchy blood is not an "official diagnosis" (I think), but it's the only term that I could think of that would work. It's just like it sounds: when the inside of your body feels itchy and you just need to scratch.
As always, patience and reviews/PMs would be appreciated!
When-Rabbit-Howls