Chapter 5: Final part

Our heroes entered Oz's palace with the remains of Coco's motor cycle.

"You've guys actually did it?! I mean, you're not perfect."

Achmed became insulted. "Alright mister 'You're Not Perfect' we got the motor cycle like you've asked for."

Patrick turned over a cardboard box and out came the pieces. "And you didn't say nothing about bringing it in one piece, so ha!" Patrick stuck his tongue out.

"So you liquidized her?" asked the Wizard.

"Liquidized?" the heroes looked at each other with confusion.

More smokes and explosions were happening around the wizard. "You're not perfect, come back tomorrow!"

"What, I wanna go home now! I want it, I want it!" Achmed started acting like a spoiled bastard as his friends stood up for her.

"You cannot go back on your promise!" stated Optimus. "Yeah." was the only thing Garfield had to say. "We're not leaving this very spot!" said Patrick.

The wizard had enough of the heroes' back-talking. "Enough, don't arouse me!"

"Arouse!?"

Peach then notice something behind a curtain with a sigh saying 'Please do not pull! I beg you!'. She walked toward it and pulled it away to reveal Fry in his underwear, sitting on a beanbag chair, playing something on the T.V. while he spoke the wizard's exact words through a microphone.

"What … the f**k?"

Achmed, and everyone gathered around Fry. He turned his head at them and shrieked. He pulled the curtain away and the wizard shout, "Pay no attention to the attractive man with the huge wiener. Don't bother checking, it's big! Oh he's also a millionaire with a talking horse!"

Achmed pulled the curtains and asked who the hell he is. "Why I am …. The Wizard of Oz."

"You!" everyone shouted. "You're just some loser pretending to be some big shot." Achmed turned to the fake. "I bet that's some lousy CGI hologram!"

"Actually, that's my secretary. I was only doing most of the words besides 'you're not perfect'."

They all turned to the secretary. "You're not perfect."

"Still scary as Hell but you're not actually a wizard! Bad infidel, bad!"

Fry looked down with grief. "I'm not a bad infidel; I'm actually a good guy, just a sucky wizard."

"So you're saying you won't help us out?" asked Patrick.

"Well for my defense; you guys just barged right in expecting I will just wait on you hand and foot! Were you hoping I would just do all that stuff for free? Also, I'll actually help you."

Fry took out a book. "Hey Patrick, you want a brain. Who needs it? Here's the only book you need." Fry gave Patrick a book about the world in the eyes of the author.

"Hey, that was written by Osama Bin Laden! Are you saying he has stupid ideas?" Achmed glared at Fry while holding a bomb.

"That's a common fact bone guy."

Patrick began dancing around. "Oh boy, oh boy! Wait, I can't read."

"Oh well, next is the cat!"

"Lion." said Garfield.

Fry kneeled down to Garfield. "Garfield, you've mistaken hunger for wisdom."

"Nooooooo. I'm hungry! My stomach will start eating what's left of me. I'll slowly be as skinny as that guy!" said Garfield pointing at Patrick.

"Here's some lasagna." Fry handed Garfield a container of lasagna. Garfield immediately took it and hoards it down.

Fry looked up at Optimus. "You say you want a heart. Doesn't that Spark thing count?"

"Wait, it does count!" Optimus cheered. "Our mission was successful."

Achmed looked at everyone. "Wait, wasn't I supposed to say that all this stuff is fake and you guys had what you were looking for all along. The lion was brave enough to go in the castle, the scarecrow thought of that chandelier plan, and the Tin Man freaken crys a lot!"

The friends finally took notice of Achmed. "Hey, what about Achmed?"

Achmed then said, "I don't think there's anything in that black bag for me. Oh, what about a weapon of mass destruction?"

Fry thought about a solution. "Guess I could just take you there myself."

Achmed gasped with joy. "Really, you can?"

Fry put his hand on his chest and pointed upwards. "Why yes. I was at Kansas before. I took a balloon there. I have no idea how the laws of physic works about that world and Oz, nor have I yet to see 'Oz, the Great and Powerful' but I'm sure the same way in is also the same why out! Follow me!"

So Fry took everyone to his Balloon as Peach barks about anything for her. She was given a dog treat and all of Coal City gathered around to see Fry and Achmed's journey back to Kansas, unfortunately Fry's balloon was just a small red party balloon on a string.

Fry gave a guilty smile as Achmed just popped the balloon with a pin. "You ….. You tried and pass that party favor as my ticket home!? I keel you!"

Fry suddenly burst out laughing. "I …. I pranked you so good! I'm …. I'm gonna pee!"

Fry then pointed to the actual hot air balloon with a picture of a Cyclops named Leela in a bikini. Fry, Achmed, and Peach boarded the balloon. Fry gave a speech to his people. "O.K. I'm going to drop this guy and his dog off to some parallel Dimension. I'll be back in ten minutes."

Fry patted Patrick on the back. "This guys in charge when I'm gone. Also that lion will handle the food preparation and that giant robot with weapons that will take care of any invasion will work as a chimney sweep."

"Geeze, and I thought George Bush was bad."

So they were all ready to float back to Kansas, but thank for Peach's stupidity. She jumped out of the basket to chase after an orangutan. "Peach, you idiot! Get the Hell back here!"

Achmed told Fry to stay and he ran out of the basket, but it was too late. The balloon was floating in the sky as nobody does a damn thing to stop it. I mean really, Dorothy just ran after Toto and nobody thought to make sure the balloon does not float away?

Achmed saw Fry floating away as he came back with Peach. "Hey, I told you to stay!"

"Sorry, I don't know how it works." Fry admitted.

"…..What?!"

So Fry floated away far from Coal City, never to be heard from again. Well in that Dic show, the main plot of the series was to get the Wizard back on the ground, soooooooo I don't know how it all ends. That cartoon studio was crap anyways, except for making Sonic Satam!

"Well this sucks." said Achmed.

Garfield began crying. "I heard global warming will cause wheat to become extinct. We need that for lasagna!"

"That's the only thing you have to say you fat cat!? Well guess what, dogs are number 1 bitch!" Garfield responded by tracking his claws. "Oh crap."

After some vicious scratches, Patrick saw a bubble coming toward them. "Uuuuuh, a bubble!" The bubble of coarse is Gandolf.

"Oh great, the drag queen again!"

Gandolf walked toward Achmed. "Hey wizard, that Fry wizard suck. Do you know any other way to get back home?"

Gandolf laughed a bit. "That won't be necessary. You hold the power to get back home all along."

"WHAT!?" shouted Achmed. "What do you mean I had a way all this time!? Tell me now damn it!" Patrick asked Gandolf why he didn't tell Achmed before.

"Oh that is because you wouldn't believe me at first."

"Not believing!? A tornado picked up my damn house which somehow landed me in another dimension with little people, witches, talking object people and trees, people in bubbles, and some large hologram head! What's in this world that's not believable!?"

"Actually you need to learn a lesson." said Gandolf.

Optimus asked Achmed what he'd learned. "Well let's see. It wasn't enough to just wanting to see my aunt and uncle again, and it was that if I ever look for my heart desire, I only needed to look in my own backyard because if it isn't there, I hadn't lost it in the first place. … What does that mean?"

"Well it means that running away from home won't find you happiness." explained Gandolf. "Because true happiness is with your loved ones you live with."

"Oh I get it, the moral is running away from home is wrong. Even if you did a bad thing or you don't feel loved enough ….. THAT WASN'T THE F**KING REASON WHY I'D LEFT! COCO WAS GOING TO KILL MY F**KING DOG! I WAS TRYING TO SAVE HER BY TAKING HER FAR AWAY FROM THAT CHILD HATING WHORE! ANOTHER THING, I RAN BACK BECAUSE MY AUNT WAS DIEING! I'D LEARNED THAT LESSSON ALREADY!"

Gandolf laughed again. "Now those shoes will take you back home."

"Finally!" sighed Achmed. He turned to his three friends that he made in Oz. Patrick the Scarecrow, Optimus Prime the Tin Man, and Garfield the Cat, "Lion!" They have been with Achmed almost since the beginning. Achmed looked at each of their faces. They too know they may never see their friend again. Their eyes began leaking knowing they will be given a proper farewell from Achmed

"Bye Rednecks!"

Achmed quickly turned to Gandolf. "Don't bother explaining, we all already know how these damn shoes work!"

Achmed quickly tapped her shoes saying 'There's no place like home' before his three friends could say anything about Achmed's insult.

The curtains close and the Death Masks could hear all the noises behind stage. "Come on, put your backs into it!" "Did you hear my lines, I'm a star!" "Hey Tony, bring it over here!" "I don't remember where I'm supposed to be, Whaaaaa!" "Hey shut up Cow! I'm gonna tell mom!" (Crack) "Damn it, we broke that cup!" "Who gives a sh#t!" "Hey don't talk back to me!" "That's what you mama said!"

The Death Masks stared as they heard the fighting going on.

"Hey you two, stop it now or I keel you!" (Crash) "That's it; I keel you till you're dead!"

(BOOM)

Smoke began coming out from the curtains. "Damn it Achmed, we need a new set." "Sorry!" "Now we need a distraction." "I know, get that 'You're not Perfect' guy out!"

So two stage crew brought out the CGI thing. "You're not perfect …" He continued saying that for an hour as the Death Masks shivered in fear.

"O.K.! Everything's complete!"

The stage crew took the horror away and the curtains opened to show Achmed in bed.

"There's no place like shome. Damn it! There's no place like hume. Damn it! There's no place like hoe, Damn it!"

Then Aunt Cow placed a wet towel on his forehead. "I used my own milk."

Achmed suddenly woke up. "Aunt Cow, Uncle Monkey?"

"Yes, it's us." said Aunt Cow.

Fry then came to the window. "Hello, just your average stranger here just checking in your daughter through the window."

Monkey shrieked.

"But I did leave you guys Uncle Monkey. I tried to get back to you for days and days. Wait, I thought that whole adventure was only a few. Let's see; I landed in that kid town, met scarecrow, then tin-guy, the lion, went to Coal City, met the wizard, go to the witch's place at night, when back to the city, then left home during the day. Sounds like only two days."

Then Patrick, Garfield, and Optimus came in as Optimus break through the house.

"Hey, you're not dead. Darn it, I like this room." said Patrick.

"Hey, I went to a place with you guys in it. You were there, you were there, you were there, you were there, I saw a vision of you on a T.V." Achmed looked at Uncle Monkey. "You weren't."

"Uhhh I think she has head damage." stated Aunt Cow.

"No, it was real! I was knocked out cold and landed in bed. Then the tornado brought me to Oz with odd things called colors. Then I met you three guys as a scarecrow, metal guy, and a lion."

"Cat!"

"Then I met an evil witch and Gandolf in drag telling me all ugly people are evil. Then I met you three and together we went to see the wizard. Then I killed a bitch by pouring water one her, then the wizard was a fake and Gandolf told me to clap my shoes together to go home! Then I woke up here."

Everyone was silent.

'Damn you guys! But hey, I won't ever run away again even though it was to protect my dog!"

Peach climbed up to Achmed in bed. "Bark?" she asked while being just as confused like the rest of them. Achmed hugged Peach. "There's no place like home!"

The E-

"Wait a minute!"

Achmed looked around. "I could have sworn we were forgetting something important!"

"Oh yes you have."

Everyone turned to the door with shock. "It's Coco!" everyone shouted.

Coco glared at everyone while holding a butterfly net. "I'm here for the dog. You thought I would just give that Nazi an empty basket and never come back?"

Achmed shivered. "Please tell me the reason she didn't interfere was that the tornado killed her in the actual book ….. anyone?"

Coco caught Peach in the net and ran off. "Peach, I'll save you!"

They ran outside and Coco jumped on here bike. "I've figured out how to get a Nazi to kill a blonde with blue eyes like you!" She took out something. "Now but this large fake noise on and-"

"Coco, we're not allowed to make fun of races." said someone off stage.

"Oh, then I'll say you have special needs and-"

"Either the born different way or the sexual way, both aren't allowed."

"Rrrr, Then I'll tell him you believe in a God."

"The government doesn't want to talk about religion."

"Oh that's just an excuse to not pay money for Holiday decorations! How about I just tell them that Peach does not think that 'Adolf Hitler said so' is not a scientific fact?"

"That works."

So Coco pedaled toward the Nazi sheriff.

"Not on my watch!" Achmed jumped onto her tricycle and chased after Coco.

So they chase on the dirt road began. Achmed was catching up to Coco quickly. She noticed this and took out a box of tacks and dropped them on the ground. Achmed narrowly dodged each tack while other bicyclists behind them weren't so lucky.

They came to a rocky path and the two started shaking. Peach was going to fall out of the basket. So Achmed tried reaching for her. Coco reached down for a rock and threw it at Achmed's head. She grabbed Peach and she pedaled faster.

Achmed ignored the damage on his head and kept on pedaling to save Peach.

A busy street was up ahead with cars passing by. Coco pedaled faster and drove on the street. Cars honked at her as she passed almost all the cars.

Achmed came to the street and realized the danger. So he spoofed Frogger to get across while losing a life.

Achmed saw Coco at the Sheriff office. "Oh no, I'm too late."

Coco laughed evilly. "Now you will see your precious dog die!" Coco knocked on the door and out came the sheriff. "You, kill this dog! She doesn't think Hitler controls the universe!"

The sheriff cleared his throat. "Actually, I'm not a Nazi anymore."

"Whaaaaaat!?"

Then an incredible sexy woman came out of the office. "This here's a Jewish woman. I did it with her last night and suddenly I realized that Hitler is an ass****."

Achmed walked to the office. "So I guess sex with Jews stops Nazism."

Then everyone from the play; including Patrick, Optimus, Garfield, Cow, Monkey, Fry, the children, Gandolf, Roxas, Cosmo, the Thumb Thumbs, and the background characters gathered around and hold hands. They waved back and forth as they sang a song that was written in seconds.

"Oh Hitler is a dumbass, he makes his people stupid, but if we get to f**k with what he hates, we'll learn Hitler actually made us his bitches!"

They all bowed and the curtains closed. All the Death Masks cheered for their performance.

"Wasn't that great Stick?" asked Rock. "You betch ya! What do you think #52?" asked Stick.

"What do I think ….." The three Death Masks were now in casts from their part in the play. "Look at what you guys done! I won't be able to walk in another month!"

Rock patted him on the head. "Don't worry, I'm sure the next time a Childhood Hating Parody happens, it could be Jurassic Park."

#52 raised his voice. "You idiot, almost everyone's doing stuff relating to Jurassic Park! What can they bring that's new and fresh? They'll probably just have characters from the same series they've already did!"

Achmed was listening to their conversation. He took out a cellphone and called someone. "Cancel the project for like maybe in the fall or something."

The End

Character List:

Dorothy – Achmed from Jeff Dunham performances

Toto – Peach from Super Mario series

Aunt Um – Cow from Cow and Chicken

Uncle Henry – Monkey from Dexter Laboratory

Witch/whoever – Coco from Rugrats in Paris

Glinda – Gandolf the Grey from Lord of the Rings

Munchkin – random children from other places

Scarecrow/whoever – Patrick Star from Spongebob Squarepants

Tin Man/whoever – Optimus Prime from Transformers

Cowardly Lion/whoever – Garfield from Garfield

Talking Tree – Wispy Woods from Kirby series

Gate keeper, Carriage Driver, Guard – Roxas from Kingdom Hearts series

Wizard of Oz – That scary CGI thing from Courage the Cowardly Dog / Fry from Futurama

Main Flying Monkey – Cosmo from Fairly Odd Parents

Winkie Guards – Thumb Thumbs from Spy Kids. (Yes, they're actually called Winkie Guards)

Extra- Chicken, Ganon, Xion, life-action CGI Garfield

Original – Death Masks, Stick, Rock, and #52.

Yeah I'm done with advertising Cross-Over Crystals, even though it's almost over which will soon have some action-pack fighting and a huge reveal about ….. Damn it, not again!"