The Loss of Smiles and Music
Still enjoying writing some dwarven tales.
This is an AU story. Centers around Bofur and his family. Please enjoy and let me know what you think either good or bad.
I own nothing.
Chapter Five
"Bofur will have to go home," Thorin stated as he walked up to the family, "I've thought this through. If he loses his hearing then Bofur needs to return to the Blue Mountains. I'm sorry."
"We return with him," Bombur insisted turning warning eyes on Thorin, "I'll not leave my brother to return alone and I know that I speak for my cousin."
"If you send Bofur away then Bombur and I leave too. Together or none at all," Bifur gestured before startling as a familiar hand reached and wrapped around his.
Bombur gasped along with Bifur as Bofur blinked up at the two. Bifur reached his other hand over to squeeze Bofur's hand in relief that he was awake.
"Been so worried," Bombur signed, "So good to see you awake, Bofur."
The ill dwarf sighed softly as he let go of his cousin's hand and smiled slightly at his younger brother. Bifur knew what his cousin was doing. Bofur was trying to reassure his little brother. Bombur always came first in Bofur's book.
"Can stay in a nearby town if can't continue to Erebor," Bofur signed with obviously weakened movements, "Can still do blacksmithing and carving to earn my keep until you two complete the quest even if deaf. I'll be fine once I get strong again, even without my hearing. Don't lose out on this opportunity because of me."
"Together or none at all," Bombur signed, "We stay together. No opportunity is worth leaving you on your own. We never left Bifur alone when he was first injured and I'll be damned if you have to deal with going deaf without your family near. I, for one, hope that this is all talk and losing your hearing is not the end result, but if it is, we leave together."
"Gold not important. Family important," Bifur added with quick movements looking back up at Thorin, "Family more important than gold or mountain. No family, what good other two?"
"True," Thorin signed back so Bofur could understand before kneeling to gesture directly to the ill dwarf, "Nothing decided. Hope not lose hearing like your brother said. Hope you stay. Good fighter. Good dwarf that I want fighting by my side. Just rest right now. Get better. We all worry for you very much. Rest."
Bofur nodded and closed his eyes reaching blindly for his kin's hands. Bifur and Bombur instantly took one of his hands each and held tight as he squeezed back. Thorin left the family alone. Bifur watched as Bofur remained still, but tense before realizing that his cousin was fighting his emotions.
"Breaking," Bifur signed to Bombur before pulling Bofur to lean against his chest as his cousin trembled.
Bofur gripped Bifur tight as he shuddered into his shoulder while the older dwarf placed a soothing hand on the back of Bofur's head. Bombur looked pained when he realized that his brother was silently sobbing against their cousin. The reality was hitting home. Everything that had once been true for Bofur might completely change if his hearing was lost. Bombur hung his head before leaning against Bifur's back to reach his arms around to hold both his cousin and Bofur.
The company averted their eyes out of respect. Grief was to be done in private, but on the road there was no privacy. Most were amazed the Bofur could break making no sound whatsoever. There wasn't even a single sniffle.
"Is there really nothing you can do?" Bilbo whispered up to Gandalf as some looked over at the hobbit.
"Not for this," Gandalf sighed, "Unfortunately, infections just need to run their course sometimes. I have been able to ascertain that the medicines are clearing up the illness in Bofur after Oin asked me to take a look, but what the ramifications may be from the infection are yet to be determined."
"I will stop the drops in Bofur's ears tomorrow as long as his fever comes down," Oin agreed, "I should know by that afternoon if Bofur's hearing has been affected. All we can do is wait and keep Bofur safe."
Bifur looked over from rocking his cousin. Bofur had cried himself out and fallen back asleep again.
"Mahal, protect my cousin," Bifur prayed to himself as he continued rocking Bofur gently, "He is too young to deal with this. Don't challenge him in this way, I beg you. Take my hearing instead. I do not mind. I will return to the stone for him if that is your wishes. Just keep my cousin safe and give Bombur the strength he needs to forgive. I ask only this of you. Amen."
"He never made a sound," Bombur sighed leaning back up.
Bifur nodded and gestured quickly after laying the ill dwarf back down.
Has done this since your parents died. Hid his upset from you and I trying to stay strong. I know signs. Took long time to learn, but I know when Bofur has reached his limits. Never makes a single sound ever. He protects us by hiding his pain. That is just Bofur.
"Brother doesn't have to hide anything from us," Bombur denied, "I don't like to know that there might have been times he was upset and I didn't know."
"Bofur's way," Bifur signed, "I don't like either, but he no change. Bofur will do this until his dying day."
Bofur slept deeply until he was woken to take his medicine and receive the ear drops in his ears. The ill dwarf was despondent and did what was asked of him with little response. He only whimpered when Oin went to lay him down and held his hands out to Bombur to be held.
"Is my brother in pain?" Bombur demanded hurrying over to try and help, "What is wrong that he would allow others to see his discomfort?"
"The fever is lowering, but I think his back is beginning to ache," Oin explained as the ginger-haired dwarf placed his brother comfortably against him to rest.
"Bofur usually hides any pain from Bifur and I and then it has to be really bad for him to admit hurting to Bifur," Bombur insisted looking worried as Bofur curled against him, "This isn't like my brother to reveal that he is uncomfortable or hurting."
"Bofur's emotions are too close to the surface due to fighting the infection and fever so hard," Oin continued, "He's exhausted and in need of comfort."
Bifur nodded and gestured to Oin.
Like that as babe. Very clingy. Not want to stay in crib. Need contact. Think make feel safe. I hold and hold and rock and rock when he was ill. Very tired for me, but Bofur relax. I never mind doing so for my cousin. Why back hurt?
"He's lain down too long and not been able to move around due to vertigo and his ears," Oin answered, "His muscles are too tense from the position he has been forced to lay in. I can't give him anything more for pain since I fear that Bofur will react badly with the medicine he already has in his system."
Bifur cursed softly and together, Bombur and he ease Bofur so he was lying on his side against his brother. Bombur's hand cradled the side of Bofur's head to protect his ear as Bifur massaged his cousin's back.
"Mmm," Bofur hummed closing his eyes as Bifur worked.
Bifur continued working the knots from Bofur's back until his cousin was sleeping deeply again.
"Here," Dwalin insisted as he walked over and placed several furs and blankets from company members on Bofur's pallet, "This will help pad his back better."
"Dori also thought of allowing Bofur to use this as a pillow for right now," Nori suggested as he walked up with his brother's bag of yarn, "This should help Bofur be able to lay on his side to sleep in a different direction and still pad his ear."
Bifur and Bombur worked together to arrange Bofur back on his pallet. He grumbled softly in his sleep before settling as he was laid on his side to ease the strain on his back. The bag of yarn did a good trick of acting like a pillow. Bombur nodded his thanks to the company as his brother slept deeply.
"Sleep," Bifur gestured as Bombur regarded him in surprise, "Rest with your brother. Bofur needs someone close. Feels better then. Safer."
"I'm sorry," Bombur whispered as his cousin looked at him in understanding, "I'm sorry for acting a right git recently."
"Scared," Bifur signed, "Scared for brother. Understand. Me too. Never this bad before. Last bad sick could hold like this."
Bombur grinned as his cousin mimed holding a baby.
"Ma told me that Bofur had been much tinier than me as a babe," Bombur chuckled, "Was Brother really that small to fit in your arms like that?"
"Yes," Bifur grinned out as he gestured, "Bofur was a very tiny babe since born too early, but he a fighter. You armful from beginning. Big, big babe. Both full of smiles. Good boys. Sleep now. Help brother feel safe and warm."
Bombur nodded and curled behind his brother. Bifur sat close and simply watched over his family. He hadn't realized that he was signing prayers until a hand settled on his arm and he looked up at Gloin's face.
"Trust in my brother's skills," Gloin soothed as Bifur sighed, "We all pray the same prayers for your cousin. You haven't slept since Bofur's first collapse. Rest."
"Fine. Not need sleep," Bifur snorted with quick gestures, "Watch my boys."
"You can't continue supporting your boys with no sleep," Oin denied walking over, "Gloin and I will stay right here and watch over your kin. I'll wake you if Bofur so much as hums. Sleep."
Bifur sighed and looked to his cousins. Both were sound asleep. The older dwarf was tired. He'd pushed himself through the tiredness to protect his boys, but Oin was correct. He couldn't continue on zero sleep forever.
"Sleep then," Bifur finally agreed with reluctant gestures, "Promise wake if Bofur needs?"
"We promise," Oin offered, "Get some sleep while Bofur is resting so deeply."
Bifur retrieved his bedding and made a pallet for himself before leaning over and softly checking Bofur's temperature. Still warm, but not nearly as high a temperature as before. Bifur glared up at Oin and Gloin before receiving nods of confirmation that the two would do as they promised. Bifur dropped off immediately tucked against Bofur's side. His dreams were far from pleasant as he witnessed his fears of losing his eldest cousin from this illness.
"Why didn't you help me?" a vision of Bofur demanded as Bifur stared in horror at his cousin's deathly pallor, "Why did you allow this to happen to me?"
"No," Bifur gasped in Khuzdul, "No, no, no."
"Leave my kin alone," Bifur heard as he turned and saw another version of his cousin stalking up angrily, "This is a dream, Bif. Bofur would never blame you for anything. You know that."
Bifur blinked as the other Bofur pushed the image of a dying version of himself far from the shaken dwarf.
"None of this is real," Bofur soothed as Bifur straightened, "What will be, will be, but Bofur blames you for nothing. You care for him as much as he cares for you. Sleep. I will guard your dreams from your fears."
"Bofur?" Bifur questioned as the vision of his cousin grinned.
"I'm not really your cousin," Bofur mentioned, "I am the version of him that you want him to be. Well and whole. Have faith in your cousin and Mahal. What will be is what it will be. Rest."
The older dwarf shuddered and allowed his mind to calm. He slept deeply and then Bifur woke what he knew was hours later with a weight on his chest. Bofur had curled up against him in his sleep just like his cousin had done as a child and now he was trapped with Bofur's head resting on top of him.
"Woke to find you two like this," Bombur grinned out as he leaned over his scowling cousin, "Bo looks peaceful."
Bifur looked at his cousin's face and nodded with a grimace. There was an urgency pulling at him that he hadn't noticed until now.
"What's wrong?" Bombur asked in confusion, "Is Bofur too heavy?"
"No. Need a tree," Bifur gestured one handed, "Stuck."
Bombur chuckled merrily as Bifur growled. He really did need a tree. Now. Right now.
"Sorry we didn't wake you when Bofur shifted," Gloin said leaning over Bifur, "He was still sleeping so my brother and I didn't think that you needed to wake for that. You two just looked so cute together."
Bifur sighed loudly. He needed to get unstuck. Immediately. Really, really soon. Like now. Now, now, now, now. Bombur laughed at the panicked look on his face and kneeled to roll Bofur into his arms ever so gently with practiced ease of being a father. Bifur darted into the woods chased by his cousin's laughter. Damn him!
"Ginger brat," Bifur groused to himself before sighing in relief, "Stick my spear in him and gravy will pour out. So much better. Brat. Better not have woken his brother with his laughter."
Bifur rinse his hands in the creek nearby and trotted back to camp as Gloin and Oin smirked at him. Bifur shot them a dirty look as he pass by. Cretins.
"I woke him by accident," Bombur admitted as Bifur growled low and kneeled to look into Bofur's face.
"How feel?" Bifur signed.
"Tired," Bofur signed back, "What funny? Brother laugh hard. Wake me."
"You me tangled and I needed to make water," Bifur gestured in embarrassment, "Stuck. Ginger brat find funny."
Bofur snorted softly. He looked exhausted. Bifur felt his cousin's forehead to realize that the fever had broken. Bombur did the same and smiled in relief at Bofur.
"Eat?" Bifur questioned as his cousin watched him tiredly.
"Try," Bofur gestured, "Rub back?"
Bombur grinned that his brother was awake and communicating. The heavy dwarf set his brother down on his side and allowed Bifur to move closer to give the requested massage.
"Kili, did I hear that you killed a pheasant on your hunt?" Bombur asked as he trotted over to the surprised youth as the youth sat beside Fili.
"I did," Kili agreed holding up the half-plucked bird that he was working on.
"May I use that to make Bofur some soup?" Bombur requested, "Pheasant is my brother's favorite. He's awake and willing to try and eat for us."
"Of course," Kili agreed handing over the game, "How is he?"
"Weak and tired," Bombur sighed, "Not as despondent as earlier and the fever has broken. Sleep is good for Bofur now. The more he rests the quicker he will get better. His ears…we won't know until tomorrow if he's deaf."
"I'm sorry," Kili offered as Bombur's hands finished plucking the bird.
"My cousin was correct earlier," Bombur stated standing to get a knife to butcher the pheasant, "You and your brother never meant to harm my kin. It was wrong of me to take out my anger and fears on you two. It is I that am sorry. Bo is…he's taken care of me from the minute I could remember. We are very close just like you and Fili. To see him suffering made me want to place blame. I apologize for my behavior."
"We don't mind your behavior," Fili quickly said, "I think any of us in this company would behave the same if our kin was hurting like Bofur. Kee and I have learned a lot from this and will work harder at remembering consequences."
"That would make Bo very happy," Bombur sighed before beginning to heat some water to start the soup.
Thorin patted his nephews' shoulders as he watched Bombur expertly prepare a hearty soup in very little time. He watched as the rotund dwarf hurried over and he and his cousin patiently got as much soup fed into Bofur as the ill dwarf could handle.
"Ate better than I thought he would," Oin voiced walking up to Thorin, "Tonight will be his last set of ear drops now that his fever is gone."
"Then we'll know if he's deaf?" Thorin inquired as the healer nodded, "Mahal be with Bofur and his family."
To be continued…