It was Christmas Eve and all Brittany wanted to do was wallow in the burning jealousy and self pity she felt but her sister didn't let her. Lily refused to let the older blonde break such an important tradition. It was also pretty obvious to the young Pierce that Brittany needed the relief of the piano.
"After this, I'm going back home," Brittany muttered in an uncharacteristically somber tone. Lily couldn't even begin to imagine what horrible thing had to have happened since the last time she saw her sister. Seriously, Christmas was like a drug for her older sister that usually had her riding on cloud nine for days.
"Oh come on, B, what's with the Grinchmas attitude?"
"It's nothing," was the short reply. Instead of pressing for more, Lily pushed her sister into the driver's seat of their family car before sprinting to her side and hastily tossing Brittany's backpack in the back seat. There was no way she'd give her sister time to dive out.
The ride to the mall was quiet but thankfully Lily could feel the tension lessen the closer they got to the mall. She tried to keep her glances subtle as she noticed Brittany's face change from a scowl to a small frown.
"I don't think Santana's gonna be playing today," the blonde whispered sadly. The thought had been plaguing her since she woke up and made the mall seem like a bad idea. She felt ill and unsettled but that single thought made her heart hurt even worse.
Santana had been obviously upset last night when she spoke with Brittany; there was no way she'd want to play the piano. Or maybe she did but only because of that guy. The blonde grit her teeth and tightened her grip on the steering wheel. There it was again: jealousy. It was so incredibly frustrating because the feeling was so foreign to her and she didn't know how to make it go away.
"Britt?" Lily prodded hesitantly.
"I just… don't think playing today's a good idea." She had to scrape the words out of her, feeling each syllable pain her because the piano meant so much to her. "It'll feel weird without her."
"Who do you play the piano for?" The younger Pierce's voice was steady but there was an underlying hint of sadness that clung to her words as she spoke. Her sister's scowl melted away from her face to be replaced by a look of confusion.
"Dad," Brittany replied easily, furrowing her brows. "You know that."
"Exactly." Lily shifted in her seat, adjusting her seatbelt as she faced her sister. "I know you like playing the piano with Santana but you have to remember, you do this because this was your thing with dad. He used to play for you and…" She let her voice trail off.
"And now I play for him," Brittany finished. She understood and felt infinitely better. Sure she was clueless on how to apologize to Santana for weirding her out and running off but that could wait because she had a show to put on. She'd ignore thoughts of mysterious guys and pretty girls to focus on communicating with her dad. He always understood her so well. And who knew, maybe he'd send some angelic advice or something.
When they finally arrived, Brittany's mood had changed significantly and she gave in to the Christmas magic that surrounded her. She shrugged on her backpack and walked through the sliding doors of the mall with her head held high, determination shining bright in her blue eyes. Christmas was special and she wouldn't let anything keep her from remembering that again, even Santana.
"Do you want me to head to the piano?" Lily wasn't sure what else to say. She was worried that any kind of reminder of the Latina could lead back to her sister's sour mood.
Thankfully, she was wrong.
"No, it's okay." Brittany sounded sure of herself as she wrapped an arm around Lily's shoulder, hugging her. "It'll be okay. I know how you feel about stuff like this." If there was one thing the blonde cared for above all else, it was her sister. She wouldn't make Lily do anything she knew would make her feel uncomfortable, especially during Christmas time.
"If you want me to, I will," the younger Pierce replied defiantly. Brittany couldn't help but laugh as Lily went on to use the signature 'Pierce Pout'. "I'm not that selfish."
Brittany flashed a smile, pressing a quick kiss to her sister's temple. "You're not, you're just Lily." With another, softer smile, the tall blonde let go and made her way to her piano station.
She ran into Marley who was pacing in front of the room, looking stressed and on edge. The moment she saw her blonde friend she ran and threw her arms around her. Even though Brittany didn't understand what was going on, she returned the embrace with an equal amount of strength.
"Where have you been?" Marley asked impatiently. She pulled back, running her blue eyed gaze over her friend's face as she waited for a reply.
"Um... at home?" Wasn't it obvious that she'd be at home if she wasn't there?
"Why?" The brunette placed her hands on Brittany's shoulders, holding her at arms length.
"Because..." She didn't meet Marley's eyes as she began to fidget with her fingers.
"I'm not gonna pry because we both know that's not how we work, but just let me know, are you going to play?" Now the younger teen looked concerned rather than impatient, searching the blonde's face once more.
"That's why I have my bag,"Brittany replied, pointing to her backpack for emphasis.
"Thank God," Marley said with a relieved sigh. "Me and mom have been freaking out because we hadn't seen you all day and we didn't know if you were sick or something."
"Nope. But Santana might not play today." Again Brittany fiddled with her fingers.
"Do... Would you like a replacement?"
"No! I mean, no, it's okay. Let me just go and set up." By then, Brittany began to grow impatient.
"Okay, well, let me go tell my mom." With a sheepish smile Marley ran off to find her mom, leaving Brittany alone to get to work. With a small sigh, she walked into the room.
It was strange standing in the room she'd thought of as her own Batcave of Solitude. It'd only been yesterday since she was in there but that was before everything that happened between her and Santana.
Putting her things in the place they needed to be helped with relaxing her muscles but didn't really do a thing for her thoughts. Sure she didn't want to let the drama that happened between her and the Latina mess with her tribute to her dad but she couldn't help it. Santana consumed her thoughts on a regular basis and it only got worse with each passing moment. Brittany knew how she felt about the brunette, so jealousy and sadness ate at her.
Shaking her head and taking a deep breath, she glanced at the clock on the wall, sighing when she noticed the time. T-minus three minutes and counting until she'd have her twenty five second countdown. She closed her eyes and silently counted down so she'd be on time.
When two minutes were up, Brittany almost cried when she heard Santana begin the minute countdown, relief flooding throughout her entire body. Seconds later she joined, her voice surprisingly strong. She opened her eyes, focusing on the monitor in front of her, watching with absolute fascination as the Latina moved in front of the crowd before settling on the bench.
It was when they got to ten that she remembered she hadn't set anything up for them to play together and worry bubbled in her chest. Again, Santana surprised her in the best way possible when she began to play the widely known soft notes from her dad's favorite ballet, the Nutcracker.
Somehow, Santana knew exactly what to play and that drove Brittany insane. The blonde's fingers glided along the keys with mastered ease, playing the music with overwhelming emotion as tears began to roll down her cheeks.
"I really love you," Brittany whispered, staring directly at the Latina on the screen. She had completely forgotten about the headset she wore until she heard and saw Santana falter in the music. She stopped playing when the crowd that was gathered around gasped and grew restless; the teenagers especially. She was frozen and she saw that her piano partner was as well.
"What a… lovely twist of fate!" Millie Rose explained, making her way to stand in front of Santana, shielding her from the crowd. "Our beautiful elf has captured the love of Christmas magic! What better way to spend this wonderful holiday than with people you love? Let's be happy for all the love here today!" Her voice was at a higher pitch than Brittany was accustomed to hearing but she didn't fault the older woman. Millie was undoubtedly in slight shock over the unscripted and obviously sincere confession.
Slowly but surely, people began to clap, obviously confused about the strange and improvised situation but entertained none the less. Some peers that Brittany recognized as schoolmates looked skeptical but they eventually turned their attention away and went back to their shopping, or whatever else they were up to. Santana still sat on the bench, her hands still on the keys as she blinked slowly, her mouth opening and closing.
Brittany immediately yanked the headset off and tossed it away into her backpack, quickly dismantling her things and putting them away. With an exaggerated huff, she lifted it into her arms and made her way out the door toward the food court where in the prior years was where she met with her sister after piano sessions. She clung to the backpack as she waited for Lily, anxiously tapping her foot against the floor. Her nerves were frazzled and she felt unsure of herself.
It wasn't that she was afraid of what her sister would think, or even Millie or Marley. What set her on edge was the possibility of running into Santana after that confession slipped out of her because she knew Santana would be able to tell it was her. There was no way the Latina wouldn't notice, she was too smart for that. And after everything that had gone down yesterday, she wasn't sure if she was ready to face the dark haired beauty; even if something deep inside her yearned for it.
Brittany was so lost in her thoughts about Santana that she didn't notice her sister approach until the younger teen was right in front of her.
"Britt," Lily said gently. Brittany also hadn't noticed she'd closed her eyes until her sister urged her to open them and look at her. "Oh Britt." She threw her arms around her older sister and held her close, rubbing soothing circles on her back.
"Can we go home?" Brittany whispered, resting her head on her sister's shoulder. She didn't want to be scared on such a special day, so she knew she had to get away from any place she could run into Santana.
With a simple nod, Lily pulled away, reaching for her sister and helping her up. They walked, hand in hand, back to their car and without a single glance backwards, they drove home.
…
Santana still couldn't get rid of the ringing in her ears or the soft whisper of three powerful words replaying over and over inside her head. She was stunned to say the least and she was pretty sure she wasn't the only one.
Once the crowd figured out there wasn't going to be any more of a show, they dispersed and went about their business. The lady though, Millie, stared at Santana with wide, curious eyes. The Latina felt a string of vicious words bubble up inside her and almost said them but the more she studied the woman's face, she couldn't bring herself to attack. There was something there, hidden in the depths of those gentle eyes that unsettled Santana in a way that left her floundering once more. After a few more seconds filled with silence between the two, it finally clicked and the teen gasped.
"You know who plays the piano, don't you?" Santana found herself asking. Her voice shook but the cheerio didn't particularly care because Millie held the answer to years of questions. "Tell me, please," she pleaded, despite the growing anxiety within her.
Whoever it was claimed to love her and she knew with complete certainty that the confession was sincere. She could hear it in the way the person played, in the way the words were breathed out, as if it were the most important prayer to ever be said. It terrified her and she wanted nothing more than for someone to hold her… for Brittany to hold her. Her name cause another suffocating wave of anxiety to crash into Santana, forcing her eyes shut as the world around her began to spin.
"Oh God," she whimpered. Her thoughts began to spiral out of control as different images assaulted her mind, trapping her inside of herself. Her heart beat erratically within her chest and pressed her fists to the side of her head as she lost her balance on the bench she sat.
She would have fallen if not for someone holding her. The arms were strong but didn't belong to the girl she craved, it just didn't feel right. The person, whoever it was, held tight and wound an arm around the Latina's waist, helping her to her feet.
"Sweetie, can you hear me? Nod if you can," Millie urged gently. Santana nodded. "Good, okay, Mar is gonna help you to the break room while I go get some water for you. I'll be right back, okay?" Her voice was directly in front of Santana, close enough to indicate she stood a foot away, at most. Again, Santana nodded.
"Come on," the girl, Marley, helped support her weight as they made their way to the break room. Marley was confident that Brittany wouldn't be there anymore, she knew the blonde. Well, maybe she didn't know her that well if she didn't even realize how the girl truly felt about Santana, but still.
Both Marley and Santana were lost in their own musings as they walked, but once they made it to the room, it was obvious they had to say something.
"So… how're you feeling?" Marley felt nervous around Santana, unsure what to say because the head cheerio's reputation called for fear and respect.
"Better," was the short reply. Did the Rose girl know too?
"Do you know what happened?"Another tentative question.
"I spazzed out." She noticed the way the girl pursed her lips in judgement, looking at Santana with disapproving eyes. "Why the fuck do you even care?" she snapped, hating the fact that the blue eyes studying her weren't the ones she wanted.
"Look, I don't know how you did it but she loves you, and I'm her friend, so I'm asking because I know she'd want me to do that."
Santana balked for a moment, completely and utterly thrown off balance once more. She… she...? Who the fuck…?
"She never told me but I guess I should have known. You were the first person who made her happy since the accident. Oh gosh, and the way she'd talk about you… I'm so blind."
By then Marley began to ramble on, more to herself than the other girl but stopped when she realized Santana was breathing heavily again. This time though, she looked more like she was going to puke.
"Who?" Santana croaked out, rubbing her chest.
"Brittany who else would I… oh gosh, oh gosh, oh gosh, you didn't know, did you?"
The girl didn't answer her directly and instead began muttering angrily in Spanish. Before Marley knew what was going on, Santana stormed away in an enraged flourish. She ran to her car, jumping in and slamming the door, hastily buckling her seatbelt and peeling out of the parking lot.
She knew where Brittany lived from years of riding the same bus so she didn't think much of that. She spent the entire drive trying to fight back the angry tears that stung her eyes.
When she pulled up in front of the Pierce residence, she marched up their driveway and pounded on the door. It was Brittany who answered.
Santana opened her mouth, a spew of furious words ready to be yelled but before she could say anything, Brittany grabbed her wrist, yanked her in and dragged her to her room. Santana followed, clenching and unclenching her jaw while digging her nails into her palm. She briefly felt another pair of eyes following her but the feeling disappeared once she entered Brittany's room. If she weren't so mad, the Latina would definitely have gotten lost in looking at all the Brittany-esque things surrounding her. Instead, she let her tears fall and stepped backward, away from the beautiful blonde.
"You lied to me," Santana seethed, feeling her heart break all over again as she watched Brittany shake her head. "Don't you dare fucking lie to me again!" She screamed, her voice cracking pathetically as she began to cry harder. "It was you the entire time and you never, not once, told me! Were you playing with me? Huh? Did you just want to see if I could fall in love with you every possible way? What kind of messed up game were you playing, Brittany? What? Did you laugh behind my back like every other fucking person in my life has? Don't fucking play dumb and tell me why!"
Santana's tears stopped but her breathing was ragged and her face was burning. When she saw Brittany's trembling bottom lip and water eyes every other angry word she had floating inside her head disappeared only to leave a burning ache. She was angry, yes but above everything else, she was hurt. Brittany was perfection; there was just a misunderstanding, right? There was no way that she meant to hurt Santana, right?
She felt so stupid because all she really wanted to do was wrap the blonde in her arms and forget about everything that wasn't their happiness. She didn't want to think about all the pain she was feeling or the pain she was causing. Santana wanted to be happy, but more specifically, be happy and in love because fucking hell, she just admitted she was in love with Brittany.
A/N: Whatcha think? I'm feeling iffy about this but that's what I get for writing most (all) of it while being half asleep at like 1 am. So, with that in mind, sorry for any mistakes,
Also, my apologies again for the lack of updates, writing had been difficult and I've been busy but I want to get this done soon. Let me know what you think, yeah? Appreciate it. Hope you all have had great times! Take care, all (: