The Loss of Smiles and Music
Still enjoying writing some dwarven tales.
This is an AU story. Centers around Bofur and his family. Please enjoy and let me know what you think either good or bad.
I own nothing.
Chapter Four
Bofur continued getting better and soon he was able to sit up on his own nearly six days after his collapse. However, his silence was alarming to most. There hadn't been a day go by that the toymaker's happy chatter and teasing didn't lift the spirits of the company, but now there was no chatter. Even Bofur's grins looked forced.
"He's holding everything inside," Bombur pointed out as Bifur nodded, "Brother won't complain. That's not his way."
"I've found that out," Oin crabbed, "There have been times he needed to tell me that he was dizzy again. It was not until he threw up that I realized he was feeling ill. Bofur needs to speak up for himself."
"Won't," Bifur mentioned in Khuzdul, "When parents died, Bofur thought of his brother only. Never asked for anything for himself. Only for Bombur. Taught himself to go without even when it was not necessary. Took me long to break him of that habit, but Bofur falls back on the behavior when he is ill. Bombur and I have learned to see signs that you wouldn't be aware of which is why I knew that something wasn't right the first day he refused breakfast despite his denials."
"Well, he's been too quiet these last two days," Oin sighed, "Bofur is…wait. I regret my word choice. 'Too quiet' is poor words because of what Bofur is going through, but he's not himself. I'm worried."
This was what Bifur had been worried about. The older dwarf had feared that Bofur might withdraw into himself and begin to fade, but he knew now that his cousin was too strong for that thanks to Nori. However, that didn't mean that Bofur didn't have feelings that needed to be addressed.
"Sad?" Bifur asked one afternoon after touching his cousin to get his attention, "Cousin sad? Talk to me."
"Fine," Bofur denied immediately perking up in one of his acts that Bifur knew well, "I'm not sad. You and my brother have nothing to be concerned about."
"Don't," Bifur warned as his cousin sighed realizing he was caught, "Tell truth. How feel? Tell me, Bofur."
"Concerned," Bofur admitted looking despondent as he signed while Bombur came over to find out the truth as well, "Want hear. Want speak properly. Understand your frustrations when you couldn't speak after injury. Will deal if deaf, but not happy."
"Understand," Bifur agreed glad that Bofur was finally being honest, "I angry, sad long time. You and brother help me. Get better. Learn to deal. Happy now. You'll be happy again if lose hearing because you strong, but now not sure what happen. Not knowing hurts."
"A lot," Bofur signed, "If deaf, no music, but at least hammers on anvils not give headache anymore. Also, no have to hear Bombur sing when drunk. That be good thing. Very, very, very bad sound."
The ill dwarf laughed as Bombur mimed choking his brother. Bofur's laughter made many turn to look over at the small family. It had been several days since the company had heard that sound. That was also the very moment that warg howls rang out. Bifur and Bombur stiffened making Bofur look at them in confusion.
"They're close," Thorin bit out looking the way the howls called from, "We've got to move."
"What about Bofur?" Bombur voiced rising as his brother looked on not understanding, but sensing the tension, "Oin, can he even be moved? He still has very little color in his face and gets tired so easily."
"He's not had a dizzy spell for two days so let's hope so," Oin answered, "Bofur will be in worse shape if orcs and wargs reach us. He's not strong enough to fight."
"Pack up everything! Move!" Thorin ordered as the company scrambled to do as instructed when the howls rang out closer.
"What?" Bofur signed tugging on Bifur's pants leg as his cousin looked down, "What wrong? You hear something. What is it?"
"Wargs close. We go," Bifur signed back as his cousin blanched, "Protect. Keep safe. Don't get upset. Calm."
Bombur and Bifur packed their belongings quickly. Bofur watched and then found himself wrapped in his blankets and lifted by Dwalin.
"Give," Bifur ordered as Dwalin helped settle Bofur in front of his cousin on Bifur's pony.
"I hate this for him," Dwalin grumbled helping arrange the blankets better for straddling the pony for the ill dwarf, "Thorin, we're ready. Let's go."
Bofur groaned as he was moved. He felt achy still and sitting up was making him feel dizzy again. Bifur frowned, holding tight to his ill kin as the company hurried their ponies forward. The older dwarf could sense that his cousin was suffering.
"How is he?" Balin asked riding up beside Bombur a bit of time later.
The two watched as Bifur cradled Bofur close as the ill dwarf's head remained drooped practically down to his chest.
"Not well," Bombur sighed, "Bofur's sick and needs to be resting. He won't respond to Bifur or I anymore."
"Maybe the lad is just conserving his strength," Balin suggested looking grim and obviously not believing his own words.
"I don't think so," Bombur denied, "From what I can tell, Bofur's closed his eyes trying to hide his pain from Bifur and I. My brother has a bad habit of covering up his own suffering to protect my cousin and I and I think the habit has reared its ugly head again. Bofur seems close to passing out completely."
Just as the rotund said this his brother went completely limp in Bifur's arms. Bifur cursed loudly in Khuzdul as he kept a tight grip on his unconscious cousin.
"I knew it!" Bombur bit out as Balin blanched.
"Thorin, I think we have placed enough distance between us and the wargs," Gandalf called as he assisted Bifur in keeping his cousin from falling off the pony since he was the closest, "I believe that was just a random pack anyway. We need to stop. Bofur has collapsed again."
"What?" Thorin snarled turning in his saddle, "Dammit!"
The Prince slid off his pony and hurried over to accept Bofur's weight into his arms so that Bifur could scrambled down from his pony.
"Set up camp behind those boulders," Thorin instructed as he walked over with Bofur in his arms even as Bifur cradled his cousin's head, "The boulders should be able to give us cover and keep our scents from traveling downwind."
Bombur and Gandalf set up a new pallet for Bofur and stepped back so Thorin could lay the toymaker down.
"Out of my way," Oin urged as he kneeled to examine the still dwarf and peeled back the blankets about, "Can we risk a fire? I need boiling water. Bofur needs his medicine and tea."
"No need," Gandalf denied, "I can heat the water and the oil without the need of a fire. Just tell me when you need it done."
Bombur and Bifur watched anxiously as the healer looked over their kin.
"I'm sure that Bofur is fine," Gandalf voiced in his efforts to console Bombur and Bifur, "He's in very good hands with Oin."
"Don't like this," Bifur signed keeping his eyes glued on Bofur's face as Bombur translated, "My cousin very weak. The traveling did harm. Worried."
"I have an extra blanket," Bilbo admitted, "Bofur used it one night when his own blanket got wet and said it was soft and reminded him of home. Would you like to borrow it to help him feel better?"
"Yes," Bombur agreed accepting the blanket from the hobbit, "Bofur doesn't compliment lightly. If he likes something, then my brother says it. I'm sure this will help him feel better. Thank you, Bilbo."
The ginger-haired dwarf and his cousin focused back on the healer as he worked over their kin. Finally, Oin sat back looking grim.
"Gandalf, please heat the water and oil now," Oin began as the wizard was handed the sesame oil, "Bofur passed out from exhaustion. The ride here pushed him too hard and his system must have shut down. His ears seem the same, but it concerns me that he stopped responding to his kin."
"Doesn't to me," Dori called, "Nori has done the same to me when he's come home injured. Scared Ori and I to death. Turns out that he simply has no energy to know that we were even speaking to him."
"Dwalin's done the same," Balin offered as his brother growled, "Well, you have. Shut me out so completely that I wasn't even sure you knew where you were."
"I don't remember that," Dwalin denied as his brother rolled his eyes.
"It happened and I wasn't happy that it did," Balin snapped before turning to Bombur and Bifur, "Dwalin woke once he'd rested just fine and with his sharp tongue intact. I'm sure your kin will wake the same."
"Hope," Bifur signed, "Worried."
Bombur closed his eyes and nodded before helping Oin lean Bofur up to receive the drops in his ears. Bifur kneeled and took the cup of medicinal tea and together he and Bombur slowly eased the liquid down Bofur's throat. Bofur was completely out of it and looked horrible with his braids undone and face pale. The older dwarf gently placed the ear warmers and hat back onto their rightful place as the rotund dwarf frowned touching his brother's cheek.
"Does he feel warm to you?" Bombur asked as he and his cousin settled Bofur back on his pallet.
"Yes," Bifur grimaced touching Bofur's forehead even as Bombur placed Bilbo's blanket over his brother, "Fever starting. Tell Oin."
The good news was that the fever was a mild one. That bad news was that the fever refused to break over the next three days. Bofur remained unconscious and Bombur proved that he had a temper as strong as any dwarf while he snapped and shot scathing looks towards Fili and Kili who he blamed for his brother's condition. The two lads felt terrible and finally Bifur had enough and kicked Bombur into the woods to help Oin gather herbs. Bifur gestured quickly to the young dwarves.
Bombur's brother extremely dear to him. My cousins very close like you two. Quieter about closeness. Not known as well. Bombur very worried. Blame you. I know accident. Not want harm Bofur. Know. Sorry for cousin's behavior. Bofur so sick. Bombur scared.
"We deserve his anger," Kili groaned looking down as his brother sighed, "It was I that wouldn't let go of the pony's reins. I just thought I had to save the supplies. I dragged Fili into my mess and now poor Bofur. I am so sorry."
"I could have cut the reins from your hands," Fili admitted, "I didn't because I too thought that Kili and I could prove something to the company in saving those supplies. The only thing my brother and I proved was that we acted recklessly and endangered others. I know that the water getting into Bofur's ears was an accident, but that still does not make us less to blame. Bofur entered those waters to pull us out of the danger we placed ourselves in. Kili and I are so sorry for what your cousin is going through, Bifur."
Bifur nodded and began to sign again.
Learn. Good lesson. I no blame. Bofur no blame. Told do again to help you two by cousin. Bofur always help others. Big heart. Bombur big heart too. Just sad, angry, scared. Bombur forgive with time. Make mistake. Dwarves all make mistakes when young. Not be sad. Bofur not like. Don't make Bofur sad. Then Bifur much angry.
"I'd listen if I were you, Lads," Balin offered, "Bifur is not a dwarf you want to cross. Make no mistake on the truth of that."
Fili and Kili looked at one another and back to Balin with understanding clear on their faces. Bofur had told many a story of what his cousin was capable of. The younger lads had scoffed then. "Bifur was addled from his head wound" was what they had thought. Seeing the look in his eyes made the two shiver. This was no addled dwarf. This was a warrior protecting his family.
"Yes, sir," Fili agreed nodding to Bifur with his brother, "We'll watch ourselves around Bofur. We won't upset him."
"We give our word," Kili added.
Bifur grunted once and returned to his cousin's side. Bofur lay still like always as his cousin tucked the blankets over him tighter. Once again, Bifur took his cousin's hand in his and hummed softly with Bofur's palm pressed to his lips so that Bofur might know that Bifur was close. It might have all been in his mind, but Bifur felt that his cousin seemed more at peace when he did this.
"Dori, is Bofur going to be okay?" Ori whispered softly as he sketched the touching scene in his book.
"I think so," Dori answered as Nori came to sit on his other side, "Our brother here has faith in Bofur's strength so I'll bank my coins on that. Nori is rarely wrong when he places his faith in someone."
"Bofur is a strong one," Nori agreed, "He'll heal. I don't know if the infection will take his hearing, but he will deal with that too if it happens. I pray not. I don't want Bofur to lose his hearing, but he has his family to support him and his friends, right?"
"Right," Ori breathed as Bombur came stomping back in camp, "Uh-oh."
Bombur glared at Thorin's nephews and hurried back over to his brother as Oin walked into camp behind him frowning. Bombur stroked Bofur's hair back before sending an angry scowl his cousin's way. Bifur sighed and soon the two were in a heated argument with hands flashing angrily at one another over their unconscious kin.
Don't you ever send me away like a child again. You have no right to boss me around. Who do you think you are?
U_U
A dwarf that is your elder and acting more mature than you right now. Bofur does not need his brother acting this way when he is so ill.
U_U
Don't you dare tell me that I haven't been caring for my brother well. Bofur is my older brother and I adore him very much and you know that. I have done my duty by Bofur and will continue to do so until my dying day.
U_U
Then stop trying to pick fights with two that meant no harm. How is that helping Bofur? Your brother has basically adopted those two as extended family. He'd be hurt and upset at your attitude to those boys. You know he has forgiven the two.
U_U
Because his heart is too big. Bofur forgives what should not be forgiven sometimes. Look at him, Cousin. Look at my brother. He can't hear and hasn't woken in so long. We're losing him.
U_U
Won't believe that. Bofur will not leave us. He's too strong and stubborn. Don't let your fears rule your actions. He'll return to us.
U_U
Bofur may possibly be deaf. What then? Bofur didn't even know we were in danger until he saw our anxiety. He won't be able to continue the quest. It is one thing to be hard of hearing like Oin, but a deaf fighter is a dead fighter.
Bifur sighed and sat back on his heels. Bombur was correct.
"Bofur will have to go home," Thorin stated as he walked up to the family, "I've thought this through. If he loses his hearing then Bofur needs to return to the Blue Mountains. I'm sorry."
"We return with him," Bombur insisted turning warning eyes on Thorin, "I'll not leave Bofur to return alone and I know that I speak for my cousin."
"If you send Bofur away then Bombur and I leave too. Together or none at all," Bifur gestured before startling as a familiar hand reached and wrapped around his.
To be continued…