The song which I listened to while writing this: Heart's A Mess by Gotye

Between the three of them they just about managed to keep upright for long enough to reach the front desk.

"Hey, there, what can I do for you sir?" The poor concierge on the night shift said, scrambling to get his feet off the desk and look like he hadn't been asleep.

"We need to stay over but we don't have a room booked." Morgan said.

"Okay no problem." The man said, typing something on the computer. "So umm…how many rooms will you gentlemen be requiring tonight?" he asked with a subtle eyebrow waggle.

Young started laughing and Morgan elbowed him in the ribs.

"One each thanks." He said firmly.

"Okey-dokey."

They took their keys and found the elevator and crowded into one of the rooms to attack the minibar. Morgan tried to convince Reid to drink water instead but he wanted a gin and tonic so after some giggly pretend bickering/wrestling for the bottle of gin they compromised on a gin and tonic and a glass of water. Young watched the exchange with amusement from behind the line of miniature bottle of scotch that he was arranging like soldiers to distract himself from thinking about Prentiss.

Morgan took his shirt off to dry and Reid tried to pretend like he wasn't ogling him, thinking he was being sneaky and covert, which Young found hilarious. They thoroughly confused Morgan between them as Reid kept scowling at Young and that just made him laugh harder.

They played a few hands of poker with a pack of cards somebody had left in a drawer, not wanting their night of merriment to end yet. It was fun, but after a while part of Reid…okay all of Reid, wished Young would just go away so he could measure Morgan's response to being alone with him. Luckily Young's mood seemed to drop after a while and he said he was going to bed.

(Unknown to Reid Young was inwardly chortling as he pondered how long it would take the young genius to realise he'd pickpocketed his room key.)

"We should probably go to bed as well." Morgan said with a strange firmness to his voice.

Reid wondered if on some level Morgan knew what he was planning to do. It knocked his confidence a little and he wondered if maybe all the signals he'd felt throughout the evening were just the alcohol screwing with him. So he went back to his room. And found that the key had magically disappeared.

"Awww son of a…!" Reid muttered and staggered back to Morgan's to look for it.

"I don't think it's in here." Morgan said, voice muffled by the fact that he was brushing his teeth with a white complimentary toothbrush and toothpaste. "Could you have dropped it on the way here?"

Reid's expression darkened. "Young." He growled.

Morgan spat his toothpaste mouthful into the bathroom sink.

"Why would Young steal your…?" understanding dawned on his face as he remembered that Young knew about his feelings for Reid and realised what Young was trying to do. He shut up quickly.

"I don't know. Who knows what goes on in his twisted little mind." Reid said uncomfortably, remembering that Young had suspected that he liked Morgan.

There was an awkward silence, since they both thought they were the ones Young was targeting with his prank.

Reid went round and hammered on Young's door for fifteen minutes, yelling that he wouldn't stop until he answered, before Morgan calmed him down and told him it was okay for him to sleep in his room, worried that they would wake up the whole fourth floor if he continued.

Back in Morgan's room they sat on his bed drinking and talking, since Reid said he didn't want to sleep yet and the alcohol had made them both feel relaxed and chatty, though it made Reid feel a little hot and bothered to be on a bed with Morgan (who had fortunately at least put his shirt on again now it was dry). The phrase 'so near and yet so far' came to mind as he racked his brains for a way to get them both naked, under the covers and touching each other. Preferably without Morgan noticing. But that sounded illegal.

They talked about what an idiot Young was (for a very long time) and they talked a lot about the case. Eventually Reid summoned up the courage to ask him how he was feeling about the stuff with Winston and his teacher.

Morgan let out a breath.

"Man…honestly? I don't know. I mean I feel awful for the kid obviously, but then I kind of feel like a hypocrite."

"Why?" Reid frowned, laying down on his front with his chin on his arms.

"Because I didn't like him when we met him. I mean really didn't like him. I was all too happy to believe that bullshit Wotton fed me about what a horrible kid he was. And he made himself sound like some kind of saint, and I believed that…ugh it makes my skin crawl to remember it."

Reid sat up. "There's no way you could have known. Paedophiles and ephebophiles generally display elevated psychopathy. They have to spend their whole lives lying to fit into society and to avoid being caught. We know better than anyone how good at being charming psychopaths can be. There's also a good chance that he probably believed his own lies, since paedophiles often use cognitive distortion to meet their needs and justify the abuse to themselves. So he wouldn't have given any physical tells even if you were looking for them. Wotton was so blatantly not the profile of our unsub that your guard was down. You can't categorise everybody into what type of serial killer they're most likely to be or you'll end up not trusting anybody."

Morgan gave a half smile. "Hotch says I already don't trust anybody."

Reid laughed. "Is he right?"

"Probably. I certainly don't trust myself." Morgan said, looking at him in a strange intense way which seemed to add to Reid's (already extensive) intoxication.

"What d'you mean?" Reid asked quietly, looking down at Morgan's mouth and swallowing.

"Forget it. I've just had way too much to drink." Morgan shook his head.

"Come on, you can tell me." Reid said, smiling.

Morgan shook his head. "Nah, I was rambling, I'm sorry."

"I know you're lying." Reid said firmly. "And just to warn you I happen to have memorised all the places on the human body where the skin is the most sensitive. If you think having your neck and feet tickled is bad, wait until you've been tickled by an anatomy expert." He threatened.

Morgan burst out laughing; "I was wondering where you were going with that for a second." He said suggestively. Reid blushed a little.

"Well…most of them do double as erogenous zones." He said.

Morgan raised his eyebrows. "It's a little scary that you know that." He said. "So have any lucky ladies felt the benefit of your scientific expertise yet?" he teased.

"That would be telling, and I know that you're just trying to distract me." Reid held up his tickly fingers menacingly.

"Well maybe I fancy a demonstration." Morgan said flirtily, obviously expecting Reid to be thrown off by the implication of anything sexual (like he usually was).

Ha. Not going to work this time. Reid thought triumphantly. He'd completely forgotten what information he was even trying to get out of Morgan by this time, but wouldn't pass up the opportunity of physical contact with him for a thousand dollars.

"Don't say I didn't warn you." Reid grinned and pounced like a cat. Less than a minute of thrashing and shrieking from both of them before Morgan finally flipped him onto his back and pinned him down by his wrists onto the bed underneath him, both panting and giggling.

"You leave my erogenous zones alone from now on okay?!" Morgan panted sternly.

Reid bit his lip and wiggled his fingers against their restraints, acutely aware that Morgan was straddling him.

Their eyes met like that and Reid wondered if Morgan was thinking about what he was thinking. Morgan released him and Reid sat up with his left leg straight and the right one folded underneath the left. Morgan flopped backwards, accidentally-maybe-on-purpose letting his head rest on Reid's bent leg, almost in his lap. He laughed and so did Reid, at the fact that they were being so drunk and silly.

Reid had never been allowed so physically close to another man before. Even his father had kept his distance once he started walking, so it was a novelty for him to be comfortable enough with a friend to be okay with having their head in his lap.

He'd never been so drunk before. He'd never been drunk at all around Morgan.

Morgan closed his eyes sleepily. The alcohol had gone to his head, making him warm and comfortable. That's why his guard was down when Reid started tracing his cheek with the backs of his fingers. He just chuckled, the corners of his eyes crinkling up in that way Reid loved (loved?), and moved his head towards the touch like a cat being stroked, until Reid leant over and pressed his lips against Morgan's, kissing him upside down.

Morgan stiffened up. He opened his eyes. All he could see was Reid's neck and the underside of his jaw. He'd never been kissed from this angle, and was momentarily surprised at how well it worked. His mouth fell open automatically and he closed his lips around Reid's, as slow and deliberate as pouring syrup. Reid pulled back slightly and Morgan released his bottom lip with an accidental kissing noise which was quite loud in the hushed silence.

Morgan breathed out and Reid smiled giddily as he felt his breath tickle his neck. Morgan smiled too, but it was a sad smile. He so didn't want to shatter this perfect moment. But he had to. He told himself it was for Reid's sake, because he was young and naïve and very, very drunk, and he'd regret giving up his virginity to somebody he was only attracted to as a side effect of the trauma he'd been through.

But really it was out of self-preservation. Because as Hotch pointed out Reid was probably showing transference, or was just naive to the effects of alcohol. If they had this night together he wouldn't be able to stop himself from getting his hopes up. And he couldn't expect Reid to love him back or even to want to date him afterwards, because it would hurt so much to be disappointed.

He reached up and took Reid's face in his hands, meaning to push him away gently but his arms seemed to go weak. And Reid misunderstood, thinking he was doing it to deepen the kiss, and kissed him with more passion. Morgan turned his face to the side and Reid froze. It felt like being kicked when he looked up and saw that Reid looked so hurt and mortified, and he sat up and tugged his leg sharply out from under Morgan and moved away from him and off the bed before Morgan could even sit up and begin to explain, covering his eyes with the heels of his hands and muttering "Oh God, oh God. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry." over and over.

"Hey, no no…pretty boy no. Please come back." Morgan begged softly, scrambling to get off the bed.

"Don't you dare call me pretty boy now!" Reid shouted, starting to cry. "Why the hell did you have to call me that anyway!? I mean is it any wonder I ended up thinking…thinking that you…"

"Reid, Reid, it's alright, it was just a kiss, I didn't mind! I didn't mind." Morgan said urgently, pulling the young man into a hug.

"I'm sorry." Reid whispered, mortified, wrapping his arms around Morgan's waist.

"It's okay. It's okay. I'm sorry, I've confused you." Morgan looked up at the ceiling to try and hold back the tears.

"I don't think I am confused. This…this is the only thing that makes sense to me anymore." Reid leant his forehead against Morgan's chest. "And I know that you're straight, but…sometimes it really feels like you want to tell me something, and I started to think maybe…but I just misread the signs I guess, because I wanted to believe you felt the same way. And now I've totally embarrassed myself…" he stepped back from the hug and pressed the sleeves of his shirt over his eyes.

"You haven't. You really haven't." Morgan stroked Reid's upper arms soothingly. "But please just think about what you're saying for a moment. You can't be sure about this. When…when what happened to us happened, it changed things. You can't be sure that what you're feeling is real. You know how common it is for male rape victims to become confused about their sexual orientation. Your mind is trying to explain and rationalize what happened, but you can't. You can't rationalize this."

Reid let his hands drop to his sides and looked at Morgan, small tear drops clinging to his eyelashes, his eyes slightly red.

"Are you?"

"Am I what?" Morgan asked.

"Confused. About me." His tone was demanding, almost fierce.

The question had finally been asked. There was nowhere to hide now.

You have to tell him the truth. He deserves that at least, you've deceived him long enough.

But Morgan couldn't answer him. He froze like a coward and let all his fear and longing and lust show in his face, silently begging Reid to understand.

Reid stepped up to Morgan and looked at him, and it felt like his entire soul was being read at 20,000 fucking words per minute. He broke eye contact and looked down. Reid lifted trembling hands to Morgan's shirt, and started unbuttoning it, and it scared the hell out of Morgan because here was exactly what he'd yearned for all these years just being offered to him, but he couldn't accept it. He couldn't allow himself to believe it, because if it all turned to shit it would be like a fucking nuclear disaster for his heart, and he didn't know if he would survive it.

By the time he gently pulled Reid's hands away, his shirt was undone down to his sternum. Reid pulled them out of his weak grasp and slid his right hand between Morgan's shirt and skin and stroked his rock-hard chest, kissing his neck tentatively at the same time, softly, barely using his tongue at all, moving his mouth to a new spot after each one. The sensation made him physically shake with longing.

"Please…Reid." He closed his eyes in frustration and bliss. "I need you to stop this now...please…"

Reid smiled and raised his lips to Morgan's ear so they were cheek to cheek, closed his eyes and whispered, "Kiss me Derek."

Did you hear that Tom? He wants a kiss. Ain't that sweet? Morgan you heard the man. Kiss him!

Morgan grimaced and shook his head, even though his stomach went crazy with butterflies when Reid called him Derek.

"Nobody has to find out." Reid tried to reassure him, thinking it was his reputation that was bothering him. "I won't tell anyone, I promise."

Reid held him gently by the collar of his shirt, gaze lowered to his throat.

"I understand it might be difficult for you to get your head around the idea of being with another man…" he said. "But if it helps, the more research is done into the nature of human sexuality the more blurred the lines seem to become. We might be able to fit into this binary system pretty well most of the time, but it doesn't mean heterosexual men are inherently unable to enjoy sex with other men and vice versa, In fact, in many cultures throughout history homosexuality was widely accepted as a..."

Oh God he thinks I'm hesitating because I'm nervous about sleeping with a guy. This is so messed up it's almost funny.

"sorry…I'm doing it again with the giving lectures at inappropriate moments, aren't I?" Reid gave a sheepish smile. "That's probably not sexy. I'm just…nervous, and I think maybe so are you, but you're not saying much so it's hard to tell." Reid said, smiling awkwardly.

This would be a fabulous time to say something Derek.

No really. Any time now would be awesome. Whenever you're ready.

Reid planted a kiss softly in the centre of his chest, and looked up into his eyes almost pleadingly. He nuzzled the spot between Morgan's ear and jawbone, at the same time ghosting his fingertips down the other side of Morgan's face, stroking his cheekbone with his thumb.

"I want you..." Reid mumbled, so quietly Morgan almost didn't realise he'd spoken at all. Reid took a breath and seemed to gather up his courage to say it again properly.

"I want you…to fuck me." He said calmly.

The ugliness of the word 'fuck' coming from the mouth he so adored shocked him into reacting. He pushed Reid away firmly and shook his head.

His pretty boy had no business using words like 'fuck,' especially about himself.

"No!" he said. It came out way too harsh, and Reid flinched.

"Right…" he said, hurt flashing across his eyes for a second before he buried it. "Whatever man, it's cool. I was just asking. Sorry if I offended your masculine ego or whatever. I just had a lot to drink I guess." Reid backtracked, his voice somehow sounding both like he was being sarcastic and like he was on the verge of tears. He backed away and then turned and walked out, leaving Morgan standing there wondering what the hell had just happened.

Morgan ran after him down the corridor. He just got to the elevator in time to stop the doors closing.

"Wait, we need to talk about this!"

"What is there to talk about Morgan?" Reid asked bitterly. "I was drunk, I hit on you and you turned me down. Whatever. I only wanted to see what it was like. You're the one turning this into a big deal."

"It is a big deal! Do you have any idea how wrong and…damaging it is to use words like that about something which is supposed to be about showing your love for someone?"

"What?" Reid looked at him like he was insane.

"Like I could ever 'fuck' you anyway!" Morgan continued his rage. "You don't 'fuck' your best friend!"

"Why not!? We already did it once, right!? And you have to have 'shown your love' for half the women in the city, so what's one more really going to do to your sexual morality?" Reid laughed.

"What we did was not sex Reid! We were forced into it! And thanks by the way for calling me a slut! I'm SORRY if my sex life repulses you, but you didn't seem to mind when you were trying to suck my face five minutes ago!" Morgan snapped.

He had been meaning to calm Reid down, not escalate the argument. But he was so sick of being called a slut. Okay so he'd never exactly been in a long term relationship, or actually any relationships lasting outside the one night, but it wasn't his fault if he wasn't ready for that, or that his job made it so damn hard to relate to anyone outside their profession, and that it left him no time for dating and romance. It wasn't his fault that his father figure had molested him and left him so wary of intimacy, unable to trust anybody enough to be honest about his feelings for them, because that felt like giving them control of him and he was so terrified of being used and manipulated again.

"Your sex life doesn't bother me!" Reid yelled, exasperated. "It bothers me that despite having slept with so many people you couldn't even pretend to like me for one night to make me feel better! Would it have been so horrible for you to fuck me just one time!? Do I disgust you that much!?"

"I told you not to use that word!" Morgan yelled back.

"Why not?" Reid laughed again. "I'm a grown man, I can use whatever words I like. Fuck. Fuck. We fucked. You. Fucked. Me. So why can't I say the word 'fuck' Morgan?"

Morgan snapped and shoved Reid against the side of the elevator, and covered his mouth with his hand desperately.

"BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT HE CALLED IT!" he yelled.

Reid breathed hard against his hand, startled eyes fixed on his own.

Morgan only kept his hand there for a second before he realised he was using his physical strength to dominate Reid, of all people, and felt disgusted with himself. His eyes filled with tears and he let his hand drop by his side helplessly. There was a long, heavy silence.

"Yeah." Reid said bitterly, panting slightly. "He told you to fuck me, and you fucked me." He spat the word 'fucked' like it was the most disgusting thing he could think of.

"I had to! They were going to kill you!" Morgan's eyes watered and he stuttered a little. "I had to! You know that right? You believe me don't you!?" Reid just looked past him, with cold eyes and tear stained cheeks.

Morgan groaned in pain and leant his forehead against the wall to the right of Reid's head. He slumped against it, still sobbing like a child.

The doors of the elevator opened into the main lobby, which fortunately was abandoned since everyone was in bed. Reid pushed past him out of the elevator and headed for the nearest exit which led into the outdoor pool area. The night was jarringly cold, neither of them had jackets, but Morgan knew Reid would probably rather freeze to death than confront this.

"Stop! Please just stop for a minute Reid." Morgan pleaded anxiously, his words making a white cloud in front of his mouth.

Without thinking about what he was doing he grabbed Reid's arm to make him stop.

Reid lashed out and accidentally cracked Morgan in the face with his elbow so hard he saw stars, screaming; "DON'T TOUCH ME!"

Morgan was so shocked he half fell, half sat down on the nearest lounger.

For a few seconds they just looked at each other. Morgan tried to remember how they'd even got here, how he'd managed to end up driving the man he loved beyond words to violence and tears and running away. He knew he should probably feel angry or something, but Reid looked so devastated that Morgan knew he would beat himself up about it quite enough for both of them. And it wasn't his fault anyway because this wasn't Reid. This was the trauma, the stress, the alcohol he had no tolerance for, the crippling fear that he was losing his mind. This was being led on and rejected by one of the few people he placed his fragile trust in.

The man who was meant to love him.

Why couldn't I just do as he asked? Even if he only wanted to try me out for one night, why did I have to be such a coward? I may never get another chance to show him what it's like to have sex with somebody who adores you. I could have at least given him the best possible introduction into physical intimacy, so he wouldn't be put off sex completely by a bad first experience. Maybe now he'll never trust anybody again, maybe he'll bury his sexuality and isolate himself from relationships. And that will be because of me.

Reid dropped to his knees at Morgan's feet and buried his face in his lap, crossing his arms underneath his forehead.

"I'm so sorry." He said through painful, gasping sobs. Morgan stroked his hair back behind his ear, and then placed his hand lightly on the back of his head.

"Shhh shh. I'm okay pretty boy. See? I'm okay." Morgan hugged him tightly, one hand nestled in the genius's hair.

"I can't believe I did that." Reid whispered through tears.

"It was my fault. I should have known better than to grab you like that after what you've been through." Morgan said, mentally cursing his own stupidity.

Reid didn't seem to believe him.

The worst part of all this was that Morgan had pretty much known it was coming, all evening. Reid was new to this and he was pretty subtle by most people's standards, but to somebody who knew him as well as Morgan it had been clear that something was up.

(Especially after the revelation that Reid could move his body like a lap dancer when he was drunk. That had been a surprise. A dangerously pleasing one.)

All the time they were dancing he couldn't stop imagining himself grabbing Reid and doing unspeakable things to him right there on the dance floor with everyone watching. And that's why he didn't stop Reid getting drunk, didn't stop Young and Reid coming to hang out in his room, didn't suggest that Reid go downstairs and get another key rather than offering up his own room, his own bed, when they were both drunk and slightly horny and HAD NO PYJAMAS. The animal part of him wanted Reid so bad that he kidded himself into thinking he could just act like he was totally unaware of the fact that Reid was gearing up to make a move on him.

Reid looked up at him and took his hands in his own. "I didn't mean any of that." He said desperately. "I don't blame you, I don't, and I don't think you're repulsive for wanting to sleep around. I was just so mad and I didn't know why, and it all came out wrong."

"I know. Just forget about it. It's late and we were both drunk and emotional. People say stuff when they're drunk that they wouldn't ever say, you know? And everyone knows that. You've just gotta forget about it and move on."

"I guess. So everything I…I mean…can we just pretend all this never happened?" Reid asked desperately.

Morgan stood up and pulled Reid to his feet.

"Of course. Let's go to bed before we freeze to death out here." he said.