Shepard watched every movement, gun twitching at every sound. She and the Cerberus agents – she couldn't think of them as her crew, no matter how much energy they'd spent trying to persuade her – were looking for someone, anyone, to tell them what had happened here. Freedom's Progress looked like a cold hell, and it made her joints ache. She never used to ache in the cold; must be the 'upgrades'. It was 11 February 2185, according to her omni-tool.
The door in front of them opened, to four surprised Quarians. Arguing, then a voice: "Wait … Shepard?"
/- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /-
Shepard sat on the small sofa in her cabin, feeling the deck plates hum underfoot. She was remembering – the cleanup efforts on the Citadel, and watching Tali practically dance with delight at all the deactivated Geth parts to send home; the weekly card games where Tali lost that innocent aura and started giving as good as she got with Wrex and Garrus. The "Crew Morale Weekend" on the Presidium, and the shocked expressions of the uptight politicians as she had her whole crew splashing on the shore of the recently refilled artificial lake. She remembered the water sliding off the black fabric of Tali's suit, and her slurred explanation of how the suit transmitted feeling to her skin. How much had she had? She and Garrus had played a drinking game he taught her – Tali took Shepard's hand as she explained how the suit worked, then kept holding it as the two women watched Wrex and Garrus get into a headbutting contest with each other, trees, keepers ...
It had been wonderful, and then it was over. She remembered saying goodbye to Tali, the evening before their deployment.
"I wish I could stay, Shepard."
"I wish you could stay too. I'm going out after Geth and I could really use your help."
"Oh?" a playful note. "Just my help with the Geth? You don't want a chance to win back your credits?"
Soft laughter. "No, you won 'em fair and square – Quarians are terrible gamblers, indeed! I ought to dock your pay for lying to me like that!"
A long pause. Softly, "I'd never lie to you, Shepard."
"I didn't mean it harshly. You've got nothing to worry about, Tali. It's been a real pleasure having you serve under me, and I'm going to miss you when you go back to the Flotilla."
Tali had looked up with an unreadable look; Shepard had never gotten the hang of reading her through the visor. "I could stay in touch, you know – some of the Quarians here on the Citadel have been saying that they're happy to meet me, or that they're so proud of me for fighting Saren with you. They say that I'll be given a hero's welcome when I get home. Maybe I could find a terminal somewhere, and tell you how I'm doing."
Was there a question in the words? Shepard felt her throat going a little dry, but nodded. "I'd really like that, Miss Tali'Zorah nar Rayya. Don't be a stranger."
They had stood next to each other on the Presidium grounds, leaning over the railing by the Conduit Relay as though it was the drive core back on the Normandy. If anyone noticed that their hips bumped occasionally, or that their shoulders were barely inches apart, they didn't mention it.
Shepard shook herself out of her musings. She needed to focus; they were just leaving Omega Station, and it was time to make the rounds. It was the start of the 2nd watch, 17 February 2185.
/- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /-
"So there I was, my sniper rifle so hot I couldn't even hold the grip; Wrex is down on the ground, charging headfirst into a squad of Geth with nothing but a shotgun and his thick damn skull. I'm thinking that this is it for him – I can't give any covering fire until the gun cools off, and he's not just going to stop his charge halfway across the field. Out of nowhere, Shepard appears, charging right up to them with the trigger held down. She got the first two, and Wrex steamrolled the last two, just tore their servo controllers right out of their chests. It was a magnificent sight."
Garrus was telling war stories to Grunt – who was soaking them up with his bright, eager eyes. Stories about Urdnot Wrex were his favorite, but any story that featured Shepard in a prominently violent role was also well liked. They were sitting around the mess table, trading old stories about the glory days; it almost felt like them. Joker was shuffling for the next round, while Garrus straddled his chair and Grunt sat on the floor doing his best to fill the role of Wrex. Jacob had joined them in place of Pressly, and Shepard sat straight-backed next to Zaeed. God, what a miserable cynic he'd turned out to be. She liked him right away.
She did miss hearing Tali's scathing contributions to their martial prowess, though; teasing Wrex about his battered old armor, or casually stealing drinks from Garrus. She missed the subtle touch of Tali's fingers on her shoulder when she stood, or the occasional touch of their feet. She found herself missing Pressly, and his dry acerbic wit.
Shepard forced herself to grin wide, and organized her chips again. "Hey, Garrus, don't sell yourself short. Remember that time you, and me, and Tali went down to explore that distress beacon? We were rolling along in the Mako, and …"
It was a good night after all, she thought as she let her mouth ramble on. The Cerberus people weren't all bad, and with Garrus and Grunt, Joker and Jacob she felt like she might actually be among friends. It was the middle of the 2nd watch, 3 March 2185.
/- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /-
"Actually, I won't be going with you – I'm joining Commander Shepard"
Shepard turned to look at Tali out of the corner of her eye, trying to restrain a conspiratorial smile. She found Tali looking back, but only for a moment.
"She's all yours now, Shepard – keep her safe." She shook Reegar's gloved hand, each testing the strength of the other. She nodded first; he nodded back. "I will, believe me – I care for Tali very much, and I need her now even more than ever."
Tali said nothing, only smiling behind her visor.
/- /- /- /-
The shuttle ride back to the Normandy was quiet. Tali and Shepard sat side by side, while Garrus and Jacob got them home. Jacob had wanted to start the debriefing, but Tali's glare was discernible even through the visor of her helmet. Garrus had been the one to loudly suggest that he wasn't yet fully qualified on Human light craft, and would need Jacob's help to get them back to the Normandy. His glance at Shepard was significant.
"Thanks for coming with me, Tali. I – I can't tell you how much it means to me to have you aboard."
The Quarian looked over at Shepard with her head cocked slightly. "After all the good times we had together, how could I refuse?"
"Well, I'd be lying to you if I said this was going to be a pleasure cruise like the old days."
"Ha! Pleasure cruise, she says! Keelah, we were never so busy as we were on the Normandy … you know, before the Citadel."
There was a pause. "Shepard, I'm glad Cerberus brought you back. I – I missed you. The Galaxy needs you, you know!"
"I know, but at least this time it's not the Geth. We're hunting down the Collectors, the ones who took the colony at Freedom's Progress. And Horizon, and a dozen other damn places." There was fire in Shepard's voice now, a harshness to the set of her shoulders. "When we find them, we're going to charge straight down their gullet and stop them."
Tali nodded, as though she knew exactly what was at stake. "Whatever you need me to do, Shepard, I'm here for you. If you've been flying around in a Cerberus vessel, I'll bet that you could use an engineer who actually knows how to balance a drive core. I'll do what I can for you … for the mission."
Shepard didn't say anything. She just leaned back into the acceleration couch and quietly took Tali's hand. They squeezed each other's tight and watched the sky bleed away through the front viewports. It was 12 March 2185.
/- /- /- /-
Miranda was waiting for her outside the comm room. "Shepard, do you have a minute?"
She sighed, then turned to her 'First Officer'. "Yes, Miranda?"
"I couldn't help but overhear your comment to Miss Tali'Zorah – about needing people who aren't Cerberus. I had hoped you would have come to trust us a bit more by now."
Shepard rubbed a hand across her face. She'd scrubbed up when she came through the cargo bay, but she knew she'd still feel grimy until she'd gotten a chance to thoroughly shower. Dealing with Miranda was very low on the list of things she wanted to be doing right now.
"Miranda, please listen. I knew about Cerberus before I died, and nothing I heard or saw made me like the organization. Nothing I have seen about the way that Cerberus operates has done anything to ease my fears. I distrust the Illusive man, I distrust Cerberus, and to be perfectly frank I distrust you. Please, don't force it. You'll either earn my trust, or you won't – pestering me about it isn't going to win you any points."
Without registering any emotion, Miranda pivoted the conversation. "Alright, I accept that – you're slow to trust new people. But what good will a Quarian engineer do against an organic enemy? The Collectors aren't like the Geth, Shepard."
"Do I have to have a reason to keep my friends close?" Shepard smiled as she turned away.
/- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /-
Samara stood some distance away, watching the mess-hall table with those bright blue eyes. "I don't understand this game, Commander Shepard. Shouldn't you all be preparing for battle? EDI tells me that a disabled Collector vessel has been discovered and that we are to investigate."
"You're just like the last Asari we had on board – all kinds of 'what? I don't understand' and 'oh my, I … I must lie down!'" Joker put his hand to his head with an exaggerated drama, his voice a pitch-perfect imitation of Liara. His other hand held cards, until he threw them onto the table. "No point, I can see the Commander smiling. Fold."
Shepard looked over at the Justicar over the top of her cards. They were playing Skillian Five tonight, and she was finally feeling her luck. "It's not always about being in peak physical condition, Samara. This game helps us relax, blow off steam. Who wants to fight Collectors all stressed out? Call." She laid down her hand with a smile. 44 points out of 55 maximum? Not too bad.
"Speak for yourself, Commander, I am in peak physical condition. Fold." With a sigh, Jacob tossed his cards away and smiled. "But you know I'd never miss card night."
"Ah, blow it out your ass, Jake. I'm stronger than you, and my biotics are better than yours. Let's hope your performance tomorrow isn't as shitty as it's been all night. Boom!" with a flourish, Jack slapped her cards down on the table. 48 points.
"Oh goddamnit you psycho bitch, you stole my fucking ace. Fold." Zaeed puffed on his cigar and cursed casually at Jack. The first time the two of them had met down in the cargo area, they'd come to blows. Now they sat next to each other at the card table every week. Honestly, Zaeed was the only one who could swear better than she could. Shepard laughed happily to watch the ace in question lift up and spin around before Kasumi deactivated her active camouflage.
"Oh no? As usual, you should both leave the stealing to the master." She grinned, an impish little smile, then dropped the card and vanished just as suddenly as she'd come. It was a habit of hers that had started off extremely annoying – Shepard had nearly shot her the first time she'd done it – but it had become a welcome, almost expected, part of life on the Normandy. If Kasumi surprised you somewhere, it meant you were one of her friends, part of the crew.
Grunt, well … grunted. "This game is stupid, Shepard. When we're playing poker I can at least look at the pictures of the tiny humans while I loose, instead of all these … numbers. Fold." He hurled his cards into the pile of chips on the table. "Huh. Bet I could turn these into weapons and have a lot more fun with them."
Garrus gave a deep, Turian sigh. "Well, Grunt, not every fight we get into with Shepard is going to be a glorious victory. Sometimes, we just have to watch her lose – again – to Jack. Fold." He looked over at Tali, the only one still holding cards.
Tali shrugged a shoulder wordlessly and laid her cards out. 47 points. With a whoop, Jack leapt out of her seat and started collecting the chips. "Aww yeah, more for me!" she cried, stuffing the chips into the sleeves of her rolled down jumpsuit.
It was Samara who frowned, the creases only framing her beautiful features. "Tali'Zorah, I don't understand – if you knew you had poor cards, why did you stay in after Jack showed her hand?"
Under the table, Tali's thigh rubbed slowly against Shepard's, their ankles crossed. "Oh, I just like playing the game, that's all." Shepard burst out laughing, and looked around at her crew with a smile. It really was just like old times. She flexed her thigh against Tali's and felt the Quarian push back. It was 15 March 2185.
/- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /-
Shepard strode through Miranda's office door. "Miranda, Ms. Chambers said you wanted to see me?"
Miranda was a wreck. Shepard had never seen her looking so haggard, and when she started explaining about her sister, Shepard knew her face matched Miranda's. Her ears heard the story of Orianna and their father, but her mind was locked on her own past. Mindoir. Her parents, her sisters. How long it took her to get over the loss of her family.
Shepard stood suddenly, cutting Miranda off mid-word. "Listen, Miranda, we're going to do this. No one should have to lose their family. EDI, tell joker to divert to Illium, right now."
Miranda looked up, surprised. "Really, Commander? After all he headbutting we've done? You're going to just drop the mission and divert to Illium, because I asked you to?"
Shepard took a breath. "Yes. We're not friends, Miranda, but I know what it's like to lose family – and nobody should have to suffer that." She turned and left a bewildered Miranda in the chair by her viewport. She'd spent two years putting that blasted woman back together, literally from parts, and she still had no idea how or why she did what she did.
/- /- /- /-
Shepard and Miranda stood, guns drawn, on a windblown rooftop on Illium. The bodies of dozens and dozens of mercenaries littered the building beneath them. Shepard had been a merciless killer, mechanically identifying and reacting to threats before Miranda had even finished noticing them. Shepard was always good, but this was something else – a kind of calculated efficiency. A grenade thrown into the opening doors of an elevator, and nevermind who might be in there, or what extra damage the blast might do to the building. Now they stood shoulder to shoulder, covering the mercenaries visible on the roof.
"Not many civilians around, Miranda – we could end this right now."
"NO! Not until I get some answers …"
"Look, if Niket knows about Oriana, then your father does too. Relocating her isn't going to work."
Shepard could feel Miranda's realization, the sudden tension in her.
"Miranda's father had no information about Orianna … I kept it all to myself." Niket was wringing his hands, his eyes pleading with Miranda. "I knew you had spy programs on your fathers systems, so I kept it all private. I'm the only one who knows."
Miranda slowly exhaled. "Which means you're the only loose end left. This isn't how I wanted it to end, Niket – I'm going to miss you." Shepard watched her finger tighten on the trigger for a moment, then she committed. The bullet passed right through Niket's pleading eye before exploding out the back of his head, spattering his blood and brains on the Eclipse mercenary behind him. Shepard started to smile as she pulled the trigger – no more talking.
/- /- /- /-
They were on the shuttle back to the Normandy when Miranda spoke. Her voice was unusually quiet. "I can't believe Niket sold me out. I didn't even see it coming."
Shepard looked over, grunting. "Hey, everybody makes mistakes. This probably isn't going to be one you make again. The key is to be hard, Miranda – harder than you think anyone could possibly be. This is a rough galaxy – you have to be even rougher."
Miranda nodded, her moment of weakness rapidly passing. "You're right. Thank you, Shepard, for your help. It's been … enlightening to work with you."
Shepard's eyes closed and she felt the tumble of the shuttle pass away. They had cleared atmosphere and were going back home. It was 17 March 2185.
/- /- /- /-
Shepard's entrance to Engineering didn't go entirely unnoticed. Tali approached and held out her hands, an increasingly common practice for the two of them if Shepard had been planetside without her.
"Hey Shepard – how did everything go?"
She squeezed Tali's hands, then dropped them and leaned back on the bulkhead. "Fine. Miranda and her sister got re-acquainted, and we killed the man who was selling her out."
Tali nodded slowly. She hated killing, hated the waste of life. But death seemed to follow Shepard everywhere, and she was getting used to it. Slowly, the Commander's mantra was seeping into her as it had Garrus – a dead enemy causes no more trouble. She'd been shocked when Garrus had brought it up over cards one night, how casually he thanked Shepard for keeping his old partner distracted long enough for Garrus to put a bullet into each tiny eye. Shepard had grinned – GRINNED! – and groused that she never got to be the one pulling the trigger. Nothing more had been said, then or ever since, but Garrus and Shepard had been even closer. Funny how death kept reinforcing their friendship; first the Salarian, Dr. Saleon – then Sidonis the turncoat.
Tali wondered which of them was faster on the draw.
"I'm … glad. Now, maybe Miranda will thaw out and get a little easier to deal with. What did Jack call her the other day, 'Cheerleader'? I looked it up but the extranet results were … ah … they didn't seem to match what Jack meant at all." Tali looked up into Shepard's grinning face. She found herself blushing hotly under the visor.
"Did you look at any of the results you found?" Shepard teased.
"N-no! No, never! I mean, just to make sure that it wasn't … but I didn't … oh, Ancestors you must think …"
Grinning, Shepard pushed off the bulkhead and brushed her hand over Tali's shoulder, down her arm. "Relax. You should try one of them, you might learn something new about us Humans." She turned and started to stalk off, casually walking a ramrod straight line; each footstep exactly in front of the last, making her hips roll with each oh-so-casual step. Like a Jungle Cat, Tali thought, like she owns this whole place. She swallowed, and absently recalled one of the extranet sites that had shown up in her search.
/- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /-
It was already a couple of hours into the 3rd watch when Shepard came down from her cabin to do the rounds. She'd spent most of the past day in bed, her back a mess of bright red welts and cybernetic burns. Dr. Chakwas had teased her about trying to win awards for the most Medi-Gel used by a single person. Shepard laughed and agreed, and didn't mention who the rocket might have aimed for originally.
She was up and moving now – the collector vessel had been a trap, of course, but at least EDI had learned what they needed to do. They were en route to the husk of a dead reaper to collect the IFF transponder, and then they'd be going through the Omega Relay.
Her rounds were different these days – a lot more organic, far less structured. It was as if she was unconsciously rebelling against the cybernetics that had rebuilt her. She still followed the same pattern, though – start in the cockpit and tease Joker about EDI. Move aft (studiously ignoring the shrink the Illusive Man had stuck her with) and swing into the research lab to speak with Mordin. She'd spend some time with him, always learning something new about him, usually learning something new about her ship, or her chances against the Collectors. She swung into his lab with a practiced ease.
"Hey there Mordin – got a minute?"
"Actually, wanted to talk: medical matters. Aware that mission is dangerous … different species react differently to stress. Past relationship with Tali'Zorah makes dalliance attractive as stress release – still, recommend caution. Quarian immune system weak – could kill her."
Shepard stood stock still, stunned at what she'd heard. "Uh, Mordin, I think you might have something wrong. Tali and I are just friends."
"Shepard, no need for shyness. Tali'Zorah came in for complete antibiotic and antiseptic system overhaul in suit two days ago. Can deduce why, just waiting for you to come see me about precautions."
Shepard blinked, her mouth answering for her "Mordin, whatever Tali and I are to each other we don't … wait, she came in for upgrades to her suit?"
"Yes. Tali'Zorah acquired broad-spectrum multispecies antiseptic, recommend you self-sterilize as well. Oral contact with tissue dangerous – take precautions." He paused to glare significantly "Also forwarding advice booklet to your quarters – valuable diagrams, positions comfortable for both species, erogenous zone overviews. Can supply oils or ointments to reduce discomfort. Gave EDI 'electronic relationship aid' demonstration vids to use as necessary."
Shepard choked back a shocked laugh "You gave the AI … sex toy videos?"
"Of course! Most species too wrapped up in taboo aspects of reproduction, knew you'd never ask for advice in the middle of … ah … relations. Can ask EDI, though, without shame."
Shepard was silent a moment more, then "… What kinds of oils, Mordin?"
"Hoped you'd ask! Reformulated Medi-Gel dispensers to neutralize chirality of body secretions – sweat and such – to make contact between cross-species partners less hazardous. Will probably win patent for this, have submitted it to Galactic Medical Journal for publishing. Quite pleased. Still in beta, though – currently, releases lightly fragrant gas, probably flammable." He fixed her with a stern glare. "No Candles."
"Wait a minute, Mordin, you're just jerking me around, aren't you!?"
"Shocking suggestion! Doctor – patient confidentiality a sacred trust! Would never dream … of mockery. Enjoy yourself while possible, Shepard."
/- /- /- /-
Shepard walked down into the elevator with a half-bemused expression still on her face. Jacob had tactfully neglected to comment on the bright-green medi-gel dispensers she carried under arm (each branded with a smiling picture of Mordin), but she could feel his gaze lingering. She left before he overcame his shyness enough to ask what – exactly – was in the vials. Garrus had paused in the middle of discussing Turian military protocol, and launched into a raunchy tale of the time he and a crewmate had tussled for stress relief. When she stood, he cleared his throat.
"Shepard, it's getting pretty obvious what's happening here. You're my friend, and I don't want you to get hurt. Take some advice?"
She stopped, a blush filling her cheeks and neck. "Garrus …"
"No, don't worry – I'm not going to get all paternal on you. You've been my friend too long for any of that bullshit. I just wanted to say that you and Tali are both … very special people to me. You deserve all the happiness you can give each other, and you have the support of your crew – your real crew."
Shepard took a slow breath. "Thanks, Garrus. I'll remember that."
/- /- /- /-
Engineering was dark when she entered. Ken and Gabby had shuffled out with the rest of the second watch and were catching some well-earned rack time. The only console still illuminated belonged to Tali, who was as usual bent over her work.
"Hey there, Tali – shouldn't you be racked out with the rest of the crew?"
She started, spinning around quickly. "Shepard! Hey, I was just … I mean, yes! Yes, I should be in bed!" she started to walk away from the console, but Shepard caught her elbow in a firm grip.
"Oh no you don't – what's going on?"
Tali slumped against the bulkhead with a long sigh. "It's … the Flotilla. I'm being recalled to stand trial for treason."
"What? That's horseshit, Tali, you're not guilty of anything." Shepard flopped against the bulkhead next to her. "What could they possibly accuse you of?"
"That's just it, Shepard, I don't know. They didn't say, they just said I had to come back or they'd try me in abstention." Tali's arms crossed under her chest, pulling tight against her. Shepard swallowed, eyes drawn to the gentle swells under her environment suit.
"Tali, don't worry. I'll divert us to the Migrant Fleet immediately, and we can figure this out together." She took one of the Quarians long-fingered hands in hers, squeezing hard. "You'll be fine. No matter what the fleet might have to say, they can't take you away from me … from, from the Normandy." Shepard tried to control her breathing. Did I really say that out loud?
Tali looked over at her, relaxing for the first time since she'd come in tonight. "Thank you, Shepard – I … that … it means a lot to me." Tali finished lamely. She didn't let go of Shepard's hand.
After a while, Tali took a deep breath. "So, eh … what brings you down here at this time of night, anyway?"
Shepard looked startled for a moment, then laughed. "Oh – oh! I'd almost forgotten. I need to place a work order with Ken." She strode over to his terminal and picked up a pad, quickly keying her order. She tossed the pad carelessly onto the console, and turned to EDI's holopad.
"EDI, acknowledge."
"I am here, Commander Shepard."
"Log Entry: Commanding officer diverted course to Migrant Fleet, coordinates …"
Shepard gave EDI the course correction and authorization to adjust, without giving any indication that she knew Tali was edging over to her work order. She left without another word.
/- /- /- /-
Engineer Donnelly
PRIORITY WORK ORDER
Cmdr. Shepard, CO NORMANDY S/R-2
IMMEDIATE ACTION: TAKE WHATEVER MEASURES ARE NECESSARY TO REFIT CAPTAINS CABIN / DECK 1 VENTILATION SYSTEM. ISOLATE FROM SHIP AIR VIA MOLECULAR O2 SCRUBBER AND MONATOMIC CONTAMINANT FILTER. ISOLATE CAPTAINS HEAD FROM SHIP WATER SYSTEM. INTRODUCE MONOMOLECULAR WATER FILTER AND RECLIMATOR.
Classification: CAPTAINS EYES ONLY – FLASH
Ken grinned, then quickly smothered it. The work order had been waiting for him on his console when he arrived. Nudging Gabby, he tipped the screen toward her and watched her eyes go wide. It was the morning of 29 March 2185.
/- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /-
The Admiralty Board waited for her answer. Behind her, Shepard could barely make out Tali whispering "Shepard … please …" Her heart ached. Oh, hell, she knew what she was going to say the moment she came on board.
"Tali's achievements are the only evidence you should need. Come on, Tali, we're leaving." She turned and started to walk – slowly – away, grinning behind her helmet at the sound of Quarian distress. She grabbed Tali's arm and spun her around.
"What?!" "You can't leave, this is a formal proceeding!"
Shepard turned and spat the words through her helmet "Wrong, admiral! You're trying to build sympathy for the Geth to forestall the war effort and you …" her accusing finger tracked across the board "… want all the messy experiments cleaned up so you can throw your fleet at the Geth!" The admirals sputtered in denial and outrage, but she wasn't finished. "You do whatever you want with your toy ships, but leave my crew out of your political bullshit."
She was furious, she realized. Actually angry at these puffed up 'Admirals' for what they were putting Tali through. "We have no new evidence. You can accept Tali's word, or you can exile the woman who saved the Citadel from the Geth." She could feel her blood pounding – the same pumping adrenaline she'd felt at her own trial, a lifetime ago. Her mind filled with bitter laughter, the memory of whispers. Butcher. Insubordinate. Butcher. MURDERER.
The Admirals voted to clear her, of course. The closing formalities didn't sink in – she was watching Tali, glancing away every time she got caught looking. They were on their way back to the ship before Tali finally spoke.
"I can't believe you pulled that off. What you said …" Tali took a deep, ragged breath. "Well. It's been a while since anyone shouted down the Admiralty Board. I think it was good for them." She stepped closer to Shepard and took her hand. "Thank you for being there for my father and me, even when …" Tali shook her head and squeezed Shepard's hand. "Thank you."
Shepard grinned. "We can always go back in there and get you exiled if you want." She didn't let go of Tali's hand.
"Ha! No, thanks – I'm fine with things like this." Tali turned toward Shepard and cocked her head. "It's fun watching you shout."
Shepard smiled, then released Tali's hand. "Tali, about what your father said, what he did –" her smile faded. "You deserved better."
Tali laughed and put her hand on her hip. "I got better, Shepard – I got you." She stepped forward and laced her arm through Shepard's. The two women smiled at each other, a walking conspiracy. "Come on, Miss Tali'Zorah vas Normandy – let's get back to our ship." Shepard took off at a decent pace, challenging Tali to keep up. She did, her head hanging a little as she breathed "Thank you … captain."
Her heart was pounding in her chest as they approached the airlock. It was over. She was going back to her ship – HER ship! – with her Commander, her Captain. Tali'Zorah vas Normandy – it had a very good ring to it.
As they cleared the airlock and felt the pressurizing blast of the Normandy's decontamination protocol, Tali smiled behind her visor. Tali'Zorah vas Normandy was home, and she would never leave. It was the end of a very long day, 31 March 2185.
/- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /-
Shepard was sitting on the floor of the observation lounge with Samara, the two women mirroring each other's position. Their knees pressed to the cold deck, their spines ramrod straight and heads high. They spoke in low tones.
"Commander, I don't understand your decisions sometimes. You have consistently flouted your own organization's rules and Code, but you don't seem to be out for personal gain. I've watched you leave civilians to die horrible deaths in the pursuit of your objective, yet you've gone out of your way to help your crew – even when their needs have derailed the mission. Am I wrong in thinking that you don't know your own mind?"
Shepard took a slow breath. The question wasn't impertinent – the two had met almost every day for meditation and philosophical debate. It was clear that oath or no oath, Samara disliked some of the decisions Shepard had made during the course of their mission. Shepard found the open candor of the Justicar refreshing.
"It's nothing like that. I don't trust Cerberus the organization, but some of the people are alright – they've proven their loyalty to me and my mission, and in turn they have my trust. It's like Jack – she's a dangerous criminal and an unstable personality at best. And yet, she's been better after we destroyed Pragia Facility. By diverting to that old dump, I helped clear her mind – I showed her that she's a killer, a weapon, not a scared little girl anymore. Now instead of fighting me, or her own nature, she'll fight the Collectors. Or like Miranda's sister – instead of a dagger in the dark, I know that I have an ally against the Collectors, and the Illusive Man."
Samara nodded, then changed position. They moved together, rolling onto their stomachs and pushing up with their arms. Her voice betrayed no strain at all. "Of course, Commander, and Jack's performance has certainly been better – but do you not worry about the long-term repercussions of your advice?"
Shepard's voice trembled a bit as she held her pose. "Honestly, Samara, we'll all be lucky if we have a future at all. And if we do, then Jack will no doubt find herself in the position of needing to carve out her own place in this galaxy, and she'll do it with strength instead of with kindness. The galaxy isn't friendly to humans, as you know; if a woman like Jack goes out expecting sweetness and sunshine, she's going to get rolled right out the nearest airlock."
They shifted again as Samara thought on Shepard's words. "You certainly display that strength, Commander. I heard your discussion with Legion and Tali'Zorah from here."
Shepard growled "What the hell was I supposed to do? I keep Legion around because he's damn perfect for what I need to do – he's immune to the seeker swarms, he's fast and accurate, and he's one more thing that the Illusive Man wants that I'm not going to give him. But I need Tali to run this ship at peak efficiency. I can't have either one of them doing anything to jeopardize this mission."
"Legion is an 'it', Commander, not a 'he'."
"I don't give a good goddamn what it is, as long as it does its damn job. The same standard I hold the rest of you to. It's why I didn't mind you using me as bait for Morinth; because I knew that after she was dealt with, I could count on your full attention."
Samara smiled slightly. "Indeed – and I am again appreciative for your help, Commander." She paused as she effortlessly levered herself into a handstand; Shepard followed slowly, shifting her weight onto her hands, then further, lifting off her leg and tightening up her back until she was upright. Samara waited until Shepard's breathing had calmed before continuing. "But while I may understand the necessities of your decisions, it may be that Tali'Zorah does not. You should go to her – speak to her and make sure she understands that you must sometimes speak for the mission, and not just for yourself."
Shepard was silent the rest of their exercises.
/- /- /- /-
Shepard stopped outside the door to Engineering, resting her hand on the bulkhead. Her heart was beating, fast and thready, and she could feel the sweat on her palms. What made this trip different from any other? Why should she be feeling anything other than her usual calm? She took a deep breath, then another. Steady, she strode through the automatic doors.
She'd offered Tali her choice of living space to call her own, but that stubborn Quarian wouldn't leave Engineering. She'd rigged up a hammock of sorts and suspended it from the railings that led to the drive core. Any closer and she'd be bathing in the eezo radiation; further away, she claimed, and she'd never get a decent night's sleep. When Shepard entered, Tali was wrapped in her hammock, laying still as though asleep – except for the glow of her omni tool, and the lightning quick twitching of her long fingers. Shepard watched the hands move, then quietly coughed to announce herself.
"What? … who? Shepard?" Tali startled at the sound, and had reacted by trying to spin around in place. She ended up half-twisted in her hammock, swinging gently at waist height. Shepard grinned, then stepped closer.
"Don't panic! It's just me. I – I came to talk."
"What's so important that it couldn't wait till morning?"
"Legion."
Silence from Tali.
"Tali? I need to know that you're okay with what happened – that you understand why I did what I did."
"Oh, sure. I understand. For the good of the mission. Was there anything else?"
Shepard scrubbed a hand through her hair, sighing roughly. "Tali, please – listen to me. I know I was rough with you – with you both. I needed to shut that argument down quickly, before it could get out of hand or spread to the rest of the ship. We're all on edge, and flaring tempers can destroy morale."
"Yes, I understand. Thank you for explaining that to me, because as a life-long resident of the Migrant Fleet I would never understand the importance of maintaining high crew morale, or containing problems before they start." Shepard winced at the cold tone of Tali's voice, but rallied. "So if you understand, why do I feel like you're angry with me?"
"Because you didn't side with me! I'm your friend, Shepard! I've been with you since Saren's first treachery, and you didn't back me up!"
Hurt. Tali was hurting, and it came through her voice just fine. Shepard leaned against the bulkhead
"Tali I – I'm sorry. I didn't mean to dismiss your friendship, or your feelings. I –"
"You what, Shepard? You put your boot down on us both like we were common crew caught misbehaving. After everything we've had together, and I got yelled at like a liveship deckhand."
"No! Yes, I yelled – and yes, I'm sorry for how that came out. I didn't mean to belittle our relationship or our history. I just needed to make it clear to both of you that neither outcome was acceptable."
Tali bit off the scathing comment she was going to throw out, musing over Shepard's words. Before she could speak, Shepard continued.
"Creating the Geth in the first place may have been a mistake, but they are not the enemy – the Reapers are. If you and Legion can work together, that gives me hope that someday all Quarians and all Geth can work together, and put this whole war behind you. I don't want to see either side destroyed. Besides, I – I have grown quite fond of … yelling at the admirals. I'd like the chance to do it again."
Tali's stomach was knotting, but she found herself answering. "When you put it that way, I can understand a bit more. I'm sorry for taking it out on you."
Shepard smiled in relief, casually seeking out one of Tali's lithe ankles and brushing her knuckles over the fabric of the suit. "No, I'm sorry – I should have come to you sooner, told you what was going on."
"Promise that you'll come to me right away next time, and you're forgiven."
Butterflies in her stomach. "Of course I promise."
"Good." She flexed her foot up into Shepard's touch, then made 'go away' motions. "Now please, let me sleep – we're supposed to be doing the final field alignment checks on the Reaper IFF tomorrow."
"Right. Good luck." Shepard turned to leave, but her hand stayed behind – her softly touching fingertips tracing down Tali's foot left her skin flushed and sensitive before pulling away.
/- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /-
They sat around the table, but they were not playing cards. They weren't talking. It was 18 April 2185, and the ship was empty.
Shepard was leaning back in her chair, hands laced behind her head, staring off toward the Main Battery Room. Her crew sat around her, watching and waiting; EDI's glowing holoprojection was nearby, and Shepard thought she could feel the AI watching, too.
At length, she dropped forward – her chair clattered on the deck as she spoke. "Okay, this is it. We have the Reaper IFF installed, and the Collectors found us. They have our crew."
The members of her team looked up at her in anticipation. Garrus could already feel himself smiling.
"We're going to go through the Omega Relay. We're going to track the Collectors down to their home base, and then we're going to smear that base into monatomic vapor. We're going to hit them hard and fast, right where it hurts."
She looked around at her crew – Zaeed and Garrus grinning wide; Samara, with her cool detachment. Jack and Miranda – still as far apart as they could be – with murder in their eyes. Jacob and Thane, relaxed; Kasumi with a worried look on her unusually still face. Tali and Legion stoically silent, each the mirror of the other. Grunt and Mordin standing off to one side, watching everyone else. They were ready. They had to be, because they no longer had a choice.
"It's been a long – LONG – three months. We've been through a lot – together, separately. I admit that when we started, I didn't feel as close to you all as I do now but believe me when I say this: you are all, each of you, the best crew I've ever had. I know that we can do this, we can face whatever is on the other side."
Her crew watched her speak. Some eyes were bright, eager – Grunt looked like he was going to break into laugher any moment, but it was Garrus who finally broke the silence. "Shepard, don't worry. We're going to smear those collectors against the wall."
"Damn right!" "Warp the shit right out their asses!" "Smash their skulls into powder!"
The reaction was welcome, and there were no more speeches. She took each aside in turn, a final word of friendship, of camaraderie. Rhetoric aside, they were going to hit the Relay in 5 hours and there was absolutely no guarantee that any of them would be coming back – this was the time for last thoughts, reflections, and personal stories. In their own order, each came to say goodbye just in case; Shepard clasped their hands and affirmed their friendship, said goodbye. She remembered of all the other people she'd lost – Mica and Nichols and Henkley and Vala. Her parents and siblings. Alenko, torn apart by Geth. The bile rose in her throat.
At long last, it was only Mordin and Tali left. Mordin's words were direct and to the point, entirely like himself – until he took her hand and looked pointedly over at Tali. "Enjoy yourself while you can, Shepard."
She blushed hotly – it was as though Mordin could read all the images dancing behind her eyes, images filled with a flashing purple and silver hood. She was still lost in musing when she felt Tali's presence behind her. Turning, she found the Quarian leaning against the elevator housing, mimicking the commander's usual posture. "So, any last-minute advice for a lost young Quarian about to head into certain death?" her tone was light, playful; it clenched Shepard's heart and knotted her stomach. She found herself closing the distance, grabbing Tali's arm.
"Don't go."
"What?! How can you even say that?"
"Tali please, I … I don't want you to come with me."
"Ancestors, Shepard, why not? I've come with you this far, I'm going the rest of the way with you!"
"Tali, No!"
There was silence – the two women, hands on hips and standing inches from each other, glaring across the miles of separation left in the wake of the commander's shout.
"What's the matter, Commander? Worried I'll slow you down? Afraid that Wrex's teachings will fail me at the worst moment?"
"No! No, it's not … I …" Tali's heart leapt into her throat as she watched Shepard visibly struggle.
"Then what, Shepard? Why don't you want me coming with you?"
"Because I … I can't lose you, Tali." The confession was a whisper, but it echoed in the speakers of her suit. She reached out and took Shepard's hands in hers, rubbing her long thumb over her friend's knuckles.
"You're not going to lose me – I'm going to be right next to you, the whole time."
"This is different, dangerous. People are going to die, just like Virmire." Shepard looked up, a frost in her eyes. "I … care for you, very much. I don't want to have to make the choice between you and the mission. That's why I want you to stay here."
Tali startled backward, dropping Shepard's hand. "You … you're afraid that you might have to order me to my death? …" she watched Shepard flinch, continuing relentlessly. "… or that you'd have to leave me to die somewhere? Keelah, Shepard, you're cold! Why would you say such things?"
Shepard blazed to life, gritting her teeth and gesturing emphatically "Because it's what I do, Goddamnit. I get the job done." Something dark flashed across her eyes, but she continued. "I get the job done, regardless of who has to be hurt in the process - even me. So if I have to, I'll leave every one of these people – my friends and crew – to die if it means I stop the Reapers. This is just the first skirmish in that fight, and I aim to win."
Tali leaned back, crossing her arms across her chest, her breathing heavy. "So you'll throw our lives away; that's good to know. What makes me special, then, Shepard? Why don't you want me coming with you and the rest of your friends." She spat the word, earning another flinch.
Shepard shook slightly, trying to control her breathing. Her guts were knotted, tight; her hands were cramping with the urge to grip something HARD. "You're … special to me, Tali and I – I can't – I don't want to have to leave you. I want you …" her breath hitched and Tali's eyes widened in shock and understanding. Shepard took a breath and tried to continue. "I want you here, safe, in case everything goes to shit."
Tali uncrossed her arms, taking a step forward. Her words shuddered out of her, but she managed to summon the courage to speak. "That's … what was it Pressly used to say … ah, Bullshit. Bullshit, Shepard." She took another step, now so very close to her captain and took her hands tightly. "Tell me. Tell me what you've been trying to tell me for weeks, months now. Tell me!"
Shepard's eyes widened and she tried to step back, to get distance but Tali tightened her grip on Shepard's hands, almost painfully. She shook her head, trying to deny Tali, deny herself, as weeks and weeks of memories came crashing onto her at once. Visiting in Engineering. The touches, the caresses, oh god she'd been seducing Tali since the Citadel, why did that stubborn Quarian have to realize it now? Virmire, and the choice she'd made; was it for a pair of hips, or a bomb? Torfan, and the brave look on Vala's face before she went to her death.
All the tension went out of her as she slumped into Tali's hands. She dropped her head and her lips moved, once.
"Say it!" Tali was practically yelling, her voice quavering through the speaker of her suit.
Shepard came to life, pushing forward into Tali and carrying her back to the elevator wall. Her eyes blazed and her veins pulsed in her neck – but her hands, so carefully, enfolding Tali's narrow waist, her fingers already idly brushing her hips. Her mouth was open, but Tali spoke. Softly, gently; using her hips to press into Shepard's hands. "Please, Shepard … say it. Tell me …"
"I – " she took a breath. "I love you."
It was a moment of total immobility. Neither woman moved, the echoes of that tiny whisper still reverberating around them. At length, Tali did move – lifting up on her toe, she pressed her hip into Shepard's hand, feeling it tighten almost painfully; she didn't stop, only lifting her head to look Shepard in the eye – seeing the shock there, watching it bleed away into a slow smile. The thumb on her hip flexed again and she bit her lip, and pressed harder into the touch.
"I love you, Tali'Zorah vas Normandy." Shepard stepped close, her body pressing against the barrier of the suit. "I don't want you to come with me, because I want to know that you're alive and okay."
Tali stopped moving, a frustrated sound coming from her. She pushed Shepard away and grasped her by the shoulders. "Look, there's no guarantee that we even survive the relay. There's no knowing what we'll find on the other side if we do – for all we know, it could be a whole fleet of Reapers. And assuming that we survive all that, you and I both know that the Reapers are coming – we may have a week, or a year, but they'll come." She moved her hands, cupping Shepard's face; she desperately wanted to touch those red lips, now parted by breath.
"I don't know what's going to happen, but I do know that you're not leaving me behind. Because you love me, and I … I love you, too."
There was silence, broken only by the whisper of suit-fabric and skin. Shepard closed her eyes – she knew she'd already lost the fight, lost her will, lost everything but the urgent need to know what Quarian skin actually felt like and the taste of a young Quarian's lips.
A trembling voice pulled her back to the moment. ".. Shepard?"
"Yeah, Tali – you're coming with me. Now, and for the foreseeable future. You're coming with me to Omega; you're coming with me when we've kicked the Collectors into the nearest black hole; you're coming with me when I tell the Illusive man to shove it, and right now you're coming with me into the elevator."
Tali's pulse leapt, and a soft moan slipped out of her. "Yes … captain."
/- /- /- /-
The air in her cabin smelled – crisp. Not like clean linens, or the dry sterility of a hospital room, just clean. She noticed that it was warm in the cabin; too hot to stay clothed for long. She pushed Tali against the pillar at the base of the steps and held her there with a hand on her tight belly. She could feel the Quarian squirming under her, and hear the short little breaths she was taking. She couldn't wait any more, and started to reach for the closest suit seal.
Tali's hand stopped her, and Shepard looked up into the smoked glass of the visor. "Shepard, let me …" she nodded, then reached up to the visor. The latches were easy to find, and with a soft hiss of equalization, the visor detached completely from her hood.
"God, Tali – you're beautiful" Shepard breathed. She could watch – actually see! – Tali blushing. Her face was oval, her eyes were a deep milky white; her lips, full and red and parted gently, seemed to beckon to Shepard. She reached back under the hood, feeling her way along the metal jaw-plates, the segmented neck covering. A soft click and the metal obscuring her chin pulled away, discarded on the floor next to the visor and as quickly forgotten. Slowly, watching the faint glow of Tali's eyes, she leaned in to claim her first kiss. Their lips brushed, parted, touched gently. Shepard nibbled on Tali's lips, whispering lightly over them; she blushed to feel how soft the girls lips were, how smooth and perfect. As she pulled back, she searched Tali's face for … what? … but found only hunger. She got a few inches away before Tali's long hands buried in her hair and pulled her back for a deep kiss – their lips mashed together hard, hard enough to instantly bruise the so-pale flesh of her lover, tongues lightly brushing, darting, dueling. When she pulled away, Tali's milky eyes were half-closed and her red, red lips curved into an almost mocking smile. "mmmm … that was worth waiting two years for."
Shepard laughed softly and leaned in, resting her forehead against Tali's – marveling at the feel of the gentle folds in her forehead and rubbing back and forth, brushing the tip of her nose against Tali's. "Oh, you have no idea how much I've wanted to do that. I've imagined your lips – your nose – your face! – for what seems like ages."
Tali's hand reached up to Shepard's face, brushing the hair over her ears, cupping her jaw and leaning in for another kiss, another greedy nibbling along Shepard's chin. "Well, you don't need to imagine anymore. And you don't need to be gentle …" her voice went breathy; Shepard's fingers had fluttered down her ribs, hard enough to feel through the suit, light enough to tease.
"I don't intend to be." Shepard took one of Tali's hands in hers, lacing their fingers together. "Show me, Tali – show me how to undress you." She heard the catch in the Quarian's breathing. "Show me how to get to your pale skin."
Her hands trembled, but she slid her hand and Shepard's to a seal high on her collarbone. Together, they unfastened the suit, seal by seal, peeling it away from her body. When the hood came off, Tali hesitated; Shepard did not. The hood fell away, revealing a short-cropped mess of fine, soft black hair. It fell straight, very straight just past her delicate ears; she couldn't help but run her fingers through it. She watched Tali's face, stared into her eyes as she tightened her grip, tugging the fine hair like a delicate handle; a ragged breath and a soft plea her reward.
They moved then, spinning away from the staircase. Tali's bare skin flashed in the low light of the room; Shepard whirled them both to the bed, tossing Tali onto the sheets. They locked eyes for a moment before she looked down at the beautifully nude girl spread out on the bed. Tali smiled wickedly, writhing sensuously under Shepard's gaze, arching and rocking her hips in invitation, sliding her arms over her head and crossing her wrists, lifting her chest from the bed in silent offering. Her breasts were smallish, as milk-pale as the rest of her skin and crowned with coral-colored nipples, but no aureoles. Shepard knelt, tugging Tali's boots off her legs; she crawled up onto the bed, her hands pressing into Tali's legs, her mouth moving over her skin. Teasing, caressing, kissing, licking, sucking the supple skin into her mouth. She bit once, twice, on the insides of Tali's knees, nuzzling her face into the deep curves of her shins; she traced the line of a visible vein up the inside of Tali's thigh.
"Shepard … please, I want you – I need you!"
A throaty laugh "Mmm, but who gives the orders around here?"
"You! Oh, ancestors, you're … ah!" Shepard's mouth moved higher, kissing and biting, sliding along the contour of the long muscles of her thigh. Tali spread her legs, opening a path for Shepard to continue, revealing herself completely. She arched in pleasure, almost lifting off the bed with a strangled cry as Shepard's hot breath washed over her eager center. Teasing, taunting, Shepard bit the sensitive flesh below her navel.
"What do you want, Tali?"
"oh … Oh, I want you to – to kiss me, there."
"Like this?" a slow breath across the wet skin
Tali let out a keening moan "Please, Shepard!"
"I like hearing you beg – I wonder if I can get more out of you?" her fingers trailed over the expanse of skin near her sex, dragging another low moan from Tali's throat.
"Yes! I need you – please ... please! Ah!"
Shepard ducked her head, closing her mouth over the source of that earthy scent, the fragrant liquid – like sap, running from her lover. Her fingers teased over Tali's belly, her hips; she sent a silent prayer of thanks to Mordin for the booklet, and found a little nerve-cluster to tease with her nails.
She sucked, tasting the sweetness of this woman, her lover – her friend. She closed her eyes and slid her tongue out, tracing lines and paths over the stiff petals of the flower; her fingers gradually moving closer, closer, until they were making an opening for her questing tongue to push into, gently then with greater force. She was lost in the joy of discovery, experimentation until she felt Tali's legs clamp down and felt, rather than heard, the high cry of pleasure that exploded from her lips. When Tali's legs relaxed, Shepard pulled her fingers out, feeling the tightening, clenching muscles of her lover's body spasm in loss.
While Tali lay panting, a thin sheen of sweat on her body, Shepard wasted no time in disrobing. When she, too, was naked she crawled up the bed and rested against Tali, pressing her larger, fuller breasts against the Quarian's. Tali opened her eyes and grinned slowly; her chest lifted from the bed and she ground against Shepard, slipping one of her thin knees between Shepard's thighs, finding her soaking sex and rocking gently.
Wordlessly, they changed places – Shepard on her back, propped up on her elbows, looking down at her pale lover as Tali kissed down her fit, scarred body; stopping to bathe every scar with her tongue, caressing every muscle with her lips. Impatient, Shepard reached down and grabbed a handful of Tali's hair – ignoring the hard gasp, she pushed Tali's head down, lifting her hips to brush the tuft of her hair against Tali's lips. A low sound escaped her throat when Tali teased her tongue down Shepard's mons, finding the pearl above her soaking need.
A pleasure sound – a wet, slow lick. Tali gave of herself fully, pushing her lips against Shepard's; probing, teasing with her tongue. Then a ragged gasp as a long, dexterous finger curled into her, spreading her and rocking against her most sensitive spot. She panted, twitching her hips, practically fucking Tali's hand until she came, once, twice, trembling against Tali's unceasing mouth and insatiable tongue. One more tightening of her belly, one more quiet gasp as her lover brought her to orgasm with an urgently fluttering tongue, then Shepard collapsed to the bed like a puppet with cut strings. After a moment, Tali crawled up – dragging her breasts over Shepard's sweaty skin – until she could lay in the crook of her captain's arm and press herself fully.
Time passed as the new lovers idly explored each other's body with their hands. What felt like hours later, Shepard broke the silence.
"That was … incredible."
"mmm … yes. Yes, and I want more. I want to stay with you, for as long as we have."
A quick chuckle, and the rustle of lips in fine soft hair. Tali leaned down to pull up the discarded sheets, and wrapped herself tightly to Shepard. They were asleep before the sheets even settled.
/- /- /- /-
It was the fierce itching that woke Shepard. Carefully dislodging Tali, she crept into the head and winced at her reflection. She was covered – COVERED – in a light red rash, as though she'd slept on steel wool. Her mouth burned, and one side of her hips was numb. Cursing quietly, she rummaged through her vanity and retrieved one of the green 'Mordin's Multispecies Medicator' applicators. She put it into the shower, then retrieved the epinephrine from her medical kit. Tali appeared, rubbing sleep from her eyes, just as Shepard was injecting herself.
"Shepard, are … oh, ouch" The Quarian's concern had turned into a pained cough when she tried to speak. Wordlessly, Shepard produced a Turian-marked military injector. Tali's eyes went wide before she broke into hysterical laughter.
"You had your quarters turned into a clean room and you got Turian allergy medication? Exactly how long have you been planning this seduction?"
"Long enough that Mordin made us some special medi-gel to help neutralize body chemicals, but which I completely forgot about."
Tali blushed, and Shepard watched in fascination as it was revealed to be a whole-body process. "I didn't know Mordin knew about us."
"Tali, I think most of the crew knows about us."
"… oh."
Shepard lifted her lovers face with a gentle touch. "Is that okay?"
"Yes! Of course, it's just – I don't know what to say. They all knew, but I didn't."
"Aww, there's no reason to be embarrassed. We just go down there and do our thing – our friends …" she stressed the last "… will be happy for us, and nothing else."
Tali finished with the medication, carefully covering up the injector-port concealed on her arm. Shepard watched, fascinated – she'd known that Tali probably had plenty of cybernetics, but had been far too busy last night to look for them. Tali turned and took one of her hands.
"I'm not embarrassed, not by you and not by what we have. I'm just … surprised."
Shepard smiled wide, and leaned in for the first kiss of the morning. Her mouth still itched, but the numbness was going away. Wordlessly, she pulled Tali into the shower and picked up the tube of 'Mordin's'.
/- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /-
Shepard stood in the QEC. It was silent, and except for the presence of EDI's holoprojection, it was dark. She'd just told the Illusive Man to go fuck himself, and she was shaking.
"Commander Shepard, what do you intend to do with the crew, and with the Normandy?"
She turned wearily – she hadn't even bothered to clean up. She was covered in Collector blood, bruised and burned. Her armor shrieked quietly from cracks in a dozen places and none of the kinetic barrier emitters were working. She limped out of the QEC circle on the floor and winced as the lights came up automatically. When a chair was available, she collapsed into it with a heavy sigh.
"I don't know, EDI. I'm going to offer my squad a chance to stick it out or leave, and I'm going to put the Cerberus crew ashore at the next stop. Beyond that, I don't really have a plan."
"Will you turn the Normandy over to the Systems Alliance?"
She snorted a laugh. "Not a chance. The only official contact I've had with them has been my own damn death notice. Everything else has been unofficial through Admiral Anderson."
"Then what will you do with the Normandy? With me?"
Shepard paused, then took a long slow breath. "Well, I am a Council Spectre. I suppose I'll go to the Council and report in. And after all, I'll need a ship."
/- /- /- /-
The conference room was packed tightly – all of her squad-mates jostling for room. Shepard looked across the table, at all the faces that had become so familiar; she hadn't expected to see any of them again. The mission had been brutal, on everyone. The only member not injured was Legion, though it did carry a dozen new punctures in its armor plating. The "Suicide Mission" had been perfect. Shepard beamed in pride – she'd gotten the job done, and hadn't lost anyone doing it. It was a good day, a GREAT day. It was 19 April 2185.
"Well – here we are again. 8 hours ago, we stood here and looked at each other. 8 hours ago, we planned to do and die. 8 hours ago, we didn't have a future and we didn't have much hope." She looked around the room again – some heads were nodding, others were steady.
"7 hours ago, we destroyed the Collector base. 7 hours ago, we destroyed a Human-Reaper under construction and we got out without a scratch. I'm proud – PROUD – of each and every one of you. You have done the impossible – you're all heroes a dozen times over. I'm proud to have stood with you, and even prouder that we're all still standing here now."
There were grins all around, now, and lots of quiet hand-shaking. She caught Tali's eyes and smiled, just for her. Garrus noticed, but didn't say anything.
"So now, we walking dead men have a choice!" She was suddenly jubilant, grinning ear to ear. "We've done the impossible, and ten minutes ago I told the Illusive Man exactly where he could stuff his precious Reaper. EDI tells me that he's sent mission-abort commands to her since then, but since EDI is firmly on our side, she's rejected them all – in the rudest way she could think of. Joker, you'll want to listen to those rejections, I think she got them from you."
EDI's voice cut through the laughter "Jeff's humor style is … unique. I have added it to my memory, and relied upon it heavily when formulating my rejections to the Illusive Man."
Shepard nodded, then looked over at Miranda and Jacob. "You two are the only ones here with deep ties to Cerberus. I have to ask, and I want you to be honest with me – are you still with them, or are you with me? I don't mind either way – you've done your jobs brilliantly, and I'll be sad to see you go but I'd rather not be tied to Cerberus in any way."
They exchanged a look, and Miranda shrugged a delicate shoulder; it was Jacob who spoke. "Commander, Cerberus gave us the opportunity to work on and with you. That's what we wanted. Working with you has broadened our perspectives – I know I owe you a big personal debt of gratitude. I'm as done with the Illusive Man as I am my Father. I'm with you, Shepard, all the way."
She returned is crisp salute, and looked at Miranda. "Oh, hell, Shepard, you know where I stand. You helped me when nobody else would, and you've been nothing but generous to me, no matter how badly we got off. You've had my support since Illium. Whatever you want to do, I'm with you."
There were some hearty back-slaps, friendly handshakes.
"Wait! Wait just one goddamn minute! If you told the Illusive man to piss the fuck off, how the fuck am I getting paid?" Zaeed's voice broke through the murmuring, but it only set off more laughter.
"Mr. Massani, I haven't formally quit Cerberus yet – I believe if you check your bank account, you'll find that you've been paid the full sum of your contract." Miranda answered, while tapping on her Omni-Tool. Without even waiting for the fresh laughter to die off, he checked his Omni-Tool. He grunted at what he saw, then nodded to Miranda.
"Well, Shepard, I have to say that it's been a real pleasure working with you. I've never had as much money handed to me to not die as I have for this little trip of yours, so thanks for that."
"It was good having you along, Zaeed. I take it you're getting off at the next stop?"
"Yeah, I'm getting too told to go running about the galaxy, and with the nice retirement package Miranda just handed me, I'm going to take a goddamn vacation."
Shepard nodded, grasping the old mercenary's hand firmly. "You're a magnificent soldier, Zaeed – I hope you're still around and kicking with the Reapers come, because I might just pull you out of retirement for that fight." He grinned wide.
"Oh, you can be sure of that sweetheart."
A cleared throat drew Shepard's attention to Jack, fidgeting in the corner. "Look, I'm not … oh, fuck me, I hate speeches. It's been shitty, and I hate you all. Especially the cheerleader here." She jerked her thumb at Miranda. "But, all in all, it was a lot less shitty than I thought it was going to be. So thanks for that, I guess, but I'm getting off too. You did a lot for me, Shepard, and I won't forget that; but it's time for me to get lost for a little while."
Shepard smiled at Jack, remembering how different, how angry the young biotic was when she rescued her. "Well, you've certainly earned it. But before you go getting lost, you might want to keep an eye on your email. Look for 'David Anderson', and if you see something you should read it."
Jack eyed her warily. "Why – what's in it?"
"Maybe nothing, maybe a chance. I gave your name to Anderson the last time we were on the Citadel, and he said that he might have something that'd be good for you."
"Hell, Shepard, just can't leave well enough alone, can you?" there was a smile in the words.
"You know me, Jack – I'm a meddler."
Zaeed took Jacks arm and steered her toward the door. "Listen, you bitch, we're going to have one more game of Skillian Five before you go, and this time …" the door cut off the rest.
Shepard turned, looking at all the faces, smiling slowly. "Well, then I guess that's it. Our next stop is Omega station to drop off our friends, kick out the Cerberus crew, and get some celebratory drinks at Afterlife – a fitting destination for the walking dead!"
/- /- /- /-
Grunt and Garrus were in charge of rounding up the Cerberus crew, with the exception of Ken and Gabby from Engineering. Tali had asked her – so sweetly – if they could stay; the naughty fingers of her lover were busy teasing the small of her back through her uniform as Shepard stiffly agreed. They were in EVA suits, inspecting the scorched and buckled armor over the port side of the ship, so Engineering was deserted when Shepard found Tali – bent over at the waist, fiddling with some of the wiring behind her console. Without even thinking about it, Shepard stepped into Tali's ass, sliding her hand down from the narrow waist of the suit toward the back of her knee.
"ooohh …" her head turned, one pale eye visible through the visor. "Shepard what are you …"
"Shh. Just enjoy." She slid her free hand up Tali's spine, lightly holding her down at the neck. Her other hand continued caressing, teasing, gently spreading Tali's legs wider until her suit stretched over her tight ass in lewd invitation.
"Shepard …" Tali whispered her name, lovingly, stretching her arms out along the top of the console, draping herself. Shepard grinned and moved her hand up, finding the junction of Tali's legs, filling her whole hand with her lovers flesh. She felt the shudder running through the Quarian, felt the heat from her center as her hand started to squeeze. She heard a little gasp, and pressed her knuckles through the suit fabric – a low moan as her knuckles rocked over the stiff folds there, again and again, a steady rhythm. Tali's breathing was short, sharp, almost frantic as Shepard played her like an instrument, strumming a little faster, a little harder. Tali writhed against her, rocking her hips into the touch.
"Ances … oh, Shepard, yes … please, I'm so …"
Shepard leaned in, pressing herself against the line of her lover's body. "Not yet, Tali – you have to ask. You have to ask permission from your captain."
Tali loosed a long moan, arching her back and shoving herself onto Shepard's knuckles. "Tell me … what to say, oh … please, Shepard … captain …" her breath caught in her throat.
"Ask permission to cum, Tali. Beg me."
"PLEASE! Oh, oh please … please let me come …"
Shepard was silent – feeling the tension in Tali's hips, the strain in her thighs as she tried to hold off, tried to escape the pleasure of Shepard's unceasing hand. She waited for the girls breath to get rough, haggard, then quickened her pace; rocking her knuckles back and forth, right over Tali's opening.
"Cum now, Tali – cum for your captain."
Instantly, Tali stiffened – her whole body locking up as he breathing stopped. She moaned, her voice hitching, her hips shaking, as she relaxed onto the console. Shepard pulled her hands away, lifting Tali into a tight embrace and stroking her as she recovered. When Tali lifted her head, she leaned in and pressed her face against the visor, smiling.
"Shepard?"
"Thank you, Tali."
She laughed in shock. "You? Thank me? Oh no, I'm the one who should be thanking you. That was … I don't know why you didn't just use the nerve stimulators, but that was incredible!"
Shepard pulled back, still smiling. "I'm thanking you for this – for the chance to do to you all the things I've been fantasizing about. Now, what's this about nerve stimulators?"
/- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /- /-