Author Note: Merry Christmas all! Have a lovely day, whatever you do :)
Chapter 6
In all the years they been together, Lucius did not think he had ever seen Jane in such a state. Not even through everything else they had been through had she seemed to him to be as upset as she was when they had finally got back from the match. Her fear was palpable...
He had not thought to write to her the night before and he had been so concerned with going to see Dumbledore, when he have got up, it had not crossed his mind that she had had no idea what they were doing.
She had had no idea if they were dead or alive.
"Oh Jane," he said as he realised his mistake and went over to the sofa where the sobbing women trying to get hold of herself but failed.
He had only ever seen her cry a hand full of times. Jane may be a woman but for years she had had only the company of men about her and that had made her stronger than the nineteen year old who had come to him to apply for the job of his son's governess. She was not prone to tears he knew, which was why hers affected him so.
He did not know how many times he had thanked god that he had picked her. For despite the fact she was never going to win any awards for beauty or intelligence, Jane had always had common sense in abundance and he knew he had to credit her in part for the way his son had turned out. She had been by there side from the day she had come to work for them and he knew the loyalty she had given him over the years was not easy to come across in that day and age. It had been given without question.
As soon as he got to the sofa, Jane allowed herself to be taken in to his arms. Tears seemed to fall from her eyes as they never had before.
Draco did not ever recall seeing her like this.
Going over to his father and his ex governess, he sat at her feet and reached up for her hands and for the first time he really looked at her. There was something suddenly so old about her beloved face that he could not bear it. And he knew she was not the young girl who had come to his father as well, but she was yet to meet middle age. She was not old.
"Why did one of you not write to me? Just to let me know that you were safe and that no harm-m had come to you? There was a special-l-l Daily Prophet sent out as soon as it happened and I have been-n-n in agony all night-t!" she wept and she leant in to her employer and clung to him as she had never done.
He was a brother and a best friend to her and when she thought she had lost him and his child, it was clear that she had been in a state of terror.
As he held her, he looked down in to her eyes and he saw the fear, but he recognised it from before.
If he had needed proof that there was going to be another war, he found it in her eyes as he had done with his wife the time before.
Oh, yes they were in danger.
"I am so sorry," he said as he hugged her, still booted and cloaked having had no time to remove his garments since he had been in. "I did not wish to worry you and nor did I wish to be so thoughtless. But we are home now Jane and there three of us are safe."
But it did not go in for her it seemed and she took his son in her arms.
"Oh, darling, if anything had happened to you I don't think I would have ever forgiven myself. God I should have come with the two of you, I don't know what I was thinking about not coming with you. God if things had been different - if you had not made it home..."
"But you have to think that we did Jane," said Draco as she settled in to her arms. Even with her so upset there was nowhere else in the world that he wanted to be. "We are both ok and nothing happened to us," he said as he gave her a kiss on her cheek and buried his face in her shoulder.
It was only when he said it that she took some deep breathes. For so long it had been just the three of them that she did not know what she would have done had she lost the pair she thought of as her boys. They were hers now – god only knew no one else would be crazy enough to have them.
Her life as house keeper revolved around the two of them and she knew she should not be so dependent on them but she knew it was their happiness and well being who constituted her own. She would have nothing if...
Her mind flashed back to the last war and she did not think she had the strength to go through another. If anything she had more to lose this time. Much more than she had ever had before. And that thought tortured her.
She couldn't go through it again.
She couldn't.
"I feel so sick – it's my stomach," she said and Lucius noticed how pale she was. The events of the night before had taken their toll on all of them and that did not go any less for her just because she had not been at the match.
She drew back from Draco and cupped his face in her hands. He was her dear child and she was never going to let him go in to that much danger without her again.
"Oh, I am a silly women, my dear," she said as she shook her head.
"You were only scared." Said Draco. He knew what that was like.
She shook her head and it was quite clear to him that she was not going to get over the embarrassment easily.
"I think I am going to go up to bed," she said to the two of them as she pushed a kiss on top of Draco's forehead and tried to smile at him. She was desperately trying to get a grip on herself. "Last night was hell for all of us. We should get some rest. You as well."
Lucius nodded but he did not feel like going to bed, not know.
His eyes followed Jane as she left the room and he felt sick to his stomach. When he and his son had left the grounds of the cup he had thought that was going to be it for round one – and yet he had got home to find the war had already found a crack in to his home and the fact that Jane had been so upset shocked him... his sense of guilt for the night she had spent in pieces over powered him.
It didn't matter what had gone on in the past. Jane had been the one who had held it together for him. She had been the one who had made sure that at the end of the day they had sat down about the table and they had had a family lunch. There was no taking meals of to your own room in the Malfoy manor. They ate as a family.
She ensured for him the small things that made them work as a group happened. She was the one who made sure his meals were on the table and when his clothes needed to go to the dry cleaners or the tailors that they went. She was his company at night.
If he had to leave his son then he never had doubts that he was going to be well cared for when he was with her.
To see her so weak when they had been in danger shocked him to the core. To see someone so strong when they felt weak...
"I think I am going to go down to the office for a while son. You should go to bed as well." He said to his son.
"No, I think I am going to go and write a few letters as well," he said to him. He knew Harry was going to want to hear from him and no doubt Sirius was going to wish to hear his side of what had gone on last night. He had no doubt in his head that Harry was too going to write to him and they both had to help put his mind at rest. A letter from just one of them was not going to be enough.
Lucius nodded, knowing that his son was getting to the age of life where he was not able to tell him what to do. By all means, he was able to suggest but he knew Draco was going to do what he wanted to and nothing else. He had always had a strong sense of himself and what he wanted to do.
Going into the officee, he sighed and he felt his shoulders drop down two levels. He felt so old – and when he remembered the cries of the muggle father from the night before he just felt older. That poor man... what he and his son had gone through was going to haunt him for months to come he was sure of it.
God, he knew what he needed – a drink.
When he had been a drunkard nothing he seemed so close to him and he found he had been able to forget. When his life had been going so rubbish that he had just wanted to shut everything out, he had found he was able to when he had hit the bottle and yet that had been a habit he was able to kick. He had found the strength to stop and cope without it. When he eventually been able to find the courage to put it behind him, he was so proud of himself and it was as if he had woken up for the first times in weeks and months. And he had got his family back after what had been quite a separation for all of them. No, he knew he had made mistakes and he had hurt them too. And that was why he knew he could not drink again.
Because they were going to need him more than ever before too soon.
And that was why he knew they drink had to remain nothing more than a temptation.
"Thank god we are to go to France today," said Lucius as he walked down the stairs to see his son sitting at the breakfast table.
"Yes, I think we are all looking forward to getting out there," Draco agreed. It was going to be a much needed break. "What time is uncle Severus going to come or he is he going to make his own way out and met us there?"
"He is going to go out there in time to let us all for dinner," Lucius informed him as he sat down. After he had had a good night's sleep, he felt a lot better and he was sure that his family were going to as well.
They were going to enjoy France as they always had. They were going to go to Paris and he had booked them all tickets for the opera. Perhaps when they were out there they might even find a little time to explore a bit of history.
It was time for them to enjoy less of the French country side and more of the French culture. Ever since the years before when he had been told what Hermione and her family had done when they had been on the continent, Draco had insisted that when they were back in France they were going to have to do a lot more than just remain by and around the chateaux.
No, they were all going to go out that year and they were going to enjoy one another as well as the country more than they ever had before.
"Where's Jane?" he asked quite suddenly as he realised that Max was sitting in the corner, breakfast bowl still quite empty.
And her chair was just as vacant. It was most unusual...
"I don't know dad - I have not seen her yet this morning," he said with a worried shrug.
Bending down, Lucius stroked Max, "where is that mistress of yours this morning?" he said to the pup who was looking rather lost and confused without said mistress.
"Draco will you please order one of the house elves to see to Max's breakfasts while I get them to see to ours?" He said. "Then after breakfast you can take him round the grounds for a walk." He said to him.
Once the two of them had breakfasted together, Lucius made his way back up stairs. Arriving outside Jane's room, he paused. Despite the fact that it was in his house, he had never felt very comfortable going in to her room on the occasions he had found the need to do so – it was indeed a rarity.
"Jane?" he called out as he knocked on the door. "Are you awake?"
"Yes," a notably groggy voice called back to him.
"Are you quite alright?"
"Just a little sleepy." She responded.
"Are you decent?"
"I am."
He went in to the spacious room he had given to her when she had moved back in - much larger than the one when she had been just a governess. Though initially she had returned to her old room, he had wanted her to feel she had more space and wasn't a lodger. The Malfoy manor was and always was going to be her home. They both knew she was family now.
Her room looked out on to the lake and woods. Her curtains were wide open to let her see the view and she sat in a chair by the window.
"You're up early – I was just about to go down and make sure we and Max get our breakfast," she said as she looked at her watch. It was clear she was shocked by what she saw. The confusion was written on her face. "But I only got up a minute ago I sat down and I looked out the window and –" her upset was obvious.
He walked over to her. Taking hold of her chin gently he turned her face so she was looking at him and it was soon only too obvious that she was still not feeling well. She was pale, her eyes were glazed and even thought she had got up and she was dressed for the day, he was not entirely was such a good idea that she had even got out of bed and part of him was tempted to send her right back there.
"Jane, how did you sleep?"
For a moment he saw it in her eyes that she was considering lying to him but then she decided against it. Even he could hear the concern in his own voice.
She shook her head. "I had nightmares – I was plagued them all night," she admitted shame faced as a tear dribbled silently on to her cheek. He wiped it away.
"I have sent Max out for his morning walk with Draco and I sorted breakfast so you are not to worry about a thing. Rest till we go away. I don't think any of us have ever needed this break so much if I am honest."
"I am so sorry I was not there to get everything ready for the two of you – it is what you pay me for after all - and I thought I was good at my job - that I took care of you two well."
"Jane, don't you dare be sorry – you do take care of us well, you take care of us very well, better than anyone else could. But at the moment, my dear, you are ill and you are tired and that is nothing to be ashamed of. Have a sleep – I will wake you when it is time to leave."
She nodded as she relaxed back in to the chair and just how tired she still felt was written all over her face. He could not believe this was just the worry that had done this to her he thought to himself. Jane had a very strong constitution and had done in all the time he had known her. Most likely she had picked up a very nasty bug from somewhere.
And it always seemed worse than it was when someone who never got ill got sick, didn't it?
"I'll fetch you some dreamless sleep potion," he told her thoughtfully as he drew the curtains once more to stop the sun from disturbing her.
Going back down the stairs he sighed. This had not been the beginning of the summer he had been hoping for when he had picked his son up from school. Suddenly, it was working out very differently from the way he had planned it and he could not say he liked it.
"Is she ok dad?" said Draco as he and Max came in from there walk and the little dog instantly starting looking about for its mistress who it soon became apparent was nowhere to be seen and was not going to be seen.
"I am afraid she is still a little under the weather – and if anything she is worse than she was yesterday son," he said to him knowing he would not thank him for keeping the truth from him.
"But – " Draco as speechless.
"I know son."
"She is going to be ok, isn't she?"
"She has a bug, don't let it get to you so much. She is going to be ok – she just needs a bit of peace."
()()()
By the time that Severus got out to France, the Malfoy's had been there for over an hour yet in spite of the fact they were at last on holiday, it seemed that Jane's illness could not but put a damper on the occasion.
As soon as they had got there, she had made her excuses and gone straight back to bed.
"It is not like her to give in to an illness at all is it?" he said after Lucius had explained the situation.
"Well, I don't remember a day when Draco was a child that she took a sick day."
"Neither do I. Poor Jane..." he said .
"We can only hope that she is going to be well when she gets up in the morning." Lucius sighed. If they were lucky then it was only gain to be a twenty four hour bug.
The two of them were sitting out on the balcony. Whenever they were there Lucius could not but remember the night when he had sat out there with his whole family and watched a brilliant storm, Draco on his lap.
That was such a peaceful night despite the violence of the storm. It had been an end of a rather terrible era for all of them. A new start...
"I've finished unpacking," declared Draco as he came out to join them and took the seat between them.
"Good." Lucius muttered as he drained his bottle of butterbeer. At least that was a pleasure he could still enjoy.
\/\/\/
"Right what is on the itinerary for today?" said Severus as he came down the stairs.
The doors had already been flung wide open and Max had gone out to laze in the sun which was already bright and high in the sky.
"Well, first thing is first I think I am going to have to call a doctor." Said Lucius as he joined them, Draco having been out there for quite some time already.
"Then I take it Jane is still no better?"
"She seems today to have the flu I think but we will only know when the Healer arrives," he said as he sat down and soon find he was joined at feet by Max. His hope over his friends illness leaving her alone after one day had been in vain. "We must get her better for your sake if no one else's." He said to the pup.
But the pup he was really concerned about was as ever his own. His son could not hide in his eyes the worry he had felt ever since his governess had been ill. So much was going wrong it seemed and for her to fall unwell at such a time...
"Is he going to come to us this morning?"
"Yes, he is. She is, of course, insisting that we go ahead as planned with the holiday but I do not suppose any of us feel like going on a jolly when she is laid up in bed."
"No," said Severus as his eyes turned towards Draco.
"I do not think it is going to be much fun if she is not with us."
"Well, the doctor is going to come out and see her today then hopefully in a couple of day's time we can all get on with our break."
He had had heard people say others had worried themselves sick but he did not think he had ever seen it before. And it was the turnabout that was getting to him he thought. From being the one who held them together to being the one they were worrying about.
All Lucius could think was the sooner the doctor got to her the better.
He had to understand what was going on because after so many years and so many lies, he had finallyfigured out that no matter then problem, the only thing that ever really hurt was the not knowing.
"It does seem she had got a bad case of the flu somewhere." said the healer as he came out of the room and on to the corridor where Lucius was waiting for him. He had sent Draco out with Severus and Max for another walk. His son had been hardly able to contain his concern and he had needed the air. "I am prescribing she have a complete bed rest for at least a week."
Healer Kirk, Lucius had to say, was and never had been his choice of healer. His methods and opinions seemed old fashioned to him. He did not think he was ever going to like him but he had known the Greenwoods had used him ever since Jane had been a young girl. Lucius did not remember how it had come up in conversation between the two of them but he was glad it had – the aging Healer knew her medical history far better than he had because his connection with the family did go so far back.
"It is not common for Jane to get ill like this is it?" Lucius asked as if he needed confirmation of this obvious fact. He was more than capable of answering the question for himself.
Healer Kirk shook his head. "I can honestly say of all my patients over the years, Jane has one of the healthiest constitutions I have ever seen... but then considering the events of the past weeks, I guess I can understand how she might worry herself so much that she becomes ill."
"Are you referring to the world cup?"
"What else?"
"Pray tell, why would that effect her so much? It was an awful time to live through but all of our generation had too - and she has never spoken of her life during the last war. She was not even at the match!"
The healer lowered his eyes. The Malfoy's may not have been so activity in wizarding society as they had been when Lucius father had been lord of the manor, but it was quite clear that he did have a powerful presence and that the doctor felt it.
"Professionally, sir, as Jane's Healer, I must protect her confidentiality. Privately, I cannot help but feel that you would both benefit greatly if you were to understand the circumstances of her father's death."
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