Disclaimer: I Do Not Own Glee or any of the lyrics.
A/N: I know that Finn is difficult to deal with in this story guys, but bare with me. There is a plan. Thank you all for the reviews and support of this fic, I read each and every one and they mean so much to me. Also, to the reviewer going through a break up, I can't tell you if this chapter will help, but keep your head up. It happens to us all, but you don't need anyone else to make you happy, you have yourself for that. That's kinda sort of what this story is about; finding love but finding yourself first! Okay, enough being a girl and rambling. Special thanks to firewifesara for all of the support behind the scenes, if you haven't checked out her work you should do so! (Shutting up now.)
"Makes me that much stronger, makes me work a little bit harder, makes me that much wiser; thanks for making me a fighter. Made me learn a little bit faster, made my skin a little bit thicker, makes me that much smarter; thanks for making me a fighter."
-from 'Fighter'
Thanksgiving break turned out to be exactly what Rachel needed. She got to go back home, clear her mind, enjoy her family and friends, and prepare herself for what was to come. She found it was much easier to be logical about Finn when there was a good amount of distance between them. Noah had warned her, well threatened her really, that she shouldn't make any sort of contact with Finn while they were out of school. He reasoned that Finn deserved a time out, and that she should take the time for herself, make herself happy without the distraction. By the end, she felt so much better, rejuvenated, and more at ease.
She hadn't really expected to hear from Finn anyway, so she was extremely surprised on Thanksgiving when she received a 'Happy Thanksgiving Rachel' from him. She studiously ignored the message, and received a duplicate message about thirty minutes after she ignored the first one. She was then extremely pleased to hear from Noah that Finn had been asking about her, probably due to her lack of response. It had served as a major ego booster. Eventually, she decided that it would be okay for her to send out a mass message to most of the people in her contacts, and add Finn to that list. He would see that he hadn't been singled out like his message for her, and by responding cheerily he wouldn't assume that she was in a state of depression or anger.
The break also gave her more time to evaluate things once she had cleared her mind, see them for what they really were. She could see where things had gone wrong, and where she once felt like a fool, and a failure, she had come to see that wasn't the case at all. She was letting her heart lead, and while sometimes it can lead you down the roughest of paths, they're usually the most meaningful.
Had things not unfolded the way that they had, she may have never struck on the friendship that she and Noah had grown. She had been more than thankful for him lately than she could say, he really turned out to be such a good friend. True to his word, he stuck by her, supporting her, building her up, all the while giving her tidbits of information to help her to better understand Finn. A part of her knew that she should probably be more angry with Finn than she was, but she just couldn't. Not to say that she wasn't angry, or that he didn't deserve to be yelled at and possibly slapped, but she found herself sympathizing with him too. He really had been dealt such a bad hand in love in the past. Had she been through some of the things that he had, she would probably have up all kinds of defenses as well. She might even be worse.
Noah told her all about Finn's past dealings with love, and the heartbreak they had brought him. Finn himself had told her before about his girlfriends cheating on him, and using him, but he hadn't let on just how much that had affected him, how it had affected his music. Finn had been a part of a glee club in high school, joining it in support of his girlfriend at the time. He had become sort of the spear head of the group, pushing them through the social ranks of school, leading most of the songs, and becoming co-captain of the club. Noah said he became so passionate about it all, he hadn't expected to but he loved to sing. He would serenade the girl frequently, inside the club meetings as well as out. When the girl became pregnant with Finn's child, he even sang to the baby's sonogram on occasion. That is until he found out the baby wasn't his; he had been humiliated.
The second girlfriend, the other cheater, was the icing though. As she was his co-captain of the club, he sang to and with her constantly, and there their romance re-blossomed. She pushed him and pushed him to sing, dubbing him her permanent duet partner and revolving their relationship around the music they shared. It turned out that she didn't care as much about Finn as she did his voice however. As soon as the new transfer guy with a phenomenal voice showed up, taking Finn's solos, she started seeing him behind Finn's back, then eventually just dumped him. He had attempted to swoon the girl and win her back, dedicating songs to her at rehearsals, and even writing a song for her, but it was no use. She didn't care at all, she had only been using him.
After that his musical career was over. He quit the Glee club, and Puck had followed him, being the good friend that he is. They had both mainly focused on football from there on out, and toughening themselves up. There is where the defenses started to grow, and they had been ever since. Rachel didn't know the girls who had wronged him and in turn caused her all of this frustration, but she had a strong desire to hunt them down and chop them in the throat, especially since they were singers. That would show them.
But, there was nothing she could do about Finn's past, all she could do was deal with what she had now. The one truth that she couldn't shake, was that she really liked Finn, and she knew deep down that no matter how hard he tried to hide it, he cared about her too. He had shown it in so many little ways before, that was what had really drawn her into him. But she wouldn't stand to be treated with disrespect, or pushed around because he was afraid. Yes he had been a victim, but he had chosen to turn himself into the villain, and that he would have to be broken from. She hadn't forgotten the way he made her feel when he walked out, the way he had almost victimized her, and she wouldn't. Rather, she would use those emotions as well to push her. Noah hadn't been wrong when he said this was going to be difficult, she could see that now, but she had to believe that it would be worth it in the end. She knew it would.
Rachel walked into The Playground after her classes on the first day back, energized and excited to start practice. It was odd, having been gone from the place for so many days, but she found herself feeling a sense of home immediately. As soon as she walked in, she saw the familiar broad back, clad in a plain white tee shirt. She took a deep breath, and fixed the smile on her face as she took a step forward. It was showtime.
"Hi Finn." She smiled as she approached his table. He turned at the sound of her voice, his eyes shining in that familiar way that she missed so much. Her heart clenched in her chest at the look on his face, he looked excited, like he had missed her; but she soldiered on, fighting against it.
"Rachel, hey. How was your break" he asked, pausing his game and putting down his stick to talk to her.
"It was very pleasant, thank you for asking. I needed the break." Finn nodded, twisting his pool cue between his fingers. His mouth opened to continue when she spotted Will coming out of his office. "Will, its good to see you again" she grinned, walking away from Finn to approach her coach enthusiastically. "How did the break treat you?"
"Rachel, it's good to see you too" he said, clapping a hand on her shoulder. "My break was great, I trust yours was too."
"It was wonderful."
"Glad to hear it. Are you ready to get back in the game" he asked, signaling toward the table. "You guys have been out of it for a while."
"Absolutely! I-" She stopped short when she heard the door open again, turning her head to find Puck walking in the doors. "Noah!" she cried, rushing over to where he stood. She bounced forward, working out an out of sorts, nonsensical handshake with him before leaning in to give him a hug.
"Does your back burn, cause he's staring holes into you" he whispered as they embraced. "He's gonna kick my ass." Rachel fought back a laugh at the information. She didn't really want Finn to be jealous of Puck, or think that she was some sort of floozy who flirted around with all of her guy friends, but it served him right to be a tad bit jealous. She would've gladly bounced forward and hugged him too but no, he was the one who put a strain on their relationship. It would do him some good to miss out on some of the perks.
Blaine, Mike, and Tina filed into the room right behind them and Will immediately called the team meeting to order. She exchanged pleasant greetings with her teammates as they bustled around until they finally surrounded Will. She cushioned herself between Mike and Blaine, giving them warm smiles as they turned their attention to the coach.
"Okay guys, first of all it's good to have you all back. I hope the break was good to you, you ate all you wanted, and were lazy while you could be cause its over now. We really have to crack down from here on out, we only have a week and a half until the Tournament." The group erupted into excited murmurs around him. "I got our information packet this morning, so here are the details. As you know, the tournament is going to be in Tennessee this year, and the whole team has been cleared to go, free of charge, the school will be paying for our lodging and bus. However, only three of you are going to be allowed to play in the actual tournament."
"What?"
"You're joking right?"
The group broke into whispers at the new information. All of this time they had all been expecting to play, practicing countless hours and preparing themselves. It was more than a little disheartening to hear that they couldn't all participate. How would they choose the three anyway?
"Calm down guys, I know it sucks, but those are the rules. My hands are tied. I'm going to monitor you closer from here on out to determine who our three should be, but ultimately I'm going to let you guys put it to a vote. I don't want any of you to feel singled out, or like you aren't good enough. You've all come so far, and I'm proud of each and every one of you, I want you to know that, okay? Alright, let's get started."
The group broke apart, each of them pulling out their pool sticks and heading for tables. As usual, Mike and Tina approached a table together, Blaine walked over to the back corner table alone, Puck walked over to the bay to pull out his stick, and she was left standing alone with Finn. She could see him shifting over in her direction, but before he could speak, she shot him a polite smile and turned away. She couldn't be sure, because she didn't look that hard, but it almost looked like Finn's face fell. She smiled brightly as she headed over to Blaine's table. She had never even really held a conversation with him, and she was ready for that to change. It was about time she saw past Finn, and built relationships with other people as well.
"Want a partner" she asked, earning a surprised smile from Blaine.
"What did I do to deserve the honor" he asked as she searched the wall for a stick to shoot with.
"We've never really played together much, we're teammates and I feel like I don't even know you" she shrugged, picking out her stick and bringing it over to his table.
"Um, Rachel. This is really nice and all, really. And, I don't mean to be a jerk but, you do know that-"
"You're gay, I know" she finished, smiling at his expression. "I have two gay dads, my gaydar is pretty spot on. So no, I'm not hitting on you" she grinned.
"Oh, okay. I was just making sure" he chuckled, racking the balls up. "Not that I'm in the closet or anything, I just wasn't sure if you knew. You're right, we haven't ever really talked before." He cleared his throat and extended a hand to her, introducing himself in an exaggerated fashion. "Pleasure to meet you, I'm Blaine Anderson." She giggled at his dramatics, shaking his hand and offering him a curtsy.
"Rachel Berry" she stated, playing along. "So, Mr. Anderson who isn't in the closet, do you have a boyfriend around here?"
"Single and Fabulous" he stated, with just the slightest tinge of bitterness. "What about you" he asked, shooting subtle exaggerated glances toward Finn then raising a questioning eyebrow at her.
"I'm sorry, what" she asked, peeking around to make sure nobody was paying attention to them. "You think...Finn?"
"Well it's just, he hasn't really taken his eyes off of you since we started that meeting" he explained, removing the rack and walking over to her before he broke. "And being of my sexual orientation, it's kind of my job to be good at reading discreet signals from people." Rachel's cheeks pinked as she took in his words. He could see it too? "So...?" he asked, lowering his voice to a whisper.
"I, um, No. I mean, we're just friends. It's nothing like that" she answered, waving her hand as a signal for him to go ahead and break. He bent over the table and spread the balls, giving her a small smile when he stood back up.
"I get the feeling that there's a lot more to this story" he said. Curse him and his attentiveness. Luckily, he spared her the trouble of having to evade his suspicions. "It's none of my business, I was just making an observation. For what its worth, I think you two would go really well together though." Okay, she was starting to really like Blaine.
He missed his next shot and Rachel walked over, bending over the table to take her own. She lined up her shot on the two ball, using bottom english to draw the ball back and set herself up for a good shot on the seven next. Her tip proved to be too big though, the bottom didn't work as planned and she missed her next shot. "Crap."
"You should look into buying yourself a good pool stick" Blaine offered, stepping up to the table. "You can get whatever size tip you want, and get a custom case and designs on it and stuff. They're cool, and they shoot a whole lot better than these piece of crap sticks on the walls."
"I hadn't really considered it. Are they very expensive?"
"Depends on what you get. I got mine online, and I found some promotional codes to get discounts. I could show you, let you use them and pick yourself out one if you want" he suggested, sinking his next shot and looking up at her with a friendly smile.
"That would be great, I appreciate it" she smiled, looking up in time to see Finn staring at her from across the room. He and Noah had ended up playing together, and from the looks of it they were already nearing the end of their game. She gave him a small smile and nod before she turned back to her game. No extra attention for him? Check.
"Good practice everybody, I'll see you guys tomorrow" Will called before he left, ending the practice for the evening.
She had managed to beat Blaine a few times, and that she was extremely proud of. He was a good sport, and part of her wondered if he had let her win, but for now she would just accept that she had won. They had eventually been instructed to switch partners, and she wound up on the table with Tina. The girl had come a long way since that practice, and she found herself feeling a deep sense of pride for the girl. They didn't really talk all that much, but she found that she got along really well with her. They maintained easy conversation as they played, discussing Mike's families traditions on Thanksgiving, the different types of pool sticks to buy, and the latest episode of Pretty Little Liars. By the end of practice, Rachel really felt like she had just made two good new friends.
When everyone had filed out of the room for the evening, Rachel finally made her way over to Noah and Finn's table. "Well look who finally came over" Finn called to Puck, smirking at her as she approached. He crossed his arms over his chest, staring her down, evidently thinking she was breaking down and coming to him after her day of relative radio silence.
"I didn't want to embarrass you at such an important practice with my mad skills" she retorted with a cocky grin. Make what he wanted of that one.
"Well I shit on his ego anyway when I wiped the floor with him" Noah spoke from his position, lined up on the eight ball. He knocked it in the corner pocket smoothly, standing up and dusting off his shoulders dramatically. Rachel laughed and rolled her eyes at her friend.
"Bullshit dude, we're tied" Finn countered, standing up to rack the balls.
"Tie breaker then" Puck smirked, puffing his chest out. "Don't go anywhere Rach, you're about to witness greatness."
"What if she wants to play" Finn interjected, looking to her as he racked. "Did you wanna play? We could play cutthroat like usual."
Puck discreetly stepped on her foot, a reminder of how to react to his suggestion. "No thanks, I actually have plans so I'm gonna go ahead and get out of here" she answered, hoping that Brittany would be in her room and keep her company tonight. She knew he wouldn't be expecting that answer, there was never a time that Finn suggested doing anything with her that she didn't go along with it. It was time for a change.
"Oh, okay." She bit back a giggle, watching as Puck moved to stand behind Finn. He smiled exaggeratedly and gave her the thumbs up before flipping the switch.
"It's cool. You're too good to hang out with your boys? You can't talk to us anymore? It's whatever" Puck said, sniffing in mock sadness as he leaned on Finn's shoulder. "You desert us over break, and then you don't even want to spend time with us when you get back. I just don't know what to make of her, do you?" Both boys shook their heads dramatically at her as she rolled her eyes at them. "Are we at least gonna play tonight?"
"I don't know if I should. I still think you're a cheater."
"Huh?" Rachel had to actively keep the laugh from bursting out of her lips at Finn's perplexed expression. His brows furrowed, his lips scrunched up, and his eyes darted between the two of them.
"You're not the only one I beat the shit out of on the regular Hud. I've been kicking her ass at Fun Run since last week. You've won, what? Zero times?"
She narrowed her eyes at him as she stalked forward, poking him square in the chest. Fun Run was an app for a game that she had downloaded to her phone recently. She added Puck as a friend and they could race and attack one another throughout the game. It was fun, but infuriating. He always seemed to get more of the special boxes than her, and pull through at the last minute when she managed to get in the lead. "I'm going to win, and when I do, I'm going to broadcast it to the world. Then I'll never play again so you can't redeem yourself." She laughed at Puck's dropped jaw.
"I might be a little intimidated by that if I thought you had a prayer of winning."
"Oh, yeah, I've played that game a couple of times" Finn finally piped in. She bit her lip to keep from giggling at his expression, his measly attempt to join in on she and Puck's bonding.
"Right. Well, I guess I'll see you boys tomorrow." Rachel took a step towards Finn, holding out a fist for him to bump. She then turned to Puck, making up another handshake on the spot and laughing as they fought over who was the better player. When she finally turned to go, she had almost reached the door when she felt a hand on her elbow.
"Hey, wait up a second" Finn said, pulling her over to the side.
"What's up?"
"I should ask you the same thing...what was that" he asked, looking down at her.
"What was what?"
"You act like I hardly exist, but all of a sudden you and Puck are like best friends from Pre-school" he whispered, looking back over his shoulder.
"That's ridiculous Finn, Noah and I have always been friends, you know that. And for the record, I wasn't aware I was acting as if you didn't exist" she lied, blinking innocently.
"You've spoken like two words to me Rachel, that's not like you. Are you mad about...you know..." he trailed off, reaching up to rub the back of his neck.
"About...?"
"You know what about Rachel" he pressed, leaning down to speak a little more privately.
She took a deep breath, and steadied her resolve. "No, I'm not mad. I'll admit, I was thrown for a loop at first, but it is what it is. You made your intentions very clear after, and I'm not one to play games or waste my time" she shrugged, peering up at him. His jaw locked, and he kept his lips in a tight line as he stared down at her. She refused to unlock him from her challenging gaze until he finally broke, turning his head away to the side. "Look, don't worry about it, I'm not" she shrugged. "We're friends, right" she quoted back to him, feeling a deep satisfaction at the way his eyes narrowed as he nodded to her, rubbing his words right back into his face. "Good, well I really should get going" she said, checking the time on her watch for effect. "Goodnight."
Rachel waved goodbye for a final time before she exited the room. She stuck her hands in the pockets of her jacket as she walked, smiling into the crisp air. It had only been her first day back, and she already felt like she had made so much progress, she felt so good about herself. She felt a great deal stronger, smarter, tougher than she once was. She supposed she had Finn to thank for that, he had actually made her tougher, and more open in a lot of respects. He brought out her intense drive to succeed, showed her how outgoing she could be, showcased her fierce competitive nature, and pushed her forward in more ways than she had realized. He was actually a good friend, in his own way. And that was her next objective. He wanted to be her friend, well that's exactly what he would be. She had spent so much time giving him 'the boyfriend' treatment, her crush on him causing her to bend to his every whim. It would be more than beneficial for him to see what it felt like to have that taken away. It's what he asked for, right?
Thanks for reading, I hope you're enjoying! Reviews are love (at least I hope)!