I'm back with another chapter! Hope you enjoy! ;D

Chapter V: The Happiest Memory I Have?

To say that Dean's over his dad's sudden disappearance or abandonment, depending on who's talking about it, by the time he returns to Hogwarts would be unrealistic. To say that he's stopped cursing his name every five minutes would be high hopes. However, to say that he's realised it's happened and he's not coming back and he's just going to have to deal with that… well, it's as close as anyone's going to get to the truth of his feelings.

Thankfully, what has passed is his sense of unworthiness. After going to his own room that he had at Bobby's, and feeling a tear fall down his cheek, he made his way out to the Impala, ready to fix a few things that was wrong with her, and because it was his car now, he wanted her to be perfect.

What he didn't expect was him to take a crowbar and bash it against her hood until a dent - or crater, according to Sammy - appeared, and he only dropped it once he had broke her front window as well.

After that, his attitude quickly changed into one of "fuck him", because Sam and Dean were better than what he deserved anyway. He could go and play happy family with his new kid, but Dean knew it wasn't the circumstances that led to him leaving Sam and Dean, it was just the person John Winchester was, and he knew, sooner or later, he was going to fuck that poor kid up too.

But that wasn't on Dean's head. The only person he had to look after now was Sammy. And himself, even though that thought hadn't crossed his mind until he was ranting to Bobby and told him that he only had to look out for Sammy, and Bobby added that he had to take care of himself as well.

Looking after himself; putting himself first is something Dean can't do, but he wasn't about to let Bobby in on that. He didn't need another father figure thinking he was failure.

Okay, so maybe the feelings of unworthiness weren't completely away, but they were in terms of his father, which was something!

But he's definitely not in any happy place, so when the next meeting of Dumbledore's Army rolls around, and Harry declares they're going to be doing Patronuses, Dean's ready to throw his hands up in the air and call it quits.

Harry demonstrates; waves his wand, mutters the incantation and before their eyes, a silver, wispy stag appears before their eyes. He walks them through the movement and how powerful the memory needs to be, and when he says the words "the happiest, most powerful memory you can think of", Dean rolls his eyes and walks over to side on the sidelines as everyone spreads out to try their hand at it.

He suspects Charlie, Sam or even Jo to come over and ask him what's wrong, but none of them do. The last person he expects to come sit beside him is Castiel, which is maybe why he stares at him like he has four heads when he does.

'This is the spell everyone has been looking forward to, and the second we start to learn it, you sit to the side?'

Dean doesn't know if it's a statement or a question, but it does sound more like a question and okay, this dude is a total stranger in his books, but his family hasn't turned and asked him what's wrong, so what the hell, right?

'Just not feeling happy-go-lucky. I'd try and produce a Patronus and end up creating a Dementor or something.' He tries to smile but it fails miserably and he just twirls his wand around in his hand instead.

He looks back up and watches the room for a moment, noticing how not one person has managed to create a Patronus yet, and he hardly thinks anyone will in this lesson; honestly thinks no-one will be able to produce one, period.

Dean turns back to Castiel, 'Anyway, as you said, everyone's been looking forward to doing this, go and try it instead of talking to me. I'll drain all the happiness from you.'

'I honestly doubt that.' Castiel mutters under his breath, but Dean catches it anyway and frowns at him. 'I'm not going to leave you to sit and sulk alone.'

Something flutters within Dean, but he ignores it; ignores how that's the first time he's heard someone say something like that; say that they're not going to leave Dean, even though it's only for a small period of time, and everyone leaves eventually, Dean knows that, but still… at the moment and how he's feeling, it's what Dean needs.

'Tell you what, you manage to produce a Patronus, and I'll stop sulking and come and try it… after bowing down to you of course. Sometimes I think you should be teaching the bloody class with how good you are.'

Castiel says nothing, hardly moves a muscle despite the compliment Dean just paid him, but something shifts within his eyes, and even though his lips are still only pulled into a small smile, it looks a mile long with the look in his eyes.

Not that Dean notices, for he turns his head has been permanently facing the front ever since the kind words left his mouth.

'You've got a deal, Winchester.'

Dean smirks and turns to watch Castiel stand from his place beside him and walk to a space in the middle of the room. He stands with his wand in his hand for a few moments and does nothing, and Dean seriously thinks that the boy is broken, but after a moment, he flourishes his wand and mutters the incantation, "Expecto Patronum!" and what Dean doesn't expect is for silver wisps to shot from his wand, and for a bird to soar into the sky.

Dean's eyes widen as the whole room falls silent, turning to watch the silver bird, which Dean realises a moment later is a peacock, soar about the room, before it settles in front of Dean, an expectant look on its face.

Dean lifts his head to find Castiel wearing the same look and he knows exactly what he's waiting for; with a foolish grin on his lips, Dean stands from his sulking spot and after making sure he's locked eyes with Castiel's bright blue ones, he falls into a bow, arms extended on either side of him and his back flat as he bows down.

He straightens when he hears Castiel's chuckle and he can't help but join in along with it. The distraction is enough to disturb Castiel's concentration and his peacock Patronus disappears, evaporating like smoke.

As soon as it disappears, everyone seems to break out of their trance and rush over to Castiel, crowding around him and breaking his contact from Dean, who's still wearing a wide smile on his lips.

'Well done, Castiel!' Harry exclaims over the chatter - "what did you think of?", "that was incredible!", "you're amazing!" - and walks over to pat Castiel's shoulder.

Dean doesn't miss how Castiel deflects every single time someone asks him what he thought of, but pays no heed, for Harry manages to get the crowd to stop gathering around Castiel and to focus more on doing it themselves.

'He can do it! You can too if you practice!'

He makes his way over to Castiel, who grins at him, showing all his teeth and Dean rolls his eyes and mutters, 'Don't get a big head,' before standing beside him and trying his hand at the spell.

And even though he doesn't manage it by the time the meeting is over, it doesn't matter, for Castiel still has that wide smirk on his face, as Dean wraps his arm around his shoulder and directs them both to the Great Hall for food. And he doesn't even notice that he steers them both to the Hufflepuff table and eats his dinner there, beside Castiel.

~oOoOoOoOoOo~

It isn't until a week or so later that, when Ash corners him in the Common Room, Dean realises just how much time he's been spending with Castiel.

Ash plops himself down on the seat next to Dean, narrowly missing the book on Transfiguration that Dean has open to help him with his essay, but he picks it up anyway and shuts it, causing Dean to finally give him his entire attention.

'Ash, I like you, but I will kick your ass.' Dean declares as he tries to get his book back but Ash just holds it out of his way and gives him a grin. 'Seriously, Dr. Badass, do you have a death wish?'

'What's up with you and Novak?'

With the question, Dean forgets about trying to get his book back and turns a questioning gaze onto Ash.

'What d'you mean?'

It's a simple question and most people would take it as deflecting the question, but Ash knows Dean and after studying him for a moment, he looks genuinely confused, so Ash just sighs and hands Dean his book back.

'With how much time you're spending with him. You've eaten at the Hufflepuff table a good amount of times, and him at the Gryffindor. After that whole thing with the Patronus, you've been inseparable.' Ash explains and Dean's confused look turns into a frown before it eventually settles on a look of recognition.

It's weird. Not because he is spending time with Castiel, or Cas as he's started calling him. That was weird as well, how he was just talking to him and it naturally slipped out, as if he'd been calling him that for years, and Cas, after a brief look of surprise and wonder, said nothing and just accepted it without a second thought.

The truth is, he can't really answer Ash's question, because he doesn't know what the hell has happened! Cas has just found a way into his life and it's almost like he's always been there. The way Dean jokes around with him, and vice versa… it is like they've known each other since First Year, instead of it just being a week ago since they started hanging out.

And normally, that would freak Dean out; the way he's suddenly comfortable around someone he doesn't really know, but surprisingly it's not. And it's the most relaxed Dean's been around anyone in a long time, so, he's not exactly going to turn away just because of that.

Instead, he turns to Ash again and shrugs, flicking his way through the book once again as he tries to find his previous page and says, 'I dunno, man, honestly. But he's awesome.'

And with that said, he goes back to writing Transfiguration essay, finding some sort of solace in the fact he's willing to defend Cas and his friendship with the Hufflepuff, even with his friends.

~oOoOoOoOoOo~

'So, is there a meaning behind your name?' Dean questions one day, as they're lying in the Room of Requirements, both of them on their stomachs with their Defence Against the Dark Arts book open in front of them. That was the only downside to Dumbledore's Army, they had discovered. Umbridge still expects essays and homework from them, and none of it is about the practical side of things; it's all supposed to come from the book, and since neither of them had even read it, they decided working together would be the best bet.

And seeing as they can't go to each other's Common Room without getting distracted by the other people in it, and it's still too cold to go outside, and they had a feeling that Umbridge would split them up if she ever caught them helping each other if they went to the Great Hall, they found themselves in the Room of Requirements.

Thankfully, the didn't have a DA meeting, so they wouldn't be hogging it from the other students.

'What?' Cas questions, looking up from his piece of parchment with a confused look on his face, and Dean honestly can't tell if it's because of the difficulty of the essay or because of Dean's question… he just settles on the decision that it's a combination of both.

'I mean, I know wizards sometimes come up with some crazy names, but your name doesn't sound like the wizarding kind of crazy… it… well… it sounds almost biblical.' Dean admits, honestly feeling a little embarrassed as he's actually admitting to spending time thinking about Cas' name.

He just hopes Cas doesn't think about that and just answers his question.

And almost as if he just read his mind, that's what Cas does.

'It is.' Cas answers. 'It's the name of an angel. Though, it was supposed to be "Cassiel" but for some reason they decided to go for "Castiel" instead. But yes, it's from the Bible; the Angel of Thursday, apparently.'

'I didn't know wizards read the Bible.' Dean muses with a small smile on his face, that is quickly wiped from his face with Cas' next words.

'I'm Muggle-born.'

He doesn't say it as if he's judging Dean for not knowing; he just says it like he's stating the obvious; telling Dean what he had for breakfast or something, but that's not the way Dean hears it. Dean hears it as a shout; as if he's shouting at Dean for not knowing a single thing about him and it's then it hits Dean that he honestly doesn't.

He knows the basics; like, very basics. His last name; his birthday; where he was born, but this… he doesn't know about his parents; doesn't know if he has brothers or sisters. And it's not like it's something that comes up, but they've been talking for a two months now, and Dean's constantly calling him his friend and he doesn't know a damn thing.

And then, he realises that he's not talked about his life to Cas either. Cas only knows about Sam because Sam's a member of the DA as well. But he hasn't explained how Charlie, Jo and Ash come into his life; about his father or mother or Bobby or anything.

He's been calling Castiel his best friend for a month now, and honestly knows fuck all about him.

Dean clears his throat, momentarily speechless by his sudden revelation, but he decides that there's obviously a reason Cas hasn't said anything about his family. Hell, he knows the that he's still hurt by his father walking out on him, and he still can't talk about it, or even think about it, otherwise he gets the urge to punch a hole in the wall; gets the need to hurt and be hurt, which is never a good thing.

He clears his throat again, and nods his head, 'I didn't know that.'

Cas just shrugs, 'I'm not my blood; I don't feel it is necessary information to share.'

And that seems to cause all of Dean's thoughts and worries to evaporate, because this is true. What does it matter what blood Cas had? He was still his best friend, and even though they hadn't opened up yet, he knew they would at some point, because that's what friends do.

So, instead, he puts a grin on his lips, nods his head and declares that, 'Truer words have never been spoken.'

He then goes back to his essay, pointing out a sentence in the book that they can definitely use and puts all thoughts to the back of his mind, hoping not to think on them again.

~oOoOoOoOoOo~

Things are going great with Dumbledore's Army; Dean still hasn't managed to produce a Patronus but that doesn't bother him. He knows that his thoughts aren't necessary "happy" ones; knows the amount of shit he's been through and knows that there's always a darker part to even a sort-of happy memory.

Like, any time he thinks of his mum - and the majority of his happy memories are those of his mother - he always ends up thinking about how she's dead and it kills any buzz he ever had. Then his father… well, he has no happy memories with his father.

There was that one time last year that Sammy and him bought a shitload of fireworks and headed out to a clearing near the forest at Bobby's, and yeah, that's a happy memory because Sam was feeling down that Dad wasn't going to take them to the fireworks that was happening for Christmas near Bobby's and Dean took it upon himself to cheer him up, like he always does.

So, he bought some fireworks and managed to keep it from Sam until they were in the clearing and the box was sitting there and he was able to see Sam's face just light up. And yeah, he felt proud and happy and comfortable then, but when he thinks on that memory for too long, he remembers what followed, and then it's another happy memory wasted.

So, he knows he's not able to come up with a happy enough memory for a Patronus, so, it doesn't bum him out because it's not his abilities… it's just his fucked up mind.

But every other spell is going brilliantly, both for him and Cas, so yes, it's safe to say that things are going great with Dumbledore's Army… that is, until they start to go wrong.

It's a week before the Easter holidays, and Dean's looking forward to it, because it's a break from lessons but it's such a small break that he doesn't need to go home for; doesn't need to be faced with the reminder that he wasn't good enough for his own father to stick around for; at least for another few months that is.

They're all practising the the spells they have the most trouble with, and under Cas' persuasion, Dean is trying his hand at producing a Patronus. He manages a non-corporeal one, only because the memory lasts long enough for some unshaped silver wisps to shoot out of the tip of his wand, but they soon disappear when the darker thoughts come in.

He's just managed it for the third time when a shout of "Harry!" sounds in the room.

Everyone turns to find a small elf standing by the door, his large eyes searching frantically around the room and they don't stop until Harry rushes forward and asks, 'Dobby?'

'The evil woman! The one always dressed in pink! She knows about the meetings, Harry Potter, sir, she knows about the room! She's coming!'

There's a beat of silence as Dobby's words sink in, and then Harry seems to snap out of his senses and turns to the room.

'Run! Go!' He shouts and no-one needs to be told twice. Dean turns to Cas and they both have an understanding between them as a moment later the break into a run towards the door. Everyone doesn't rush through it at once, and Dean's silently blesses the common sense of the people in the room.

And as soon as he's through the door, he turns and even as people rush past him, he doesn't move until he sees Castiel running towards him and they both sprint down the corridors, hoping and praying they don't run into Umbridge, and they don't stop until they're standing in the courtyard of Hogwarts, panting heavily as they double over, hands on their knees as they try and settle their breathing once more.

When it slowly returns to normal, after what may well have been five minutes or five hours, they turn to each other, Cas' blue eyes clashing with Dean's green eyes and they both know that their previous sense of haven and belonging has suddenly been shattered before their eyes, and they both have no idea what's going to happen now.

Dumbledore's Army was the only constant; their only silver lining really, and now that was gone.

What the hell were they supposed to do now?

~oOoOoOoOoOo~

Dean and Cas decide to stay out in the courtyard for most of the night; the meetings for Dumbledore's Army have to take place after all lessons were finished, and it wasn't until five in the afternoon that Dobby came to tell them Umbridge knew all about them.

They know they could probably go back to their Common Room, but even though they never said anything, there was an unspoken decision that they needed to stay together for a little while longer.

They don't talk. Not even to fill the silence or talk about what it all means; they just sit side by side, knees touching and Dean is resting his back against the stone cold wall of Hogwarts, whilst Cas has his elbows on his knees, his hands in prayer formation and pressed against his lips.

They know what it means; Dumbledore's Army is no more. They weren't caught, so Umbridge can't exactly give them detention or anything. But who grassed them in? The Room of Requirements was supposed to be secret; especially when it comes to the DA meetings, because it would only reveal itself to those who were looking for it.

The sky has changed from its previous colour of orange to a dark midnight blue by the time Dean speaks again.

'Who d'you reckon it was?'

Cas finally straightens and Dean winces at the sound his back makes as it cracks; surprisingly, he's the only one that does. Cas just gives an exhale.

'I don't know. Someone that didn't want to be there?' Cas offers. 'Someone who doesn't believe Harry?'

'But who would join if they didn't? Even Ash and Jo came around in the end! I just don't see how you can spend about six months in a secret organisation and find a way to betray it!'

Castiel doesn't reply to that, instead he leans back until his head is resting against the wall of the castle as well, only an inch or two from Dean's, and he casts his eyes upwards, taking in the dark sky that holds a million stars, shining down on them and if he's honest, their sparsity sort of reminds him of the freckles on Dean's face.

'We should probably head back to our Common Rooms.' He mutters after a while, not sure how long they were sitting in silence again.

Dean doesn't want to say that he doesn't want to leave yet; feels comfortable and relaxed here and it's just so quiet and peaceful that he can almost forget… well, everything.

Dumbledore's Army has broken up; that last ray of hope he had is gone. His father didn't stick around to even see him graduate from Hogwarts. His mother didn't even see him turn from toddler to boy to teenager to the young man he was now; will never see him turn into a man, with maybe a family of his own.

But when he's here, and there's just him and Cas and silence, it's almost as if he can forget all about that. None of it matters. Dumbledore's Army was always a risky thing, sooner or later it was going to end, they were deluding themselves if they thought they were going to get away with it forever. And he couldn't help or save his mother; can't go back in time and change that, and he knows it's made him and Sammy the people they are today.

And as for his dad, he can't see that. He can't see the amazing people his sons turned into; he can only see their failures and if he would rather be a part of Adam's life, then fuck him. Dean didn't need him, and Sam didn't need him.

So, maybe that's half the reason he doesn't want to move, because he knows this peace and quiet won't last forever, especially after everything that happened today, and he doesn't want to lose it.

And despite his words, Cas also makes no move to go to his Common Room, and Dean wonders if he's the same; if he has demons that are only silenced in his presence.

Please review!

~Charlotte.x