Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, Stephenie Meyer does.

A/N: Well, I figured out the certain scene I needed help on. It was an emotional chapter for me to write. And I hope you all enjoy it.

Remember to review it please. I would REALLY appreciate it. Every review makes me smile for hours, no joke.

So please, make me happy, and write a review. Thank you.

Oh and so a lot of inspiration for this chapter came from the band Trespassers William. They are SO good, and their songs fit perfectly with this story in general and what Bella goes through. If I were you and you don't know this group, then I would definitely check them out ;)

My Dark Angel

Chapter 10

Awakening

I love you more than I should
So much more than is good for me
More than is good

Oh the timing is cruel
Oh I need and don't want to need
More than I should

I am falling, say my name
And I'll lie in the sound
What is love, but whatever
My heart needs around

Oh my sheet is so thin
So I say I can't sleep because
It's so very cold

Oh but I know what I need
And if you were just near to me
Would you go...

I am falling, say my name
And I'll lie in the sound
What is love, but whatever
My heart needs around

And it needs you too much now

– Lie In the Sound by Trespassers William

School went by quickly today. All I could think of was Edward and how he was coming over again later. The simple thought kept me from hurting and kept me from thinking painful memories; it was my antidote, my drug. I was on an Edward high and nothing was going to make me fall down. Nothing was going to make me jump out of this Edward rollercoaster. I was oblivious to the world around me; I was only thinking of Edward and the happiness he brought me, and how badly I needed that happiness to keep me alive inside.

Biology had been fun today, Edward and I talked the entire time, though it was nothing pertaining to our science project. He just wanted to get to know me, and I wanted the exact same. Who could possibly object to that?

School had ended and I was in my car driving home. Jacob had more "work" to do; I didn't question him for I knew what he was up to. He said goodbye to me, gave me a kiss, and then walked off to another day full of lies and secrets that remained untold but still known.

I've felt so distant from Jacob lately, like he wasn't even trying anymore. It was like he had been fighting for so long and now he finally gave up. He quit making the effort, he failed, and it was as if he was okay with that fact. Did Jacob not love me anymore? Was he done trying? Was he done getting hurt from my behavior?

I felt terrible, I didn't want him to give up, and I didn't want him to be sad. I hoped to God he was moving on in a healthy way, if he even was moving on to begin with. Maybe he was just giving me space, time to heal and time to find myself. Jacob was notable for leaving when he didn't know what to do or how to deal with certain issues. He was one to stay away from the problems that he didn't understand. He didn't want to worsen the situation, especially if it was preventable, though by doing so, sometimes it worsens it anyways. In this instance, his aloofness made and still makes me feel unwanted and unloved. He was hurting me and he didn't even know it, it was the opposite effect of what he thought he was doing, and it was opposite of his intentions.

He didn't know though, he had no idea what he was doing, and that was the worst part. What could I say? That he was hurting me by leaving me alone? If I did, he would stay with me, but still not know what to do. It would put Jacob in a very awkward position, and cause me to feel the same as well. And to be quite honest, his presence didn't help with the pain. I would be with him crying, and he'd be there consoling me, hurting too. It would be like hitting two birds with one stone, he'd be miserable having to watch me drown in my own tears and I'd be miserable regardless. I couldn't do that to him, not only for his sake, but for mine as well. I wouldn't be happy, and I'd never be with Jacob, at least not like I used to.

I needed Edward. He makes me forget. He makes me feel alive again. He turns the pain into happiness; he turns the fear of remembering into the bravery of letting go. Though I will never forget my dark angel, and I will never allow myself to let him go. He was too important to me, too much of a major part of my life, even if it was for a short time.

I still do not understand why the strange boy's absence hurts me so. We didn't even speak to each other, and I never even had the chance to see his face. But the feelings I had for him were so deep and so passionate that I couldn't deny him. I couldn't let him go, ever. I had never felt something so strong. His presence was electrifying. I could feel his strange pull in the meadow, and for the first time in my life I felt like I had found something otherworldly, I felt like I had found myself. It was a revelation every time I went to the beautiful place we had shared and found him there. He made me happy beyond anything I had ever felt before, and we didn't even have to say a word to each other. The feeling and the emotions were unspoken, so strong that they didn't even need a word to justify them. The silence only made it better, we were able to focus on other things, like the beating of our hearts, and the beautiful sound of our breathing, each breath the same pace as the others.

All I needed was to be in his presence, all I needed was to be with him. He was my true love, though for some strange reason the feelings I have for Edward feel almost similar, as if they can grow to be as strong as the feelings with the strange and mysterious boy. And if that is possible, than I could never stand to be away from Edward, I could never stand to risk it. He was my new hope, my new beginning. He could allow me to remember my dark angel, but be happy when I do. I could pretend that he was him, in a way. He is able to make me happy and send the pain and memories away. Maybe he could replace my dark angel and I won't hurt again. He is different, he could be that fix.

With anyone else, I would think of the boy and feel pain and loss, but with Edward, I would think of the love I had had with him and smile. He truly had a gift beyond comprehension, he was amazing, and I wanted him. I wanted to be with him.

I pulled into my driveway, noticing that yet again Charlie and Renee were not home. Renee mentioned this morning that she had some errands to run later in the day, but she'd be home as soon as she could. I still hadn't mentioned to either of them about Edward. It really wasn't a big deal to tell them I was working on a project with him, but I wasn't going to force the knowledge upon them. Jacob would certainly find out if they knew which would undoubtedly end up in some kind of argument. Then I would have to defend my side by revealing what I knew about him and Renesmee and their secret gatherings. I hoped Jacob wasn't doing anything unfaithful, I would be utterly disappointed in him. He wasn't a cheater, though there is always a first for everything. However, a part of me hoped that Jacob was doing something, something more than just friends with Renesmee, or at least developing feelings for her. If he was, then there would be nothing wrong with me falling for Edward. It would be okay on some kind of level, even understandable. Then Jacob could not argue or object, but only hope for my understanding as well. It was a messed up thought, sinister and twisted, but I thought it, and a part of me wished for it.

I walked inside with my belongings and pulled my science book out and everything else that I needed to work on the project.

Edward was supposed to come over later, around 5:00. I had an hour and a half to kill. I decided to read my favorite book 'Wuthering Heights.' I had already read it a thousand times, but one more surely wouldn't hurt.

It seemed like only minutes had passed while I was reading. I got caught up in the story and before I knew it, it was 5:00 and I heard a car pull in the driveway. It was Edward.

The doorbell rang and I walked to the front door to answer. As I opened the door, I was welcomed to Edwards cheeky little grin.

"Why are you so happy?" I asked raising an eyebrow while thinking that his mischievous childlike expression was actually quite amusing and rather cute.

"I have an idea." He said still grinning.

"Oh? And what would that be?" I said nonchalant.

"I want to take you somewhere…to work on the project." He said, his grin becoming even wider than before.

"Where to?" I asked.

"La Push!" He blurted out and then raced to his car like a child playing tag. "Hurry, we have to be quick!"

I didn't understand what the urgency was all about, but I didn't argue with Edward either. I shut the front door and ran after him to his lovely Volvo. He was already seated in the car waiting for me with the engine on, his face completely blissful.

"What's with the hurry?" I asked as I shut the door and quickly buckled up.

"You'll see." He said as he began to zoom out of my driveway, reversing the car like a professional driver, and speeding down the roads.

"Stop driving so fast!" I said, Edward just laughed and kept going at the pace he was already at. For someone who drove so fast, it was odd that the was actually good at driving, excellent even. I was comfortable in the car with him, though his speed was slightly frightening and alarming.

"Why are you so giddy?" I asked him. I could see the corner of his lip lift up and I knew he was giving me that beautiful crooked grin that I loved so much.

"It's a surprise," he said beautifully then turned his face to stare intently at me, "trust me."

"I do." I was entranced by his voice and his face, they were both beyond beautiful. He smiled a comforting smile at my reply.

It had been a short ride, fifteen minutes had passed by when Edward told me we were almost there. I had been to La Push many times since I was a kid. Charlie and Renee used to take me to swim in the ocean and play in the sand or even go fishing. Also, since dating Jacob, La Push was like my second home. I basically knew everyone that lived there. If it weren't for my pale skin color and my bone structure, people would have thought I was a Quileute native as well. I used to visit every weekend, but lately my life had changed. The rift between me and Jacob had also become a rift between me and my other friends. I missed them, and hopefully I would see them all soon. And then I remember, I'm at La Push. I hope no one that I know sees me. That can't see me here with Edward.

Inside I was panicking. I couldn't let anyone notice me and I hoped to God no one I knew would be out at the beach today. If they were, they would surely tell Jacob. I can't let that happen.

We pulled into a parking lot along the beach; Edward raced out of the car and opened my door. Though he was extremely excited and giddy, he was still a gentleman.

As I hesitantly got out of the Volvo, he went to the back of his car and grabbed a blanket from the trunk.

"Okay, so we are here at La Push, now what?" I asked in a bored yet anxious tone, I was excited to see what Edward was planning on doing, but I was also scared that someone I knew would be here. Although, I was anxious to know why he was so thrilled to be here, but I didn't want to show him just how anxious I was. "And what's with the blanket?" I asked raising an eyebrow.

"Come," he said in a low soft whisper with a smirk as he grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the beach. He looked so sexy right now, the sun was beginning to set, and the light touching his skin was miraculous.

He led me down through the sand towards the water. The sky was beautiful, and we had a perfect view of the sun. Edward stopped and we stood only a few feet away from the water. He set the blanket on the sand, laying it out on the ground then lying on it.

"Don't tell me we are going to watch the sun set…" I moaned out, though the thought was incredibly romantic, and I was absolutely thrilled that Edward was excited about something so beautiful and lovely. He looked at me and grinned.

"No. We are going to watch the other people at the beach watch the sun set." He smirked while looking around. I looked as well and noticed a lot of couples and families scattered around the beach watching the sky. Edward was studying them, watching how they interacted with one another. I smiled; it really was a good idea, brilliant even. I lied down on the blanket and joined him.

"You see that family right there?" He whispered while discreetly pointing to a small family of four sitting on their own blanket far back on the beach. I nodded and watched them. There was a young man and woman, presumably the parents, and two young children, a girl and a boy. The boy looked to be about seven and the girl five. They were playing with each other, some child game I wasn't sure of. On the other hand, the parents were lying on the blanket staring at the sky, the father holding his wife in his arms. The picture of them was beautiful, the husband and wife staring at each other lovingly while the kids played together peacefully. Edward began to laugh and then looked at me.

"I predict the boy is going to do something to make the girl cry." He said grinning. I completely disagreed. The family looked so happy, and the two kids looked like they were perfectly getting along. There was no way that the boy would do something mean to his sister. I couldn't see it.

"No he is not, look at them! They look completely happy!" I said in dismay. Edward began to laugh again.

"Bella, you have no idea! Just watch!" he said, he was completely intrigued with this family. It was like he knew for a fact that what he said was going to happen. I was smitten by his childlike behavior, I had never seen him so thrilled or excited about something.

"Watch!" he said looking at me really quickly before flashing back to the family. I laughed then looked at them too. The two kids were still playing together and the parents oblivious to them, staring at the sun as it began to rest. I was shaking my head and smirking, nothing was happening, and like I told Edward, nothing would happen. They were completely happy, why would the boy randomly do something mean to his little sister?

As I kept shaking my head, I saw it. The little boy looked at his sister, and for a second I thought I saw a little mischievous grin on his face. He almost looked conniving and evil, then as I was shocked to see his expression the little boy flicked sand at his sister and said something that I could not hear. Apparently his little comment was mean because right after he said it and flicked the sand the little girl began to cry.

The parents were startled by the sudden noise and looked to their children, breaking out of their blissful states. They scrambled to comfort her and chastise the naughty boy, but they were young parents and they still had yet to learn. Because of that one act, the kids were unhappy, and the parents were unhappy, missing out on the beautiful sunset that awaited them.

I looked at Edward in amazement. To my surprise he wasn't looking at the family anymore. He was lying on his back and staring at the sun, watching it fall right before our eyes. He was smiling, but not in a gloating kind of way, there was no cockiness to his expression, just complete delight. I lied down next to him and joined him staring at the sparkling sun. The site was magnificent, perfectly beautiful and astonishing in every possible way.

"How did you do that?" I whispered, still hypnotized by the sun's falling beauty.

"Do what?" Edward chuckled back.

"How did you know that that little boy was going to do that? They were completely happy, and it was definitely unexpected." I said still in surprise.

"It was predictable. And I do have a little sister," He said smiling, "besides….I'm good at reading people."

"Oh really?" I scoffed, then smiling I asked, "Can you read me?"

Edward's face became a little scrunched as if he was thinking really hard about something. "You…not so much." He admitted.

"Why is that….is there something wrong with me?" I asked self-consciously. Why did I have to be so unreadable? Why did I have to be unlike everyone else? I did have to admit, it was nice that Edward couldn't read me so well. I was a terrible liar as it was, and if he could see every truth and feeling that I had, every thought or intention, it would be very bad. Yes, it was good that I was unreadable; it meant I could keep my secrets, keep my mystery.

"No, there is nothing wrong with you." Edward began to laugh.

"Good," I said with relief.

"Though, I wish I could. It's so difficult sometimes; I wish I knew what you were thinking." I began to blush and Edward smiled.

"This is so beautiful," I said, smiling at the sky, the sun was almost fully down and the moon was becoming more prominent with a few stars beginning to show.

"It definitely is," he said, but I knew he wasn't looking at the sky. I could feel his gaze on me without even turning my head. I blushed even more and through my peripheral I saw a little crooked smile stretching across his face.

We lied there under the stars for what seemed like ages, staring at the beautiful night sky, watching the stars sparkle. I hadn't felt so alive in a while, and the feeling was amazing. I was filled with joy and splendor, smiling nonstop at the beautiful feeling as it engulfed my body.

Just then, Edward stood up and reached for my hand.

"Come walk with me Bella," he said in his beautiful low voice. I couldn't say no to him. I grabbed his hand and stood up. We began to walk along the beach, looking at the waves and watching as families left and couples stayed, embracing the beautiful beach life.

We kept walking for a while, not really needing to say a word to each other. The silence wasn't awkward at all, I felt completely comfortable in Edward's company, regardless if we spoke or not. We kept walking until I realized where we were. That's when I saw them. The cliffs.

It had been a year since I'd been to the cliffs. I hadn't returned since the day I jumped and the day Harry died. I would have never dreamed of coming back. It was a place filled with terrible memories and nightmares. Some of my darkest thoughts were of this place, remembering how it had damaged me physically and mentally. I couldn't escape it, and I would never forget.

And now I was here, walking towards the place I would have never returned to. It felt unsettling to be here, and I didn't want to keep walking forward. It was the last thing I wanted to do. I wanted to turn back, to run away from this place and never return. But Edward didn't know this, he didn't know why.

I froze where I was standing, and Edward looked at me in confusion, then he took notice of my face and was filled with concern. I must have looked frightened and startled, and Edward had no idea what was going on.

"Are you okay Bella? Is something wrong?" he asked, his eyes filled with worry. I was tired of lying to him, I couldn't stand it anymore. I had to tell him the truth.

"No…I'm not okay Edward…it's this place." I told him, I was embarrassed to admit it, but I was preparing myself for what was next.

"What happened here Bella?" He asked in a deeply concerned tone. I didn't begin talking right away, I just scrunched my face up and thought. Having to tell him would be so difficult, it would hurt because I would have to remember everything. Remembering was the last thing I wanted to do.

He took my stalling as a bad sign, "I'm sorry, it's none of my business, you don't need to tell me anything Bella." He added quickly, then I looked at him and saw that he truly cared and that I was okay. I trusted him, and I was ready to tell him.

"No, it's okay. It's just…a long and complicated story," I admitted. It really was, and it was a very touchy subject. I wasn't going to tell him about my dark angel, but I was going to tell him one of my darkest memories, the day at the cliffs.

"I've got time," he smiled comfortingly to me, "I'm sure I can keep up." I tried to smile back at him, but I didn't quite succeed. Edward sat down in the sand and pulled me down with him, holding my hand as I began to tell him my story.

"It was about a year ago when I came here with Jacob, everything was perfect, everything was beautiful and amazing. We were playing up above the cliffs where others had done so many times before. We were going to cliff dive, I had never done it before, but Jake loved it. Of course, he went first. He jumped into the dark blue freezing water down below. I watched him as he gracefully flew through the air and landed perfectly into the dark abyss. He popped up from the water and looked at me with satisfaction, waving for me to jump. I inhaled a deep breath and took a step forward. I was nervous, very nervous, but I wanted to jump nonetheless. I had never done anything so exhilarating in my life; I had never done anything so dangerous or reckless either. As I took a step off the cliff, I slipped and I realized I didn't jump far enough. All I remember was looking below me and watching as the rocks below came closer and closer. And then I remember looking at Jacob's face as I was falling, his face was the worst kind of anguish. It was pure torture to see how he looked, demented and distorted in pain as he watched me fall to what I thought would have been a sure death. The only knowledge and comprehension that came to my mind as I fell was that I was going to hit the rocks and that I was going to die. While falling to my grave my instincts kicked in and I covered my head with my arms, bracing myself for the confrontation between the rocks. I remember feeling a sharp pain and then nothing. I was gone…" I had to catch my breath for a little, remembering that horrible day and the pain it caused me to tell my story. Edward was looking at me with sadness in his eyes, but he didn't speak.

"I woke up days later, scared where I was and completely lost. I had no idea what happened. I lied in that hospital bed and woke up to Jacob's pained face, and Charlie and Renee's tears. They had been crying for a while, and it was hurting them so much to see me lying there as if I was dead. When they told me what happened, and when they told me that Harry Clearwater, my dad's best friend died that same day from a heart attack, I lost it. I did remember that Sam was there at the cliffs, another Quileute friend, he ran to Jacob and yelled that Harry had a heart attack and to rush me to the hospital. I faintly remembered that part, but I was quickly falling back into unconsciousness. I began to cry uncontrollably when I woke up, shaking in my bed and yelling in anger. I thought to myself, 'Why Harry? Why did I have to be so stupid and reckless and do such a thing? Why did I have to cause Charlie so much pain?' He lost his best friend that day, and my accident didn't do anything to help. He was going through so much already, and I only made it worse. And Jacob, when I saw his face, my heart broke to a million pieces. He blamed himself for everything. All the pain that I went through, all the pain that Charlie and Renee went through, he blamed everything on himself. I told him repeatedly that it wasn't his fault, and that I forgave him after he kept begging me to forgive him, but he didn't accept it. He couldn't let it go, he couldn't forget." Tears were swelling in my eyes, and I was beginning to lose it just by telling the story. Edward began to hold me in his arms, trying to comfort me in any attempt.

"The doctors said it was a miracle that I survived. They said I was lucky, and that God was on my side that day. If I hadn't covered my head with my arms, my head would have smashed like a pumpkin on those rocks. I would have been gone for sure, and there was no kind of medicine or surgery that could have saved me. I would have died. I should have died." I said angrily.

"Don't say that Bella," Edward said holding me tighter. "Don't ever say that." I silently wept into Edward's chest as he held me. Breathing heavily and trying to compose myself. Edward just rocked me in his arms and didn't say a word.

"After I woke up, every night I began to have the worst nightmares of my life. I would dream of every possible horror imaginable, Harry jumping off the cliff to his death, Jacob jumping, Renee, Charlie. It didn't matter who, every dream I would be in the same place, swimming in the water and watching them plummet to their horrid death. I couldn't do anything to save them; I was swimming against the current trying to save my own life in the process. Every dream ended the same too; I finally lost the battle with the ocean and gave in to my engrossing death, only minutes after watching the others fall to their same fate." I paused for a moment then stared out at the sea. Wincing as I remembered the pain of the nightmares.

"I would scream at night; for the next few months, Charlie and Renee would take turns coming into my room to calm me down. Nothing ever worked though; I would still dream the terrible nightmares and see them as if they were actually happening. They were so vivid and realistic; I would scream bloody murder when I woke from them. Charlie and Renee were desperate to stop them; it had come between our personal lives as well. Jacob knew about them, he knew of the terrors that would haunt me, and he would try and stay with me some of the nights to help me sleep. Charlie and Renee had allowed it; they trusted Jake and they wanted to be able to sleep for once. They would do anything to rid me of the horrors. Jacob helped in a way, but even he couldn't keep the nightmares from returning." Edward began to brush my hair from my eyes, still cradling me, and still holding me in his arms. I kept looking out at the sea, staring blankly like a zombie.

"I would wake up panting and screaming, and he would be there cradling me in his arms and trying to calm me down, telling me everything would be okay. I tried to believe him, but it was so hard to. Nothing could stop the dreams and every now and then they would come back. There was no stopping them, I never felt safe from my own mind." I felt so vulnerable telling Edward this, so weak and defenseless, but Edward didn't try to leave me or feel awkward. He understood, he cared, and he kept holding onto me with such strength and feeling it was like he was telling me he would never let me go.

"I'm so sorry Bella." He whispered into my ear, and I knew he meant it. He didn't think I was weird, he didn't think I was a loser, he understood, and that was all I could ask for.

"You don't think I'm weird do you?" I asked.

"You? Of course not." He smiled at me and placed his chin on top of my head, "never."

I smiled back at him and inhaled his sweet intoxicating aroma. I was happy he was here with me, and I was happy that he finally knew my past. I felt like he knew everything now, and it was a comforting feeling.

"Everything will be okay," he whispered in my ear. And for once, I believed it. Maybe it was because it was coming from Edward, but nevertheless, I really felt like everything would be okay.

We sat there staring at the ocean for a while, holding tight to each other and embracing each other's company. Most everybody had left the beach by this time, it was late, and it was cold. No one was around the cliffs and it was just me and Edward, sitting together and enjoying each other's presence. I was thankful that I had Edward in my life; he meant so much to me now.

I think I'm in love, I thought to myself, but the thought made me kind of nervous. I didn't want to ruin our friendship, and I wasn't ready to do anything about Jacob. I was afraid of what would happen. I wasn't ready to change my life drastically just yet. But I do know that I love Edward, and I do think that I am in love with him. I've never felt this way before, minus my dark angel. To be truthful, the feeling was almost the same. The dark angel's power was instantly strong the moment I saw him though, but Edward's, it kept growing and growing every time that I was near him. If it kept going at this rate, it would be stronger then my dark angels in a matter of days. I didn't want to slow the process one bit, but I was scared. It only meant that I had to make the decision to hurt Jake sooner rather than later.

Edward and I eventually got up and began to walk back to his car. He held my hand the entire time, making sure I was still comforted after the very emotional conversation we had just had. He gathered his blanket and stuffed it back into the trunk of his Volvo then opened the door for me.

Today really had been amazing, watching the sun set with Edward, staring at the sky, telling him my past, and letting him in. It was very trying, but I did it. As he drove me home, I kept thinking about the night. We even worked on the project, in a way. We accomplished many things, and the night only brought us closer to each other.

We didn't really speak in the car, we didn't need to. I would catch him smiling at me, and he the same, and we just sat there driving down roads with contentment. Yes, it was hard to tell him what I had, but I was also relieved, like a weight had been lifted off my shoulder. I was thankful for him. I loved him.

We reached my house and I looked at Edward, "Thank you for today, it was great." I said to him with compassion. He nodded at me and smiled.

"Anytime Bella, I will always be here for you," he said soothingly. He gently placed his hand on my cheek in a comforting way. It felt so smooth and exhilarating. I didn't want him to move it.

"Goodnight Bella," he said softly, though I could tell he didn't want me to leave.

"Goodnight Edward, see you tomorrow." I said, comforting the fact that I would see him tomorrow. I didn't want to leave either, if I could, I would stay with him forever, never leaving his side.

I walked out of his car and entered my house as Edward sped off into the distance. I said goodnight to Charlie and Renee and went straight to my room. I was tired, and I was still in shock that today even happened. I still couldn't believe that I was hanging out with Edward Cullen. He was gorgeous, beautiful, sweet, passionate, and everything I could have ever hoped for in a guy. I could feel that he alone was single handedly healing me from the pain I felt with the loss of my dark angel. I was happier than before, and I was healing. I was forgetting.

I went into the bathroom and took a much needed hot shower. I washed away all my fears and regrets and guilt. The thoughts that what I was doing with Edward was wrong had washed down the drain. The fear of losing him left too. The guilt that I felt when I thought of Jacob and the pain of losing the dark boy was slowly flowing down the drain. I felt better, I felt more sane. I was becoming normal again, I was feeling normal again, and it was all because of Edward. He was absolutely amazing, and I would never change my feelings for him.

Whenever I am with him, the weight and the burden of everything else just slips away. He's there in my life, and just the thought makes me completely calm and at ease. I am in peace when I think of him, I am in heaven when I am near him, and I am in love no matter where I am or where he is.

It was strange how I got him when my dark angel left. It was like destiny, like it was meant to be. Sometimes we don't ask for what we need, but yet we still get it. It was amazing how I had reached this point in my life, and how fragile I was when I got there. Sometimes we let go of what we need, and sometimes in the face of our fears, the things we least expect have a way of coming back to us. We never know what happiness or sadness tomorrow might bring, but we cannot dwell on the past or the regrets of our yesterdays. We have to move on, we have to keep going. Even if there are obstacles in the way, even if it's too hard to breathe or to live, we cannot give up. We owe it to ourselves to keep trying; we owe it to ourselves to give life another chance.

I finished my shower and quickly readied myself for bed. I lied on my bed staring at the ceiling and thinking.

I love Edward, I love him more than I should, so much more than is good for me, but I can't stop. The timing is cruel, but I have fallen for him. My heart needs him around; it needs him too much. There's nobody like him, and I am so afraid to push him from my mind, it's like the fear of forgetting what light is like when you close your eyes. I need him. I need him; he brings happiness and light into my sad and dark world. He wakes me up from the nightmares with hope of a better tomorrow. I don't want to hurt Jake, but there's nobody like him, and Jake doesn't stand a chance in comparison. It is going to hurt me so much to have to hurt Jacob, but I know I have to eventually. I'm too scared to do it anytime soon, and I don't even know if Edward truly likes or even loves me. We aren't together, and I don't want to leave Jacob for something that is not even certain. I can't go through rejection; there will be nothing left of me if I have to hurt even more.

My body felt like Swiss cheese right now, so many holes, so many things that have damaged me. I am not strong enough for another hole to be carved into me, and I could never handle a hole from Edward. In my heart, I didn't believe that Edward would ever hurt me, but in my mind I knew there was always the possibility.

I began to close my eyes, letting my mind wander, and entering the dark meadow again for another night of pain. Only this time, I wouldn't cry just for my dark angel, but this time I would cry for the decision I had to make, and the heartbreak I knew I would cause in doing so. My life was a mess, and I had to pray that it would get better. I had to hope, because if I had no hope, then I had nothing to look forward to, no purpose. Edward was my hope, and I was going to live off that for as long as I had to, as long as I could. Today was an awakening, and I realized that I had a lot to think about and a lot to do.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Remember to review it! You know how much it means to me!

I will be working on chapter 11 soon, and probably have it out within this week.

I had a lot of time today to write, I was on winter break, and it was a much needed break.

Now I get to go back to school tomorrow, and the hussle and bussle of everyday life will be back. Great.

I've been scheming up ideas for a new story btw. I don't think I will start it until I finish this story, but I can't wait to. It's going to be very interesting, and I hope you guys will enjoy it when I finally begin to write it. But that wont be for a while, since this story will be going on for a while as well.

Thank you to those who HAVE reviewed this story, it means the world to me, and I really hope I get to read some more soon! Thank you and I hope you all have a wonderful day or night!

Oh and I'm not quite sure if I should keep this story as M or change it to T. I'm pretty sure there are not going to be any lemons, but I don't know about the rating. Should I change it? What should it be? I need input, thanks! :)