"You're surrendering! You don't get anything except humiliation and ridicule!"
"We've already got that! What else do you have?"

One Chip of the Armor Falls

The sun shined through the closed blinds and ricocheted off his mother's locket, his doe eyes remaining dull and dead despite the supposed cheerfulness the sun was said to bring. Shikamaru sat cross-legged on the center of his bed, shoulders slightly slouched forward, and his fingers mindlessly fiddling with a loose thread on his blanket. He blinked slowly, the dull and dead appearance of his eyes never changing. Shikamaru continued to stare at his mother's locket, while a war was being fought in his head over whether or not he wanted to have anything to do with his mother.

She's Mom. It's not like I have a choice.

He was still mad about Neji not telling him about the broken glass yesterday, not understanding why Neji wouldn't just come clean about it. He heard soft footsteps come down the hallway towards him and he briefly glanced at the closed door before looking back at his mother's locket.

"How are you feeling?" Neji asked softly, placing something on his nightstand. Shikamaru looked up at him and was surprised to feel his anger towards him fade away, his heart fluttering. He briefly looked at what Neji had put on the nightstand and found a steaming cup of tea.

"Fine." He replied, looking back down at his lap. He felt Neji gently sit next to him and was gripped by the sudden feeling of wanting to be held by the Hyuuga.

"I was angry at myself." Neji said quietly, making Shikamaru look up at him with slight confusion in his dull eyes.

"What?"

"Back in the kitchen…with the broken glass…I was angry at myself and, with poor judgment, I threw the coffeepot at the wall." Shikamaru was surprised to say the least. He knew that Neji was not the kind of person to express that much anger, especially since he seemed to always appear relatively passive.

"Why were you so angry at yourself? And don't tell me to not worry about it." Shikamaru added, giving Neji a slightly pointed look. Neji hesitated.

"I was angry at myself because I didn't…" He paused, looking at Shikamaru. "I was angry because I didn't see the signs that you were being mistreated." Shikamaru saw the brief flash of anger in his cream-colored eyes, but it was soon replaced by the look of guilt.

"I made sure that no one found out about it…it's not your fault." Shikamaru said softly, seeing that his words didn't have an impact. He bit his lip gently. "Although," He started. "I admittedly did have a…hope…that someone would save me from him." Neji didn't say that Hinata had told him this, but that didn't make the guilt any less intense.

Silence fell between them, each one lost in their own thoughts. Shikamaru turned to look back at his mother's locket, feeling his heart clench as he remembered her. It was strange, in a sense. His heart wasn't aching before Neji had sat with him, so why now? He sighed quietly.

He felt a familiar sensation pressing against his temples.

Hi, Alecto.

Hello, Child. I am very proud of you.

For what?

You are becoming more comfortable with the Boy. You trust him.

Is that why my heart feels painful?

Yes, Child.

But how does that work?

He felt Alecto fade from his mind and he sighed again. He continued to look at his mother's locket; conflicting thoughts and emotions making his body feel like it was about to combust. He chuckled quietly.

"What's up?" Neji asked, surprised that Shikamaru had showed some form of positivity.

"I was just thinking…uh…about how my mom would always do something to make me laugh whenever I was sad." Neji felt his heartbeat quicken as he had a feeling that Shikamaru was going to open up to him more about his mother.

"What would she do?" Shikamaru chuckled again and shook his head lightly, a small smile on his lips.

"It sounds bizarre, but it always worked." Neji smiled lightly at Shikamaru, extremely relieved that he was showing more positive emotions. The Nara paused slightly.

"One of my favorite foods growing up was Pop-Tarts." Neji quirked an eyebrow slightly. "And just to make me happy, my mother would put a packet of pop-tarts that were still in the packet in the microwave."

"How did…?" Neji didn't quite understand where Shikamaru was going with this.

"If you put a packet of pop-tarts in the microwave while they're still in the packet, they either catch fire or explode." Shikamaru chuckled slightly louder as Neji joined him, surprised.

"So your mother made pop-tarts explode just to make you happy?" Neji asked, laughter evident in his voice. Shikamaru nodded, a slightly wider smile on his lips.

"Yeah…she was a pure-hearted woman…." His voice trailed off and his smile fell slowly, leaving him with his thoughts again. Neji eyed him carefully.

I have to get him to talk about his mother more. He's finally starting to open up some more. Hinata said to be forceful, but careful…let's see how this works out.

"What was your mother's name?" He asked, thinking of the most basic question he could.

"Yoshino." Neji bit his lip lightly, now realizing that he would have to push much harder than he thought he would.

"And she got the majority of your name from your biological father?" Shikamaru nodded.

"Yeah, my biological father's name is Shikaku." Neji was careful with his next question.

"Do you want to meet him?" Shikamaru was silent for a few minutes and Neji thought that he wasn't going to answer.

"Someday…my mother always spoke highly of him." He paused. "She told me that they divorced because he developed a heavy drinking habit when she became pregnant with me. They agreed that it was in my best interest for them to divorce." Neji's brow furrowed slightly.

"That's understandable, but why didn't he stay around? You know…share custody of you?" Shikamaru tilted his head to the right slightly, thinking.

"That's a good question…I don't know." He turned towards Neji. "I know a few things about my biological father, but not a whole lot. That's why I'd like to meet him someday: he's a part of me and yet I don't know a lot about him."

"Do you think he's in the village?" Shikamaru glanced away from him briefly.

"I'd like to think so, but I don't know. I always wonder what he's like and how he met my mother and things like that." He smiled sadly and looked back at his mother's locket. Neji looked down at his lap.

There is a way to find out if his biological father is in the village and whereabouts he is…but I have to go through Tsunade to find out.

"I miss Mom." Shikamaru said quietly. Neji almost missed what he said as he turned back towards him. Shikamaru sniffed.

"She's been gone for 4 years and yet it feels like she just left yesterday." Shikamaru said, his voice shaking as he tried to push the tears and memories back. Neji's heart began to beat faster and he scooted closer to Shikamaru, sitting behind him slightly, and pulled him back towards him so that he was sitting comfortably in his lap. Shikamaru leaned back into Neji and laid his head against his firm chest as he felt Neji tighten his hold around his slim waist.

"She left me behind…she left me alone." Shikamaru's tears fell onto Neji's shirt, creating a small dark spot. Neji ran his hand soothingly up and down Shikamaru's left side, feeling the contour of his frame. He laid his cheek on top of Shikamaru's head, smelling the faint scent of coconut.

"A lot of people who do what your mother did don't usually show obvious signs of their plan." Neji said quietly as Shikamaru sniffed.

"She abandoned me." Shikamaru cried, sobs starting to wrack his small frame.

As hard as he tried, Shikamaru couldn't stop the feelings associated with his mother from flooding out. He was gripped with the agony he felt the day he discovered his mother dead; the feeling that he had buried that same year. For the past 4 years, he's been pushing back and suppressing every thought, memory, and emotion associated with his mother. It was easier and painless that way.

"She abandoned me!" He wailed, now gripping the front of Neji's shirt with his face buried is his chest. Neji tightened his grip on the shaking man on his lap, feeling himself being torn apart just by knowing that there was nothing he could do to take away Shikamaru's pain. The only sounds that were echoing in the room were Shikamaru's sobs and sniffles. Neji hadn't loosened his grip on the Nara and he continued to rock him slowly from side-to-side. They stayed like that for what felt like an eternity, Neji wishing with all his might that there was a way to take away Shikamaru's pain and make it his own.

"Do you," Shikamaru started, his voice weak from crying. "Do you think…I can…forgive her?" Neji inhaled Shikamaru's scent, secretly hoping that he didn't notice.

"That decision is ultimately up to you, but I think that you have to acknowledge and accept what's she's done, and only then can you truly start to heal from her death." Shikamaru was quiet for a few moments.

"I've already acknowledged what she's done."

"But have you accepted it?" Neji countered lightly. "I mean, have you truly accepted it?" Shikamaru was quiet again.

"I don't want to." Shikamaru mumbled.

"Why is that?" Neji pushed lightly, thinking back to what Hinata said.

"Because if I did accept what she did…then that would mean that she actually did it." Neji was shocked, not so much by Shikamaru's statement, but by the fact that everything that Hinata had said was right.

There's no chance in hell that Hinata's that good.

"So if you don't accept something…then it doesn't exist?" Shikamaru nodded.

"Something like that."

"Tell me more about that." Neji felt Shikamaru tense against him, making him feel like he said the wrong thing.

"Something that doesn't exist can't hurt you, right?"

"That's true, but your mother's death did happen."

"I know," Shikamaru said thickly. "but I don't want to actually accept that she…died the way she did." Neji bit his lip and rebelled against his better judgment.

"You don't want to accept that she committed suicide." Neji said it quietly and instantly felt Shikamaru tense against him.

He clenched his eyes shut when Shikamaru sniffed again. Neji held Shikamaru tighter to him, hating himself in the process as Shikamaru sobbed into his chest. Shikamaru clung to Neji's shirt in desperation as sobs bombarded his frail body; Neji felt Shikamaru fingernails poke against his skin. Neji buried his face in Shikamaru's hair as the Nara's sobs were accompanied by a series of wet coughs.

"I don't like seeing you in pain, Shikamaru. I really don't, but I think that needed to be said. I'm here with you and I'm not going anywhere." Shikamaru's hard sobs began to die down and he breathing began to even out.

Seems like he's about to fall asleep.

"And if I could take away your pain, I would do it in a heartbeat." He said quietly as he rubbed Shikamaru's back slowly, feeling every bone.

Shikamaru felt a strange, yet strong, sense of security wrap around him. He felt himself grow tired as Neji continued to rub his back and his warm body heat surged through him. He's never felt this safe before and he didn't want to leave from this exact position. He was safe here in Neji's arms, even when there was a war wagging in his mind. But before he faded into the realm of sleep, Neji's soft voice repeated his previous words in his ear:

"And if I could take away your pain…I would do it in a heartbeat."

NejiXShikamaru

Alright Gang,

As always, patience and reviews/PMs would be appreciated!

When-Rabbit-Howls