Song for this chapter~ Eyes Wide Open - Gotye

Song in Reid's car~ A Real Hero - College & Electric Youth

To Morgan's surprise Reid came up to him, a few days later while he was at his desk packing up to go home.

"Hey." Morgan said gently, stopping what he was doing. Reid nodded, hovering awkwardly beside him. "You okay?"

Reid rubbed the back of his neck and shook his head, not meeting Morgan's eyes. "Not really." He said. "I was wondering if you had any plans for tonight?"

"No, nothing planned. Do you want to come over to my place and talk?" Morgan asked.

Reid shook his head. "No thanks I was just…thinking, uh, you use the exercise facility here a lot don't you?"

"Sure, few times a week." Morgan nodded.

Then Reid said the last thing Morgan expected to hear from him. "Could you…um…train me? I'm not asking for miracles, obviously I won't reach anything like your…um…" he looked down and looked embarrassed. Morgan couldn't help enjoying that. "I mean we've got different metabolisms and muscle mass…but I've been thinking that…um, maybe I would be a better agent if I didn't look like a bipedal stick insect."

"You want me to coach you?" Morgan grinned in disbelief, trying very hard not to laugh as he knew how hard it would have been for Reid to ask.

Reid blushed and looked extremely embarrassed. "Yeah. Thanks. You don't have to look quite so astonished."

"But you hate exercise." Morgan said.

"…Yeah. But besides my FBI training I haven't tried it properly since high school and there were…other reasons why I found that painful. I was thinking maybe it wouldn't be so bad if it was just you and me."

Morgan didn't even have to consider it. He'd have to rearrange his workout schedule, but if this odd request was what Reid felt he needed to do then there was no question that he'd help.

"Sure. You can pay me in coffees. Starting tomorrow morning." He smiled, clapping him on the shoulder.

"Deal." Reid smiled.

Morgan finished packing up and then they went to his locker so he could pick up his spare kit and then they headed to the changing rooms. Reid changed into the navy FBI polo shirt and dark grey tracksuit bottoms he'd brought, Morgan wore his own black T-shirt and black shorts with a red stripe down the outsides. Young's words about not ending up alone behind closed doors with Reid echoed in his mind and he tried to resist glancing over at Reid as he got changed.

...

"Okay kid, just follow my lead." Morgan said, trying not to enjoy the power too much.

He started off with five minutes of stretching out the muscles in his legs and upper body. Reid did his best to copy him in spite of the fact that, as he warned Morgan, he was 'about as flexible as reinforced concrete.'

"Isn't this far enough?" Reid asked, bent over in front of him, feet slightly apart, trying to touch the floor.

"Nu uh. Keep going pretty boy." Morgan grinned with his head on one side.

"I'd prefer it if you didn't call me that while we're in this position. It feels vaguely inappropriate." Reid said, sounding like he was trying not to laugh. He looked sternly at Morgan through his own legs and caught Morgan staring shamelessly. He looked surprised and straightened up quickly.

"Huh I thought you were doing it too." He remarked, one eyebrow raised.

Morgan cleared his throat. "Treadmill, ten minute walk, twenty minutes running."

As he had hoped this distracted Reid, who made a face. "Don't make me laugh. No human could possibly run for twenty minutes."

"DO NOT QUESTION THE CHIEF REID." Morgan thundered. He pointed at the machine. "TREADMILL NOW! GO GO GO."

Reid obeyed reluctantly, muttering that nicknaming yourself 'the chief' indicated a severe narcissistic personality disorder.

Fifteen minutes later Morgan was forced to let Reid get off to nurse a stitch. He turned off the machine and Reid sat down on the end of it with his head between his knees, a panting, dishevelled mess. Hot, sweaty, flushed…

Cool it soldier. Morgan told himself with a smile.

"Sorry." Reid said when he'd got his breath back enough for speech. "I did warn you." He was looking at the floor with a zoned out kind of expression and his hair was sticking up a little.

Morgan crouched down in front of Reid so he had to look up at him. It reminded him so vividly of the way he'd looked at him that time when he'd messed up his firearm qualification exam and Morgan had gone and stuck a rape whistle round his neck. Like he knew he'd failed and was fully expecting to be mocked.

"You'll get there. Short bursts, that's how we'll do it." Morgan said reassuringly. Reid nodded looking doubtful, taking deep breaths to try and hide the fact that he was still panting.

"Can I ask what this is about?" Morgan asked gently.

"Nothing. I just want to be fitter, that's all." Reid said, resting his elbows on his knees with his hands on the back of his neck, looking at the floor.

"Okay sure. So why now?"

"Not every life decision I make is based around the fact that I was raped Morgan." Reid snapped, his voice dying a little on the word 'raped' even though they were in an empty gym and nobody could hear them.

It shocked him, as it had obviously been intended to. He didn't react though. He knew well by now that Reid always lashed out when he felt cornered.

"Of course not. I'm just saying that if that's on your mind then maybe you feel kind of helpless. Weak, even. So the obvious solution is to make yourself stronger, right?" Reid didn't reply. "Look Reid I'm all for learning self-defence but don't you think this is a little extreme? Look at me. I spend hours of my life in this gym getting stronger and I couldn't stop it. In that situation I couldn't protect myself any more than you could. There was nothing you could have done Reid. It wasn't your fault."

"I know…" Reid said quietly after a while. "But he gets inside my head."

Morgan frowned. "Who?"

"Eric Faraday."

"You said he gets inside your head."

"Got inside."

"Is there something you're not telling me?" Morgan asked, putting his knees on the floor and leaning forward slightly to get a better look at Reid's face.

"You can't tell Hotch." Reid whispered pleadingly.

"I won't tell anybody." He promised. There would have been a time where he would have added an 'except if I think the information you disclose poses a risk to the team or violates the code I swore to uphold when I joined the FBI' clause in his head, but things weren't so black and white for him anymore where Reid was concerned. He knew his feelings were clouding his judgement, something he'd have looked down on in any other member of the team as selfish and unprofessional.

But fuck that, this was Reid.

"I said 'gets' because the hallucination of Eric Faraday has been living on my couch for the past week and a half." Reid confessed.

Wow.

Morgan raised his eyebrows and let out a breath, not knowing what to say.

"God that sounds even crazier when I say it out loud." Reid covered his eyes with his hands and laughed bitterly.

Morgan sat back on his haunches. Now it made sense, the permanent tiredness and dark circles, the lack of concentration and stubborn refusal to accept help. He'd suspected Reid was having symptoms again, but this was far worse than he'd imagined.

"You're not crazy. You know it's a hallucination so you're not delusional."

"Sometimes I forget. I talk to him and it's like he's there." Reid admitted, "I can even feel it when he touches me." He said, closing his eyes and grimacing.

"Touches you?" Morgan asked softly, his voice breaking up a little.

"No. Don't." Reid shook his head. "Don't ask."

"Okay." Morgan said, his voice shaking.

"Still think I'm not crazy?" Reid whispered.

"It's going to be okay. We'll get you some help." Morgan promised, because it was all his shell-shocked mind could think of to say.

"It's not going to be okay!" Reid snapped. "God, you don't get it do you? I'm a schizophrenic! There is no help! Do you know what will happen to me if anybody finds out? The FBI does not employ people being treated for psychotic mental illnesses!" his eyes welled up and he started breathing rapidly again. "You know, for the first time in my life I'm actually part of something, I'm happy here. Do you know how long it's taken me to find somewhere I felt comfortable, where I felt like I belonged? My entire life! That's how long! I finally have people around me who make me feel…wanted. Like I'm worth something, like I'm more than just a human computer. This job is my whole life, and this team is the only real family I've got left. Walking away from you guys is going to be like…I don't know, like losing my leg or something."

Morgan put a hand on his shoulder. "C'mon kid, you know we would never abandon you just because you weren't in the FBI anymore."

"No but it won't be the same will it? I won't be part of things like I am now. You'd all make the effort to see me at first, but Hotch barely sees his son as it is, Garcia's got Kevin, JJ's got a family, and when was the last time anybody managed an uninterrupted weekend? Eventually I'll just be a…vague shadow of guilt in your minds like my mother is in mine." He said desolately and rubbed the tears away with the heel of his hand, and he looked so gut wrenchingly sad and Morgan loved him so, so much, and nothing seemed to matter anymore except that.

So he kissed him, fiercely. Half tackled him actually, pinning the genius onto his back on the treadmill underneath him. Reid made a small surprised noise, lifted his lower body up against Morgan's, grabbed the front of his T-shirt and kissed him back like his mouth was the new oxygen.

Morgan broke away, looked into Reid's eyes and said frantically;

"Not with me. Not ever. Do you understand me?"

And Reid gave him the biggest, brightest smile in the world and threw his arms around his neck. He smelled like sweat and deodorant and gym and hugged Morgan like a python, like Morgan had never seen him hug anybody before.

"I knew you were looking at my ass before!" Reid said happily into Morgan's neck. He laughed.

His post-workout testosterone-filled brain was screaming at his conscience to take Reid home and get him naked, but he couldn't shake the guilt, the feeling that something was wrong. He didn't want his first night with Reid to be based on that feeling.

After a few seconds he unhooked himself with an apologetic look and stood up, pressing his palms to his temples as he remembered all the reasons he shouldn't be kissing Reid right then (including but not limited to the fact that they were at work and there was CCTV in the gym.)

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that." He said, backing away.

Reid got to his feet and ran after him, grabbing his wrists to make him stay.

"What? What are you talking about? I've been wishing you'd do that for weeks! I'd given up! You have no idea how happy I am that you-" he stopped himself, realising he was babbling a little and looked into Morgan's eyes anxiously. "Please…" he finished in a whisper, his eyes prickled with disappointed tears.

"No, look you don't understand…after what we've been through…this is wrong Reid. You don't know if what you're feeling is real or not and I'm taking advantage of that, of you." Morgan struggled to explain concepts that had seemed so solid before he had Reid's hot and sweaty body pressed up against his own, those honeyed-hazel eyes that made him weak and nervous and brave all at the same time fixed on his.

Reid laughed softly and pressed his forehead against Morgan's, suddenly bold.

"Then how about we take advantage of one another?" he murmured, looking up through his eyelashes into Morgan's eyes, and caressing the side of his face with one hand.

Morgan closed his eyes, tried to hold on until he had time to think…but with Reid so eager and ready in his arms all he could think about was how much he wanted this, how long he'd waited and how he'd feel if he let this chance slip away from him again.

He nodded. Reid smiled and took his hand. "Race you to the changing room chief." He teased and ran, (miraculously no longer out of breath) towards the changing room, tugging Morgan along by the hand (though admittedly not much force was required).

As soon as they got there Morgan went to take his shirt off but Reid stopped him.

"What are you doing?"

Morgan looked at him in confusion. "Uh…taking a shower?"

"No you're not." Reid told him, throwing Morgan his gym bag. "We can shower when we get to your place." He said. Morgan raised his eyebrows, slightly amused (and slightly turned on) by his forwardness.

Reid smiled sheepishly. "Oh right…I didn't actually ask you yet."

Morgan chuckled. He dropped the gym bag at his feet as Reid came up close to him, nudging him back against a wall of lockers. "I want to come back to your place with you. Is that okay?" Reid asked with a smile.

"Now? Really? Are you sure?" Morgan asked softly, his heart thumping crazily.

Reid nodded. Morgan threaded his fingers through Reid's and brought his hands up to his chest.

"You don't have to. I mean…just because I sleep around…doesn't mean I'm expecting it from you, you know that right?"

Reid gave an embarrassed laugh and looked down, avoiding his eyes.

"I know." he said. "I want to."

He trapped Morgan's hand between his own and bent his head to kiss the back of his fingers. Morgan put his arms around Reid's neck and held him tightly. Reid wrapped his arms up around Morgan's back, closed his eyes and let his head rest against Morgan's chest. He could hear Morgan's heartbeat, fast and excited, and in his head he said a quiet thank you to the organ for keeping Morgan alive, though he felt crazy doing it.

"I…" he started to say, but stopped himself with an embarrassed laugh.

"What?" Morgan released him and looked at him anxiously, checking for signs of doubt.

Reid shook his head. "Nothing." He said with a smile. "Come on or I might have to start…taking your clothes off. Right here." He threatened, still fighting back a self-conscious smile.

Morgan could feel how nervous Reid was, though he was trying to hide it by flirting with him. It made him feel less scared himself, more protective. They picked up their bags, Reid slipped on a grey zip-up hooded sweatshirt and they headed for the exit, holding hands loosely so they could break apart quickly if they came across anybody still in the building. Morgan couldn't stop thinking that this was a dream, too good to be true. Stuff never went this perfectly in real life.

Sometimes he really hated being right.

As they passed Garcia's office on the way to the lift Reid saw the light under the door.

"Is Garcia working late today?" he whispered to Morgan.

Morgan frowned and shook his head.

Reid pushed open the door silently and stepped inside, and Morgan followed him.

Prentiss, JJ and Garcia were there, crowded around a screen. They looked completely distraught and for a few seconds Morgan couldn't see why, until he looked at the screen and saw himself. And Reid.

In the Faraday brothers' basement.

Ridiculously his first response was just one of confusion, trying to figure out how in hell's name that video had reached this screen. He just stared, frozen in horror and shock, seeing himself undressing and getting onto the bed and pushing Reid down and kissing him. There was no audio but Morgan could remember every word.

Finally he turned his head to look at Reid.

He was standing rooted to the spot just like Morgan, his cheeks streaked all the way down with silent tears that wouldn't stop coming.

Prentiss looked over her shoulder and her eyes widened as she saw them standing there.

"Guys." she whispered to JJ and Garcia. She was crying too.

JJ and Garcia turned and looked horrified. Garcia scrambled to try and get rid of the video.

"No please," Reid laughed bitterly. "Don't let us spoil the party."

"Reid." Morgan said quietly.

"No, no," Reid laughed again, walking closer to the screen. "Seriously, did anybody bring any popcorn? I always get so hungry watching myself being RAPED AT GUNPOINT BY MY BEST FRIEND!" he screamed the last part. The women flinched and there was a horrible silence.

"I'm so sorry Reid…I didn't know…I wouldn't have…" Garcia stuttered through tears. "I thought I was helping."

For a moment Reid just stared at her like she was the most revolting thing he'd ever seen. Then almost too quickly for Morgan to intervene he swung his arm back to hit her.

Morgan stepped forward and caught his arm just in time. "COOL IT." He yelled at Reid.

"Let go of me!" he spat furiously, thrashing in his grip. Morgan grabbed his other arm and had to physically drag him off her. The way Reid looked at him then…like he'd betrayed him, it hurt like a knife stabbed a hundred times into his stomach and throat. He let go of Reid but made a point to stand in front of the three women.

Reid stood up straight, panting. He ran his fingers through his messed up hair and looked completely at a loss for what to say or do. In the end he just walked out the door and slammed it behind him.

Morgan let out a shaky breath.

"Thank you." Garcia said to him quietly, her voice trembling with shock.

Morgan turned around and looked down at her, sitting in her chair and crying, like she was a little kid who'd accidentally kicked a ball through a window, when in actual fact their actions had completely devastated a person's life and possibly set him back all the progress he'd made in these past few months, and forced them both to acknowledge something so unbearable it still made Morgan uncomfortable walking around on his own in the dark, made him unable to sleep without triple-checking every lock and keeping a gun next to the bed. Made him feel like a helpless kid all over again discovering how cruel and damaged the world could be with its Faradays and its Bufords, the kind of evil a lifetime of training couldn't save him from or let him forget, no matter how many of the bastards he put away.

It was something that should have been their decision, their secret to maybe or maybe not tell a long, long way down the line, when the scar tissue was thick enough to talk about it. Having it dragged up and replayed in front of them was like being raped all over again, but even worse because it was the people he trusted doing it to him this time, not some crazy psychopath with a gun.

And for the first time in his life, he hated Penelope Garcia.

He leant over her and said quietly;

"Don't think for a second that I stopped him for your sake."

She looked so hurt and ashamed, and though he would've been ashamed to admit it, he felt just a little bit better for hurting her.

Then he picked up his bag and went to find Reid.

...

Morgan ran to the elevator, stabbing the button repeatedly, but they were all occupied. He ran to the stairs instead, three, four at a time hurtling towards the bottom, adrenaline pounding through him but somehow he knew as soon as he started that he would be too late, that he'd already lost him. He ran out through the front entrance into the parking lot and scanned through the dark for any sign of Reid.

He tried to remember whether Reid had brought his car that day. He didn't think so, he was more likely to have taken the bus, so he ran out to the bus stop but Reid wasn't there either, so he ran back to the parking lot looking around desperately not knowing what to do. It was snowing and the cold burned his skin through the thin zip up hooded sweater he was wearing.

He went back into the building hoping there was a chance that Reid was still inside. He bumped into Hotch who was looking for him.

"They told me what happened, I'm so sorry you had to see that, I knew they were up to something, I should have stopped them." Hotch said, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Reid ran off and I can't find him, you have to help me!" Morgan said urgently.

"Okay, okay slow down, we'll deal with him in a moment but you need to calm down."

"Calm down!? He's upset and he's out there on his own God knows what he's going to do!" Morgan snapped frustratedly.

"How much do you think you can help him running around blindly in the snow? You need to slow down and think about this."

Morgan just shook his head in disbelief and gave up, starting towards the exit. To his annoyance he found his way blocked by two security guards. One of them nodded to Hotch.

"Uh what's going on Hotch?" Morgan asked.

"Please Morgan, just come and sit down, we'll take care of this." Hotch said.

"What are you doing!? Why are you stopping me when I need to be out there looking for him!?" Morgan yelled. "You have no idea how much that tape has fucked everything up! God knows what he's feeling right now! He needs help! I have to find him!"

"You really don't understand why I don't want you running off into the night?" Hotch asked.

"Enlighten me." Morgan growled.

"Reid isn't the only one who saw that video Derek." Hotch said softly.

For a moment Morgan thought he was talking about the women and was about to bite his head off, before he realised Hotch was talking about him, and he shut his mouth.

"It was a traumatic experience for you as well, and it may not have hit you yet but when it does it will hit hard, and it puts you at risk."

He shook his head. "You don't…you don't get it, do you?" he grabbed Hotch's arm and pulled him out of earshot of the security guards and everyone else who had turned to stare at them. "All I care about is making sure Reid is safe, anything else I can deal with."

Hotch looked at him for a moment with his piercing stare.

"You're not going to like what I'm about to say to you Derek, but I'm going to say it anyway." He said grimly. "I've tried to stand back and let you figure things out at your own pace but you've fallen into this pattern time and time again and it's going to cripple you."

"What pattern?" Morgan snapped, conscious that they were wasting time.

"You rely on the fact that Reid needs you because if he needs you then you can push all your own emotions to one side and avoid dealing with them. I blame myself partly for this, I thought your recovery would be easier if you maintained your friendship but no relationship can function like this. It isn't fair on you and it isn't fair on him either."

It was all just words and it washed over him like rain. He nodded and cooperated and started walking with Hotch, but as he walked past a guard he turned and cracked an elbow into his face, and slipped through the gap when he staggered backwards clutching his nose. Hotch and the other guard made a grab for him but he had the advantage because they didn't want to hurt him and he didn't care.

He ran to his car and brushed snow off the windshield, chucked his bag onto the back seat and screeched out of the parking lot.

...

Reid pummelled the door with his fist, shaking uncontrollably from the shock and the cold. There were lights on and loud music playing but nobody was coming to the door. He yelled out and finally he heard the music being turned down, and the door opened.

"Ahh you must be Nurse Candy-Tits!" was a very inebriated Adam Young's greeting.

Reid blinked, unsure how to process that.

Young had two extremely buxom young women draped on his shoulders and was wearing a pink sparkly cowboy hat. All three persons at the door appeared to have drawn cat whiskers on each other's faces. The women were dressed in costumes relating with very shaky approximation to various medical professions. One had very long, straight blonde hair dyed neon pink at the tips, and was wearing a very low cut white PVC mini dress with red fishnet tights and a small white pointy nurse's hat with a red cross on it. The other was mixed race, with a mane of sleek black curls. She was wearing small horn rimmed glasses which he suspected were not prescription, and nothing else but a black leather miniskirt and the stethoscope around her bare shoulders.

Now on top of how he was feeling before, he was pretty damn annoyed. He had just come out of one of the most devastating things which had ever happened to him. So for this one moment in time the world could've at least had the common decency not to be fucking insane. He stayed silent and processed the situation, hoping to gather some contextual point of reference which would point him towards the correct protocol.

"Oh, no wait, it's Spenssaaaar!" Young said happily, and turned to the dark haired woman. "He's a doctor like you!" he frowned at her. "Actually…I'm not sure you are a doctor."

"I'm more of a doctor than you are." She laughed.

"Thisssus true." He nodded and slurred. "She's very good."

"Who's this cutie Adam? Is he joining in? Did you hire him from the same place you hired us?" The blonde girl seemed to be having trouble following the vein of the conversation.

"My apologies ladies, how rude of me not to introduce you!" Young said loudly. "Dr Reid, please say hello to Dr Honey and Nurse Cherrylips, ladies, this is a friend of mine, Dr Spencer Reid."

"Um…pleasure to meet you." Reid said, feeling very out of his comfort zone.

The blonde girl still didn't get it. "Yeah but when you say friend…I mean it's cool if you want to spice things up but I think you have to check with the agency first..."

"He's not an escort okay!" Young shouted. "I do have some friends I don't have to pay."

From the references to payment and the unusual prevalence of confectionary-themed names Reid was now pretty sure that these women were either strippers or hookers.

"Right, well um, I need to talk to you about getting a prescription." He said, scrabbling for purchase on this slippery slope of a social situation.

The girls turned to look at Young suspiciously.

"He's not an escort!" he protested. "Oh my God things get confusing when a man with a PhD turns up to a game of doctors and nurses. Come in Reid."

Reid hesitated.

"We won't bite." The blonde woman purred coquettishly.

"No, you have to pay extra for that." Young laughed. "Prepare theatre one to receive the patient," he said pointing to his living room. "I'll be there shortly." He said to the women, taking the cowboy hat off his head and placing it on the head of the blonde.

He ushered Reid through to the kitchen. "So what brings you to my kingdom of sin this fine evening?"

"I can't really…I can't tell you why, but I have to leave. Right now." Reid said, massaging his forehead.

Young raised his eyebrows. "Like…as in a trip…or?"

"Permanently. At least for a while."

"Okay…where are you going to stay?"

"I don't know yet. Probably a hotel somewhere." Reid frowned, his mind racing. "Can I have some water please?"

"There's a bottle in the fridge, next to the IV-drip vodka ice-pops." Young said. "Does Morgan know you're going?"

Reid took the lid off the bottle and drank. He didn't reply.

"That'll be a no then."

"I'm not going to ask you to lie, but I will ask that you don't tell Morgan I was here until he asks. It's probably only a matter of time before they figure out I came here anyway, but I don't want to see anybody."

"Course." Young nodded. "So why are you here?"

Reid shrugged. "I don't know. I ran and couldn't think straight and I needed to talk to someone and you didn't totally suck as a shrink when you came over the other night so..."

"Thank you." Young chuckled, and then looked a little sad. "Do you really have to leave? Surely whatever it is, you can handle it without running away."

Reid shook his head. "I can't. I thought I could but I just can't stay here now..." he shook his head. "I just can't."

"Now what…?" Young frowned, and then understanding dawned. "Oh God, they all know don't they?"

Reid closed his eyes and let out a breath.

"How did they find out?"

"They got hold of the tape they made of us, I don't know how…" Reid rubbed the sides of his forehead with his fingers, digging them in. "I just walked in…and there it was, happening again." He covered his face with his hands.

Young held his palm against his own mouth for a moment, then stepped forward and put a hand on his shoulder.

"So you're asking for an antipsychotic precription?" Young said. Reid nodded.

"I'm scared that I'm not acting rationally, that it's starting to take over already." he said, wiping his eyes on his sleeve.

"It's brave of you to admit that." Young smiled and squeezed his shoulder gently. "I don't think there's anything I can say to make this moment any less horrible for you, but assuming your symptoms are the same as before and your medical history hasn't changed, I can prescribe you Clozapine. I trust you to make the judgement yourself for whether or not you need it."

Reid nodded and folded his arms.

"I can also lend you one of my two very talented hookers to give you a proper send off if you'd like?" Young grinned, retrieving his prescription pad from under a stack of paper and rubbish littering the kitchen table.

Reid smiled. "No thank you."

"Nah I didn't think you would." Young grinned, scribbling his signature. "Now this is no replacement for a proper treatment programme, alright? This is just a mental patch-up job. The dose will need amending and you may get side effects, so get an appointment as soon as you get wherever you're going." He held out the piece of paper and Reid took it.

"Thanks." Reid said distractedly.

He picked up an empty medicine canister on the kitchen table which had caught his attention. By the time it occurred to him that he was possibly being rude he'd already seen the label.

"Coenzyme Q10." He murmured.

Young snatched it out of his hand. "Do you mind? That's personal."

"I'm sorry…you left it out on the table so I thought…"

"Yeah well maybe it's escaped your notice but I wasn't expecting company." Young snapped.

The pieces of the puzzle which had been bugging him finally slotted together in his mind. Rejecting a woman he clearly adored, his habit of bouncing and catching a ball which bordered on an obsessive compulsion. His abysmal coordination and now his severe depression, apparent in the obvious neglect of his living space, the bills going unpaid on the table while he indulged in binge drinking and sex with prostitutes.

"You're dying." Reid said, the words still not sinking in even as he said them.

Young laughed hollowly.

"Huntington's disease?" Reid said.

Young nodded.

"Q10…that's one of the clinical trials isn't it? It's supposed to slow the progression of neurodegeneration." Reid recalled from a medical journal he'd read a year ago.

"Yep. And it's shown fuck-all results so far apparently." Young replied sourly. "My motor-function's already starting to go. I'll gradually lose my marbles and I'll be lucky if I see 50 at this rate. There. You've solved your mystery. Now piss off and leave me to drink and whore myself into a mercifully early grave." He said, shoving Reid towards the front door.

"I'm sorry." Reid said. It sounded pathetically insincere and inadequate but he really was sorry.

"Don't be. I'm in the most capable of hands." Young smirked, gesturing to Dr Honey and Nurse Cherrylips. "These ladies take the meaning of palliative care to a whole new level."

Young opened the door and Reid stepped out. He stopped and turned back.

"Man, you really know how to steal a guy's thunder." He said to Young finally, dealing with the situation like Young dealt with every situation, with inapproprate humor. It worked. Young laughed.

"Yeah. Sorry about that." He said. He leant on the doorframe and ran a hand through his hair. "And I'm sorry to be a jerk about it. It's not your fault."

"That's alright." Reid said. There was a heavy pause.

Young clapped him on the shoulder. "Look kid, I feel like the situation demands one of those ridiculous speeches where I pass on some helpful nugget of wisdom gained through my profound experience of pain, which you can remember to keep my memory alive when I'm thrashing and shitting myself in some hospice."

Reid waited.

"Thing is, and this may come as a shock to you, but I'm actually not coping very well." Young laughed wryly. "And having experienced a fair amount of it I can assure you that pain is never profound." He looked at the floor. "So I guess all I've got, is that I know…it seems like your world is ending right now, but I have every confidence you'll get through this. More than I have in myself anyway." He smiled weakly. "You've got your whole life ahead of you to squander and some of the moments you have left are bound to be good ones, so don't bail out until you know for sure. There. That was reasonably profound wasn't it?"

"It was beautiful." Reid laughed. "So do we have to hug now to cement our time-transcending bond of intergenerational wisdom, or…?"

"Don't be silly, I pay other people for that now." He grinned and turned back to call out to the escorts, "Assemble please, my beautiful sidekicks!"

They appeared beside him.

"Hug Dr Reid for me please girls." He said.

"Oh no…that really isn't necessary-" Reid blushed as he was sandwiched between two cushy walls of boob, and hair extensions. "Oh…okay then. Um…thank you."

"You can throw in a kiss or two as well, if you would be so kind." Young grinned, enjoying his discomfort. "Give it plenty of lipstick!"

They planted noisy kisses all over his face until he was covered in red lipstick marks, though he was so red himself they hardly showed up.

"Okay put him down now ladies, you're making me jealous." Young said.

"Aww shame. I like you." Dr Honey whispered to Reid. She reached down between them and squeezed him where he wasn't expecting and he cried out in surprise.

"AhhAAH! Did she just…uh…?" Reid asked Young as she blew him a kiss and followed Nurse Cherrylips indoors.

"Isn't she wonderful!" Young laughed.

"Hmm." Reid said faintly. "I think…I'm going to go now."

"Alright." Young gave him a lazy salute. "It was a privilege Dr Reid."

"Likewise." Reid smiled. "Thank you for the help."

He turned and left, so flustered and disoriented that he walked in the wrong direction for five seconds before correcting himself and walking back the other way to his car which was packed and ready to go.

He got into his seat and sat with his eyes closed for a moment, letting the reality of what he was about to do hit him for the first time. The panic and fear he'd felt before seemed to have melted into a deep calm, like letting go of something he'd been fighting for far too long and hard to hold onto. Letting go of the person he'd been before and allowing something new to take its place. It wasn't about running away anymore. For once he had to put his own needs first, and something told him he had to be alone for that to happen.

He'd never felt this free in his life, always tied to his studies and his job, using his intellect to shield himself from uncomfortable emotions. It was a strange feeling having no direction, no order, no plan except driving through the moonlight listening to music, and getting as far away as he could from where he was now. But it was exciting too.

He picked up the photo he'd stuck to the dashboard with tape, the one of him with the team gathered around the cake on his birthday. He was in the middle, JJ's arm around his waist, Morgan ruffling his hair, Elle smiling behind him, Hotch, not smiling next to her, Garcia trying to sneak the birthday cake-hat onto Gideon's head. It was his favourite photo, aside from the fact it didn't have Emily or Rossi in it. Looking at Morgan's face now made him almost change his mind about leaving.

He put the picture in the glove compartment and shut it.

Almost.

Because of the thousand times he must have looked this photo, he'd never realised until now that Morgan was looking at him like he was his favourite person in the room.

...

When Morgan got to Reid's apartment the door was unlocked and the apartment was silent, and he knew straight away that he'd arrived too late. Again.

He walked into the dim living room without turning the lights on. There was Reid's badge and gun on the coffee table, along with a white envelope. Just like Gideon had left his for Reid.

He sat down heavily on the couch, unable to absorb the fact that Reid was gone. He wanted to cry but he couldn't. He felt hollowed out with pain and anger.

How could you do this to me?

He didn't know how long he sat there in the dark room before Hotch arrived and turned the light on. He heard the man sigh but he didn't turn around. Hotch sat down on the couch next to him carefully, as if worried it would upset him.

"He's gone." Morgan said hoarsely, stating the obvious more for his own benefit than for Hotch.

There was a long silence. Morgan rested his chin on his hands.

"What's in the envelope?" Hotch asked.

Morgan shrugged. Hotch picked it up and opened it. He read it and then said what Morgan already knew.

"His letter of resignation."

Morgan nodded, kept on nodding, and then he was standing up and shouting. Shouting at Hotch for what he'd done by holding him back and stopping him from catching Reid before he left, shouting at Hotch for what Prentiss, JJ and Garcia had done, shouting at Hotch for what Reid had done, just upping and leaving without even saying goodbye to him.

All in all Hotch got a very raw deal. But he stayed there with him for hours, listening and reasoning him out of his fury.

Then when he ran out of steam Hotch drove him home.

...

THE END.

LOL, no, kidding xD I wouldn't do that to you.