Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, Stephenie Meyer does.

A/N: Here it is everybody! Chapter 19! I hope you all enjoy, this has been a wonderful journey writing this story, and I hope you feel the same. I can't wait to break into chapter 20!

Please review and definitly enjoy!

My Dark Angel

Chapter 19

Spreading the Pain

Jacob didn't talk to me at all during first period. He just sat in his seat paying attention to class. He never did that, he never paid attention. He hated school, but now he was actually listening to the teacher and doing his work. I was amazed at this new Jacob. Though the entire time, I could see in his eyes that he was in pain, that he was hurting. I could see that he didn't want to be with me in that room, at least in that moment. He wanted to be alone, and let his feelings out. I'm sure he wanted to scream, to hunt Edward down and fight him, rip him up into a million tiny pieces, but he couldn't. He had to stay in school and endure the pain, in front of me.

I tried to stay distracted while in class, I tried to not look in his direction. But every few silent minutes that would pass by, I couldn't help but take a peek at him. His face never changed, it was the same pained anguish expression that I had feared to see. My heart was beating slowly and it was hard for me to breathe, I was in pain from watching him suffer. I was in pain from knowing that I had caused him this hurt that he was feeling. I turned his life upside down, and now it was hell for him. I truly felt guilty, all he ever did was try to love me and take care of me. He tried to comfort me when I was sad, he tried to fight away my nightmares, sometimes he succeeded, but a lot of times he didn't. Jacob was never meant to be my hero, he was never meant to be my knight and shining armor, Edward was.

Nevertheless, Jacob told me he would still fight for me. It was the last thing I wanted him to do. I told him I loved Edward, I told him that I didn't want to be with him anymore and that I was confused, but it still didn't matter. As long as I loved him, he would fight for me. He believed that he had a chance; he believed that I would come back to him, and that was the worst pain of all. Because now, after I already broke his heart, I have to do it again. I have to make the decision final, and I have to choose Edward over him for good. I couldn't bear hurting him even more, he already seemed like he would crumble into pieces at any given moment. I had made him weak, and he never deserved that. I loved Jacob enough to not want to hurt him again, but I loved Edward enough to have to hurt him again. My life was so confusing and twisted, no matter what I did, I was always in a losing situation and I hated myself for it. I was disgusting; I was horrible for hurting my friend.

I didn't want to say goodbye to him; I didn't want to say goodbye to anyone, but I had to.

"Hey Bella," Angela said from the seat behind me. I turned around to greet her.

"Hey Ang," I replied.

"Were you okay after Friday?" she asked, making me remember how I had watched that horrible movie and how it made me feel.

"Yeah, I got a surprise visit from Alice. You remember Alice right?"

"Alice Brandon?" Angela asked in surprise.

"Yeah."

"Wow, I haven't heard from her in years."

"I haven't talked to her in a while, and she surprised me with a visit right when I got home."

"Well I guess it's a good thing you left then!" Angela said still amazed.

"I guess so," I said with a slight chuckle. I heard Jacob move his attention towards our conversation a little.

"How has she been doing?" Angela asked.

"She's been really good, she moved to Alaska, which I'm sure you already knew."

"Yes," Angela said laughing. "I wish I could have seen her, I miss Alice."

"It was a pleasant surprise seeing her again; hopefully she'll come back soon."

"Hey, isn't Edward from Alaska?" Angela suddenly asked, thanks, bring him in the subject while Jacob's in the room.

"Yeah, they sort of went to school together until he moved down here. I just found out." I told her.

"That's so crazy, what a small world." Angela said smiling.

"Indeed," I said, hating how the subject turned to Edward. I turned to look at Jacob and he was facing me. His expression was of two things, anger and surprise.

"Why didn't you tell me Alice visited?" he suddenly asked me in a quiet voice.

"I didn't know you wanted to know? You never told me she called anyways…" I responded, annoyed yet astonished that he was talking to me. Angela awkwardly looked away from the conversation and began to focus on class.

"You never answered her calls anymore; I didn't think you'd care to know. And she was my friend too you know." Jacob continued angrily. "And of course Cullen was brought up in the subject." Jacob added sourly.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Alice, but don't be rude about Edward." I spat to him.

"You are seriously defending the guy? They guy you kissed while we were still dating?" He said angrily, getting louder but catching himself so we wouldn't attract anyone's attention.

I knew what he was doing; he was trying to make me feel guilty. But his anger and hatred towards Edward was only firing me up to defend him and lash out on Jacob.

"Yeah, well that isn't a problem anymore now is it Jacob?" I said coldly, but I regretted it the moment I let it slip from my lips because Jacob was speechless. His face froze and it looked like he had been stabbed with a million daggers to the heart. The pain surfaced back into his eyes and I felt like a monster.

"I'm sorry Jake, that was uncalled for." I apologized quickly.

"You still meant it all the same," he hushed out.

"No Jake, I wouldn't ever mean to say such a thing to you."

"Yet it still doesn't change the way you feel," Jacob said though it sounded like it was meant as a question.

"No, it doesn't." I admitted. "Sorry."

"It's not over Bella, I'll win you back. As long as you love me, I still got a chance."

"Jake-"

"Please Bella, don't give up on us. All of these years it's been you and me, we can do this."

"Jake, you know how I feel about him." I said sadly, Jacob shook his head.

"It's just a hole in the road, it can be fixed, it will pass." He said; I felt so bad, Jake was in denial. I had to make him feel better somehow to alleviate at least a little bit of the pain.

"You know I love you Jake right?"

"Of course, I love you too Bells," he said with a slight smile, though it still didn't reach his eyes. My heart rate sped up for what I was about to say I knew was going to hurt him.

"But I don't love you like I love Edward." Jacob was speechless, in a somber puppy-like way. He didn't face me, but I could see a fresh-coming of glaze in his eyes. I felt terrible for admitting it, but he had to know the truth. I tried to ease the situation, but I knew anything that I would say would surely not fix the situation regardless.

"It's just that..." I was cut off by the bell, ringing for 1st period to be over. Angela was gone in a flash, the situation was probably too awkward for her to handle. Jacob quickly and helplessly gathered his belongings and headed for the door, I quickly grabbed my stuff and ran after him, I couldn't leave him on this note. I had to explain and talk to him. He meant so much to me, he will always my best friend, and I never meant to change that.

"Jake" I called for him, as I grabbed his arm right outside of class while people rushed by around us to get to their next class. He reluctantly turned to face me but his eyes never met mine. It killed me to see his face and the hurt painted on it. "Please Jake, let me explain." He didn't respond, but only stared intently at the ground. "It's just, ever since I met Edward, I've experienced a whole different kind of love; one I never even knew existed. I just don't know Jake. This is really difficult for me. You've always been there for me and in my life. You've been there for the good and the bad. You never gave up on me." He began to raise his gaze towards me as I continued. "But I've never felt anything like this in my life Jake. I've never felt so strongly for someone and I honestly don't think anything will ever be stronger. I love you both, but just in diff-" He cut me off, raising his hand for me to stop. A light seemed to flicker on in his eyes and they were burning towards me.

"You know I want you to choose me, I'm good for you Bella. You know me." He said strongly.

"I know Jake, but I've never known anyone else. I've always been with you. How do we even know if this is the real thing?"

"Because it is Bella, you love me and I love you, that's all we need."

"But it's not Jake, it's not all we need. It's not enough. Besides, it's not the same anymore, not since Edward moved here." He began to look angrily at me.

"Don't give up so easily Bells." He said angrily, and then he spat out in disgust, "and don't bring up his name."

"I'm sorry." I sighed; I was so tired of fighting with Jacob. I tried to explain, but each time I did he came back stronger. He wouldn't give up; I had to figure something out.

"You'll pick me Bella, you know you will," he said confidently with a small hidden hint of desperation.

"Jacob…I don't want you fighting a lost cause."

"It's not a lost cause to me." He said sadly. I looked into his eyes and saw that he truly meant it. How could I do this to him? How could I be so cruel?

Time was running out and less people were walking by in the hallway. The conversation suddenly stopped and now it felt slightly awkward. We began walking to my class together like always, I guess only because it was routine. It was a short walk, and when we reached my trig class, Jake looked at me with determination.

"I'm still fighting for you Bella, I won't stop." He stared strongly into my eyes for a moment then walked off to his own 2nd period. I smacked my head lightly, scolding myself for egging him on. Bella, you're only hurting him more.

It was killing me having to tell him I loved Edward and that I kissed him, it was killing me that he still wanted to fight for me to choose him, though I told him it was a lost cause. No matter what I said, he was too stubborn to listen; he still believed that we were meant for each other.

"Hey Bella, how are you feeling?" Jessica asked as I walked through the door and to my usual seat.

"I've been better," I told her honestly, not expecting her to ask anything further anyways.

"Oh that's too bad. We missed you after the movie. Since we weren't able to get ice cream Friday night, Angela and I got some Sunday. We called to invite you but your dad said you were out hiking or something. So we went just the two of us. We saw Mike there. We talked for hours." She kept going on, gloating about it. I wasn't paying much attention to her anyways; I wasn't in the mood for a Jessica Stanley conversation.

She must have realized my lack of interest in the conversation because the next thing she said caught me by surprise.

"I saw Jacob there too…" she told me.

"Yeah, he likes ice cream." I said, not thinking twice about it.

"I bet he does…that girl seemed to like it too." She said, and then I whipped my head to look at Jessica dead in the eyes.

"What are you talking about?" I asked her sternly.

"Jacob wasn't alone Sunday night." Jessica said lightly, excited about the gossip she was stirring up.

"Who was he with?" I demanded.

"Renesmee Cullen."

"I should have guessed." I said sourly. Was Jacob seriously doing this? Was he seriously acting like I was the bad guy? He went out for ice cream with Renesmee, Lord knows what they did. Jacob cannot be begging for me to choose him when he doesn't even know himself who he wants.

"You shouldn't worry though Bella, it looked like she was into him more than he was to her." Jessica said, slightly caring in her own kind of way.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"It just seems like Renesmee likes him much more than he likes her. He has her eating at the palm of his hand." Jessica said and I was stunned. He has Renesmee at the palm of his hand? Shouldn't it be the other way around?

If Alice's theory that Renesmee is Jacob's true love is correct, then Jacob should love her too, not unrequited. There must be something deeper going on, there has to be. I was determined to get to the bottom of it.

"Did they…do anything?" I asked her tentatively.

"Oh no, Bella. They just seemed pretty close." She told me. I felt a little relief at the situation, but maybe this was a good thing. Maybe Jacob hanging out with Renesmee was a really good thing. It would hopefully make the decision process run smoother and he wouldn't be so sad, because then he'd have Renesmee. I hope he wants Renesmee.

I couldn't help but think how strange it really was that I was in love with Edward and his sister was most likely in love with Jacob. It was like we were all tied together in some weird way now. I hoped their relationship would work out or else it would just be awkward. If they just casually dated, then Jacob could still be in love with me while we are all hanging out at the Cullen's house and that was something I did not want. But if he loved her, then he would surely forget about me and be okay with that fact. Edward and I wouldn't bother him with our togetherness, everything would be fine and everything would be forgiven. We would all finally be with the ones we were supposed to be with.

I had to linger on that thought; I had to hold off on Jacob's heartbreak long enough so that he'd fall in love with Renesmee and be able to let me go. If that happened, then I'd have a chance, then it would all be okay.

I didn't further the conversation with Jessica anymore, we focused on math, well maybe she did, I had other things to worry about. I couldn't stop thinking about Jacob and Renesmee; I couldn't stop thinking about the inevitable choices that I had to make. Was Jacob trying to fight his feelings for Renesmee so he could be with me? Was he trying to shove those feelings away so he could fight for a lost cause? I wasn't going to pick Jake, that is certain, but I don't want him to give up his chance on true love for me. He had to know that there was a better choice; he had to know that he should let me go, he had to. He can't have me, only Edward can.

I had to come up with a plan; I had to get them together somehow. I had to talk to Renesmee. It was the only way I saw that things could work out for everyone, it was the only way. Still with this way, there would be heartache, but it would be so minimal compared to the other ways. With this way, there would be love waiting for everyone, not just for me and Edward.

The bell rang and I left for lunch, I would see Edward and Renesmee there, I could tell her I needed to talk to her later. It would also give me an excuse to go over to Edward's house. I would do anything for that chance.

I walked into the cafeteria and found Angela and Ben sitting down together already engulfed in some kind of conversation.

"I have a purple dress Ben; you are not wearing red to prom." Angela kept arguing with him as I pulled up a seat next to them.

"But everyone is wearing red, it's a pimpin' color," he argued back.

"But you're not a pimp," Angela said and I began to laugh.

"What on Earth is going on?" I asked. They both looked up at me and began to laugh as well.

"We are discussing prom, and Ben is being difficult." Angela said smirking at Ben.

"Am not!" He defended like a child and stuck his tongue out at her. She smiled then kissed him on the cheek. They were so cute together. It was a wonderful relationship they had, healthy and normal. It reminded me of how Jacob and I used to be when we were dating. Things used to be so simple back then, so carefree and worry-less.

But with Edward, my heart is all serious and deeply in love. There are no childlike games, its full-fledged love between us, something that Jacob and I never had. We are completely serious with each other when it comes to our feelings, there is no joking around or hiding behind a bush. Though Edward hasn't actually told me he loved me yet and I haven't told him either, I know that he has strong feelings for me, and I know that I love him. As long as he wants me then I will be fine.

I looked to the door outside the cafeteria and saw Edward and Renesmee arriving, they both looked gorgeous as usual. Edward smiling beautifully when his eyes met mine. I had to catch my breath, and I knew that I was blushing. He looked down and shook his head in humor at me then brought his gaze back to mine almost simultaneously. His eyes were so strong, so full of emotion, I couldn't look away.

"Bella," he said acknowledging me with a loving tone once he reached our table.

"Edward," I said in the same tone, I wanted him so badly; I yearned to be in his arms, to kiss his soft lips. He smiled then sat down next to me, Renesmee sat across the table.

I looked at Edward next to me and he was staring at me with that usual intensity in his eyes. I then felt his hand reach for mine under the table, which surprised me a little.

He smiled at me and I returned it just the same.

"What are you guys doing over there?" Angela asked sarcastically with her eyebrows raised, but she was only looking at me.

"Just talking," I said blushing, even though we actually hadn't said a word except each other's names.

"Uh huh," Angela said, and then she smiled to me. She must have been thinking about what I told her at her house on Friday, how I loved Edward and my whole dilemma.

I remembered my plan that I had created earlier and then quickly looked to Renesmee, who oddly enough looked somewhat down today. She wasn't as happy as she usually was and there wasn't quite a glow to her as she usually had.

"Renesmee," I called to her, she seemed startled when she heard her name.

"Yes Bella?" she asked quietly, hesitant to look at me. There must be something going on between her and Jacob because she was suddenly so nervous around me.

"I was wondering if I could talk to you sometime later today, it's rather important." I began. She looked at me slightly confused, but the confusion only lasted a second. She then nodded as if she knew what I was getting at.

"Yes, of course. Where would you like to meet?" She asked, and then Edward suddenly intervened.

"Why don't you come over after school Bella? Esme would be delighted to see you again." He offered with a gentle smile, I of course was excited to accept the invitation, hoping that this invitation would happen all along.

"I would love to," I said to Edward smiling back, and then I looked to Renesmee, "can we talk then?"

"Of course," she simply stated then went back to her talk-less lunch time.

I felt bad for Renesmee; she must be going through a lot right now. If she loved Jacob and he didn't love her back, then it must be difficult for her. I couldn't imagine how uncomfortable she must feel when I am around. I am the one her love loves. It was like a love triangle. She loved Jacob, but Jacob loved me, but I loved Edward. Well, more like a love square, since four people were involved. I am however extremely glad that Edward appeared in the picture, because if this was just me, Jacob, and Renesmee, and I still loved Jacob like before, then I would like any other normal girl, hate Renesmee for potentially being a home wrecker. Luckily for all of our sake, that is not the case.

I didn't want Renesmee to hate me or vice versa, not even the slightest bit, which was why I had to talk to her. I had to tell her how I truly felt and how I wanted to help her, if she even needed or wanted help to begin with. I'm sure she assumes I know about her feelings with Jacob and she must think I dislike her because of it, but oddly enough, I really don't. I'm happy she is feeling what she is feeling, if not, I'd feel even more horrible for Jacob and it would be even harder to break his heart and choose Edward.

Lunch abruptly ended and Edward and I headed to our third period class, Biology. I knew I would always have a soft spot for Biology; it was the place where I first talked to Edward. It was where we met, and the class that made me fall in love with him. I would never hate Biology for that.

We both sat down to our normal seats, Edward never took his eyes off of me. Mr. Banner began lecturing and talking about the science fair coming up but Edward and I didn't pay attention. We only stared at each other, always smiling and me stupidly blushing.

"What are you two going to talk about?" Edward suddenly asked.

"Oh just some girl talk?" I said quickly, not wanting Edward to know the truth. If he knew Renesmee had feelings for Jacob, I knew it wouldn't end well. It is his sister, and it is Jacob. That combination isn't the best, especially with the situation I'm in.

"Sounds like fun," he answered sarcastically with a smirk.

"I'm sure it will be." I laughed out, although really it wouldn't be very humorous. I then looked away from him and began to think. My face became serious.

"I told Jacob this morning." I admitted to Edward.

"I figured you would," he said, his voice was lower than usual with a slightly serious expression on his face. After a moment of silence Edward tried to lighten the mood, "Am I a dead man?" He said with a slight chuckle. I couldn't muster up humor in the situation.

"He wishes you were." I told Edward. My eyes began to move away from his, I felt so bad for Jacob and Edward was only mocking the situation.

"I probably deserve it, but I don't regret any of last night Bella." He said, gently forcing me to keep my glance on him, though I never would want to look away. "Do you?" He asked and my face became confused as to why he had to even ask.

"Of course not Edward, never." I was shocked he even had to ask, he smiled a little, but it didn't reach his eyes.

"I worry about you Bella." He told me quietly. I didn't say anything, what could I say to that?

"You always have to be the martyr. You always have to make people happy, even though it might hurt you to." He continued. "I love that you care so much, but sometimes we can't change everything. Sometimes it's out of our hands." I looked at his face, and it seemed strained.

"I know, but I hate hurting people."

"Sometimes hurting them is the only way to move on, the only way to let go." He said sadly, "I see you hurting every day, and it pains me to see you like that Bella. I just want you to be happy, and this thing with Jacob isn't helping that. It's unhealthy. And I can't go on seeing you hurting yourself over this."

"I don't want to be; it just comes with the territory. I am a horrible person, disgusting, I deserve whatever pain comes my way." I spat out to myself, I was a monster and at least I knew it.

"No you don't Bella, you deserve the world and you are the complete opposite of horrible." He looked at me with his beautiful green eyes, "You deserve real love, real happiness." I couldn't deny him that.

"Edward-"

"Bella, I'm not forcing you to make a decision, I'm just telling you that you have options." He then added, "Ways for you to stop hurting. I'll make the pain go away Bella; I'll make it go away."

"I know Edward." I sighed; life was so frustrating right now. I didn't want to hurt anyone, but it was inevitable.

"Just remember that," he said.

We were silent after that, there wasn't any more to say.

Class ended and Edward walked me to gym.

"Drive to our house right after school, okay?"

"I will," I told him then said goodbye. He walked off slowly to his next class. The pain I was experiencing was beginning to take its toll on Edward. I saw him suffering now, not only was Jacob suffering, but Edward was now too. I couldn't keep this up much longer. I couldn't see Edward of all people hurting.

I walked into gym with my head held low, thinking of what I could do to make things right.

A/N: So what did you think? Yeah I know, this chapter is pretty short, but not that short. Its still good length, compared to a lot of people's writing.

Did you like it? Love it? Hate it? Tell me, favorite line? What's your favorite chapter so far?

I haven't been paying attention to this story lately to be honest, I definitely want to, I love it but my life has been so busy. It will definitely get even busier in a couple weeks, AP exams, graduation, work, college, craziness. I can't wait though, I am so happy to spread my wings and leave the nest in a couple months. :)

Wish me luck as I set out into this world in the near future.

But anyways, back to the story. So Bella is going to have a talk with Renesmee. Can any of you guess what might happen? Cause I don't, hahaha jk!

Thank you for reading, you are all awesome! And special thanks to those who have reviewed/added me or the story to their favorites/ alerted me or my story. Thanks a bunches! (yes, I purposefully said 'thanks a bunches'). :D

REVIEW!

Until next time ;)