Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, Stephenie Meyer does.

A/N: Thank you for reading, I hope you have enjoyed the story so far. It has been very interesting writing it. I have the largest playlist, but I find epic music to be most inspiring. I suggest listening to music by "Two Steps From Hell, Audiomachine, and X-Ray Dog," they do music for movie trailers, soundtracks, etc... They are amazing. Two Steps From Hell did the song "Moving Mountains" from the New Moon trailer and they also did the "Mercy In Darkness" for the Twilight trailer. X-Ray Dog's song "The Power of One" was used in the Twilight trailer as well. They are beautiful compositions and I think you should definitely take a chance to listen to them. Their music is absolutely wonderful.

Also, I still need a beta reader! And I would really appreciate it if you could review my story. Author's write to be listened, to touch people's hearts with their work. How could they know if they've touched someone if no one tells them? It makes my day to know that someone enjoy's my story, even if they don't like it, it encourages me to be a better writer. But I will never know, or never be able to fix my mistakes if I am never told. So please, it only takes a few seconds, write a review and make someone's day. Thank you.

My Dark Angel

Chapter 8

Assurance

"I can't take this anymore Bella! I can't see you like this anymore!" Jacob was angrily speaking to me in a low voice, and I was in complete shock at his sudden explosion. I hadn't talked to him for days, it was Monday and we were in first period. I did not call him over the weekend like I had said I would. After I had gone to the café with Edward, I was nonexistent to the world. If Charlie and Renee hadn't checked on me once in a while in my bedroom, it would have seemed as if no one was even home, or alive. I was dead, in a way, and I'm sure Jacob thought so too.

I looked at Jake with wide eyes. He seemed completely frustrated and worried.

"Bella, please, I can't take this anymore. I don't know what's going on with you. I don't know how to help you, I'm trying, but I don't know what to do Bella. By God, you need to stop this, walking around like a zombie! It scares the shit out of me, and I feel like I am losing you Bella. God I am losing you!"

I was overwhelmed with the sudden attack of emotions that I couldn't begin to rationalize the situation. I needed help, I needed to forget the pain I was in, for Jake's sake, but I couldn't. No matter how hard I tried, no matter how long I would have to suffer, I couldn't stop it. It was like my nightmares that kept coming back and back and back. The pain would not leave, it would not subside. It was forever launched into me, causing me to undergo such immense agony and torture that I was about to break. How long would I have to put up with this? My dark angel felt so real, something fake couldn't possibly cause this much damage. My dark angel must be a real person. He must exist somewhere, or else this was all for nothing, or else all these tears have been wasted.

If he was not real, then I could not possibly hurt this badly. If he was not real, then I wouldn't feel as if I had lost a part of me, a huge part of me, my other half. He was my soul mate, this dark stranger who had come into my life. He was my dream, my perfect match, and he had vanished. You are not supposed to be able to go on without your soul mate, your true love. And somehow I am here, living each day, barely of course, but living nonetheless.

I would have never expected it to get harder day after day. I thought it would slowly stop, fade away like an old bruise or a measly scratch. But this ache, this problem, was like a disease, it only got worse with time. It would grow and grow day by day until I finally lost the strength to stand it any longer. It would grow stronger until I became too weak to fight it any more. I was losing this battle with my heart. I was losing this battle with my sanity. I needed some kind of help, from where it didn't matter, just as long as I got it.

"I'm sorry Jake, I-"

"Bella, don't apologize. I am sorry for causing you whatever pain you are in, last year when-"
"Jake, do not blame yourself, this is not about what happened last year at the cliffs. Please, stop blaming yourself for that. It was not your fault." I looked into Jacob's eyes pleading for him to drop it, he looked anguished.

"I can't Bella. I can't forgive myself. Please just tell me what's going on." He pleaded. I had to lie to him; I couldn't tell him that I was suffering because of the loss of someone I was in love with.

He would be confused, thinking that he was right there and that he wasn't going anywhere, where in reality I wasn't even talking about him. It was my dark angel whom I was grieving over, not Jacob. As bad as that was, I could not ignore those feelings. Yes, I loved Jacob, but not in the way that I had loved the mysterious boy. He was everything to me, my light in the darkest of night. He was the beauty of my world, and now it was filled with ugliness. I could not live in a world without my dark angel, but somehow I was surviving, somehow I was strong enough to go on.

"I'm just having nightmares again, horrible, vivid nightmares that will not go away. They feel so real, and it hurts so much." I did not completely lie to Jacob, but most of it was not the truth. I was not having nightmares, but I could consider the dark nights in the dead meadow to be sad and depressing. They would remind me of the boy's absence which was horrific in all things said. Though I was hurting, and my dark angel did feel real; of course that was not a lie.

I was about to cry, but I couldn't. I was in school and people would begin to stare. I did not want an audience for the intense conversation Jacob and I were having. It was bad enough just to have the conversation in general, and to have people listening was entirely uncalled for. I could not bear the extra attention, I hated it enough as it was.

"I'm sorry for how I've been acting lately Jake. I just feel completely lost, like a part of me is missing and I don't know why." Jacob reached for my hand and his face was an expression of understanding.

"I'm so sorry Bells. I'm so sorry, I just don't know how to help you when you're like this, and I hate seeing you in so much pain. It is driving me insane." He said, the anguish was still in his eyes and I could tell he was hurting.

The last thing I wanted to do was to let this pain inside me affect Jacob as well. I would never intentionally hurt him, and to see him in agony because of my selfishness was too much to handle. Because I couldn't let go of my unrealistic dark angel, I couldn't let go of the pain, causing Jacob to suffer with me. It hurt me even more to see him miserable. And to know that I was causing him this distress made my heart drop to the floor heavy with guilt. I looked into his eyes, squeezed his hand, and thought to myself, I am so sorry Jake.

I knew this situation was destroying him, it was destroying us, and I didn't want that. The real love in my life Jacob, was what I wanted, at least what I did want, what I thought I wanted. He was comfort, he was the familiar, and it scared me to explore the unknown, especially when I already had a good solid love to begin with.

If I wanted any kind of happiness, then I'd have to let go of my dark angel, but that would be the hardest thing I would ever have to do. If I wanted to see Jacob happy again, I would have to forget the boy, I would have to forget the happiness and love he made me feel. I would have to forget my world, the world I loved and desired. It was like starting from scratch, a new beginning, a new story. I did not want to forget and start over, but I knew that I had to. For Jacob's sanity and happiness, I had to.

"It's okay Jake, I promise I'll get better soon, I just need some time." I said trying to fix the situation.

"Take your time; I want you to be Bella the right way." I nodded and gave him a faint smile. He mirrored my face. Just then the bell rang.

We both got up and began to pack our belongings. Jacob finished before me and then helped me with my things. I finished packing and we walked out of the classroom together.

We didn't speak as we walked, he wanted to give me time and so that was what he was doing. We reached my class and Jacob kissed me softly on my forehead before letting me go. He looked deeply into my eyes and I could see the worried little Jacob I once knew when we were younger for a fraction of a second. He then turned his head, but before he did, I saw the agony return to his eyes and watched him walk off.

He was still hurting, and it was because of me. My eyes began to glisten as I could feel I was slowly losing my grasp of control on my emotions. I tried to dry them up before entering class.

As I collected myself, I walked in and saw Jessica. She did not wave to me today or urge me to sit down next to her. I had ignored her lately, due to my lack of response to anyone, and she probably took that as a personal offense. I didn't really care because it wasn't about her, but I still felt guilty. I didn't mean to ignore her, the last week felt like a blur. All I could remember was talking to Edward every day, and the pain. Oh God the pain.

It hurt so much to think of him, the dark boy who used to live in my dreams. The boy who used to make me smile with complete bliss, his leave caused an unwanted presence, the presence of pain and suffering. When he left, he took the beauty of my world with him. He took the beauty of living with him. I didn't care for anything anymore, all I felt was the deep aching that grew stronger every day, and the guilt growing stronger as I ignored everyone.

I did however have one source of happiness left in my distorted world. Edward. He brought me back to life; he brought the light into the meadow. He was that faint little glimmer from the star. Maybe I wasn't the one who represented the dimly lit star, maybe it was Edward. After my dark angel left, Edward entered my life. He slowly brought back the happiness and love that I had lost. He brought back some of the beauty that had vanished. Edward was the star, the little shining speck of hope that flourished night after night, never dying and always fighting. He was fighting to keep me afloat, to keep me from giving up. He was my hope, my light, my star.

I decided that I would talk to Jessica today, apologize for being so lifeless lately. It was the least I could do for treating her like she didn't matter.

"Hey Jessica," I said as I sat down next to her. She seemed surprised by my sudden welcoming and didn't look at me. Maybe she didn't hear me.

"Hey Jessica," I repeated, she then turned to me with a sour look.

"You're talking to me now Bella? What, am I good enough to talk to again?" She asked with a bitchy tone. I wasn't entirely shocked; I expected a reaction similar to this to come out of Jessica's mouth. She was very predictable. I decided to cut out the remarks and go straight into the apology.

"I'm sorry Jessica, I've been so out of it lately, I didn't mean to ignore you and you didn't deserve it." Jessica looked at me shocked, and then changed her face to an expression of pride.

"Yeah whatever Bella, like I know you've been going through stuff, but so have I. I mean, Mike has been so frustrating lately, he's been making this rumor about me that I had sex with Edward Cullen. Don't get me wrong I would love it if that had actually happened, and I probably wouldn't deny it either, but Mike of all people spreading it. I'm going through some crap too and when I needed to talk to you, you ignored me. You were a freakin' zombie again."

"I'm sorry Jess, I really am." I said apologetically. "I heard about the rumor," Jessica didn't look surprised. Then I added, "I punched Mike for it." Jessica then raised an eyebrow.

"So that's what happened to Mike's eye." She said to herself with a mischievous smile. I smiled too, remembering the hit and how wonderful it felt. Well, it hurt like a bitch, but the feeling of punching Mike was great.

"Yes, he was being an ass; he was making stuff up about you and Edward." I said trying to make her happy by lying and saying I was defending her honor. If it was between her and someone other than Edward, then certainly I would have defended her, but it was Edward. All I could do was think of him and defend him and hate Jessica for the rumor.

"So you punched Mike Newton. I am very impressed Bella, I didn't know you had it in you." She smirked to herself then looked at me approvingly. It seemed all was forgiven.

"Thank you," I smiled to her. Her face turned to a different kind of smile, but this was a smile like I know what you did kind of smile.

"What?" I asked curiously and confused.

"I heard you and Edward have been getting along quite well," she said with a huge smirk.

"Yeah, we have Biology together. He is great," I said as if there was no gossip to the conversation. She raised an eyebrow.

"I bet he's great. So have you guys hung out at all?" She asked, hoping for some good gossip. I didn't know what to say. Should I tell her the truth? But in doing so, would it get back to Jake? I didn't really want him to know that I had been with Edward over the weekend when I didn't even contact Jacob whatsoever. I could see him getting mad in my mind and attacking Edward. I didn't want either of them to get hurt.

Or should I tell Jessica a lie? Should I tell her that Edward and I have only talked in Biology? Surely Jessica could see through my lies too, everyone could. I was a terrible liar, and anyone that knew me could agree on that.

I was stumped, lie or truth? I had to make a decision quick, Jessica was getting antsy.

"Uhh…we...I…um…well…" I didn't know what to say. Jessica smiled.

"You guys so hung out." She stated, not even a question. She knew by the way I was stumbling over words, she knew we had been together outside of school. Damn.

"I can't believe it Bella! You hung out with Edward Cullen! You lucky slut!" She was so excited, but I'm sure secretly she was thinking Why would Edward Cullen hang out with Bella Swan? Yeah, she was pretty, but Edward Cullen. The boy is a God. I didn't care what she was thinking though, it made me smile knowing that I had indeed hung out with Edward, the most gorgeous boy I had ever laid my eyes on.

It felt weird saying that, I always considered Jake to be one of the most handsome boys I had known, but since Edward came into my life, there was really no comparison. Edward won completely in the looks category. Yes, Jacob was still very handsome, even beautiful in a way, but Edward's looks far succeeded Jake's. He was a strange beautiful, he had a face I could never even imagine looking similar to someone else's. It was so unique, so perfectly detailed and crafted. His jaw line in itself was beyond words, breathtaking, fully defined, perfect. His eyes were two beautiful gems, the brightest and deepest emeralds I could have ever dreamed of. His face was perfectly symmetrical, nothing too exaggerated and nothing too insignificant. Every curve, ever surface, spot, angle was amazingly completed to perfection. He was beyond perfect; he was the epitome of perfection. I couldn't say the word perfect enough to describe him. His bronze tousled hair was casually strewed in a beautiful messy array.

There was nothing I disliked by Edwards looks. His body matched his face as much as anything. Flawlessly sculpted and defined to the max, he was a gift from God himself. He was sent here for every girl to weep upon his immense and impossible beauty. He could only be described as the most amazing creature to have ever existed in the entire universe, including heaven. I'd even say he was heaven.

I could even say he was hell. Sent here to torture every girl by looking at him and knowing they could never have him, knowing that their beauty could never match his own. He was too perfect, too beautiful for anyone else. He was a living reminder that every day we could never be with such a beautiful person, that we could never be as beautiful either. Imagining Edward with anyone made me beyond jealous. I couldn't picture him with anyone, no one was good enough. No one deserved him.

Luckily, Edward's outside matched his inside as well. He was the most humble, sweet, eloquent, funny, and charming person I had ever known. Edward had the amazing ability to make me smile and laugh when no one else could. He made happiness touch my eyes and my heart, not just my lips. He could make me tingle at his touch, and yearn for his company. He was a siren, calling me to him. I could not ignore such a siren call; I could not deny such a powerful being. He was perfect, in every way possible, inside and out. No wonder boys envied him and girls drooled over him. Who would not want to be, or be with Edward Cullen?

Jessica chimed in on my thinking, "So how did this even happen? Where did you guys go? What did you two do?" She was beyond curious, and she was beyond excited. I just smiled.

"We met at a bookstore Friday night. I was looking for a book and couldn't find anything, I was about to go home when I went down the last aisle and there was Edward. He looked at me and smiled and we went from there. We ended up going to this really pretty little café and talked for hours." Jessica was in complete concentration. She asked for every single detail and made me tell the story twice to get everything exactly right.

We both sat there in silence when she was finally done asking questions. She looked as if she was in deep thought. Then as if a light bulb went on above her brain, she smiled and then looked at me.

"I think he likes you Bella." She said with a huge grin. "I think he really likes you."

I thought for a moment about what she said. Could Edward really possibly like me? Edward Cullen of all people, like me, Bella Swan? It couldn't be; I couldn't see it. Why? Why me? There are plenty of girls better than me that Edward could have. He could have anyone, and the thought of him wanting me was beyond absurd. I laughed, and Jessica gave me an annoyed look.

"Bella, think about it. He asked you out for goodness sake! He winked at you! Seriously? Are you that blind?" It hit me like a brick wall, maybe Jessica was right. Maybe Edward did like me, does like me. I smiled even bigger at the thought. How nice would it be to have Edward Cullen be with me?

Wait, I can't think about this. Jacob. I can't do this to Jacob.

I couldn't, I already caused him so much pain. I couldn't possibly add on to it by liking Edward. It was sick, it was terrible of me. I loved Jacob, didn't I? Well, if I loved him, how could I be thinking such things? How could I let my dark angel rule over me like he had, and how could I let Edward Cullen enter my life like he was doing? If I was supposed to be with Jacob, then I couldn't let anything get in the way of us, then these things shouldn't be able to get in the way. But they were, they were creeping into my life as if they were the ones that belonged. Did they belong? Were they supposed to be here?

There was no way of being certain. I either had to let them go and never give them a chance, or I had to let Jacob go and lose everything I had with him. I wasn't sure if I was able to risk it, to drop what took years to create for something that took days. Would it be worth it? There was only one way to find out.

Surely I could try and get to know Edward; we could hang out more just as friends. Jacob couldn't get angry at that, but he was the jealous type, especially if it were to involve Edward, the perfect boy. He was an angel in my world of darkness, if he made me happy, Jacob could not object. I didn't even have to tell Jacob. It wasn't a big deal; I wasn't doing anything with Edward. We were just friends, right? At least, I thought we were, but according to Jessica, Edward wanted more. Should I object to that?

It was strange, I knew I should object, but a part of me, a huge part of me, wanted to be with Edward. It wanted to give him a chance. It was such a strong feeling too, like it knew he was supposed to be in my life and it felt so familiar. I didn't know if I should give in to my instincts or let my brain do the feeling for me. My instincts were telling me Edward, but my brain was telling me Jacob. I didn't even dare to figure out what my heart was telling me.

"I don't know what to do Jess, and please don't tell anyone this. If this got back to Jacob, I don't know what would happen" I said shaking my head. She saw the expression on my face and nodded.

"It is very hard, I know. You've been with Jacob forever, you love him right? But Edward, he's perfect, and you two get along so well. It's like you two have been waiting a lifetime to find each other. But Jacob has always been there for you, all you know is Jacob. No matter what you do, what you decide, it's going to be difficult Bella. Someone will get hurt, and you will feel bad either way. It really sucks to be you right now. Thank God I'm not in that situation." She said with a sarcastic sigh of relief. Jessica's advice was surprisingly really good, until her last few sentences then the surprise was gone. The Jessica I always knew found her way back into the conversation by saying the last two sentences. I couldn't blame her though, my situation did suck. It was horrible, both ways I would lose, and both ways someone was going to get hurt, me included. I was not ready to make the decision. I had to be more certain of both situations before I could chance anything. I had to know what I was getting myself into, I couldn't blindly decide.

"Thanks Jess," I said and she gave me a faint smile.

"Good luck Bella, you'll need it," she said and grinned. The bell rang then and it was time for lunch. I walked to the cafeteria and sat at my usual table with Ben and Angela.

As I sat down, I saw Edward walking towards me. Every time I saw him it was like a fresh wave of amazement washed over me and I was left breathless, gasping for air. He was so beautiful it hurt to look at him. He smirked at me as he saw my expression, my cheeks began to flush and I looked away from his face. I noticed his sister was walking with him, she too as beautiful as he. They were both on their way over to my table. I looked at Angela and she was looking in amazement as well, and I could see Ben's mouth slightly open from looking at Edward's sister, Renesmee. Angela controlled her face then looked at Ben and elbowed him in the arm.

"Ow," he said rubbing the spot she jabbed him in. Angela rolled her eyes, and I looked back to Edward.

He finally reached us, "Hey Bella," he smiled at me, and then nodded to the others as a greeting as well, still smiling, "do you mind if my sister and I join you three for lunch?" He asked in an exceptionally polite way, we all nodded in accordance.

"Sure, join us," Angela gulped out, almost stuttering.

"Thank you," Edward said and he grabbed a seat next to me while Renesmee sat on his other side. There was really no need for introductions; we all knew for the most part who each other was. At least, everyone knew who Edward and Renesmee were.

"It's nice to finally meet you Bella; Edward has told me so much about you." Renesmee said in a beautifully serene pitched voice. Edward glared at her and she smiled, I blushed again and Edward looked at me with an apologetic expression.

"It's nice to meet you too Renesmee." I said.

"Please excuse my sister for her annoyance," Edward added in his sensual tone. "She tends to say a lot." Renesmee rolled her eyes and he grinned.

"So I hear you have a class with Jacob?" I asked Renesmee, and she nodded.

"Yes, we have Spanish together. He is so funny, he always makes me laugh." Edward looked annoyed at our conversation but he still sat with us nonetheless, listening intently. Renesmee and I kept going on about Jacob and how wonderful he was. She told me that she and Jacob had recently been assigned a project in Spanish and that they have to work on it a lot. Subsequently they are going to be very busy lately, because the assignment is 50% of their class grade. I was surprised Jacob hadn't told me.

"So are you two going to work on it after school anytime soon?" I asked.

"Yes, we are actually supposed to work on it today. We started it yesterday." She said, and I was confused. So Jacob was hanging out with other girls, exceptionally beautiful girls over the weekend, like I had with Edward. He didn't tell me either, he didn't even inform me of this huge project.

I decided that if Jacob could keep secrets, then sure as hell I was able to keep secrets too. That bit of information was able to move me into the direction of Edward. I was going to try, and I was going to keep it hidden.

We continued to talk throughout lunch. None of us ate, minus Angela and Ben. I wasn't hungry, I had too much on my mind, but I didn't know the answer as to why Edward and Renesmee didn't eat either. Angela and Ben didn't talk too much in our conversation; they mostly kept to themselves and listened. They were usually like that anyways, regardless if I was with them or not.

The bell suddenly rang, and the crowd of people around us began to swarm to their next destinations.

"I'll see you guys tomorrow," I said to Angela and Ben. "Will you two be sitting with us from now on?" I asked Edward and Renesmee.

"Yes if that is alright," Edward responded. I smiled and nodded.

"It was nice talking to you Bella," Renesmee said, I agreed and she smiled while walking off to her next class. Angela and Ben had already left and it was just me and Edward.

"Shall we?" He asked with his crooked smile while gesturing to the hallway. I blushed and began to walk where he was leading. We headed toward Biology, following the crowd of students scrambling to reach their classes.

We entered the room while Mr. Banner began to write on the board. We sat down in our usual seats when he began to speak.

"Science Fair." He said with joy. "Does anyone know what that is?" No one raised their hand, and no one spoke. Mr. Banner looked around the class and his eyes laid upon Mike Newton who looked as if we were falling asleep.

"Ahh, Mr. Newton." He abruptly said while smiling, Mike's head shot up and he looked like he was lost. "Please, do tell me what you think the Science Fair is." Mr. Banner said with a smirk. I looked at Mike, his eye was circled with blue now, and I couldn't help but grin. Edward looked at him and joined, adding a soft chuckle. Mike began to stumble for words.

"Uh... It's when…um…you…build something…about science?" He answered, ending his statement as a question. Mr. Banner rolled his eyes and laughed, expecting that sort of answer from him.

"Class, the Science Fair is a competition between students who have created a report or demonstration on something related to science. Does anyone know what the significance of this is?" He asked hopeful.

"We are going to be in the Science Fair?" Mike asked.

"Yes! You are all going to partake in the Science Fair. You each will have a partner, the person sitting next to you. Look at them." I looked at Edward and he smiled. "They will be your new best friend for the next month. This project is going to take a lot of time and effort. It will be worth almost half of your entire grade in this class. Hard work, dedication, and commitment to each other as a partner will be the key factors in succeeding. You each will come up with an experiment related to science; you will write a report and conduct a demonstration. If you have any questions, ask me, here are your rubrics and project guidelines," he said as he passed out sheets of paper to the class. "Good luck."

I let out a sigh. Great, a project, a huge project. At least Edward was my partner, which made me smile. And now I had an excuse to hang out with him. I didn't have to tell Jacob, he wasn't telling me his life, so why should I tell him mine -Although I couldn't really blame him. I rarely see him anymore since the pain started and this whole zombie phase happened.

"You ready for this, partner?" Edward asked, emphasizing 'partner' and grinning.

"You bet." I said grinning back. I was excited; this was what I was looking for, this was what I needed.

I didn't dare think to mention to Jacob about his meeting with Renesmee; if he was going to keep his secret, then so was I. This project was going to keep me happy; it was going to help me decide on who I would pick. I knew I had to do something, and this miracle project was definitely going to help. My world was slowly coming back clearer, and I could faintly see what I was going to do. A light was shining in the horizon, a dim one at that, but it was definitely shining, therefore it gave me hope. I knew I could do this, and the Science Fair was proof.

I could do this.

I can do this.

I will do this.

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