Disclaimer:
(Envy) We're Homunculi here
We are homunculi
Larger than that flea can see
(Ed: HEY)
It's true sir
We are here homunculi
(Greed) I am one
(The others) and so are we
We're owned by Hiromu Arakawa and not by her
And wondering why we're singing
Here in Amestris
The most violent country in the world.
Yeah, I can't rime. I'm not a poet and I know it.
I don't own Harry Potter either.
If you want to know the song that was in the tune of look up
Here on who, suessical the musical, (which I don't own either)
Chapter 6
It was still early which meant that everyone would be going to breakfast. I strode into the Great Hall. The students were staring as if they'd never seen me before, well as much as I've been here I haven't shown my face much.
I took a seat next to Roy.
"So she finally released you?" he smiled.
"Yeah, I told her that I was fine last week but she completely ignored me."
Roy rolled his eyes. "So Fullmetal-"
"Hem, hem." We turned around to see the pink Umbridge who I suddenly got an urge to call Umbitch, standing behind us.
"I am inspecting your class today Mr. Elric."
"All right, but I've only taught it twice so you will have to excuse my slow start."
She nodded, "That is quite all right. I can cut you some slack with your condition. By the way, how are you feeling today?" Well this is unexpected. She's actually being nice. Well I won't let that distract me.
"I'm better than I have been in a while, thank you."
"Last question. Why did he call you Fullmetal?"
"Oh, it's just an old nickname. My specialty in alchemy is metal so he calls me the Fullmetal alchemist. His specialty is flame so we'll probably call each other on it sometimes." I lied. Well it was partially the truth.
She nodded and scribbled some things down on a clipboard, (Where did she get her clipboard)
"Thank you gentleman." She fake smiled and left. "I get the feeling she's hiding something." Roy whispered. "I couldn't agree more." I whispered back.
Then Roy started eating. I grudgingly sat and watched.
Normal POV
After breakfast they walked down to the alchemy classroom.
"Who would have thought that working with the military could have you end up working with kids."
"Don't call me short." Ed grumbled.
"I didn't mean it that way pipsqueak."
"WHO YOU CALLEN SO SHORT THAT HE COULD RIDE ON THE BACK OF A FLEA?"
"I didn't say that Ed and you know it."
"You were thinking it."
They continued to bicker all the way down the hallway. When they got to the classroom almost everyone was there, including Umbitch.
"Where's the green ones?" Ed asked curiously.
"I booted them. They couldn't figure out all is one and one is all."
"All right. Today as my friend here tells me you will be trying a real transmutation. Remember the rules? They start applying now. To make sure you've got them lets go over it again. One) obey equivalent exchange. Who can tell me what that is?"
The entire class raised their hands. "All right, everyone go ahead."
"To obtain something of equal value must be lost." The class rang out. "Very good." Ed smiled.
"All right, two. Do not use animals in transmutation. This creates a chimera and you can't change them back. Three do not use yourselves in transmutation, along with that do not attempt human transmutation. Four is you must have one of us watching. Now this, as you all should know is a basic rock transmutation circle. Go ahead and draw it. I will be coming around with dirt."
The classroom was bustling with noise as people drew their transmutation circles. After dirt was passed out Ed spoke again.
"All right. I'm going to let you be creative now. But come here for a demonstration first."
The class gathered around his desk. He touched his hand to the transmutation circle. Blue lights flashed. A sculpture of the Flamel symbol came into view. "This is a Flamel. It was passed down to me by my teacher." 'Great I sound like Armstrong.' He thought.
"You're teacher was Nickolas Flamel?" a student asked.
"No Izumi Curtis. She was the best where I come from."
"Hey!" Mustang protested.
"You were nowhere near her skill level. You're not even as good in hand to hand as me."
"Shut your mouth Fullmetal."
"Bring it on Flame."
"Hem hem," Umbridge spoke up.
"Yes?" Mustang asked tiredly.
"Who was your teacher Professor Mustang?"
"Sensei Hawkeye."
"What?" Ed burst out. "Your master was Hawkeye's dad? No wonder she actually likes you. It's because, ha, ha, you're child hood friends. Now you have to stop teasing me about Winrey." Ed realized the class was watching.
"Anyway," he was trying not to laugh. "Go ahead. I'll walk around to see how you're doing."
Everyone walked back to their seats. Umbridge was scribbling furiously. Then she approached the young alchemist. "And what qualifies you to teach this class?"
"I am one of the best." Ed said simply.
"Do you have relation to the great Hohenheim?"
"Great? Why does everyone seem so impressed."
"Just answer the question."
"Yes, he is." The noise in the room quieted. "Did I say you could stop working?" Ed snarled. The noise in the room increased dramatically.
"Now if you don't mind I have a class to teach." With that he swept away from Umbridge. He walked around to view everyone's transmutation attempts. A few showed promise but by the end no one had managed to do it.
"Well that's enough for this time. We'll continue this next week."
Everyone groaned and started picking up their materials.
"Hey Mustang, I have to thank you. You have my classes well trained." Ed grinned. Mustang rolled his eyes. "I like order. At least they figured out that I don't like cheaters."
"You bastard. You used fire alchemy and burned their papers from across the room didn't you?" Mustang smirked.
"Hem, hem." That voice was getting on Ed's nerves. "What?"
"I have a few questions. One is why do the students wear work out gear to your class?"
"Well, I teach alchemy and get them in shape. It's how my teacher taught me. To train the mind you must first train the body. Sometimes we exercise. It helps to be in shape and exercising while learning. You remember more."
She scribbled on her clipboard. "All right, and you said you were the son of Hohenheim?"
Ed's voice turned cold, "Do not compare me to that bastard. The only way he is my father is by blood. He left us when we were little and that's it. I didn't know about the wizarding world or that he was a great alchemist for that matter. It would be in your best interest to stop mentioning him."
"You said us, you and who?"
Ed's fist clenched. Roy saw the signs; this woman was about to be killed. "His brother and mother, you might not want to ask personal questions. If you value your life." Mustang spoke fast.
"All right, well your results will get to you tomorrow."
"Can't wait," Ed growled. Umbridge scribbled a few more things on her clipboard and left.
Normal POV
"I can't believe that woman! She is such a bitch. She's even worse than you!" Ed was pissed. "She asked me about my family! I mean sure, ask about my classroom job. I don't really care about it enough to defend it. But my family? She has no right."
"Ed, as much as I agree with you; you have to calm down. This is the only way we can get information on Tom Riddle." Roy reasoned.
"Yeah, and about that. When is he going to get that file to us? The military would have done it by now if it were this important." Ed grumbled. 'If there is one good thing about the military is its resources and efficiency.'
"I have to agree with you on that. Our deal was all information. ASAP. He obviously didn't know the dire need for it right now."
"Yeah and I still can't get over this Hohenheim and homunculi shit."
"Should we go ask him?" Mustang suggested.
"No we should go in there and demand information!" Roy sighed. "You're not coming with if you don't calm down."
"Fine." Ed huffed.
They walked to the headmaster's office; Ed grumbling all the while.
"Let us pass," Ed demanded to the gargoyle. It didn't move.
"Maybe you tell it please," Roy suggested.
"I'm not telling a piece of stone please!"
"Fine, I'll do it. Will you please move?" The gargoyle didn't even blink. A tick mark appeared on Roy's head.
"Oh! I remember the password! Lemon drop." The gargoyle moved. "Why didn't you say there was a password?"
"Well I remembered after you said you'd say please. That was something I had to see." With that, Ed took off up the staircase. Roy followed closely behind grumbling something about subordinates.
There was a knock at Albus's office door.
"Come in," he called, looking up from his work. Ed and Mustang stepped in. "Oh, what can I do for you gentleman?"
"Where are the documents on Tom Riddle?" Ed growled.
"Straight to the point I see." Dumbledore sighed. "I meant to get them to you; I just didn't have the time. With Professor Umbridge being here and all."
"Do you have them finished?" Mustang asked.
"Oh, yes." He searched his desk. "Here it is."
Roy stepped forward to receive the files but Dumbledore had a warning first. "The things this man has done are gruesome and horrific. Do not let this file fall into the wrong hands or into any of the student's hands. That includes Harry Potter, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger."
"I will not let it happen sir." Mustang saluted military stile.
"Very well, here you are."
With the files in hand the two Amestrians left.
'Well this isn't as bad as Ishbal.' Roy thought as he went through the file.
"Hey Mustang. Is this what it was like in the Ishbal rebellion?" Ed asked slowly.
"Ishbal was much worse." He murmured.
"What was it like? Can I ask? Is that okay?"
"Ishbal was a harsh and barren country filled with rocks and sand. Considering the terrain it's not surprising that it gave birth to such a strange religion. Or that its people would be so earnest and resolute. It's only natural that a fraction of the population would protest the country's annexation of Amestris. Their mistrust were soon justified when a solider accidently shot and killed an Ishbalan child. Their mistrust turned to outrage and spread like a contagion. It soon escalated into a civil war. The fighting lasted seven long years. Until the simple one page document that determined the Ishbalans' fate. Executive order 30-66 the official order to start the Ishbalan War of Extermination. It was like hell on Earth. The air was tainted with the smell of human decay and the desert sand soaked up the blood like a sponge.
"We were ordered to kill them. We were good at our job. With alchemy used as a weapon we could kill hundreds at once. I can still hear their screams as they burned alive. Even now. That's something that will probably stay with me for the rest of my life.
"I even remember the conversation I had with Hughes. 'So you got deployed too, huh?' he asked. 'Yeah.' I sighed. 'You've changed sense the last time I saw you.' He noted. 'I could say the same to you Hughes. We've got the eyes of killers.'
"'Look at this country. Hardly the beautiful future we imagined at the academy right?' He'd asked me. We were standing on a hill overlooking the war zone. 'Yeah, I guess that future can never be.' After that Hughes had gotten a letter from Gracia. 'I've still got a beautiful future, and her name is Gracia! She said she's patiently waiting in Central for my return. Wait… HOW LONG BEFORE SOME JERK PUTS THE MOVES ON HER? No, Gracia would never do that to me! She'd never have an affair like that. But she is all alone.' 'Hughes I've got a little advice for you, it happens in movies and novels all the time. The soldiers who never shut up about their girls back home,' I held out my hand like a gun, 'They don't make it.' 'Very funny Roy.'
"'All right then. I can make it through this day. This letter is all I need. I can think about tomorrow again. Though this day on the battlefield might not let me see it.' He pulled a half smile. 'I can't picture a way out of this war. No matter how much military force we throw at it the desert just seems to suck it up like a black hole. All of this destruction, for what purpose? All that's left is sand.' 'That may be true. It seems a little excessive to cover up an uprising.' Then I found out Hawkeye had been deployed too. 'Hello Major Mustang, long time no see. Do you still remember me?'
"I remember thinking, damn this war. Even her? She has the eyes of a killer too.
"'Maybe you can answer this major. Why are we killing the citizens when we should be the ones protecting them? I thought alchemy was meant to be used to help people. So why is it being used to kill them instead?' Then Kimblee decided to join us. 'Because that's the job we State Alchemists have been given. You asked why we're here killing these people instead of protecting them. Because this is a war. This is what soldiers do. You know I'm right.' 'This is our job? To cause tragedy?' I asked. 'Well that's how it seems. But let's see, tell me miss you're not very happy to be here are you? Well you don't appear to be. But can you honestly tell me the split second you take down an enemy you don't allow yourself to feel the slightest twinge of satisfaction? Or pride in your skills? We'll miss marksmen?' I had gotten defensive of her and grabbed the front of his shirt. 'That's enough Kimblee!' He ignored me and said, 'I'll tell you what I don't get. People expect something different. You act like you're surprised. Like you didn't choose this. Did you put on that uniform thinking you wouldn't be asked to kill? The one thing worse than death is to advert your eyes from it. Look straight at the people you kill. Don't take your eyes off them for a second. Don't ever forget them, I promise that they won't forget you.' The bell rang and Kimblee head out. Hughes was supposed to go too but I needed to ask him a question. 'Can you tell me the reason you fight?' 'Simple,' he'd said. 'I don' want to die. That's the only reason. The reasons are always simple.'
"After that I'd always wondered. What the reason I fought?
"After all of that, with no other options the Ishbalans surrendered. The high priest of Ishbala Loe Gloe offered himself to the Fhuer on behalf of his people. Needless to say, the Fhuer didn't quit. And that was it. The war soon ended. We were all discharged and returned to our homes.
"After the war I assigned Hawkeye to be my personal attendant. I told her I trusted her, but it meant she could shoot me in the back as well. And if I ever deviated from the path I'd chosen she was to do just that. I was trusting her to do so. She accepted. She told me 'Of course I do Sir. I'll follow you into hell if you asked me too.'"
"Mustang, what was the path you'd chosen?"
"The power of one man doesn't amount to much. But that doesn't matter. With what little strength I have I'll do whatever it takes to protect the people I love. In turn they'll protect the ones they love. It seems like the least we tiny humans can do. I will become Fhuer. I want to make our country a better place. I want to turn it into a democracy. I might take some time. Years even, but I will accomplish it. Then I will set things right. All the heroes of Ishbal will go on trial for genocide."
"You're sealing your own fate. You're asking yourself to be killed!" Ed had never expecting the reason for Mustang's ambition to be so noble.
"It's the fate we deserve."
"You can't, I won't let you."
"Why not." Roy was surprised.
"You're the only one I have left."
"So do you think they're in that castle?" Greed asked.
"I don't know. Ask Gluttony." Envy protested.
"Gluttony, where's the pipsqueak?" Greed sighed.
"In the castle. There is a lot of people in the castle. Can I eat them Lust? Can I?"
"No It would ruin your diet and once we find Elric we can leave this world." Lust answered.
"Let's go fast. I want to go home." Greed sighed.
"All right. We can send you and Envy in and if you need back up call. But you probably won't." Lust decided.
"I don't need him, but come on." Greed took off running.
Envy shifted into one of the students and walked through the front door. Greed climbed to the roof and got in through an open window. From there he took the less busy hallways around the school.
"If I were Elric, where would I hide?" Envy asked allowed. One of the students herd him. "Professor Elric's classroom is on the second floor. I can show you if you want."
"That would be great," Envy smirked. 'Hah, I'm gonna find him first Greed.'
"This is it. I've gotta go." The student left. Envy smirked and opened the door.
"Greed landed beside him. I was waiting for you. Let's go."
They walked into the classroom. A blonde haired shrimp was writing on the chalkboard. Facing the opposite direction. A black haired man was standing there talking to him.
"What do you want? Have question on transmutation?" The blonde asked annoyed. "No, we want to take you back to Central."
Greed covered himself in his ultimate shield. Envy transformed. "We're homunculi."
Ed transmuted his blade. Roy pulled on his gloves. "Let's get them."
Greed ran at Ed, Envy ran at Mustang.
SNAP
Both homunculi became enveloped in flames. (2) Greed continued running and got to Ed. He tried to punch him in the gut but Ed flipped backwards. Envy hadn't been so lucky.
He was on the ground blackened by his burned skin. But red lights flashed and Envy was once again on his feet.
Greed had gotten more than a few good punches with Ed. His head was bleeding and so was his arm. 'Man I'm out of shape. Stupid hospitals, teacher would kill me if she knew I was like this.'
Roy snapped again and burned Envy once more, but the homunculus just kept coming. "Fullmetal," he dodged Greed. "What the hell are these things made of?"
"Oh we're human. We just have philosopher's stones."Greed laughed.
'Human body, that means…' Ed clapped his hands and placed them on Greed's stomach. Then he punched it. The shield gave way and he started to bleed. "Colonel!" Ed yelled. Before the homunculus could regenerate he was burned. Over and over.
Ed tied Envy down as he watched in surprise as Greed was killed. Ed tied Greed down to for good measure. After what seemed like fifty deaths of the homunculus he was finally gone for good. He dissolved into black nothingness. Envy had transformed into something smaller but ran in fear of the flame Colonel.
"Well what should we do?" Asked Ed.
"We should probably go to the hospital wing to get you bandaged up." Roy said looking at the blood coming from Ed's head.
"Not back there again." Ed complained.
"Come on, let's go."
Ed sighed in defeat. "Fine."
'I can't believe it! Those morons killed Greed. Father going to kill us!' Envy though as he ran to talk with Gluttony and Lust.
"Where is Greed?" asked Lust the moment she realized Envy was alone.
"They killed him and I was getting down there two." Envy said.
"We need to talk to Father about this." Lust decided.
"How do you propose we do so?"
Father wasn't happy. Greed had returned to him. That wasn't good.
"Pride, find me someone who won't be missed. I need to make a homunculus."
"Yes Father."
Ling wasn't having the best day. First he was hungry, second he couldn't find anyone to cheat food off of and third he couldn't find anything on immortality.
Pride was lurking in an alley way. 'Him, he wouldn't be missed.' The man was wearing a yellow jacket and white pants. He looked like he was about to pass out from hunger. 'Perfect.'
Pride, quickly and decisively pulled him off the street, putting his shadows over his mouth and binding his arms and legs together. The man squirmed at first then got a good look at what was happening. His eyes widened as though he understood what was about to happen and he willingly let himself be dragged below Central.
"So am this is the source of that energy? You guys know anything about immortality?" Ling asked as soon as Pride laid him in front of Father.
Father looked surprised but kept quiet. He pulled out a flask and forced the liquid down his throat.
Ling shuddered and let the power take over.
"Hello I'm Greed." The homunculi introduced. Then he took over Ling's body.
"I am going to send you to England again. Find the other homunculi and bring Edward Elric and Roy Mustang back here."
"Sure thing Pops."
Blue alchemic light flashed and Greed was gone
Ed was back in his office. Hohenheim and Mustang had gone to search for the other homunculi but Madam Pomfrey had made Ed stay behind, She wanted to make sure his head wounds wouldn't open up again and make sure his insides held together. The only wizards who knew about this was Dumbledore McGonagall and the Snape.
"Mr. Elric?" a girly voice called.
'No, not this bitch, not now.' He thought.
She walked in. She was, as always, dressed in an obnoxious color of pink. "I have your results."
She handed it to me.
By inspection of Dolores Umbridge High inquisitor and Undersecretary to the minister, you are hereby approved. Thank you for teaching at Hogwarts. (1)
Dolores Jane Umbridge (blah, blah, blah)
"So what are you doing tonight?" She asked in a way to sweet voice.
"Why does that concern you?"
"I just want to get to know the staff." Ed could tell she was lying. She just wants to figure out more. She wants to find some way to fault me.
"Sorry, but I'm a bit tired tonight," he lied. At least he could do it convincingly though because Umbitch nodded and said, "Another time than?"
He nodded, "All right." 'Not on your life' he thought.
Satisfied with his answer she left.
'Mustang when you came back I'm gonna make you burn that bitch.' He thought.
Still wearing my wig…
1) Thank you for shopping at Wallmart.