A/N:
Oh yes, here is Arnold's reaction to the closet shrine FINALLY, lol! Okay, so I really hope you guys like this and that it fulfills all of your expectations and that it's good enough to make up for the cliffie last time (although this one also kind of ends on a cliffie—sorry in advance!!!), and for those of you who hazarded guesses about what Arnold's going to say…well, he's got multiple reactions (which doesn't make any sense now but will very soon) and Flintphone actually got the closest to one of them ;) Okay, but enough of me rambling, I know you guys want to get to reading and then please, please, please review so that I have a reason to feel like these 4-5 hour straight edit jobs are worthwhile for reasons other than to satiate me strange obsession with this wonderful show, lol! And thanks to everyone who's reviewed so far, you guys are terrific :)
LEARNING TO BE HELGA
Chapter 3:
A Question, an Answer, and Another Question…
Arnold took a deep breath and gently closed the closet door behind him, finding himself back in Helga's room. He leaned back against the door, arms over his chest, not needing to glance at Helga's mirror to know that there was at least a slight blush on his cheeks. He took another deep breath and tried to keep his mouth set firmly, though, in truth, it was a task easier said than done… He knew he would completely lose it, though, if his eyes met Helga's…
Helga, now sitting completely up on her bed, her eyes wide, didn't move and didn't breathe and didn't blink. She just stared at her beloved, waiting for the inevitable…whatever it would be.
"Helga…" There was definitely some hesitation in his voice, like he was trying to keep some emotion at bay, though Helga couldn't quite tell what it was.
She ran through all of the standard ones in her head. 'Repulsion? No… Anger? No… Denial? No… Mocking…?' Helga had to pause at that one, and almost wondered if that strange way his face looked wasn't the result of him…trying not to smile? 'Maybe… But that's not Arnold. Even under these circumstances…' She racked her brain but couldn't come up with whatever it was that his features were currently trying to conceal, though it was definitely in the same ballpark as 'Mocking.' Whatever that meant.
Arnold took breath into and out of his nose, still seeming like he was trying to suppress something...though, now, he at least he finally continued speaking…and Helga was all ears. "Helga…" he began again, "I know you're probably waiting for some big reaction from me about the shrine to let you know how the rest of our lives are going to be, but...before that, can I just ask you a question?" He snickered for just a second, still not looking at her, and Helga picked up on it.
'No…this is ridiculous. He's not going to make fun of me. He knows how upset I am about all of this already. He's just…well I don't know what he's doing but I trust him. I do.' Helga swallowed, trying to reply casually though she knew her voice must sound on edge, to say the least. "O-okay, Arnoldo. What's on your mind?"
"Did…did…" She watched as he closed his eyes and suddenly his face broke out into a smile. He turned to her. "Did Gerald really hear you say something about the shrine and pass out in the middle of Phoebe's kitchen?" As the question had progressed, more and more laughter had bubbled up from underneath it, and as he concluded his inquiry Arnold couldn't help but fall to the floor in front of Helga's closet, holding his sides in a fit of chuckles.
Helga just blinked, her face still a complete blank. "E-excuse me?" It was the only thing she could think of to say in her still obviously shaky voice, totally thrown by the unexpected sentence that had just come out of her beloved's mouth.
Arnold just continued laughing, trying his best to get himself under control a bit, though it didn't seem easy for him. "I—I'm sorry Helga, but…" more laughter, "I was behind the door and about to open it and come out, but then you started yelling into the phone and I didn't want to interrupt… But then I heard what you said to Phoebe and…" His chuckling overtook him again slightly, though he quickly took a deep breath to curb it. He turned to her, his grin very wide. "Helga, I'm sorry, but—I think that's one of the funniest things I've ever heard in my entire life." He glanced down for a second as though considering the situation yet again, and then instantly resumed laughing in full force, holding his sides, his eyes closed.
Helga, meanwhile, had just been continuing to stare at him blankly during this explanation about what was striking him as so funny…and she just remained like that right now as she watched Arnold get lost in his laughter yet again. 'That's it—he's cracked. He saw the shrine and lost his mind and now he's delirious. I broke Arnold. I actually broke Arnold.' She suddenly dragged a hand down her panicked face. 'I broke the most perfect person in the world!' She blinked, a new worry instantly occurring to her. 'Aw man, how the heck am I gonna fix him?'
Finally, though, her beloved took a few more breaths and seemed to come under control again, though Helga could see that some tears had even started forming at the corners of his eyes as a result of how hard he had been laughing to himself. At last, he let out a final happy sigh and, with a smile, turned to Helga again. "I'm sorry, Helga. I know you're waiting to hear what I'm going to say about the shrine. It's just…" he faced forward for a second, trying to focus himself so that he wouldn't burst into another round of chuckles again, and then turned back to Helga, still grinning. "I guess I'm trying to laugh now because…" he shook his head slightly and closed his eyes as he did so. "Oh, Helga…" he let out a small sigh and opened his eyes, "If you think Gerald's going to give you a hard time about this, I don't think it's anything compared to what he's going to put me through. I mean, at least you don't spend that much time together and he's afraid of you, but I'm pretty sure I'll hear every possible joke about this for the rest of our lives." He couldn't help but laugh to himself just a bit more, closing his eyes once again and leaning back completely against the door behind him. Finally, after a few more seconds, his chuckles subsided once again and he just sat there with his eyes shut contentedly, just smiling to himself.
And Helga just kept staring at him as she had been doing ever since he'd first emerged from his visit to her closet shrine mere minutes ago, still having no idea where in the heck he was all going with all of this. Finally, though, despite her fear and nervousness, she couldn't help but feel a bit of indignation rise up inside of her. She scowled slightly. "Hey, chuckles, if you're done with your little giggle fit about you're best friend being the biggest baby on the planet, maybe you could find time to actually address the thing I've been waiting out here for quite awhile in terror to hear from you about. Not that I'm not 'thrilled' that you're having a wonderful time while you're keeping me dangling, but in case you didn't notice before I'm kind of having one of those 'existential breakdowns' slash 'crossroads of my life' moments. So, anytime you wanna help clear it up BEFORE I explode from anticipation, I'll just be waiting right here. Hmph!"
With an exasperated sigh, Helga threw herself back upon her covers, turning her head to the side and staring down to the end of her bed and full on scowling at this point. 'Boys!' was the only thought she could muster, considering how internally occupied she already was by the emotional mixture of fear and annoyance and impatience and (though she hated to admit it and was doing her best to douse it so that she wouldn't cave in and smile along with her beloved, thus beginning once again his fit of laughter and probably starting up one of her own) slight amusement as well. Indeed, Arnold's words about the culmination of Helga's phone call had suddenly put a picture in her mind 'Mr. Suave' Gerald suddenly opening up the kitchen door to ask in a 'smooth' voice if Phoebe needed any help carrying their snack upstairs, only to walk in just in time to hear Helga's rant about her shrine and then pass out cold right in the center of the floor and right in the middle of what had probably been practically a date. Arnold was right, for better or worse: most hysterical image ever. 'Hmm,' she really almost smiled at that point, 'Maybe I can use that as ammo if tall hair boy starts in with me tomorrow about the shrine...' On the outside, though, of course, Helga tried her best not to betray her desire to snicker at the admittedly humorous (if embarrassing for her) incident, and to maintain her angry facial appearance. 'I don't care how much of an excellent distraction Gerald is, though—Arnold is NOT getting out of this one! I want an answer about that shrine and I want it NOW! This has been the most stressful sixteen minutes and change in my life, and at this point I almost don't even care what he has to say just so long as he says it already so that I can know whether I'm supposed to burst into tears or hug the little guy, and just GET ON with it! Sheesh, is that too much to ask?!'
Meanwhile, as Helga had finished first her external and then her internal angry exclamations about her beloved, Arnold had finally managed to use up his remaining laughter and now had just been looking at her with a smile due to the fact that she'd just finished one of those rants against him she was famous for and that he hadn't been able to help but find just a little amusing ever since her confession and especially ever since his. And his smile was also due to the fact that he was actually kind of happy that she'd yelled at him: it meant she was relaxing a bit, and that's what he had wanted her to do. 'At least breaking the ice with bringing up Gerald instead of just giving her some dramatic 'yes or no' answer like she wanted seems like it might be helping her a bit…' Still, he couldn't help his smile growing just slightly again, though, as he added to himself, the image of Gerald passing out like that entering his mind again, 'Even if I hadn't thought it would, though, I don't think I could have kept from laughing about it for very long so I'm kind of glad I got it out of my system now. Even if this talk isn't going to be nearly as big as Helga thinks it's going to be, she still doesn't deserve to have me laughing every once in awhile while I try to explain things to her.'
He chuckled slightly one last time, and then took one more breath and finally cleared his throat, glancing down from the direction of Helga. "Okay, Helga. I'm sorry…I just needed to get that out of my system."
He could see, out of the corner of his eye, her suddenly sit up and open her mouth, about to make another sarcastic comment to him. He turned to her and held up his hand, though, cutting her off with a smile. "I know, I know—now's not the time for that 'Football Head' or 'Arnoldo' or 'Paste for Brains' or, if you're really angry at me, no nickname and just 'Arnold'…" He couldn't help smiling warmly to himself and glancing down slightly again as he let this observation about her many ways of addressing him catch in his mind. "You know, it's funny but you only actually call me by my name when you're really, really angry with me or really, really happy with me, and everything else in between is something else you've been coming up with ever since the day we met…" He looked back up at her again as he finished expressing the thought, and couldn't help but notice that, at this random tangent of his, her scowling had ceased and she was actually looking at him curiously with part of her brow raised.
And, in truth, Helga was just a little more curious than annoyed about her beloved's behavior right now, considering the circumstances. 'Where the heck is he going with all of this? And…and how is HE suddenly the one good at reading ME?' She added as an afterthought, recalling how he'd out of nowhere predicted the sarcastic reply she'd been just about to give in response to his continued stalling.
Arnold, meanwhile, just laughed just slightly to himself at the perplexed look on Helga's face and did his best to explain further. "Anyway, I guess I was just thinking about it because it really doesn't bother me now… Actually," he glanced down shyly, "It's kind of…cute. Like the 'dramatic' thing I mentioned before. But…" He hesitated like he was trying to work something out in his head, and then smiled to himself in surprise, looking back up at her. "Would it sound weird, though, if I said even before all of this stuff with your confession and the tutoring and my confession, that a lot of the time I don't think I minded it all that much. It was just kind of like your name for me or something... I don't know—maybe it means I've liked you a lot longer than I thought... Like I was almost expecting the confession and just waiting for it before I could face everything." He looked at her sincerely, suddenly actually finding this idea very interesting even though he knew the conversation about the closet shrine should probably be taking precedence right now. "What do you think, Helga?"
Helga blinked several times and swallowed hard at this sudden new topic of conversation. 'Okay, we are officially off script here because the last time I checked we were waiting for Arnold's big reaction to my closet shrine, not an amusing trip down memory lane. What exactly happened to him up there anyway? Did I leave a few of the incense burner's lit and the fumes clogged his brain or something? If this doesn't stop soon I'm seriously taking him back to the boarding house and making sure Phil keeps him in bed for the rest of the weekend to rest and recover (with a few side visits from me, of course, to bring him soup and read him poems and see that he gets well as quickly as possible. Oh, Arnold, if you truly have been horribly affected by my random efforts at deifying my love for you, I won't rest until I've returned you to your normal state of sense-making even if it means you'll finally realize what a total loon I am and never want to see me again! Oh my darling, I should never have allowed you to brave the perils of that place alone! I should have—')
"…Helga?" The sound of Arnold's more than slightly amused voice broke her from her thoughts.
"Hmm?" And then the sound of Helga's own suddenly very dreamy sounding voice hit her ears as well and she realized that while she'd suddenly gone off into one of her random internal Arnold monologues, her face had taken on a contented grin complete with half lidded eyes. She blinked and swallowed and felt herself blush slightly at suddenly being caught like that. "Uh…" 'Oh for Pete's sake what was he asking me again? Something about calling him Football Head and names and the confession, "Uh…I think…I think that…"
His smile was only growing as she stuttered, a fact which caused Helga to change from actually trying to come up with some half-way decent answer to a question she barely knew in order to save face, to pure sarcasm: her default. She scowled, putting her hands on her hips. "I think that you should quit stalling and rambling on about random things we could be discussing next Friday…" 'If there IS a next Friday…' she couldn't help but add at the back of her mind, "And that you should get back to telling me what I've been waiting to hear all this time! The closet shrine: just another one of my eccentricities or the straw that broke the camel's back? And can you just get on with it already because I told Phoebe I'd call her back and let her know what happens, and I know her and if I don't get back to her soon she's going to get worried and come over here or something, and she's going to have tall hair boy with her and I am NOT dealing with him tonight, so just SPILL already, ARNOLD!" she finally finished firmly!
Despite her commanding tone, though, Arnold couldn't help but laugh to himself slightly once more, once again due to the fact that ever since her confession it had just gotten more and more difficult to take any anger she'd directed at him seriously, and that now that he realized that he loved her too it was almost impossible to even pretend like he was at all afraid of her. Still, he didn't want to seem like he was mocking her right now, and so he quickly cleared his throat to stop the laughter (though he retained his smile) and finally just looked to her and let out a contented sigh. "Okay, Helga. I'm sorry again—I guess I was letting myself get a little distracted but you're right…" He swallowed and glanced down, starting to feel a little nervous. "I am stalling a bit. But…it's not because of what I have to say about the closet shrine. It's because of what I have to say about…" He hesitated, feeling a slight blush come to his face. "It's because of something I think we should talk about after that… Because I want to be totally honest about my feelings with you too, and I really haven't been tonight…" He finally managed to turn his eyes back to Helga's and noticed that she now had part of her brow raised, a mixture of confusion and worry upon her face once more that evening. "Don't worry—it's nothing bad..." he quickly reassured her. "It's just something that's been on my mind and I wanted to explain it to you so that you'll understand why I've been a little…I mean why I won't…uh…" He swallowed hard, feeling the blush grow on his face. He cleared his throat and glanced down again. "Why I'm sitting over here on the floor instead of next to you on your bed holding your hand, for example..." He continued not to look at her.
Helga blinked at this last statement and felt a slight blush come to her face now as well. She'd be lying, of course, if she said that Arnold's lack of almost any physical contact with her ('Heck, the ten foot minimum distance he's been trying to keep, actually') hadn't been on her mind this evening. 'Wait a minute…' A new thought suddenly occurred to her. 'He's talking about stuff we're going to be talking about AFTER we talk about the shrine…and saying that the thing he's going to be talking about isn't anything bad. Which means he must be planning for there to still be something good going on after we talk about the shrine…which means…'
Her desperately hopeful thought was interrupted by the sound of Arnold suddenly letting out a sigh. He turned to face her, his arms folded around his knees which were pulled to his chest. "So…the shrine." He took a breath, doing his best to continue speaking as seriously as possible, though a small, amused smile remained upon his face. "Do you want my professional opinion or my personal opinion first?"
Helga blinked at this question. Then she threw herself backward onto her bed once more, a frustrated sigh escaping her. She crossed her arms over her chest. "Arnold—and I'm using your actual name right now so apparently you know I'm either seriously elated or seriously ticked off, and I think even you can guess which one of those you're dealing with right now—Normally, I do find it just adorable when you ironically reference stuff between us, but can you just—"
"Well," he started, cutting her off in a playful voice and ignoring her complaint, "I was going to try and do something clever while I was in there like writing a note to you about the shrine to actually complete my original present idea for you, but I didn't have a pen and there wasn't really anything to lean on to do it, and anyway…I think I'm just better at saying how I feel when it comes to you than writing it. "
Helga didn't sit up. She just turned her head back in the direction of the end of her bed and let out an indignant "Hmph!", trying to sound as annoyed as possible at this point by Arnold's flippancy about this whole thing so that he'd hurry it along already. On the inside, though, of course, part of her was clinging to every word he was about to say, and as a result her face (which she knew Arnold couldn't see from the angle at which he was standing) looked far more plagued with worry than annoyance, to say the least. 'Oh boy. Okay, Helga, this is it… Just…just stay calm. It…it's going to be okay…I mean, it's okay going pretty decently so far, right?'
Arnold, meanwhile, taking Helga's silence as a cue to continue, cleared his throat and resumed speaking once more. "Okay, well, I guess since you don't have a preference I'll start with the professional opinion first. That's what you started with in your note with the pink book, anyway."
There was a heavy moment of silence and Helga considered yelling at him again for trying to be ironic but decided all that would probably do was continue to sidetrack them. So she waited patiently…
And then, finally, Arnold took a breath and finally spoke about the shrine already! "So…we went through all of that stuff two weeks ago about finding out that you're a secret poet …Why didn't you mention then that you were a secret artist too?"
Helga instantly sat up like a rocket, her eyes flying in Arnold's direction. Her jaw completely dropped.
"I mean, really, Helga…the author and the subject matter aside…" Arnold smiled just a bit to himself once again at throwing in one more reference to her pink book note, and then looked to her as he continued with his explanation of his professional opinion now that he had a face to speak to since she was sitting up again. "You've got talent and creativity and perspective and obviously skill...." He couldn't help but raise an eyebrow and look at her with just a touch of amazement. "I mean, how did you get all those bottles stuck together like that? It looked like hot glue or welding or something: where did you learn how to use a blowtorch, Helga? And how did you manage to lay it out so that the whole thing didn't need any supports—the proportions and the balancing must have taken forever but they're perfect! Is that just instinct or do you plan it out like that? And…" he looked absolutely bewildered for a second, "How did you manage to get everything up there? It must have taken forever by yourself! You should have asked me or Phoebe or Olga for some help. And…" he gave her a genuinely impressed look, "Well…those two bottles on the floor. The ones that look like me and you…they're not…I mean…are they the bottles you and I drank out of last Saturday?"
Though she was still just sitting there in shock, her mouth still completely agape (maybe even more so at this point, if it was possible), Helga managed a slight nod to the correct guess.
Arnold's eyes lit up with a touch of pride. "I knew it!" He smiled to himself. "Oh and also—the hat made of bottle caps? Okay, now, that was a nice touch. I mean, when I first went up there I was a little in shock for a minute or two—but the sight of that made me smile. Now that's creative, Helga." He chuckled warmly, his half lidded gaze focused on the girl before him. "Poetry, art, acting like in the school play, dancing the tango at the April Fools Dance, all those crazy schemes…is there anything you're not secretly brilliant at. Helga?"
Helga's mouth was still just hanging open, and her face was still the definition of shock. Seeing that he seemed to be waiting for some kind of reaction from her to his response thus far to the shrine before he continued, though, Helga swallowed hard and instantly felt her eyes dart to several places around her room in a brief panic before finally resting on Arnold again. "I…" absolute incredulity soaked her voice, "I…I'm sorry. Can…can you just repeat this entire conversation from 'I'll start with my professional opinion, first.' Really. I'm…I'm sorry, but—you actually like the shrine? I mean…" Her voice continued to heighten in pitch and to sound even more disbelieving as she continued. "You ACTUALLY LIKE the SHRINE! And you think it's some kind of great piece of artwork. And you think I'm some kind of great artist for making this perfectly designed and perfectly ironic dedication to you in my attic? Am I getting all of that right, Arnold? I mean, I'm not dreaming or just blocking out whatever it is you're actually saying and mentally replacing it with this random reaction, right? The first thing that seriously came to your mind when you saw that thing was that I'm 'talented'?!"
Arnold had found himself doing his best not to chuckle at Helga's sudden dramatic and incredulous outburst. This last question, though, instantly made him swallow and clear his throat, glancing away and rubbing his right arm with his left. "Well…no, Helga. Actually, the first thing that came to my mind when I saw it was my personal opinion, but I haven't told you that yet…" Helga gulped, and Arnold managed to glance up at her once more. "And as for the rest of my professional opinion, well…I don't know about 'perfect'—I mean…" He rested his left elbow in his left knee and put his left hand to his chin in thought. "I might have taken some more bottle caps and made a face on it, and my head's just a little bit wider in real life but if you'd added an extra bottle onto the ends I guess you probably would have needed something to prop them up and then you would have lost that free standing effect…and I also might have added a few more lights around the attic to brighten it up a bit more, but otherwise it…"
"Okay, hold the phone!" Helga interrupted him firmly, closing her eyes for a second and then opening them, a look on her face right now that was more the result of momentary incomprehension than the shock and disbelief from before. She continued. "Let me just—let my head just process this for a second." She brought her eyes to Arnold's. "You're actually critiquing my Arnold shrine. Do I have that right, Football Head?"
Arnold blinked at the observation. "Oh! Well…I just wanted to give my honest opinion, like you said to do. Really, though, Helga—the whole thing was just…" He resumed smiling at her, and crossing his arms around his knees once again. "Well, let's just say that from now on when we have an art project to do at school you're taking care of any sculptures because, whether you know it or not, you're really, really good at it."
She blinked at the statement, losing that bit annoyance that had started to reenter her voice, her wide eyes just looking at him again. "…Really?"
He smiled just a bit more and replied quietly and sincerely, "Really, Helga."
He watched as Helga blushed, a slight smile coming to her face as well.
"So…" he continued, glancing down, and realizing that if he got lost in things he said making her happy that he was never going to get on with the second half of his response. "Are you ready for my personal opinion, now?"
Helga blinked at these words. 'Please don't let it be bad. Please don't let it be bad!!!' Though this thought screamed inside of her head, on the outside Helga did her best to seem as casual and calm as possible. She swallowed. "Oh…um…yeah…yeah, I'm ready, Football Head. Uh…shoot!"
Arnold took a deep breath. "Okay, well…" He looked to her again. "Actually, it's not really an opinion so much as a question..."
Helga raised an eyebrow at this information.
Arnold took another breath and glanced away from her once again, rubbing the back of his neck shyly. "I mean…it's kind of small question I've had for a while about a lot of things between us…but even though I only looked at the shrine for a few minutes it kind of reminded m—"
"Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait a minute!" Helga instantly cut him off, her eyes narrowing a bit and her scowl starting to return. "What do you mean you only looked at the shrine for 'a few minutes'? You were in there for almost twenty, Football Head!"
Arnold's eyes instantly flew up to meet Helga's and he blinked in genuine surprise at the statement. "Really?"
Helga rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest. "Yes, genius, really."
"Oh…" A noticeable blush came to Arnold's face, and he cleared his throat, his eyes instantly returning to the floor. "I'm sorry, Helga. I didn't mean to keep you waiting like that. I just…well, after I put back the shoe and climbed down I was just thinking that…" He barely shifted his eyes up in her direction. "Well, lately, I feel like there's so much new stuff I'm finding out about you, but there's also a bunch of things I already knew about you that I feel like I never got the chance to notice before… And then also when I was thinking about writing the note I thought it might help inspire me a bit if I was around something that was really 'you' so I…" He swallowed very hard. "I…might have spent a few minutes just kind of looking at your clothes and stuff…" He smiled sheepishly, shifting his eyes up just a bit more. "Heh, heh…" He tried his best to laugh the admission off nervously, though he knew there was no chance of getting out of this one unscathed by awkwardness and embarrassment. 'Oh boy…'
Helga's eyes went wide at his explanation and she felt a warm blush come to her cheeks, and more than a bit of indignation flare up inside of her again. "You did what?"
There was definitely an edge to her voice and it wasn't lost on Arnold. He swallowed once more and looked at her sincerely. "I'm sorry, Helga. I really didn't think I was doing it for over ten minutes and I didn't want to keep you waiting…but like I said you've been finding out and noticing things about me for our whole lives and I just…"
The voice that cut him off was practically acidic. Helga continued to glare at him as she slowly began to speak. "I trust you with access to my closet and under THESE circumstances, and you're telling me that you chose to just use it to have some private 'let's learn about Helga' time?!" She stood up, a scowl on her face and the rant just beginning. "Come on, Football Head, this whole shrine thing was obviously really important to me and you're standing there treating it like some kind of stupid game!" And once again, the argument auto-pilot began to kick in, just like that time back in the janitor's closet at P.S. 118 two Mondays ago when she'd let her legacy of crazy Arnold-based schemes accidentally slip to her beloved in the middle of a heated discussion. "I mean, how would you like it if I just randomly spent some time in your room or in your closet spying on you instead of just talking to you about thi—" Helga stopped and blinked and instantly felt her face flood with color. She glanced at Arnold, who more than noticed the reaction, and whose slightly raised an eyebrow and slightly smug half smile at her sudden hesitation and the slightly guilty look now upon her face told her that he more than knew that she had basically just lost the argument in question before it had even begun. Helga slowly sat down on her bed again, rubbing the back of her neck sheepishly and glancing away, clearing her throat. "Um…you know what…I should probably just stop talking before I completely dig myself into a hole, shouldn't I?"
Arnold just shrugged. "If you want to, but I'd really like to hear some more details about times you've been in my closet sometime later if you're afraid that it's going to make you lose too much credibility right now…" he replied with a smile.
The pink book fiasco and having to spend the night in Arnold's closet because of it and stealing that sock of his flashed through her mind in an instant…Not to mention, the time she'd been hiding behind his couch trying to get back that poetry-reciting parrot and had maybe caught a quick peek of him undressing for bed… Helga gulped, glancing away guiltily. "Yeah…it… might be better to hold off on that story or two for now...." Recalling some of these more awkward moments from her lovesick past was suddenly making Helga feel a bit nervous, to say the least, and she couldn't help starting to ramble a bit. "I mean, heck, at least you had permission to be here and to be in there, and you took all of what—ten minutes? I mean I've spent—" Instantly, she swallowed hard and stopped herself once more. 'Why is it so freaking annoyingly easy to talk to him now? Come on, defensive nature, get in the game already!'
"Anyway, uh…" Helga desperately just wanted to move on from this topic of her past exploits already and so did her best to change the subject. "Great, so you took a little tour of my closet after you finished with my closet shrine..." She almost had to half smile as the idea of Arnold doing something so obviously indicative of his strong feelings for her like that really sunk in, and finally she managed to make eye contact with him again and even ask in a playful voice, "So…what 'epic insight' into my being did you gain from looking at a few dresses, exactly, Arnoldo?"
Arnold felt a small grin come to his face at the question and he couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at her as he replied, "That you like the color pink. A lot." He laughed slightly to himself, but, seeing the scowl suddenly return to her face, cleared his throat and did his best to explain his comment. "I mean, it looks good on you…" That observation got rid of the scowl and brought the blush back to Helga's face. Arnold continued, happy her anger seemed to be cooling overall. "But you really like it. A lot." He finished. He laughed to himself a bit again, turning to face forward as a quick thought occurred to him. 'I guess that's another reason why I should have figured out Cecile was her: a blonde haired, blue eyed person dressed entirely in pink with a ribbon in her hair goes out to dinner with me and I can't figure out who she is until she tells me months later…' He almost had to shake his head at how ridiculous it all seemed now…
Arnold was about to turn back in Helga's direction to mention this observation aloud and ask just how she had been able to put up with his denseness for so long when…
"Well…" Instead, he turned at the sound of her (suddenly warm and quiet sounding) voice to see Helga blushing considerably, both her arms and legs crossed as she obviously shyly struggled to keep her eyes looking in his direction. "You liked it first…" she finished with a light sigh and a half smile, as though she was recalling a happy memory or something.
Arnold just blinked and raised an eyebrow at the statement and, especially, at Helga's sudden change in attitude as she said it.
Helga, observing his confusion, just sighed and rolled her eyes, her smile growing. She explained. "The day we met when we were three you told me that you liked how my bow was pink like my pants, so I just…" she looked into his eyes, smiling sheepishly, "…kind of…went with it." She shrugged.
Arnold felt a bit of warmth come to his cheeks and his stomach twist just slightly. He remembered in his poem trying to recall the memory of meeting Helga, but it was all a bit fuzzy. All he really recalled was that, despite all of the insults and fights and pranks over the years, and even before he'd realized he was coming to seriously care about her, somehow the feeling associated with meeting her had been a good one. And now, thinking back to the lines from his poem where he had mentioned it, he did indeed recall something about the color pink…
He smiled at Helga. "It meant that much to you? That I liked something about you?" he asked sincerely.
The blush on her face grew a bit stronger. She swallowed hard, her blue eyes still gazing into his green ones. "I already told you, Arnold…" Helga recalled in an instant that emotion from seven years ago of feeling so bad after her walk to school in the cold rain alone, and then suddenly…suddenly having this caring, nice, good person appear before her and the warmth that had washed over everything she was at the first words he had said to her... And now she sat here, looking into that face seven years later, and she finished her sentence. "…You mean everything to me…"
There was tender moment of silence between them.
Finally, Helga could no longer take the feeling of his loving, half lidded gaze upon her, and she glanced away and cleared her throat and did her best to move the conversation along. "I mean…all the pink really was all for you at first, but…" she rubbed the back of her neck, "It's become such a signature thing with me over the years that I think it's more my own thing now than just something to make you happy…kind of like with the poetry." She laughed slightly to herself and looked back up into Arnold's smiling face. "But, once again, you started it, Football Head." She considered for a second and then couldn't help but roll her eyes as an interesting thought occurred to her. "Who knows? I might actually end up showing up at school with my hair down one of these days just because you mentioned that you liked it before..." She shifted back on her bed, relaxing a bit more, and added with a tone of feigning defiance, "Still, I'm not the same lovesick girl I was before my confession…" She shrugged, smiling just a bit coyly at him, "I might do it, I might not… We'll see what my prerogative is, Football Head."
Arnold had to laugh at that statement and, of course, the amusing way in which she'd delivered it. "Well, like I always say, whatever you say, Helga."
"Good." Suddenly, to his surprise, she got up and walked over to her bedroom door, and sat herself down firmly in front of it, crossing her arms over her chest and allowing the scowl to return to her face once more. "Well, then, I say there's no way you're getting out of here until you spill about that freaking 'personal opinion' of yours or 'question' or whatever it is that loopy mind of yours came up with while you were looking at my shrine, because until we stop going off on tangents—no matter how cute they might be or how much closer they might make us—and get to the rest of your reaction to the ultimate symbol of my obsessive love for you, you are NOT Getting out of this room, Arnold! And, once again, first name equals me being seriously ticked off! So enough trying to soften the blow, already—I'm not the complete wreck I was ten minutes ago, obviously, and I'm thinking from the way you're acting and your 'professional opinion' that whatever you're going to say next isn't going to be a complete nightmare, so like I've been saying for the last twenty minutes, just SPILL, already, Football Head! The truth!"
Arnold blinked at the sudden change in attitude and subject matter of their conversation. 'She figured out that I was just trying to lighten the mood with all of that stuff…' He felt an impressed smile come to his face.
"Hey, enough lovey-dovey grins, Arnoldo! Get to it so that it can be over and so that we can move on to whatever that other thing it was that you wanted to talk about!" Helga instantly added, continuing to scowl in impatience.
Arnold felt his heart skip a beat as he suddenly recalled that talk he'd promised her next. This reminder of awkward things to come coupled with the awkward-enough question he had for her now made him swallow and glance away with more than just a slight blush on his face.
He took a deep breath, though, leaned back against the closet door again, and finally managed to summon the courage to begin…
Arnold swallowed hard before opening his mouth. "Well…like I said, Helga, my personal opinion is more of a question than anything else, and looking at the shrine reminded me of it…and it really was the first thought to pop into my head when I went up there..." He swallowed hard again and Helga, despite her external scowl, waited on pins and needles on the inside for what he would say next.
"Why…um…" he finally looked at her and finished sincerely, "Why me?"
All anger dropped from Helga's face. She just looked at him blankly. "What?"
Arnold sighed and rested his head against the back of her closet, closing his eyes for a second. "Well, I mean, you're the one who's talented and funny and strong and interesting and passionate and wonderful and beauti…" Arnold opened his eyes, realizing he was suddenly rambling on about her…a lot. He felt another twist in his stomach and the warmth already in his face grow stronger. "I mean…" his nervous voice searched for anything less awkward to move the conversation on from his sudden spontaneous listing all of Helga Pataki's good qualities, especially that last one. "It'd make sense to me if someone made a shrine to you…" The words were out of his mouth before he had the awareness to stop them, and he paused as what he had just said aloud finally sunk in… And then Arnold, with a humiliated sigh, just dragged a hand down his face in mortification, afraid to even look at Helga.
And speaking of Helga…
Now, at Arnold's initial question her face had indeed taken on an uncomprehending look, and with good reason. 'Why him? Whyhim? What does that even mean, 'why him'?' This train of thought had continued in her head until he'd started listing things he liked about her, at which point her mind had gone completely blank and a quick blush had come to her face. 'Wonderful' had even made her blink… But then that last word had almost sounded like…'beautiful'? She had suddenly felt her heart begin to race wildly. Instantly, she had crossed her arms over her chest, pulling her legs close to her body and looking down at her pale pink carpet with wide eyes. 'He doesn't mean that… He doesn't know what he's talking about. I mean—he was just caught up in the heat of the moment with saying all that stuff... That's probably why he cut himself off—he realized the mistake he made. I mean…I'm not Ruth with her styled hair and sparkling braces, and I'm not Lila with her perfect braids and the giggling and the perfect little dresses and the green eyes, and I'm not Summer with the perfect tan and the pretty voice…' She began to absentmindedly play with one of her pigtails self-consciously. 'I'm just…Helga….' And then suddenly, the feeling of her hair in her hands made resurface in Helga's mind the memory of Arnold's comment from before about liking how it looked, and she instantly felt her breath catch in her throat and her eyes go wide. 'Or maybe…' she almost couldn't bear to let the impossible thought enter her mind, 'Maybe he actually does think that I'm…'
Arnold's comment about building a shrine to her, though, cut off the thought and actually made her blink and look to him with a mix of surprise and utter bafflement on her face. 'It'd make sense of someone 'what'?!'
Arnold, meanwhile, after having finished his little verbal slip, now just sat there, his eyes still closed, total humiliation continuing to wash over him. 'Tell me I didn't just say that to her… Tell me I didn't just tell her that she should have a shrine made in her honor!' He briefly recalled some of the awkward stuff that had randomly slipped out of his mouth last Saturday night at the Pataki house, though he was sure that what he'd just accidentally said here and now beat out all of his little admissions about kissing her by a long shot. 'Why do I always say embarrassing things like that when we're alone?' He had to sigh to himself and shook his head back and forth slightly at his carelessness. 'She's going to have a field day with this, I just know it…And I almost can't blame her…'
Arnold waited for the blow—the sarcastic comment, the laughter, or at least some gentle ribbing about what he'd just said…but nothing came. With a swallow he opened his eyes and finally managed to look at Helga again. He blinked. She wasn't smiling or smirking or scowling…she was just sitting here, her arms wrapped around her legs which were currently pulled close to her chest, watching him intently with a blush on her face.
Arnold raised an eyebrow at the sight, momentarily forgetting his embarrassment. He opened his mouth for a second, about to speak, but then hesitated, unsure of what to say for a moment considering how much her current reaction to what he'd just said was just a bit unexpected to him, to say the least.
Helga glanced down quickly as his eyes met hers, and he noticed her touch the end of one of her pigtails for a second before looking at him again and saying quietly and sincerely, "Well, go on, Arnold… I'm listening."
Arnold blinked, and couldn't help having to stop a dreamy smile from coming to his face between how nice she looked just shyly sitting there and how sweet her voice had just sounded addressing him. It was a tone of hers he really didn't get to hear too often—that same light, delicate way she'd talked to him after her confession on the FTi rooftop, but not as airy right now…just, loving. He closed his eyes for a second and took a deep breath, trying to come back to his initial intended point with this conversation and at the same time trying to escape the beautiful and distracting image of Helga sitting there. He opened his eyes, glancing to the carpet before him with a small smile. "A-anyway, what I meant…when I asked 'why me' was… Well, I'm just…Arnold. I guess what I'm asking, or saying is…I don't really understand why you'd spend all of your time putting together all that stuff for so many years all just for me. I guess I just…" he managed to resume eye contact with her again, "I just don't feel like there's any way I could really be that much of a help to you in your life to deserve all of that love and attention."
The look he saw on Helga's face as he finished this explanation surprised him considerably. She seemed almost…hurt…and just a little sad too. Not angry or confused or amused…just those two emotions and as always somewhere in her eyes, her ever present love for him. She opened her mouth slightly, but then hesitated. She glanced down and her eyes shifted back and forth for a second, as though she was considering something, and then she looked back over at Arnold. Her voice was quiet, and full of disbelief. "You're serious, Arnold, aren't you? I mean…you're seriously serious?" In a way she almost sounded worried.
And indeed she was. 'How could he…how could he not know? How could he not see it? How could he not be aware after everything we've been through and everything I've told him and done for him and written about him that he's the most perfect person in the whole wide world and that I'm just lucky enough to be aware of that fact too, and to love him for it forever? Oh, Arnold, how could I fail to show you just how wonderful you are? You love me and that's made me realize that I actually am a special person and love myself, but if I can't do the same great deed for you, my dearest, then how can I ever justify staying with you? No!' She felt a firm conviction instantly swell up inside of her. 'I'll fix this mess and make you understand everything, Arnold, no matter what it takes!'
Arnold, meanwhile, took a second to process the question she'd just asked him in regards to his sincerity about his question to her, and then slowly just nodded in assent to her, still in a bit of shock at the emotional reaction his admission had gotten from her.
Helga instantly stood up and walked across her room, sitting herself down right next to Arnold in front of her closet door. "Arnold…" She glanced away from him for a second like she was just trying to find where to even begin. Finally, to his surprise, a small smile came to her face. She turned back to him. "Where, exactly, have you been for the last two weeks…" Then Helga recalled his confession, and then hers and then everything else. "Heck the last month and a half…heck the last seven years, Football Head?" She gave him a playful nudge in his shoulder.
He just looked at her unsurely, not certain where she was going with this response.
Seeing his continued confusion, Helga just shook her head and joined him in leaning back against the closet door. She sighed, the small smile still on her face, actually trying to hold back a bit of laughter at his familiar cluelessness. She looked to him again. "Hello! Is this the same Arnold who I poured my heart out to about my feelings on the roof of a building? The same one who spent the last two weekends in a row watching me act like a complete spazz every time he gave me one of those half lidded smiles of his or held my hand or just plain breathed? The same one who's blown through seven volumes of my poetry dedicated to his glory just over the last nine days? I mean, each of those poems alone is a mini explanation of everything that makes you so perfect..." She looked at him with pure disbelief now, her smile waning. "How can you not know why I would love you, Arnold? How could there even be a question about it in the whole world?"
Arnold hadn't been able to help but smile at the passion and sincerity with which she'd delivered this little speech. She was starting to talk like that to him about things more and more now that they were together and it always fascinated him how she could act so uncaring about everything when she was around the other kids, and yet inside of her have so much conviction that it just made it so you had to stop and look at her and listen to her until she finished, because whether she was right or wrong or whether you agreed with her or you didn't, you couldn't deny the opinion coming out of her mouth had merit and someone who truly believed in it delivering it.
Realizing once again, though, that marveling over the Helga Pataki he had never expected existed wasn't getting them anywhere, Arnold blinked a couple of times and pulled himself out of his thoughts about the matter for now. Besides, even he wasn't so dense as to not see that the question she had just asked him wasn't rhetorical. He took a breath and thought for a second before speaking, trying to think of a good way to describe what he meant exactly about not understanding why she loved him. "It's not that I don't know that you love me and how much you love me—" He smiled at her. "Your confession and all the stuff afterwards made it pretty clear…even to someone as dense as me….eventually."
She actually laughed at that, and the sound made Arnold's smile grow.
"What I mean is…" He took another second to clarify in his mind the concept his was about to express before trying to work it out aloud. "Well…okay, like with your poems, for example. They're all dedicated to me, but when you talk about me in them it's like you build me up and describe me as some kind of perfect symbol of love or something…" He couldn't help blushing slightly and glancing away from her. "But…I don't understand why you would think that in the first place…and that's what I'm trying to ask. I already know that you love me and how you love me but I don't really have a clear idea about what it is I seem to do for you everyday that makes you keep loving me."
Arnold sighed to himself and looked at her again. To his surprise, though, rather than hearing the girl beside him commence to reassuring him once more that the reason she loved him should be obvious, he watched Helga blink at his explanation and then suddenly glance back and forth from him down to the floor a couple of times like she was carefully thinking something through…which, indeed, she was…
'I hate to admit that he just figured out something about my poetry that I've never even realized, but he actually kind of has a…point. I mean, 'Orzo shaped Prometheus' really doesn't say much about him as a real person, does it?' She took a breath and finally resumed looking at Arnold permanently. "So…what you're saying is, you'd like something a bit less romantic and a bit more realistic to go on, huh, Football Head?" She quickly added as an afterthought. "Kind of like what you gave me?" She gestured with her head to her nightstand upon which sat her Arnold locket, containing Arnold's poem for her, propped up against the base of her lamp. "With your poem, I mean…"
Arnold turned in the direction she had indicated, and he eyes met the locket, the golden edges shining just slightly as they brightly reflected the soft lamplight that bathed them. He blinked as he realized what she was referring to and how it did indeed seem to fit the bill about what he was talking about. "I…I guess so." He couldn't help but reply with just a touch of amazement at the almost perfect parallel, turning back around to look at her. 'How does she always find the perfect example of things or the perfect way to put them?' he couldn't help but ask himself, feeling his heart skip a beat as he awaited whatever she would say next in response to his affirmation of her comparison.
Helga just sighed and seemed to consider for another second or two, a half smile on her face. Finally, she spoke, still looking forward, still with a look in her eyes like she was processing something very new and very interesting to her. "Well…I never really tried something like that before…I mean, it was always just more fun to gush about absolutely perfect and wonderful you seem to me…" She turned to look at him again, and smiled, shrugging. "But if it's for you, Football head, I guess I could give it a shot just this once."
Arnold blinked and raised an eyebrow at her.
She rolled her eyes at yet another bit of cluelessness from him this evening. "I mean writing a poem about you like the one you wrote about me, paste-for-brains, sheesh!" She couldn't help but chuckle at him. 'Always just a little adorably slow on the uptake…'
"Really, Helga?" Arnold began with surprise at the suggestion. "Are you sure? I mean, I don't want to make you change how you want to write just for me," he added with a touch of genuine concern.
Helga just let out an exasperated sigh and crossed her arms over her chest, the smile still on her face. "Football Head, if you're worrying now about affecting my writing, I think it's too late. Seven years and at this point almost eighteen pink books too late!"
She smiled a bit more and Arnold couldn't help but laugh to himself at her excellent point.
The two kids sat in silence for a few seconds, just enjoying the brief moment of levity and the fact that after another dramatic evening together, things finally seemed to be winding down…
Eventually, Arnold took a breath and placed his palms upon the carpet on either side of him, leaning back a bit more against Helga's closet door and almost feeling a yawn catch in his throat. He couldn't help feeling a bit tired, after all, as he'd already been at Helga's house for over an hour and as the evening had been pretty full to say the least. Still, he didn't want to leave just yet. It was nice just to sit here and laugh with Helga and talk with Helga, just like they'd gotten so used to doing together over the last couple of weeks. He looked at her with a smile. "So, when do you think I'll get to read this next masterpiece of yours all about what really makes you love me?"
Helga had to smile at the question and then she shrugged and glanced forward. "Can't rush these things, Football Head—depends on when I get inspired. I mean, I can write one of my normal poems for you completely on the spot—I know how to tap into the source of those..." He smile grew just a bit. "I just think about how you smiled at something or how you laughed at something or how I can suddenly feel my heart beat faster whenever I see you walking up the street or down the hall at school or bump into you going around a corner or—" Helga blinked and realized the dreamy look suddenly coming upon her face as she started to gush. She blushed, and glanced at Arnold (who, she suddenly became fully aware now that he had nearly sent her off into a monologue, was sitting very close indeed). His cheeks bore a slight blush as well and he was just glancing down, though she could just see an amused smile growing on his face.
"A-anyway…" Helga continued, clearing her throat and trying to move things along once more that evening. "There you go, Football Head—I don't even have to go looking for the inspiration for one of those poems and suddenly it's there." She rubbed the back of her neck nervously and glanced away from him again, doing her best to continue changing the subject from her awkward near monologue. "Something like what you're talking about, though, might take me a few days… I have to really think about it and plan it out unless I just suddenly get conked on the head with the right type of inspiration, you know?" She smiled to herself. "I mean, something new and strong and that would make me feel like I couldn't help writing a poem even if I tried..." Suddenly, Helga absentmindedly moved the hand she had been rubbing her neck with to the floor…where, to her surprise, her fingertips suddenly (and warmly) found themselves atop Arnold's.
At the feeling of the unexpected touch (and that spark it managed to send through both of their systems), both kids instantly turned to look with wide eyes at their hands now half on top of one other... Their breaths caught in their throats.
Slowly, they managed to pull their gazes away from the floor and to look up and into each other's (very close, they realized, now that the situation had turned from humorous to romantic) eyes. Neither of them blinked.
There were several seconds of silence.
"…Yeah…" Helga finally managed to breathe out, the silence and the feeling of Arnold's warm hand under hers and the sight of his beautiful green eyes meeting her own feeling almost unbearable. "Something that, um…that was kind of about our new relationship and not just my old feelings…" She was rambling but her head was elsewhere right now. "Something unavoidable…"
"…Yeah..." Arnold managed to agree in a very quiet voice after a second, not breaking his gaze from the large blue eyes before him, set just above Helga's pinkening cheeks. His head, too, was occupied with other things at the moment besides the words coming out of his mouth. "Something…about the both of us…"
Another second of silence passed.
And then Helga felt herself leaning a bit closer…
And then Arnold felt himself leaning a bit closer…
And then both of them closed their eyes as they felt their lips slowly touch.
It took only a second or two of hesitant contact for Helga to lean into the kiss a bit harder (like she had a habit of doing), and then to moan very softly. Arnold couldn't help letting a sigh escape through his nose at the familiar sound, and suddenly he found himself reaching up with his hand not underneath Helga's and putting it around her waist, pulling himself closer to her. He knew, somewhere at the back of his very occupied mind, that he shouldn't be doing this. A vague memory of a problem he needed to talk to Helga about in regards to the kissing touched at his consciousness for a second, but definitely didn't make it to the forefront, all things considered.
At the touch of his hand to her back he felt that shudder come from Helga G. Pataki…that familiar shudder that let him know when he was making her feel like she was making him feel, and that she liked it…just like on the couch last weekend…
Suddenly, Arnold's eyes flew up and he pulled himself away from Helga, stood up, paced around her room very quickly for a few seconds in total confusion and embarrassment and guilt and anxiety, almost walked over to her bed to sit down, then paused and turned abruptly away from it and headed back to the chair on the other side of the room that he had been occupying earlier that evening. He found himself breathing heavily in anxiety, a total look of panic on his face, and his cheeks feeling almost hot to the touch.
As Arnold had pulled away, meanwhile, Helga had suddenly found herself falling forward, her chin slamming into the carpet below her. She blinked several times upon finding herself in this position and realizing that her kiss with her beloved had suddenly gone from very satisfying to no longer happening in less than half a second.
Finally, as this realization finished sinking in, a serious scowl came to Helga's face and she sat up, shaking her head and rubbing her shoulder that had hit against the closet door behind her on the way down. Then she stood up, crossed her arms over her chest and glared at Arnold who was now just sitting in that chair he'd been clinging to for the first half hour of this little anniversary celebration, looking totally distressed though Helga was a bit too blinded by her anger at the moment to take much note of the emotional state implied by the look upon his face right now. "For PETE'S SAKE, Football Head, WHAT is you problem tonight?!" She was fuming. "Okay, I get it—the shrine thing was borderline psychotic of me but the last I checked you were good-naturedly OK with it. But that doesn't even begin to explain everything that happened with you ditching me from before I showed it to you and it absolutely doesn't excuse right now! YOU'RE the one who apparently had romance so on the brain that you showed up here with this whole present bit, and then you find me here and you think you'd be happy but it's like I'm suddenly the source of all cooties that ever were and ever will be! What is the DEAL with you not wanting to TOUCH me, ARNOLD?!" She was breathing heavily at this point, mostly from fury….though, just a touch of it was still residual from that kiss. In fact, at the back of her mind, despite her anger, Helga couldn't help but note to herself, 'Wow, I thought randomly kissing him in the heat of the moment was intense, but that slow, gentle way we just…' She tried not to lose herself in the feeling right now and firmed up her glare at Arnold to keep herself on topic. In a slightly less outright-yelling voice she added to her initial exclamations, "I mean, I'm getting a serious sense of déjà vous from when we were on that building after my confession and I kept trying to kiss you again and you kept ducking me. Tell me what the heck's bothering you, Arnold!" This last sentence was added with just the faintest touch of concern, Arnold couldn't help but notice—like she really thought there might be some kind of problem with him and really wanted to help him fix it.
At the same time, though, hearing her bring up the FTi building, Arnold couldn't help the feeling coming over him that the situations weren't exactly very different. After all, it had been there that he'd gotten his first real kiss, and his first real Helga G. Pataki kiss on top of it… And after she'd let him go that first time when it had all been so much for him to take in…only to suddenly try doing it again? If she'd succeeded he knew he would have passed out with all of that new information about her feelings and all of those new feelings about being kissed and kissing her suddenly tumbling around inside of him, and so he'd run (as best as he could, considering they had been trapped on a roof together).
Arnold shook his head to clear it of these tangential thoughts, and took a second to try and get his breathing under control as the surprise of the unexpected kiss they'd just shared continued ebbing. He knew he had to talk to Helga and he was prepared to address her legitimate concerns right now like he knew he had to. Still, though he knew he had it in him to speak to her, he just couldn't bring himself to make eye contact with her again just yet (his breathing may have been returning to normal but his heart was still pounding enough as it was in his chest, and the last thing he needed right now was to find his eyes suddenly falling to those lips he'd just kissed…and that had just kissed his own so incredibly…and that probably wanted to do it again…) "I-I'm sorry, Helga!" he shut his eyes and began sincerely, doing his best to remove himself from the new direction his thoughts had suddenly started taking. "It's just…" He managed to open his eyes though he was still looking down, and swallowed hard, blushing even more. "That other thing I mentioned we should talk about, after the shrines thing was over…the thing that's been bothering me…"
Helga growled and rolled her eyes. "Arnold, okay, I get that it was your turn to have a mini-crisis but do you think it could have waited until we were DONE ki—"
To Helga's surprise, Arnold cut her off, feeling his face grow hot at the idea of what he was about to admit. "No, it couldn't!" he quickly exclaimed, standing up from the chair. He took a deep breath and did his best to look up at her, though he still felt utterly mortified inside at the situation he was in. "Because…I…" he swallowed hard and closed his eyes tight as he finally just said it. "Because I don't know when I would have been able to STOP kissing you, and THAT's the problem!"
Several seconds passed in silence during which Arnold continued just standing there with his eyes closed, waiting for some kind of response to his admission: for Helga to yell or come over to him or laugh at him or sigh in disappointment at him. However, nothing met his ears but a continued silence and so he finally summed up his courage and opened his eyes to see for himself the effect his words had had on Helga G. Pataki…
She just stood there at the other end of her room, an eyebrow raised and her mouth open, like she had been about to say something but had stopped or thought better of it. She didn't seem happy and she didn't seem sad and she didn't seem angry or even confused. It was like she was torn equally between every possible emotion about how to feel after hearing this truth, and now was just standing there awaiting some other detail or further explanation from Arnold to clear up her indecision about what she should do or feel or say next.
Arnold took another breath, finally feeling somewhat calmer now that he had at least started to admit something about how he was really feeling inside, and decided to begin his explanation of his words slowly and to do his best to take the time to express his worries about the more 'physical' aspects of their relationship to the girl before him. "Helga, let me explain. You see…"
Helga wasn't in the mood for anymore slow, drawn out, crafted explanations, tonight, though.
"So you mean you don't like kissing me?"
Arnold blinked and looked at her in surprise at hearing the sharp question from the girl obviously trying to keep her temper under control before him. "What—no!"
"So you mean you want to kiss me again?"
"Of course!" Arnold answered in response to the second quick question, and then added, glancing down, and still in his obviously distressed voice. "I mean…not right now and not right here but…of course!"
"Arnold, you're not making any sense!" Helga put her hands on her hips, staring him down. And in truth, to her, none of his responses and especially that little exclamation about not knowing when he would be able to stop kissing her being a problem seemed to be capable of combining into any kind of a solid logic.
"I know, I'm not making any sense, Helga, okay!" Arnold suddenly yelled back at her, a scowl coming to his face now.
That response made Helga blink. Arnold never yelled. Ever. 'I mean, we've gotten into fights before but he's never…not like that…' She just looked for a moment with wide, uncertain eyes at the rare sight of an angry Arnold in front of her. 'Whatever's bothering him, it must be a doozy…'
Arnold, meanwhile, instantly opened his eyes in surprise at hearing himself suddenly snap at Helga like that. He blinked a few times and then focused his eyes back onto hers again. He quickly walked over to her, taking one of her hands in his own. "Helga, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you. I'm really, really sorry." He suddenly went forward and hugged her very tightly, for a moment putting aside his inhibitions about physical contact with her in favor of doing something that had always seemed to make her feel better and that she probably needed right now considering how many times he'd rejected her that night and how harsh he'd just been. He let out a deep breath and spoke sincerely to her, still holding her slightly stiffened body close. "I shouldn't get upset just because you're angry at me for trying to stay away from you. And I shouldn't have broken the kiss like that…I was just…" He hesitated and pulled away from her gently, swallowing hard as he ended the hug.
He was glancing away from her, feeling riddled with guilt and doing his best to come up with the right words to express what he had to say, when he suddenly saw one of her hands go forward and felt it rest warmly upon his shoulder. "Arnold…" He looked up into her face and saw the confusion and concern that were both equally represented there…coupled with a supportive smile that made him want to smile back, despite his current internal dilemma. "Don't worry about it…" Helga continued in an understanding tone. "I mean, there's been plenty of times when I've kissed you when you haven't exactly been asking for it…you not kissing me one of the million times I've been trying to get it isn't a huge deal…" She tried to muster a chuckle. "Just… tell me what's up, Football Head. Seriously," she removed her hand from his shoulder and rubbed the back of her neck with it as she continued, "I know you think it's funny when I act weird around you, but when you act weird around me it just plain freaks me out. So talk to me, already, before I have to call the guys in white coats to take you back to the boarding house or something, okay?"
Arnold couldn't help but finally give in to his urge to smile at her attempt at levity as well as her genuine interest in helping him. He took a deep breath, tried not to consider how embarrassing this could all end up being, and then put both of his hands on Helga's shoulders, looking her in the eyes. "Thank, you Helga."
She smiled at him just a bit more.
He realized, suddenly, that they were again in one of those awkward ('tense') positions and touching, and he (much more slowly and delicately this time) proceeded to remove his hands from her body and to take a step back, smiling a little sheepishly at the fact that he had let himself get so close to her yet again tonight.
Feeling a sufficient distance away, Arnold cleared his throat and glanced away from her for a moment, beginning to speak. "Okay…um…you might want to sit down, Helga, because I feel like this could take me a little while. I mean, I'm not as good as expressing myself about these things as you are and this whole 'love' thing is still a little new to me…and what I want to talk about is a little awkward in general, so…" He swallowed hard again, getting back to the point. "It just…might take a while."
He glanced at Helga who, with an intent face, merely nodded and took a few steps back, seating herself on the edge of her bed in preparation for his impending explanation.
A second of silence passed and then Arnold took a step or two forward and began to pace the floor in front of Helga as he spoke.
"Helga…" He was blushing already and he knew it, but he tried to plow on and not think about how it was probably only going to get exponentially worse. "This is going to sound… This is probably the most embarrassing thing I've ever told anybody ever…" He blinked and looked to her. "I mean, not embarrassing because it's bad or anything, what it's about, I mean. But, embarrassing just because it…it's really not something you'd expect from me, I guess..." He went back to looking forward and pacing the floor absentmindedly. "I mean, I don't even expect it from me…and it just makes it feel really, really embarrassing and—"
He stopped his pacing and rambling as he felt one of Helga's hands suddenly grab one of his own from her bed. "Arnold, look at me…" she said sincerely. He glanced (almost involuntarily) at her hand holding his and then at her. She continued, a serious and yet still obviously concerned look on her face. "I just showed you an idol of you made out of yahoo soda bottles in my closet and that's been made of plenty of weirder stuff in the past, and that I used to spend three hours every night bowing down to and asking for guidance and good fortune. If you can surprise me after that then I must be doing this whole obsessive secret admirer thing wrong. Now, quit trying to scare me and just say what you need to say and know that, no matter what, it's not going to change anything, okay?"
Arnold had to smile at the words of reassurance from the girl before him, and at the warm feeling they sent through him. He sighed happily as he continued to gaze at her, feeling just a bit more relaxed all of a sudden. "You're right, Helga…I should just say it and hope for the best, shouldn't I?"
"Yeah, it'd be nice." She added humorously, though still in that same sincere tone.
Arnold actually chuckled just a bit at that, and it made Helga smile a bit more that she seemed to be helping him at least a little with whatever was wrong with him. 'Whatever it is, I just hope it's nothing putting up with me has done to him. Oh, my Arnold, the last thing I'd ever want to do is bring something unpleasurable into your life when you've given me so much happiness over the years…'
Helga's thoughts ended there as she suddenly felt Arnold gently place her hand she had used to grip one of his own back upon her lap. Suddenly, he took a very deep breath and closed his eyes and then opened them (not looking at her AT ALL, of course) and began…
A/N:
Yes, I know, another cliffie!!! Sorry guys, but I kind of wrote this initially as a continuous thing as opposed to with specific chapters in mind, and now that I'm trying to divide it up the places where big things are about to happen are just the natural fault lines for the chapters. I'll work on getting chapter four up asap though, I promise! And thanks so much for reading and once again please review everyone!!!
Thank you and Happy Reading!!!
~Azure129 aka Jenna