A/N: Yes, I know I'm late with this one. School started up again, and I had to take an SAT, and a bunch of other crap happened. Trust me, I'd rather have been writing.
So I think it might be obvious by this point, but I ship Stony like it's my fucking job (just read Good Morning if you want an example. Or, hell, look at my blog on Tumblr!). Thus, there shall be Stony in this fic. All who do not like Stony, please, keep it to yourself. Not trying to be rude, but I'm not too keen on getting bashed on a ship I really like.
If you do ship Stony, well... hi there. I hope you're liking the story so far.
(Actually, even if you don't ship it, I hope that).
When Tony woke up, the first thing that he noticed was that he was much taller than he had been when he'd fallen asleep. Whereas his entire body had fit relatively close to the pillow the previous night, his feet were now somewhere in the middle of the bed, his longer legs wrapped haphazardly in the sheets like the present Peter had tried to wrap himself their first Christmas together as a family (an instance that Tony had placed firmly in his 'Top Ten Most Adorable Things My Son has Ever Done' list).
The second thing that Tony noticed that he was evidently not in his own bed, mostly because the sheets were some sort of cotton rather than the soft silk that his own bed had, and also because Steve was asleep next to him. It was at this point remembered that he'd had a nightmare the previous night, and the combined factors of having just woken up and the sheer terror he'd felt had made him temporarily forget where his son's room was. Therefore, he'd ran to the only room he could remember the location of, which just so happened to be Steve's.
The third thing that he noticed was that Steve's sleeping face was very cute. Tony tried not to think about that one too much and shoved it into the recesses of his mind.
The last thing he noticed was that he was completely, utterly, and rather ironically stark naked.
Out of all of these realizations, it was the last one that caused Tony to shriek and jump (well, hurl himself) off the bed, taking the sheet that was still tangled up in his legs with him as he fell onto the floor.
Steve woke with a start, rather confused at what the other was yelling about. What he saw when he looked over the bed surprised him even more than Tony's behavior last night. He had been expecting to see a young child on the floor.
Instead, there was what looked to be a fourteen-year-old boy in his place, covered with a white sheet that partially masked the glow of the arc reactor in his chest, his dark-brown hair a mess and his familiar chocolate-colored eyes were wide in shock.
"... Tony?" Steve asked in a hushed voice, more than a little baffled himself.
"Steve, I have no idea how this-" He paused and flushed when he heard his voice crack. "What the... is... is that my voice? Is," Tony coughed, attempting to clear his throat. "Is that my voice?"
He looked up again, but Steve was gone from the bed. "Steve? Where did you-?" His question was interrupted abruptly when the soldier threw something at him, something blue and fuzzy. Upon further inspection, the now-teenager found it to be a bathrobe. "Okay, one, why did you throw a bathrobe at me, and two, where did you even get a bathrobe?"
Steve let out a low, quiet chuckle, walking over to the bed and picking up what was left of the tinier Tony's pajamas. "Well, first of all, I'm pretty sure that your little kid clothes aren't exactly the right size with your growth spurt, and none of my clothes will fit you, and as for the second thing, the robe was part of the stuff SHIELD gave me when I..." Steve cleared his throat and looked away awkwardly.
Tony motioned for him to keep going. "When you... what? Ran out in the middle of Times Square? Destroyed a punching bag? Learned how to operate a cell phone? Wait, can you even do that yet-?"
"When I woke up."
"O-Oh." Tony suddenly felt slightly guilty for some reason. Maybe Peter was right, maybe he did need to work on his sensitivity.
There was an awkward, silent tension hanging in the room after that. Neither party had any idea what to say to defuse the situation, but neither wanted to make it any worse, either, so an unknown amount of time managed to pass by before Tony spoke up.
"Um, Steve? If... if it's not too much trouble, could you maybe..." He gestured to the door, feeling even more ill at ease than before, as well as being all too aware of his heart pounding in his chest and the burning sensation in his cheeks. Suddenly, for the first time in god-knows how long, the genius felt self-conscious to an overwhelming degree, part of him wanting to disappear into nothingness, and part of him just wanting to scream his head off in mortification.
"O-Oh, uh, sure." Steve replied clumsily, moving past the teen and opening the door. "I-I'll just... yeah." He finished lamely, closing the door behind him.
Tony sighed, shedding the sheet and pulling on the robe. As he had thought before, it was way too huge for his short, scrawny frame. He felt like a toddler who had put on his father's shoes; small and out of place.
The robe itself was... nice, Tony admitted begrudgingly. It was warm, and rather downy, though not as much as his own silk robe that was buried somewhere in his mess of a closet. The blue fabric smelled nice, as well; it smelt a little like soap, but like something else as well, something sweet and old-fashioned.
Steve.
Yes, that was it. The robe smelt undeniably like the super-soldier, that lovable, dorky, old-fashioned fool. Handsome, too; had Tony never noticed that before? He could see why women always were throwing themselves at Steve; with those bright, beautiful, impossibly baby-blue eyes, that strong, firm jaw, that silly, winning grin, and god, that body-
Whoa there, cowboy.
What the hell was he thinking?! This was Steve, for god's sake! This was the same man who turned as red as a cherry if the word sex was even mentioned, who couldn't even work the goddamn microwave (not because the microwave didn't like him; the machine tried to help Steve, though it soon realized that its efforts were in vain), who made just the most adorable face whenever he got a reference-
NO. Bad teenage thoughts and hormones, bad! Now go sit in the corner and think about your life.
Tony groaned quietly and pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. Great. First he had to deal with being a quarter of his normal size, now he had to redo puberty.
And an apparent sort-of-crush on one Steve Rogers. Whoop-dee-frickin'-doo.
"Well, I'm stumped." Bruce had announced upon seeing Tony shuffle into the kitchen wearing a more-than-slightly-too-big Metallica t-shirt and the tightest pair of skinny jeans he owned (which were still a size too large on his bony ass).
"I am confused. Was not the Man of Iron but a child yesterday?"
"Yes. Yes he was. And now he's apparently a teenager. What the hell, Tony?"
Tony shrugged, walking over to the fridge and pulling out a can of soda. "If I had any clue as to why I've aged about ten years in one night, I'd tell ya. But I don't, so I can't." At that, he popped open the tab and downed at least half the can in one swig.
"Tony, isn't it a bit too early to be drinking soda?"
"Look at all the fucks I give, Barton." Tony stated before drinking the rest of the soda and tossing the empty can into the trash.
Just then, Peter ran into the room, his backpack slung over his shoulder and his hair still mussed from sleep. "Late late late! Why didn't anyone wake me up, my internship starts today, craaaap!"
"Morning to you too, Peter." Tony greeted, moving away from the fridge as Peter grabbed an apple.
"Yeah, hi, Dad- Wait, what?" Peter stared as his now-teenage father for a moment before shaking his head. "You know what, forget it for now, I don't have time! I'm already late, I'll see you later, love you, bye!" With that, the teen shot out of the kitchen like a bat out of hell, running into the elevator.
"... Okay, Tony? You mind explaining what just happened?" Bruce asked what everyone was wondering.
"Oh, I didn't tell you? Peter got an internship with some big-name biologist."
"Oh, really? Who?"
Tony pinched his chin, trying to recall the guy's name. "Uh, let me think... Connors, I think. Dr. Curt Connors."
"Oh, really? That's- Wait, Dr. Connors?! Tony, Connors is the head of the Oscorp Science Department!"
"WHAT?! Oh, that little... he knows how I feel about that rat Norman!"
"Well, maybe that's why he didn't tell you," Natasha remarked. "If this Dr. Connors is such a big deal, Peter would probably prefer that you didn't jeopardize this opportunity by, you know, being your usual pleasant self."
"Fuck you, Natasha. Oh, wait, that's Clint's job."
The aforementioned archer spit out his coffee at that remark, both he and Natasha turning the exact same shade of red. "Wh- M-My job is to...? No, no, our relationship is purely professional!"
Tony gave them a look that said 'Really? You do know that you're not fooling anybody, right?', Bruce rolled his eyes, and Thor laughed thunderously.
"Oh, I see! Lady Natasha and He who sees with the eyes of a Hawk believe that we cannot hear them when they are-"
"THOR!" Bruce hissed. The god turned to the scientist in confusion. "Not in front of Tony!"
The teen stared at him incredulously. "First of all, fuck you, Banner! Second, I'm only physically a teenager, not mentally. I'm pretty sure I've gotten more action than Legolas over here."
"And I'm sure you're proud of that. And also that you should be tested."
"Why should Tony get tested?" Steve asked as he entered the kitchen. There was a towel wrapped around his neck, and his hair was still wet from his shower. A single drop of water fell onto the super-soldier's face, running down his cheek and that perfect neck-
NOPE NOPE NOPE.
Tony coughed, hoping his face wasn't as red as it felt as he turned away from Steve. "Nothing, Cap. Bruce thinks he's being funny, which he's not."
"I'm not trying to be funny. Seriously, when was the last time you got tested for-?"
"It hasn't been necessary! Why are we even talking about this, we're supposed to be talking about Birdbrain and Natasha's sex life and the fact that we know about it!"
At this, Steve turned a very amusing shade of red. "Oh, um, w-we're talking about that? B-Because I definitely can't hear them when they... uh..."
He was such a terrible liar that Tony almost found it endearing. "Well, you two? Even Steve knows, so why don't you just come- Where the hell are they?"
"Oh, the Lady Natasha departed for the market moments ago, and He who sees with the Eyes of a Hawk has gone to 'Clint-Town'."
Tony groaned. "Oh for the love of- BARTON GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY VENTS!"
Clint's muffled 'Go fuck yourself!' reverberated from above them.
Steve glanced at the chore chart. "Wait, it says its my week to go get groceries. Why did Natasha go?"
Natasha Romanov had been in more life-or-death situations than she could care to remember before. She had stared down dictators, madmen, Clint under mind control, and even a freaking demigod. The spy knew danger better than almost anyone she knew.
But this? This was more fucking terrifying than any power-crazed demigod could ever be.
Okay, Romanov, you're a goddamn grown-ass woman. Just get the test, pay the cashier, and go.
With another deep breath, the assassin reached out and grabbed the rectangular box, ignoring the feeling in her stomach that was either nerves or making the point of buying this thing moot. She was nearly paralyzed with fear; Natasha didn't know how she was going to deal with it if this thing came back with the answer she dreaded. What would she do? How would Clint react to this?
Neither of them were ready to even think about being parents.
But she had to push that thought to the back of her mind. She had what she came for; now she just had to pay for it and get the fuck out of-
"Natasha?"
Fuuuuuuuck. "P-Pepper!" Natasha forced a grin as she hid the pregnancy test behind her back. "What... What are you doing here?"
The redhead arched an elegant brow in suspicion. "I'm grocery shopping. Speaking of which, what are you doing here? I thought it was Steve's week to do the shopping."
"Er, well, it is, but I-I just really needed to get one thing."
"Oh, really? What did you need?"
Fuckshitdammit. "Uh... Y-Yogurt! B-But they don't have any, so I'm going to look somewhere else."
The eyebrow rose higher. "They don't have any yogurt... at a supermarket?"
I'm beginning to feel like I'm on trial here. "Er... they don't have the kind I like?" The assassin attempted to move past Pepper. "Look, I'm kind of in a hurry, so not to be rude but- AH!"
That last part came when a little boy ran straight into Natasha's legs, throwing her off balance and making her drop the test.
"Trent! Oh, ma'am, I'm very sorry about this!" A woman who was probably the boy's mother apologized, grabbing the little boy's arm. "Say sorry to the nice lady, Trent."
"Sorry." The boy mumbled sheepishly.
Natasha sighed. "Oh, it's fine, no harm done." She wasn't going back for the test; that would be far too conspicuous. She would just have to pick up a new one at the convenience store near the tower. "Anyway, I'll see you later, Pepper." Natasha waved as she started to walk away.
She didn't get very far. "Hey, lady! You dropped this!" The boy yelled, holding up the box. Natasha froze and turned around slowly to face an incredulous Pepper.
"N-Natasha? You're not... are you?!"
Natasha laughed nervously. ебать!
Peter was completely out of breath by the time he reached the elevator in the Oscorp lobby. Truthfully, it would have been far more practical to just web-sling over, but really, what reason did Spiderman have to swing over to the Oscorp building? It wasn't like anything illegal occurred there.
Well, at least nothing that anyone could find definitive evidence of, anyway. But that wasn't important right now. The teen was already embarrassingly late for the first day of his official internship; he didn't have time to get sidetracked.
"Dr. Connors, I'm so sorry that I'm-" Peter's apology was swiftly cut off by a yelp as he nearly slipped on something upon entering the lab. After regaining his balance, the brunet looked down at the floor inquisitively, then crouched down and examined the clutter of papers on the floor, each covered with formulas and notes and sketches. Upon further inspection, Peter recognized them as the formula that he and Connors had worked on prior to the doctor giving Peter an official internship.
"What on earth...?" Peter wondered aloud, puzzled. Dr. Connors had seemed so fixated on perfecting the formula; why would he leave it all over the floor where it could get stepped on or thrown away by a janitor? Why would he be so careless?
And what the hell was that hissing sound?
Peter froze, suddenly aware of another presence in the room. Very slowly, the teen turned around until he came face to face with a scaly being perched on one of the counters.
Holy shit, its a miniature Godzilla.
The beast stared back at him, its sulfur-colored eyes narrowed at the smaller being as if Peter was a fly buzzing around its head irritatingly. Without warning, the lizard monster growled and leapt at Peter, claws first. The teen just barely had time to move out of the way and shoot a line of web at the monster, confusing it long enough for Peter to run and grab the fire extinguisher and empty its contents onto the beast. When the container was empty and the monster was still roaring at him whilst covered in the white substance, Peter threw the container at its head, which he had hoped would knock it unconcious, but only served to make the monster angrier. In a flash, the lizard-thing had pinned Peter to the wall, its teeth inches from his throat, and it suddenly dawned on the teen that this was it, he was really going to die, there was no way he was getting out of this alive-
"GRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!"
At the very last minute, the beast's eyes widened, causing it to wince in pain. It moved away from Peter's throat, opting to unleash a deafening roar in the teen's face and then leap across the room, jumping out an open window.
"Wait!" Peter cried, rushing over to the window. He was expecting to see the monster falling down the seventeen floors between the lab and the floor, but to his surprise the lizard (that was a good name for it, he should remember it) was gone, having seemingly disappeared into thin air.
Peter ran a hand through his hair tiredly, trying to make sense of what had just happened. Why hadn't the creature killed him? Why was it at Oscorp? And where the hell was Dr. Connors?
"This is a ringtooooone! So pick up the phoooooone!"
Peter jumped at the sudden break in the silence, then pulled his phone out of his pocket. "H-Hello?"
"Peter? What's wrong? You sound out of breath."
"I-It's a long story, I'd rather not get into it."
"Well, okay then. Anyway, I was just calling to make sure that we're still on for dinner tonight."
Peter squinted in confusion. "Dinner?" He asked, trying to remember if they had a date.
"Don't tell me you forgot that you were coming over to meet my parents tonight!"
Oh, shit. "N-No, of course not! In fact, I'm on my way over right now!"
"What? But you just said-"
"Sorry, gotta go, see you soon!" He cut her off, ending the call abruptly and running toward the elevator. As soon as he got out of the elevator, he bolted out of the lobby and started in the direction of the Stacys apartment building.
"Can't be late, good boyfriends aren't late when they meet their girlfriend's parents!"
After a moment, he turned back around and ran in the other direction.
"Good boyfriends also bring flowers."
Well that couldn't have gone any worse.
Peter leaned up against the railing, looking over at his girlfriend, who was currently giving him the silent treatment and glaring out at the cityscape.
Admittedly, it was kind of his fault. Everything had been going so well at first. The dinner was delicious, Gwen's brothers had given their approval of him, her mother seemed to be impressed with his internship (he had decided against sharing his near-death experience), even Captain Stacy seemed to be tolerating him.
And then the topic of Spiderman came up.
Really, the captain started it. He was the one who had scoffed and called the webslinger a "punk in a silly costume" after all. Peter had simply been defending himself (technically)!
Though he probably did go too far when he questioned the NYPD's competence in keeping the peace.
After yelling at each other for another five minutes, Gwen and her mother had intervened, the former taking her boyfriend out to the roof to get some air, and the latter shutting her husband up with a forceful "George, dear, could you help me slice the cake?" that had made Peter wonder if the woman had at one point been a SHIELD agent.
"I really fucked up in there, huh?" He asked, hoping that the profanity would at least force a disapproving "Language" from his girlfriend. But the blonde remained silent, refusing to even glance his way for a split-second.
"Oh, come on, Gwen, I said I was sorry! What, do you want me to bake you a cake?"
No response.
"I... I hope that doesn't mean yes, because I don't think the oven particularly likes me and I don't even know how to bake anyway and Gwen please talk to me I'm so sorry I insulted your father-"
"I'm not mad about that, Peter."
The teen recoiled a bit at the sound of her voice. There was a bitter sting to her words, and a little bit of pain to them as well. "Oh... then, what's with the silent treatment?"
The blonde sighed, turning to him. "Peter, are we okay?"
The brunet blinked in surprise at the question. "What? Of course we're okay, we're great! Why would you ask me that?"
"Oh, I don't know, maybe because you've been so distant lately! You've been acting secretive, and I can't tell if something's wrong with you, or if you've just lost interest in this relationship!" She shouted, getting in his face.
"Gwen, no, that's not it at all! I lo-" He bit his lip, cutting himself off before he could say something he'd regret. "...I'm crazy about you, I've been crazy about you since we met, and I'd never do anything to mess that up!"
"Then why won't you confide in me?! Is it so unrealistic to expect that you won't keep things from me?!"
"No, of course not, I just-!"
"You just what? Peter, I want the truth. Are you keeping something from me?"
"I..." Peter bit his lip, unable to look away from her green eyed gaze. He wanted to tell her, he wanted to so badly, but... could he really run the risk of her getting hurt because of him?
At her boyfriend's silence, Gwen steeled her gaze and turned away. "Fine, then. Don't tell me. You know where the door is." The blonde started for the entrance to her apartment, willing herself not to cry, not to turn around and run to him.
"Gwen, wait..." Peter tried, but she just kept moving farther and farther away.
No... No, don't let her walk away!
Without thinking, the brunet shot out a line of web, wrapping Gwen in the substance and snapping his wrist to pull her back to him. She gasped in shock.
"Peter, what-?!"
The teen quickly cut her off, crushing his lips to hers and catching her off guard. Gwen's first thought was to pull away, to slap him silly and tell him to get out, but that thought was quickly replaced by another notion, one that told her to hold on to Peter, to never let him go, and she tentatively allowed herself to press back against him, melting into the kiss. After a few more seconds, Peter pulled away, looking into her eyes once more.
"... You're Spiderman." Gwen said dreamily, as if she wasn't completely convinced that it was true.
"... Yeah."
"... You moron." She stated, though her tone implied she didn't mean it, as did the fact that she pulled her boyfriend back into another kiss right after, claiming his lips with her own tenderly, him doing the same. The feeling of never wanting to let go, wanting to stay in this moment forever, was washing over them both, making the world around them melt away and there was only them, alone in this-
"Gwen, your father wanted me to tell you that- Oh."
The couple immediately broke the kiss and separated, both flushing darkly as they looked over at Mrs. Stacy. "Y-Yeah, Mom?"
Her mother glanced away awkwardly. "Er... your father just left, there's been an incident on the Brooklyn bridge. Some whackjob dressed up like a giant lizard-creature is disrupting traffic or something. Just... thought you might like to know." With that, she started to walk away, but then looked back at them. "I'm leaving the door open, so don't even think about fooling around up here!"
"M-MOM!" Gwen shouted, her face red as a cherry. She turned back to Peter, only to find him stripping. "PETER SHE WAS KIDDING!"
Her boyfriend turned to her, revealing his costume under his clothes.
"Oh... wait, you wear the suit under your clothes?"
"Well it's not like I have a suit of armor that folds up into a briefcase!"
"Okay, I guess that makes- Waaaait, why are you even changing into superhero mode anyway!"
"You remember how I was out of breath when you called earlier?" Peter asked as he shimmied out of his jeans.
"Yeah, why?"
The brunet pulled the mask over his head. "A lizard-man-thing almost ripped my throat out literally a minute before you called. And I don't know about you, but I honestly doubt that there's more than one mini-Godzilla running around New York."
With that, the webslinger ran towards the railing leaping over and shooting a line to the nearest building.
"You complete me!" He called as he swung away.
Gwen stared in shock for a moment, trying to comprehend what had just happened.
"Ohhh I'm in trouble."
"Oh, god..."
Pepper looked over at Natasha sympathetically. "Natasha, it's not that bad, really-"
"Don't, Pepper. Just... don't try to comfort me, okay? This is terrible and I don't want you to bullshit me."
Pepper clenched and unclenched her jaw. "Don't bullshit me, either. The Natasha Romanov I know can stare down psychopaths and murders like it was nothing, and you're acting like that," She said, pointing to the little readout that said 'PREGNANT' very clearly, "is the end of the world!"
"That's different! I was trained for years and years on how to keep my cool in those situations!" She looked down at her stomach. "I have no damn clue on how to be a mother. No one's ever trained me for that."
"There isn't any training for this. No one starts out a perfect parent, and honestly most people never become perfect parents. Maybe you're not qualified to be a mom, but you aren't the first person ever to become one, and a lot of them were even less qualified than you."
Natasha didn't respond at first. "... What about Clint?"
"What about him?"
"Oh, don't act like you don't know, apparently it's obvious."
"... So, he's the father, then."
"Well, duh. Who else would it be, Tony?"
When Pepper didn't react, Natasha looked up at her, then recoiled when she saw the redhead's shocked expression. "Oh my god I was kidding!"
"O-Oh, I know!" She said, waving her hands. "I-I was just surprise that you didn't say someone else! I mean, I know how close you and Clint are, and I'm fairly sure Tony's into Steve, anyway-!"
The assassin snorted. "Try 'madly in love with but too stubborn to admit it' and you're close."
Pepper gave her a perplexed look. "Really?"
"Oh, yeah. Did I tell you he turned into a teen today? You should have seen the look on his face when Steve came out of the shower. I thought his eyes were going to pop out of their sockets!"
Pepper laughed at that, the assassin laughing along with her.
'This is a ringtoooone! So pick up the phoooone!'
The pair's laughter abruptly died down, Pepper staring at Natasha as she got her phone out.
"Clint picked my ringtone." Natasha explained sheepishly as she hit answer. "Hello?"
"Natasha! Get down to the Brooklyn bridge, now! Some nutjob dressed as a giant lizard-man-thing is stomping around and- TONY LOOK OUT- crap, the lizard thing just tossed a car off a bridge- Oh, hey, it's Spiderman, hey do you think Director Fury would mind if I asked him to join the Avengers-?"
"Clint! Focus!" Natasha interrupted. "What the fuck's going on over there? Why is Tony with you? Isn't he like, fourteen or something?!"
"He can still work the suit!" There was a crash on the other line. "... Sort of."
Natasha pinched the bridge of her nose in irritation. "Clint," She started in her 'fuck with me and I will kill you with my pinky toe' voice, "What happened?"
"...Tony tried to tackle the lizard thing and ended up crashing through a bunch of a cars."
"WHAT?!"
"They were all empty, don't worry-!"
"THAT DOESN'T MAKE ME ANY LESS WORRIED, CLINT! Listen, you need to get him out of there. If Fury finds out about Tony, then we'll have to tell him about Loki, and then he'll call us all a bunch of maladroit motherfuckers and fire a bunch of interns, and this time Coulson won't be around to remind him that he can't kill us!"
"Would you stop worrying so much? We'll be fine! Tony will be fine! Why do you care, anyway? It's not like you're his mom! You're not anyone's mom!"
The assassin hesitated. "A-About that... Clint, I'm-"
There was an indistinguishable shout on the other side, followed by Clint yelling "Motherfu- Tasha, I'm sorry, but I can't talk right now! Just hurry up and get over here!"
With that, the archer hung up, leaving Natasha to say "...pregnant..." to absolutely no one.
"Thank you so much!"
Peter rubbed his head sheepishly at the woman's gratitude, watching her and her husband embrace their child. "You're very welcome, ma'am. Um... now might be a good time for you to flee, so if you'll just follow the man with the arrows-"
"Oh, right. Bless you, Spiderman!"
The teen watched as the family walked away, feeling his chest swell with pride. This was definitely his favorite part of being a hero; he didn't always get a thank you, but that only made the times when he did that much better.
That lasted for about five seconds before a shriek pierced the air.
"NATASHA!" Clint screamed.
In a split second, the Lizard had grabbed Natasha and, without giving her the chance to get free and more likely than not punch it (him?) in the face, tossed her over the side of the bridge.
Peter sprang into action, leaping over the railing and shooting both of his webslingers at once; one to attach him to the bridge, and one to catch Natasha before she fell to her death. He felt the sticky webbing latch onto the railing as the other wrapped around the assassin, and with a sharp tug the brunet pulled her into his arms.
"It's all right ma'am, I've got you!"
Natasha stared at him incredulously. Peter grinned beneath his mask, cherishing the feeling of having rendered the witty woman speechless.
I bet she's trying to think of a way to thank me right now-
"Peter?"
Oh, shit.
"Wha- How did you-?!" Peter coughed, clearing his throat. "Ah, no, ma'am," he said, making his voice deeper. "You must have mistaken me for someone else."
Natasha raised an eyebrow. "Nice try, kiddo."
The brunet swallowed nervously. "Please don't tell Dad."
"Promise me you won't drop me and we have a deal. Now pull me up, I think Clint might be having a nervous breakdown."
Wordlessly, the webslinger followed her orders, using the hand that wasn't holding the assassin to pull on the line like a bungee cord, which immediately brought them back up. Once she was safely on her feet, Natasha pulled the remnants of the webbing off of her body, succeeding in getting most of it off her torso but a lot of it on her hands.
"Ick. What's in this stuff? No, wait, I don't want to know."
Peter looked around the bridge. There were several cars on fire, some straggling civilians, several superheroes, but a distinct lack of giant lizard-men, archers, and teens in red and gold armour.
"Where's the Lizard?"
"It ran away after it tossed Natasha off a bridge. Clint went after it, and Tony went after him so he wouldn't get 'turned into Clint suet', as he said." Steve explained.
"... I don't think the thing has any sort of fire-controlling capabilities."
"Well, neither do I, but-"
"LET ME GO, FUCKASS!"
The conversation ended abruptly when Clint's hollering became audible. Tony had a tight grip on the archer, who was still struggling against him in an attempt to get free.
"Cut it out, Birdbrain! Nat's fine, Spiderman went after her, didn't you see-?"
"THAT DOESN'T MEAN SHIT! FOR ALL I KNOW, THAT CREATURE KILLED HER!"
"Well it'll kill you if you go after it!" Tony snapped as he landed on the ground.
"I DON'T CARE!"
Natasha sighed, placing her hand over her face as she stepped forward. "Clint, I'm fine."
"NOT NOW TASHA!"
Peter frowned. "Um, shouldn't we-?"
The assassin held up a hand to stop him. "Give him a minute."
Sure enough, the archer froze, turning around to face his partner with a shocked look on his face. "... N... Natasha?"
The assassin smirked. "See? Perfectly fine, so it's futile to go after-"
The archer didn't give her time to finish her patronizing, dashing over to her and cutting her off with his lips as he kissed her deeply, claiming her lips desperately as if to say thank god, you're alive, don't ever leave me, I need you, I love you!
Natasha tried to push him away, they were in public, people could see them, this could get back to Fury and they could get in trouble and Clint you infuriatingly sexy bastard cut it out-
But then Clint swiped his tongue over her bottom lip and placed his hand over the small of her back, and suddenly Natasha found that she could care less about Fury or SHIELD or the fact that they were in public and everyone was staring at them because Clint was here, Clint was holding her, Clint loved her and needed her and she loved him and needed him, and fuck everything she was going to have his child-
Her eyes opened wide. Shit, she'd almost forgotten about that little fact! Though everything in her told her not to, she put her hands on his chest and pushed off, breaking the kiss.
"Clint," She started, breathing heavily, "I have to tell you some-"
"We should get married."
Natasha blinked and recoiled in surprise. "What."
Clint grinned sheepishly. "I... Let's get married, Tasha. I know you said that you didn't want to get married, hell, neither did I until just a minute ago, but I can honestly say that I never want to be with anyone else-"
"Clint, I-" She tried.
"You don't have to say yes! I'll propose properly later, you know with a ring and all that, but..."
"Clint," She tried again, but he just kept babbling incessantly like an idiot. This wasn't working, god, she just needed him to shut up for just a second, couldn't he tell that this was important?!
"BARTON I'M PREGNANT!" She yelled, finally shutting the archer up.
This time, it was Clint's turn to recoil. "... What."
"I'm pregnant, Clint. I'm going to have a baby."
"... Mine?"
Natasha rolled her eyes. "No, Coulson's. Of course it's yours, moron. You're going to be a father."
Clint turned away, putting a hand on his forehead. "... Wow, I... I uh..."
"Are you okay?"
"Y-Yeah, yeah, fine, I just need to sit..." He trailed off as he collapsed to the ground, having gone unconcious from the shock.
"... That actually went a lot better than I thought it would."
"... Okay, two things. One, what the FUCK just happened?" Tony asked, sounding incredulous from beneath the armour.
"Oh, Clint just asked me to marry him and passed out when I told him I'm pregnant. Also, we're both probably fired." Natasha replied nonchalantly. "Somebody want to get him off the ground?"
Wordlessly, Steve picked the archer up and slung him over his shoulder. "I got him."
"Thanks."
"Second thing: Where the hell did Spiderman go?"
Peter sighed, laying down on his bed in his pajamas. He was exhausted, more so than usual. It wasn't everyday that you fought Godzilla Jr. twice. Nor was it everyday that two people found out that you were a web-slinging superhero.
"I should really be more careful about that..." Peter said to no one in particular. Just then, he heard the door to the apartment open, then a bunch of muted shouts and groans. Curious, the teen got out of bed, walking over to the living room.
"Uh, Dad? Why is Clint unconcious on the couch."
"Nat's pregnant." Tony replied, as if that explained everything. Which it did, of course.
"... Man, I miss all the weird stuff around here!"
Clint opened his eyes lazily, his vision blurry for a moment before refocusing. The first thing he noticed that he was on the couch at the tower, and he had no idea how he got there, but then he saw Natasha smiling at him and decided he really didn't care how he got back to the tower.
"Hey," He said, reaching over and pushing a wayward red lock out of her eyes.
"Hey," She replied, leaning over and kissing his nose lightly. They were small gestures, but the affection they showed said more than they could express with words alone.
"So... a baby, huh?" Clint asked, eyeing her stomach.
She smiled once more. "Yes."
"... That's great." He said sincerely. His hand brushed over hers. "Hey," He repeated, looking into her eyes seriously, "Natasha Romanov, will you marry me?"
Another smile. Natasha leaned over, pressing a chaste kiss to his lips. "Yes," she whispered. "Yes, Clint Barton, I'll marry you."
"... We're definitely fired." He stated as he climbed onto the couch with him.
"Obviously." She quipped, curling into him.
"They're not fired, are they?"
"Obviously." Fury retorted. "They may be morons, but damned if they're not the best agents we've got."
"Ahem?"
"Besides you, of course. Which reminds me, when do you want to tell them?"
"That depends. When are you going to tell them that you've known all along?"
"I was thinking when the preacher says 'Speak now or forever hold your peace' would be a good time."
"Then I'll do the same."
"What? Do you want them to kill me?"
The other didn't answer.
"Oh, come on. You can't still be mad about that!"
"Those cards were vintage, sir. Vintage. Do you know how long it took me to find some in mint condition?!"
"Coulson, I think you and I need to have a talk about priorities..."
A/N: Well this got really long quickly!
(I feel like there's a that's what she said joke in there somewhere...)
And yay, Coulson's back!
So! That's all for now! Off I go on a three-day college tour!
Remember to review!