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My Dark Angel

Chapter 9

Let the Good Times Roll

"Hey Bells…uhh…I can't hang out today. I have a lot of homework to catch up on, and then I have to go to Quil's later for some kind of male bonding," Jacob said hesitantly then scoffing out the last part while scratching the back of his head and looking down to his feet.

I could always tell when Jacob was lying. He would scratch his head a lot, stare at the ground, and then laugh at himself once he finished. He was a terrible liar, but still nothing compared to me.

I knew he was going to meet up with Renesmee to work on their Spanish project. I just didn't understand why he had to lie to me about it. They were only working on the project…weren't they? I couldn't believe Jacob to do anything more than that. He wasn't like that, he was a good person, and he loved me.

I wanted to ask him why he wasn't able to tell me the truth, but I knew I couldn't. If I did, I would have to tell him about Edward and I. And that was a risk I was not willing to take. Edward was my only source of happiness lately. With the burden of remembering my dark angel and the pain that came along with it, Jacob couldn't even help me, but Edward could. He was the only one who could. Jacob would have to be able to understand that, but for some reason I believed that he wouldn't. Maybe it was just because he was a guy, but I had to believe, I had to hope, that deep down inside he would.

"Yeah, that's okay Jake. I have lots of work too. I'll see you tomorrow. Have fun," I tried to play off my smile, I was too anxious to get home.

Edward was coming over to work on the science fair project. He invited me over to his house, but I knew that there was a large possibility that Jacob would be there. So with that knowledge, I decided to work at my house. Charlie would be out on patrol so he wouldn't be there; he wouldn't have the chance to talk to Jake about anything related to Edward. Renee would be off participating in one of those random classes she liked trying. I didn't know if this week was yoga or a knitting group. It didn't matter either way; she tried everything and was always gone. The only thing or one that I had to worry about was Renesmee.

Though if there was something going on between her and Jacob, I'm sure she wouldn't interfere with Edward and I. Even though there was nothing even going on between the two of us, but according to Jess, and according to how Edward behaves around me, I was beginning to think otherwise.

I had to think about that for a minute. Did I want Edward to like me? Did I want to be with Edward in any way other than just friends? I knew I wanted to be around him. He was like a planet and I was his moon, gravitating towards him, and feeding off of his wonderful energy. He had the most magnificent aura, full of brightness and happiness and everything good. I couldn't spend a day without him because of the pain. That was why I was so sad when he wasn't at school on Friday. He was the one person who could break me from my depression, from my solitude. He was the one person who could make me forget all the pain I was in. He made me forget about my dark angel, something Jacob couldn't even do.

Yes, I still loved Jacob. He was my first love; he made me happy, but was it time to move on? Was it time to explore my heart and let others in? I've only known Jacob. I've only known his love, his compassion, and his romance. Was I ready to settle for him, him alone, never trying anyone else? I couldn't possibly be for certain if I've only been in one relationship all my life. How could I possibly know what it was like to truly be in love? I thought I was in love with Jacob, but whenever I see Edward, or whenever I think about my dark angel, I know that there is something stronger. I know that Jacob's love couldn't even compete with the others that I have felt and continue to feel.

My dreams do not have the ability to make up such intense feelings; therefore I have to believe that such strong emotions do exist. I must believe that they are out there, waiting for me to find them, longing for me to have them.

Settling for the familiar would be beyond ludicrous. I know that I cannot stay with Jacob, he isn't the one. He is one of my loves, but he is not the love. I know I have to let him go, but the thought of breaking his heart would be too unbearable. It would almost kill me to have to hurt him; doing so was the last thing I would ever want to partake in. I loved him, and if anything were to cause him pain, including myself, I wouldn't know how to deal. I couldn't live with that guilt. He doesn't deserve the pain, he has done nothing wrong. He is an exceptional boyfriend who has always been there for me. That is why it is so difficult to decide. A part of me wishes he wasn't such a good guy, so then this decision would be a lot easier, but the truth was, he's great – but it's not good enough.

Jacob needs to find someone; he needs his own dark angel. I would not want him to settle for the love he has, and never know of the love he could have.

He needs to move on from me, he needs to let me go. I only hope that if and when he does find his true love, she will not vanish in the night like mine had. He would be devastated, and to see him going about like I have been doing for the past weeks would be absolutely dreadful.

I now understand what Jake has been feeling like lately. For him to have to see me every day looking as if I were about to kill myself was probably not a good factor into his sanity. I'm sure he was on the verge of freaking out, which as a matter of fact he already had. When Jacob exploded at me and told me how he was truly feeling, it made me feel horrible for the way I had been acting. It made me realize that I needed to find my dark angel, and I needed to find him fast. It also made me realize that Jacob needs someone else, someone who can love him the way he deserves.

He needs someone who can be there for him, who can help him when he needs it the most, not someone who constantly needs help from a broken heart. He especially does not need someone who needs help from a broken heart that was caused by someone other than her significant other. Jacob deserves better, he deserves his dark angel. He deserves the girl I had seen from my very first dream of the mysterious boy.

I wish to see Jake's face longing for her again. I wish to see him in love the way I was in love. I want to see him happy; I want to see him with someone who is happy. Jacob deserves the best; he deserves every ounce of perfection. He was always there for me, ever since we were kids; the only way I could ever repay him would be by letting him have what he deserved. The only way I could repay him would be by letting him have the chance at finding his own soul mate. The last thing I would ever want would to be married to Jacob 10 years later and have him regret every bit of it. I wouldn't want to see him hate his life; it would hurt me too much. He needs to be happy and I need him to be happy.

Jacob gave me a faint smile then kissed my cheek.

"Bye Bells," he whispered after the soft kiss. He turned to his Rabbit and jolted out of the high school parking lot.

I could feel that something was going on with Jacob. He was so distant around me lately, but I knew the most probable reason was because of me. He didn't know how to handle me right now. The zombie me was one of his biggest fears, I could see the pain in his eyes as he'd watch me walk around like the living dead day after day. I really hurt him by doing that, and his pain only added on to the load I was already feeling.

After I watched Jake leave, I jumped into my truck and quickly exited Forks High. I was anxious to see Edward again. The pain had already found its place back into my heart after leaving Biology. Edward could only fight it off for so long, once his presence was gone, so was the happiness, leaving nothing but room for the pain to rush back in. I was silently drowning in my own misery, day in, day out I would wake up to the depression. It didn't help that I would fall asleep and dream of it either. There was no escape, no solitude, except when I was with Edward. He was my paradise, he was my escape. Without him, I would be nothing but a living body that looked and acted like it was otherwise.

Every day I was questioned by my odd behavior, every day I was ignored for it as well. I couldn't explain to anyone why I acted in such a manner. I didn't care to explain it to them either. I guess when you are so far gone from everything; you begin to care less and less about the world around you. Everything becomes distant, and everything becomes its own world. You don't exist with everyone anymore; you are alone in another dimension, another universe.

No one had the ability or the knowledge, to be able to cross into my unknown, because no one knew how to help. Edward was that one alien, that one exception that could go anywhere. He could fly back in forth between my world and the worlds of others. He was even able to bring me back to life, to bring me back to everyone else's world. But only he could do that, only Edward.

I reached my house and not to my surprise saw that I was the only one home. Charlie was at work, and Renee was out and about, strolling around town attempting to find some other kind of club or group to join. I parked the truck and grabbed my backpack, walking inside the front door to the kitchen and dropping my stuff onto the counter. There was a note next to the phone. I grabbed it and quickly read what I only assumed to be from Renee.

Hey Sweetie,

Today I am with a bunch of girls from that book club I recently joined. You know where, so if you need me call me. I still have yet to read the book though! You know your dad is at work, so you'll be alone for a while. I'll be back later.

xoxo Mom

Oh, so she was at book club today, I knew she would be at some kind of gathering. Renee was like a giant child. She socialized all the time, and tried to hang out with as many young people as she could. She was only in her mid-late 30's anyways, so she was practically one of the gang.

As I finished the note, the phone began to ring. I quickly grabbed the receiver and hoped that it was Edward.

"Hello?"

"Hello Bella," Edward's smooth voice rang through my ears and I was lost in its gentle sound. I could sense his crooked smile on the other end as he said his warm greeting, which made my heart flutter and my mouth grin uncontrollably. I was completely happy that it was him on the phone; anyone else would have been a huge disappointment.

"Hey, are you still coming over today?" I inquired, hoping to God that he was.

"Yes, I will be over in a few minutes if that is okay with you...?" He asked, already knowing that the answer was definitely. I didn't want to sound too desperate to have him over, but Edward was surely aware of his charm and his ability to dazzle me. He could get anything he wanted from me, and I was only all too willing.

"Yeah, that will be fine," I said trying to sound nonchalant. I could hear a soft chuckle in the phone, Edward of course laughing.

"Alright, I'll see you soon then…Bella." My heart fluttered when he said my name, it sounded so beautiful coming from his lips.

"See you Edward," I was blushing and was extremely thankful that I hadn't had this conversation face to face. I could see him smirking the entire time, it was typical of him, but I didn't complain. His smile was absolutely beautiful and heart wrenching just to witness it. I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

As I realized Edward was going to be over any minute, I ran upstairs and made sure I was presentable. I brushed my teeth, fixed my hair, and then ran back down stairs right as I heard the doorbell ring. My heart was racing as I opened the door and I tried to hide the smile that was creeping onto my face, ready to explode at any second.

"Hey Bella," Edward said while flashing his beautiful white teeth.

"Hey Edward, come on in," I greeted, stepping back and allowing him entry into my house.

"Did you have any troubles finding my place?"

"No, I'm pretty good with directions, and it definitely helps that we are talking about Forks. Who could get lost here?" He said grinning; I laughed and nodded my head. Forks was a small town, if there was a village idiot, even he could find his way without trouble.

I led him toward the kitchen where my backpack was and then opened the fridge.

"Would you like something to drink?" I politely asked as he sat down at the table. It was always nice to ask a guest for some type of beverage, at least that was what Renee and Charlie had taught me, hospitality.

"Oh no thanks I'm fine, I'm not really thirsty." He responded, I raised an eyebrow and then he smiled, "I'll be sure to let you know as soon as I am," he added. I grinned and grabbed a coke from the fridge for myself.

I opened up my backpack and laid out everything I had pertaining to science onto the table.

"So, do we have any ideas for the Science Fair project? Giant erupting volcanoes, robotic arms that smash cans, potato light bulbs?" I asked, Edward smirked at me then began to speak.

"I was thinking that maybe we could do something on human behavior, like the different behavioral patterns of human beings and knowing what makes a person 'tick.' Maybe we could even do an experiment on the predictability of humans."

I didn't care what Edward was saying, once he began speaking I was lost in his green eyes and his sensual voice. He could go on and on about the most unappealing subjects and yet I would still be drawn to him, listening and watching as he moved his beautiful lips. He was so good at attracting listeners, anyone would listen to Edward speak no matter how long the time was. He could get anyone to agree with him to, no one could deny him.

Edward was waiting on my response, but I was still entranced by him that I didn't even attempt to say anything. I barely managed a nod. He began to grin.

"What are you staring at?" He asked smirking. I finally realized what I was doing and shook out of my trance.

"Oh, sorry, what were you saying?" I asked while my cheeks began to flush red, Edward only smiled, which made me blush even more.

"Human behavior...?" Edward hinted.

"Oh right, yeah that sounds really good actually," I replied, feeling like a dumbass. I internally slapped my head for being such an idiot. Edward only saw humor in my stupidity though, which made me even more embarrassed.

"Do you do that often?" He asked humorously.

"Do what?" I was confused.

"Gaze off like that," he smiled then added, "at me." If I wasn't blushing already, I was definitely doing it now. I didn't think it was possible for someone to blush this much in such little time, but for me, anything like this could happen.

"Oh, was I look- ugh, sorry-" Edward began laughing.

"It's okay Bella, you don't need to apologize. I didn't mind," he gave me his beautiful crooked smile and my heart dropped to the ground. I smiled back, hiding my face in my hair from the embarrassment. He was so charming, how was he able to do that to me?

"We should get started on our research," I said quickly, catching a glimpse of Edward before turning to my books. He was still smirking, but nodded his head.

We sat at the table silently for a little while trying to collect any scrap of data that we could find on the human mind. Every couple of minutes I would look up at Edward and find that he was looking at me just then as well. I would blush and he would smirk then we'd both quickly shoot our gaze back to our papers. That would happen every once in a while and right at the moment we got caught staring, we'd smile at each other then look somewhere else as fast as we could.

Edward gave me that warm feeling every time I looked at him. He was comforting, but still mysterious all the same. I was beginning to fall for him. I knew it was bad, I was still in love with my dark angel and I was still trying to salvage the relationship that I had with Jacob. But I couldn't help but fall for Edward, he was amazing. He made me happy. He was different and new, yet I felt like I had known him from somewhere before. It was like déjà vu every time I was around Edward, but it was good déjà vu. It was a good feeling, familiar and loving.

Edward suddenly looked at the clock then looked at me.

"I have to go," he said softly, his face disagreeing with the words he was saying. I was sad, I loved his company, but I knew he had to leave at some point.

"Okay," I said in a low tone. Edward must have sensed my sadness and he smiled.

"Don't worry, you'll see me again soon," he chuckled to himself and I rolled my eyes. He was never against witty comments like that, no matter how bold they were.

"Don't flatter yourself too much," I scoffed, but I was blushing and smiling. He was right, I hated to have to see him leave, he made me happy, and he knew it. Edward knew everything.

He was still softly chuckling as he began to gather his belongings and pack them up. He did it so gracefully and beautifully. The simplest or even the most complicated gesture, Edward was able to perform with perfect ease. I envied his grace and elegance; it was absolutely magnificent to watch. He was so perfect, and he never did anything wrong.

He zipped up his backpack then raised his face to look at me.

"Can we continue this tomorrow, after school, my house?" he asked. I wasn't sure about the idea. Yes, I wanted to continue with him what we had done today, I wanted to be around him every day, but at his house? I couldn't risk it. What if Jacob were to be there? Then I couldn't secretly hang out with Edward like I was doing. I would have no more excuses to.

Edward was waiting for my answer, but I honestly did not know what to say to him. Yes? No? I can't because of Jacob? None of it seemed to satisfy what my response should be. Edward gave me an understanding look, as if he knew what I was thinking.

"I can come over here again tomorrow if you'd rather do that," he offered. Relieved with his proposal, I nodded my head and gave him a comforted smile. He acknowledged it and smiled back.

"Well I guess I'll see you tomorrow then," he said, staring at me but I could sense a little anguish in his tone. Was he sad to leave? Could he really be sad about that?

"Okay, I'll see you." I said, sort of in a melancholic tone as well. Edward gave me a faint smile while I began walking in front of him, leading him to the front door.

While walking, my foot caught the rug and I tripped. I was leaning back, about to land on by back. But before I fell, Edward swooped in and caught me, holding me up with his strong hands. He looked deeply into my eyes and for a moment I felt safe. It was a strange feeling; it overwhelmed me when he touched me. I had never been this close to him before, he was a breath of fresh air, and he smelled like the most heavenly scent I had ever inhaled. The electrical current ran between us again as well. It was such an intense sensation and I couldn't get over it. He was beautiful, and he saved me from what could have been another bruise on my arm from landing on the wooden floor.

"Thanks," I said, looking away and blushing.

"You need to be more careful, you are such a hazard," he said softly with a laugh, still staring at me. I was completely embarrassed.

"Don't be embarrassed," he added, "I'm used to you being uncoordinated."

I began to blush even more and tried to hide my face in my hair like usual.

"Don't do that." He said; I looked at him confused.

"Do what?"

"Hide your face like that," he said. My face became rosier than ever and he smiled at it. He helped me stabilize then let go of me.

"I have to go now," he said laughing, "No more trying to trick me into staying longer. Don't break your leg next so I have to carry you to the hospital."

I rolled my eyes, "right, don't jinx it." We both laughed together.

He looked at me again with longing for just a moment like that night we said goodbye at the bookstore. His eyes were amazing and his stare overwhelming, it was like fire and ice, both consuming one another. He smiled at me and I returned the gesture.

"Bye Bella," he said softly and sweetly.

"Bye Edward"

"See you tomorrow," he said then he gracefully walked to his car and left.

I shut the front door and leaned against it breathing heavily. Edward was incredible; he certainly knew how to get what he wanted and how to make someone go absolutely crazy for him.

I wondered why though that he always stared at me in that way. It seemed innocent yet very intimate whenever he did it. It felt so meaningful and close, but I wondered why Edward would do it. He knew about me and Jacob. If Jacob would have seen, Edward would have been beaten to the bone, yet he still stare at me like that. His eyes felt like they were piercing into my soul, trying to read my heart and find answers. Either way, whatever the reason, he must really like making me blush.

I felt special when he gazed into my eyes like that. It was like we were the only two people in the world, just me and him. I smiled at the thought.

I left the front door and walked back into the kitchen. I put all my science work away and began to make dinner for me, Charlie, and Renee. By the time I finished, Charlie had arrived home, and Renee shortly after.

"Smells good Bells, are you making my favorite?" Charlie asked pleasantly.

"Yes I am, Sue Clearwater's famous fish fry recipe," I said proudly. I decided to make something great to end a great day. Charlie began smiling like a little child on Christmas morning.

"Thanks honey," he said sweetly, "I am starving." He grabbed himself a plate and began to dig in.

"Did somebody say fish fry?" Renee smiled walking into the kitchen. She loved when I made fish fry, it meant that Charlie would be happy and no nagging or teasing for the rest of the night. She was happy, he was happy, and I was happy.

"Yeah, it's ready, grab a plate and eat," I said while dishing up some food.

Dinner went by quickly. Charlie ate his food in top speed then sat down by the T.V. to catch up on some games he missed earlier in the day. Renee finished soon after then helped me with the dishes. When I finished, I went upstairs to work on my homework from other classes.

It took me a little while, but I finally completed all my work. It was late in the night, and I was extremely tired. I hadn't thought much about the dark angel today. I had been distracted by Edward most of the time that I didn't have a chance to think of the pain that lived inside me. He helped me so much every day, making me smile, making me forget all of my troubles. He was my new happiness, and I wanted to be around him constantly.

I took a shower and got ready for bed. I was ready to sleep, but I was not ready to enter the dark world of sadness. I was not ready to return to the foreboding meadow that I used to love and escape to. It reminded me of the boy, and it always haunted my mind, there was no stopping it, and there was no peace.

My dreams hadn't changed one bit. Every night I would still find myself in the dark meadow, the dead meadow. It would be cold and sinister, and the place even scared me a little. The happiness had drained from the once beautiful scenery and I was surrounded by darkness. The only sign of the once happy place was in the very middle of all things dead. It was the tiny ray of light that struggled to stay lit.

I would gravitate towards that spot, grasping for any kind of warm feeling I once felt in the meadow. The love and beauty was gone, but in that small crevice of space, I felt it. I could feel the electricity I had once felt with my lover. His presence still lingered in that spot. I knew he was still alive, somewhere in this strange world. He just wasn't in the meadow anymore, all the loveliness and delight leaving with him.

No words could explain the feelings I had felt for him, they were too real and too strong to ever forget. He would be forever ingrained in my mind and in my memory. He would forever stay in my thoughts. Only will his return ever lead me to true happiness again. Only the discovery of my dark angel could lift this weight of grief and distress. He was my true love, and only with his presence could I fully go on. Only with his presence could the pain fully subside. I would have given up anything in the world to see him again, but all I could do was lie in the dim light and pray. I could pray for his return or I could pray to forget his memory. The only hard part was that inside, I knew none of them would come true. He was gone, and that was how it was meant to be.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter.

If you have any questions regarding My Dark Angel, I will be glad to answer them.

I am still looking for a beta reader if anyone is interested. So keep in mind that my story is still rough and not perfect, I am not an editor, so do not expect my writing to be flawless.

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