He woke up around five am to find a sleeping Garcia in the chair opposite his bed, her mouth open and her hands still clutching knitting needles and a half finished scarf in her lap. He chuckled. She always knitted when she was stressed out.

"Hey, babygirl you been here all night?" He said.

She jerked awake and promptly burst into tears before rushing over to him and crushing him in a painful but comforting hug. "DEREK MORGAN DON'T YOU EVER DO THIS TO ME AGAIN!" she sobbed. "I HAVEN'T SLEPT IN DAYS."

Right on cue the rest of the team started filing in, JJ, Rossi, Hotch and Prentiss. JJ handed him a coffee and a hug, Prentiss also hugged him, and then to his shock HOTCH hugged him. Rossi went for a handshake, to Morgan's relief.

"How're you feeling?" Rossi asked.

"Sore." He winced.

"Well a dislocated shoulder'll do that for you." Rossi laughed.

"I dislocated my shoulder? When?"

"You attacked Eric and had to be pulled off him. They put it back in when you got here but you were sedated so you probably don't remember."

He vaguely remembered that. Eric laughing insanely even as he was handcuffed and being shoved along by Hotch. He blew a kiss at Reid, showing no remorse or shame whatsoever. That was what set him off. He'd never been so angry in his whole life. He'd wanted to snap the killer's neck. And then Eric had whispered in his ear in the moment before Morgan was pulled off.

It isn't really rape when you want it so much, Is it?

"Ohh. I'm sorry about that."

"you don't have to apologise." Hotch said. His voice sounded strangely emotional. There was an awkward silence.

"We'll go find the nurse, see if she can up your morphine." Rossi said. They all filtered out leaving him and Hotch.

"How's Reid?" Morgan asked.

Hotch shook his head grimly.

"Physically he's fine. He's got pneumonia and a lot of bruising, and he's going to have to be weaned off the Dilaudid again, but he's not critical. Mentally though…he's in a bad way. He won't talk about what happened, he won't let any of the nurses even touch him. What the hell did they do to him Morgan?"

Morgan shook his head. "let me talk to him."

"I'm not so sure that's a good…"

"please Hotch. I'm the only one who knows what he's going through."

"Alright." Hotch looked at him with his intense profiling stare. "But you both need to make a statement at some point. We have to know exactly what happened if we're going to put them away."

Morgan narrowed his eyes. "What?"

Hotch looked uncomfortable. "Nothing. There's no reason why they shouldn't get exactly what they deserve, I'm just being cautious. Old habits I guess."

Morgan rubbed the back of his head and sighed. A court case was not something he had ever wanted to face again.

"I'm so sorry that this happened to you." Hotch said, his stiff mask of formality cracking slightly.

Morgan blinked. "Not your fault man."

"No, I sent you and Reid to question two suspects with no backup. I'm to blame."

"They were barely suspects. We were just unlucky."

"Still."

"Can you get a nurse to take this thing out of my arm and show me to Reid's room?"

"Sure."

"Sir, we really need you to get back in the bed! We need to do these tests" An exasperated Asian doctor with wire rimmed glasses was saying to Reid when Morgan arrived.

"I don't want any tests." Reid said. He was standing by the window, and had changed out of the hospital gown back into his dirty clothes.

"Sir, please lie down and let the doctor do her job." A young blonde nurse said in a soothing voice, and went to put his hand comfortingly on Reid's shoulder. Reid flinched and glared at him. The nurse turned to the doctor and shrugged.

"What's going on?" Morgan asked.

"Who are you?" asked the doctor.

"A friend. I work with him."

"Well I'm afraid non relatives have to wait outside." She said in an annoying bossy tone.

"No I want him here." Reid said suddenly. The doctor looked as surprised as Morgan.

"Oh." She looked from Morgan to Reid and back with a smirk and raised her eyebrows. "We'll leave you two alone for five minutes then. Maybe you can convince him."

She and the nurse left. Reid turned back to the window, biting the side of his thumbnail.

"I want to go home." he said.

"Yeah I get that. What did they want?"

Reid shrugged.

"Reid." he said again.

Reid mumbled and pointed to something on the bed. It was a small bowl wrapped in plastic, the ones for urine tests.

"Oh." Morgan said gently, understanding. "You know…if you tell them what happened to you they'd probably be more understanding about it."

Reid turned to look at him. His eyes looked red and sore. "No! No one can find out about this Morgan."

"I understand Reid I really do, but telling people makes it easier I promise."

"What like you told everyone about how you were molested?" he snapped.

Morgan gritted his teeth. It was still a very raw nerve to talk about it out loud. "I told you, I regret not telling anyone now. The thought that I let him get away with it for so long…"

"You were just a kid Morgan. I'm a grown man! How could I let this happen to me?" his voice broke off into strangled sobbing, which turned into a hacking cough and he turned back to the window.

"I couldn't stop them either Reid!" Morgan felt his own eyes start to water. "They had a gun, there was nothing you could do without one or both of us getting our brains blown out by those psychos." He moved up behind Reid, wanting so much to hug him, but settling for placing a hesitant hand on his shoulder. Reid tensed but at least didn't push him away.

"We need to tell Hotch the truth at least."

"No!"

"They'll find the tape." Morgan said.

"No they won't." Reid said quietly.

"What do you mean?"

"I erased it from their camera when you attacked Eric."

"Reid!" Morgan said, "that tape was evidence against them!"

"they found us tied up in a basement, what more evidence do they need! They only need to know that we were kidnapped, not what they did to us."

"We're surrounded by a team of profilers! They'll figure it out pretty soon if they haven't already."

"Please, don't make me tell them." Reid said quietly.

The phrasing of his words was unsettling. Not 'please don't tell them' but 'please don't make me tell them.' It reminded Morgan of how Eric made Reid say all those things to make him uncomfortable. Either Reid was doing that deliberately to manipulate him, or he unconsciously saw Morgan as an accomplice to Eric.

"Okay." Morgan said finally. "I won't tell them anything."

"Thank you." Reid said, and returned to gnawing on his thumb anxiously.

"Why don't you come and sit down for a while? It'll shut that doctor up at least."

"I can't sit down." Reid gnawed harder.

"What do you mean?"

Reid gave him a look.

"Oh..." Morgan said as he realised the problem. "I'm sorry."

"Just shut up." Reid said bitterly. "I'm fine! I just want to forget about it. Why can't they just let me go home!"

"I'm sorry Dr Reid" the doctor and nurse re-entered the room. "I can't discharge you without giving you a proper physical exam, testing your urine and working out a plan for coming off the drug you were given, Dilaudid was it?" she didn't seem to expect an answer. She looked at the chart and then at the empty urine cup.

"Would you be more comfortable with a male doctor?" she asked hopefully. Reid didn't reply.

"Is the urine test really necessary?" Morgan asked quietly, knowing that every second they continued to talk about it was drawing more attention to Reid. The doctor looked at him with a sour expression.

"Yes." She said.

"…Okay…so can you tell me why that is?"

"It's standard procedure. We need to test that the dehydration and the drugs he was given haven't damaged his kidney function."

Reid snorted.

"I'm sorry sir, do you disagree with my medical opinion?" she said sarcastically.

"Actually yes I do. I have some experience with this particular drug, and the amount I was given wasn't nearly enough to damage my kidneys. I think you're just covering yourself."

"Well I'm very sorry for thinking that graduating four years of medical school and working in medicine for eight years made my opinion worth a little more than yours." She snapped.

"You should be since I got three phDs in less time than it took for you to graduate." Reid replied tiredly.

The doctor was speechless. She muttered something about getting her superior and left the room.

Morgan couldn't help smiling.

"I love it when you do that." He told Reid. He looked surprised.

"It was childish." Reid frowned.

"Nah you've got more patience than I would have if people treated me the way they treat you. You have no idea how satisfying it is to watch you use your superpower on people like her." He laughed.

Reid smiled for the first time since Morgan walked in.

"My superpower? That makes it sound a lot cooler than it is."

Morgan was about to argue when Hotch entered the room and Reid's smile disappeared in a flash.

"Hey Reid, how are you feeling?" Hotch asked, his eyes scanning Reid's body language.

"Fine sir. I'd like to go home now." Reid's voice was clear and cheerful, his facial expression relaxed, giving nothing away. He was good. Too good, too normal. There was no way Hotch wouldn't see through it.

"I understand. But first I need to ask you some questions, is that okay?"

"Sure. Ask away." Reid shrugged.

He started off asking for facts, when they were abducted, how the pair had subdued them with tasers before taking their weapons, how they were kept separately for days, starved, taunted and beaten up repeatedly. Reid answered them pretty well until Hotch's questions turned to the presence of the video camera.

"What were they filming Reid? Did they film you and Morgan?"

"I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?"

"They drugged me. I wasn't sure what was happening."

Hotch looked at Morgan. "They didn't drug you. Did you see what they were filming?"

Morgan glanced at Reid. How could he lie to his boss? To the FBI?

But he couldn't bring himself to break whatever trust remained between him and Reid.

"Yeah I think they filmed us for a while. Like filmed each other beating us and stuff. Wasn't the film in there?"

"No. It seems that they erased the tape. Why do you think they did that?" Hotch's gaze turned even more serious.

Morgan's nerves were shredded by the time he replied, "To get rid of the evidence."

Hotch's eyes narrowed and he nodded slowly.

"But that doesn't really make sense when they had 23 other films on their computer system. Why bother to delete one when they knew we'd find those?"

Morgan had no answer.

"Do you know what was on the tapes we found?" Hotch continued, sounding tired and sad.

They both shook their heads.

"I think you do."

Reid looked down. Eventually he spoke, quickly and emotionlessly.

"Young men aged roughly from young teenagers to 25 year olds, of various backgrounds and social classes, beginning with younger boys who were homeless or on drugs, making them easy targets. Then as the unsubs grew in confidence they displayed a strong preference to men in positions of power, law enforcement officers, school teachers, even male students who excelled in academic and sporting areas. The victims were filmed being tortured and humiliated and forced to give sexual favours at gunpoint."

"And FBI agents." said Hotch.

"And FBI agents." Reid agreed.

There was a silence. Hotch looked gutted. He'd obviously been hoping it wasn't true.

"I'm not testifying." Reid said. He started to cough as his breathing quickened.

"The law can't protect you properly unless you tell the truth about what happened."

Reid shook his head. "Please get out. Just GET OUT" he yelled.

Hotch nodded, and he and Morgan left.

"Are you sure we should leave him on his own?" Morgan asked, collapsing onto one of the shabby foam stuffed chairs in an abandoned staff room.

"Yes. At the moment he needs to feel in control again." Hotch sat opposite him.

Morgan nodded. He wiped his eyes on his sleeve.

"He won't testify." Morgan said hopelessly. "We both know Reid, and there is no way in hell he could physically bring himself to talk about anything remotely sexual in front of a jury full of strangers."

"A written statement may be enough. And there are rape tests they can do to prove…"

"That wouldn't help." Morgan shook his head.

"What do you mean?" Hotch asked.

"It wouldn't be their DNA you'd find." Morgan said numbly.

Hotch raised his eyebrows questioningly, but was silent, waiting for him to find the words.

"They made me…made me…I couldn't help it, they were going to shoot him if I didn't!" Morgan could barely get the words out. He covered his face with his hands but he couldn't hide the sobs which shuddered through him.

He felt a firm hand on his shoulder.

"You weren't responsible Derek. Whatever they told you to do, you were right to do it. In that situation you had to do whatever it took to get you both out alive."

"I raped him Hotch!" Morgan snapped. "I forced him down, and I made him have sex with me! How was that the right thing to do?"

"You weren't the one holding the gun to his head!"

"No I know that! But it still…it felt like…like I was the same as the guy who did it to me."

He still got bile rising in his throat whenever he talked about him, like his body was punishing him for talking. Like it physically wanted to lock the words inside him.

"This is nothing like that! Buford abused you, used the fact that you needed him, trusted him. You were a child!"

"And how is Reid any different? Come on, don't pretend you haven't noticed. He's not like other people. Just being forced to undress damn near killed him."

Hotch hesitated. "It's true that Reid is more private about his sexuality than most people. But he's not naïve. He couldn't be to do this job."

"There's a pretty big difference between being aware of it and actually doing it though."

"Yes, but he's at least expressed some degree of…interest in the past."

"Yeah I know. JJ and that actress chick. But…"

"Reid's level of experience is irrelevant anyway."

"I don't think so."

Hotch was silent for a moment, studying him. He suddenly looked thoughtful.

"Morgan, can I ask you something?"

Morgan nodded.

"Do you have feelings for Reid?"

It was weird to have it said out loud. He'd been so careful never to let what he felt affect his actions. It wasn't easy hiding something this big from a team of profilers. At work he'd had to repress and deny every thought and feeling towards the other man, until he could almost forget about it, like he could force that part of his brain to shut down. He tried to hold it back even when he was home and no one was around, but it was exhausting, and the fantasies and desires he held back flooded through him like water from a broken dam. He'd never even told his work friends that he was gay, figuring it would be easier to hide the fact that he was hot for Reid, if he just stayed in the closet. It made him feel dirty, like he was lying to everyone all the time.

But the way Hotch said it, it didn't sound like an accusation, or like he found it funny. It was just…Hotch all over. Polite and clinical and straight to the point without judgement.

He still couldn't bring himself to actually answer. But his silence in itself was an answer.

Hotch sighed.

"It doesn't make a difference Derek. It really doesn't. I get that you may feel like it complicates things if you think you wanted it to happen on some level. But you were both raped. You would never have chosen to hurt Reid if they hadn't threatened you with a gun, which means you didn't consent any more than Reid did. And that means you were raped. Nothing else matters, not your feelings for Reid, not who initiated or who resisted more. You. Were. Raped. This was not your fault."

It was the longest speech Morgan had ever heard him give, and the fact that his stoic, disapproving boss was angry on his behalf was enough to break him all up again, and his tired emotions brought tears back to his eyes, and then Hotch was HUGGING him again which was so insane that he gave up on all attempts to control himself and ended up crying on his boss's shoulder for a good five minutes.

"The rest of the team don't have to know do they?" Morgan said, when he'd regained the power of speech. "I don't think Reid could work with them if they knew."

Hotch didn't reply.

"Hotch! Tell me they don't know!"

"They'll figure it out eventually. And the tapes…"

"Who's seen them?"

"Just me and Rossi. But the rest of the team need to-"

"No they don't! Just transfer them to another case! I'm telling you, we will lose Reid if it they find out."

Hotch sighed. "I know. But I'm not sure the team will be happy to be taken off this case halfway through."

"Just give them some bullshit about conflict of interests. We get blocked by that all the time."

Hotch nodded. "Fine. I'll make some calls. Hopefully I'll get the orders across before Garcia starts analysing the tapes. You should go home."

"No. Not until Reid is discharged as well."

Hotch nodded and got up to leave.

"Hotch?"

"yes?"

"Thanks."

Hotch nodded again. He didn't smile, but that was okay. His emotional capacity was probably drained from giving two hugs in 24 hours.

Morgan went back to Reid's room. He was packing his stuff into a bag.

"They discharged you then?" Morgan said.

"Yeah. I set Rossi on them and they agreed to let me go home with some antibiotics as long as I'm not on my own."

Morgan wanted to offer to stay with him, but he didn't know whether Reid would be comfortable with him spending the night. Besides, Hotch would never let him get away with it anyway, in case it muddied the waters later on in the court case.

"So JJ's gonna stay over at my place tonight." Reid seemed to be thinking along the same lines.

Morgan was gutted. He knew it was stupid and selfish, but the thought of Reid being with JJ made him sick with jealousy. But it wasn't about him. It was about making Reid as comfortable as possible. So he just nodded and said goodnight, and then went back into the empty staffroom, shut the door, and screamed out once in frustration like he was being burned alive. He sank to the floor so he was sitting with his back to the door and slammed his head back against it.

This was it. He would never, ever, ever get to be intimate with Reid. Reid would never return even a fraction of Morgan's affection for him, even platonically. It hurt so much he could hardly breathe. He thought he had it under control, that it was something he could just ignore until it went away. He had known it would always ache slightly, but he never thought he would let it consume him like this.

He now knew exactly what it felt like to have Reid naked and writhing beneath him, Reid's cock in his mouth. Now it would never go away. He couldn't stop the images playing over and over in his head, more detailed than any film or fantasy because he was there. Every memory provoked an afterimage of sensations running through his body, making him horny and nauseated in equal measure.

"Idiot." He cursed himself. It didn't quite sum up what he felt about himself at that moment, but it made him feel a little better anyway.

"Who's an idiot?" he heard Garcia say from outside the door. He wiped the tears away again and got to his feet, (not an easy task with one arm in a sling). He opened the door.

"No one." He smiled and changed the subject. "Hey do I smell pizza?"

She looked smug and produced two large cardboard boxes from behind her back.

"Oh you read my mind babygirl."

"Wanna take these babies back to my place where we can indulge in a pizza orgy until the sun comes up?"

"Hell yeah I'm starved." He suddenly realised he hadn't eaten for over 24 hours. "Holy shit I'm starved!" he said again, and grabbed one of the boxes, not caring what was on it as long as it was edible. "I'm not gonna survive the journey back to yours until I have digested at least half one of these."

She grinned and they sat down to eat. She chatted to him about nothing in particular, avoiding anything to do with work or the case. He was grateful, but he couldn't join in the conversation much beyond nodding and laughing at what she said. She didn't seem to mind. He realised for the umpteenth time how much he adored Penelope Garcia. Not like Reid. But not less than him either. Just in a different way. Like he'd die before he let either of them get hurt.

Before he knew it he'd eaten his entire extra-large pizza and about a third of hers.

"Oh my god, that is disturbing!" she giggled. "We'd better get you home then." She heaved him to his feet and they left. Reid wasn't in his room either when they passed it on the way out. Garcia tugged his uninjured arm gently.

"He'll be fine." She said comfortingly.

"Yeah." He replied. "Look, I'm guessing Hotch told you to stay with me but I think I'd rather go back to mine."

She smiled sympathetically.

"Okay. That's fine."

The car journey was the longest they'd ever been silent together. Morgan leant his head against the window and watched the city crawling past. He listened to the radio. It helped calm the panic attack he was barely holding back.

She pulled up outside his apartment building. She seemed to choose her words carefully.

"Look, honey, I'm not going to ask what happened to you. I kinda get the feeling you don't want to talk about it. But if you ever do, just call me okay? I don't care if it's at like one in the morning or whatever."

He nodded and got out.

Just wanted to say a quick hello to the people following this story (: and thank you very much for the kind reviews. *group hug* ^^

It's massively encouraging to know people are enjoying it. I'm not sure how long this will go on for as my plan for it is a little vague, but this is only the beginning. It's going to focus a lot on them trying to move on from it and keep it a secret and their complicated feelings for eachother. It's the darkest story I've ever worked on and after the original kinky enjoyment of the rape scene it became quite difficult to empathise with something so awful. But it's become quite important to me that I do it justice. Somehow I will give them their happy ending I swear ;-;

Okay I confess I am actually feeling guilty for making fictional characters get raped on the internet. *facepalm* I'M SO SORRY REID AND MORGAN.

What am I doing with my existence.