Author's Note: Thank you all for all of your lovely feedback so far. :) It means a lot to me. Please feel free to leave comments on each chapter if you like, I really don't mind if you do! I'd love to hear what you liked the most and what caught your attention. :) I've already written the next 9-10 chapters, and hearing from you all has been my motivation to get them up faster! #bribery ;D Now, back to our regularly scheduled program.
Chapter 6: I Promise I Won't Push My Face Up Against Your Clothes
How are they going to explain this? Jamie asked herself, up front at stage left. They played the first few songs without commenting on it and Jamie started to wonder if they were going to pretend nothing had happened, but fans were shouting questions at her from the crowd: Tegan, what happened to your face! Tegan did Sara hit you? PANDA! YOU LOOK LIKE A PANDA! It seemed only a matter of time before they would address it.
Sara was switching guitars after the third song when someone with a booming voice asked again. "TEGAN WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR FACE?"
Everyone shouted. Jamie did a tight shot of Tegan's face, as Tegan looked down at her with a slight smile.
"You guys want to know what happened to my face?" Cheers. "Well, what do you think happened?" She looked around the crowd as people shouted an assortment of explanations. Sara! A few people shouted.
"Sara? You think my own sister – you think my own twin sister, who shared a womb with me for nine months, made me look like this? Like a raccoon?" Tegan asked the crowd. "Do you guys have raccoons here in the US?" The crowd shrieked incredulously, yes. A few shouted no.
"No, it's not like – you don't look like a raccoon. You look like a raccoon that was hit in the face with, like, a hammer," Sara described helpfully.
"Do you think you want to draw attention to it like that? They all think you did it," Tegan joked, gesturing to the audience. Sara laughed, said something nobody could make out over the cheers from the crowd.
"Jaaaamieeeeee!" someone shouted.
"Did you say Jamie?" Tegan asked, searching the crowd. "You think Jamie fucked up my face like this?" Laughter, cheers, shrieks, as Tegan shielded her eyes from the lights, searched the crowd. "Why would you think Jamie, our lovely videographer, here, up front, the sexy one—"
"Come on," Sara intervened. "She's shy, look at her. She doesn't want you standing on stage and pointing her out as the sexy one," Sara said.
"Why not? Who doesn't want to be called sexy?"
"Yeah, but she's a fan and you're—"
"She's not a fan," Tegan laughed.
"Jamie, are you still a fan?" Sara asked her, looking down at her from stage right. Jamie laughed, nodding, as she trained the camera on Sara, her heart racing. She was laughing, but, inside, there was chaos. The scene from the previous night flashed vividly through her mind, and as they were laughing about it on stage, like they laughed about so many events from their lives, Jamie was recalling their near-hysterical rage, the violence of them striking out at each other, Tegan's hands on Sara's neck, as well as the gentleness Sara had shown Tegan as she tenderly wiped away the blood and the tears she had caused. Now, they're joking about it, and the fans think it's all a joke and that Tegan's two black eyes came from an accident with a bathroom door or something. All of the previous jokes she'd heard them tell on stage flooded back to her with entirely new layers of meaning that made her heart hurt.
"She's not a—she's gone beyond fandom now. She's our - God, poor Jamie," Tegan rambled, interrupting herself. "She goes through so much bullshit because of us—"
"Yeah," Sara started.
"I mean, yesterday, I bled all over her. So disgusting –" The cheers all around Jamie suggested to her that many of the people in the crowd would have happily volunteered to be bled on by Tegan. "Disgusting," Tegan went on. "Such a mess. Anyway, God, we're the worst bosses ever."
"We really are. It's true. And not only that, after you'd bled all over her, I got into bed with her."
The shouts and whoops were deafening. Jamie could hardly hold the camera still with the laughter and the jostling around her.
"You did?" Tegan asked, turning to Sara.
"Yeah, well you were breathing like - you were like, snoring, like, you sounded like a drowning rhinoceros," Sara explained to everyone's mirth. Jamie caught a shot of Johnny doubled over at his drum kit. Ted grinned, shaking his head, vigorously chewing his gum. Shaun smirked behind Tegan. "Okay, we were staying at a hotel and when we stay at hotels, we share rooms. We're not like, Oasis or something. .. up there trashing the penthouse suite. And there are only three of us girls on the road so we share a room. So get your minds out of the gutter."
"Oh, there's an excuse to get into bed with another girl, come on. I was snoring."
"It's true. It was like. . . the way you were breathing sounded like you were suffocating. Like what you did to me with the jacket," Sara said, and Tegan shook her head. "But there's no evidence of that so you're getting all the sympathy."
"I can just picture it, like, Sara's all like 'ooooh, Jamie, can I sleep with you? Tegan's snoring. . .'" Everyone laughed at the high-pitched voice Tegan used to imitate Sara. Jamie laughed too, recalling what had actually happened. She'd been asleep for a couple of hours when Sara prodded her shoulder. Slide over, Jamie, she'd casually said. Jamie slid over.Tegan is like. . . gurgling or something. Sara got under the covers and was asleep in moments. Jamie peeked over Sara's shoulder at Tegan, who was splayed out, on her back, her arms tangled above her head in her messy hair. She had slid down the bed far enough that her head was not even resting on a pillow. Her mouth was open, and indeed, she was kind of gurgling. Even in that dim light, Jamie could see the bruising starting to darken the bridge of Tegan's nose. She lay there, next to Sara, listening to Tegan's laboured breathing for a good while before she slept.
"No, I was just like, 'shove over, Jamie,'" Sara said. The audience hooted, predictably. Tegan grinned, shaking her head.
"So inappropriate."
"Totally."
"We are the worst bosses. Jamie, do you hate us? Are you still a fan?" Tegan asked, looking down at Jamie at her feet. I'm still a fan, Jamie mouthed at her, nodding with mock reluctance.
"God. What next, Tegan? What other like - what other bodily fluids are you going to spill on her next?" Crazy hooting from the crowd. Tegan laughed, her head thrown back, and Jamie's stomach dropped a few inches.
"Too far, too far. Okay, this next one's for Jamie."
. . . . . . .
Jamie, out behind the venue, stared at the screen of her cellphone and sighed. Crew members carried gear in and out of the venue as Sara and Tegan talked with a few fans, took some pictures. Jamie had been ignoring her phone. Her voicemail inbox had been full for weeks. It was difficult enough handling Tegan and Sara themselves, let alone her family and friends' questions about it all.
Kim her screen read, and she answered it heavily.
"Hello," she said.
"What the fucking fuck is going on!"
"Hi Kim," Jamie said, already tired.
"Seriously, is shit going down over there? There's a lot of gossip going around and you need to confirm some shit."
"Gossip about what?" Jamie asked. Did they know about the black eyes already?
"Well, Shelly told me about Tegan's black eyes—"
"Wow, you already heard about that?"
"Shelly and Josh are at the show. Didn't you see them?"
"No," Jamie said, keeping one eye on Tegan and Sara as they chatted with fans, took photos. Tegan's face really did look shocking.
"Well she just called and told me, but it's not just that. Like, what's with all the anger? Sara's like. . . she needs anger management classes or something," Kim said. Jamie sighed, slightly.
"Well, sisters fight," she said lamely. There was a momentary pause on the other end.
"Dude, we've seen tons of shows together. Have you ever seen anything as bad as the last few weeks?"
No, Jamie thought. I've never seen ANYTHING like I've seen in the last few weeks. I've hardly even IMAGINED it. And I half-expect to wake up at any moment at the bus station with an over-full bladder, a stiff neck, and all of my stuff stolen.
"I don't know. They had a rough patch but. . . I don't know, things are getting better."
"Tegan's face? What happened there?" Kim asked, pressing. Jamie could feel Kim's tone.
"It was just an accident with a door," Jamie said, feeling a little flustered. She was not a good liar but the truth wasn't an option.
"A door," Kim said, not a question. There was a disbelieving kind of silence.
"What's with Sara saying 'I hate you' on stage like every second day? And the other show where she said 'I'm ashamed to be your sister' and it was totally not a joke." Jamie winced. She'd almost forgotten that comment amid the chaos of everything else that had gone on. At the moment, though, it was like a punch to the gut and Jamie held her breath to see if Tegan would respond in kind, would respond at all, would shake it off and go on. She looked slapped, confused, said something back which didn't make much sense, and went on.
"Ah, yeah, well you know, I don't sit there and listen to every conversation that they have. . . I don't know everything that goes on, you know."
"You know more than you're saying, though."
"I really don't," Jamie said wearily, getting even more tired.
"You were always fine with the gossip before and now you're all like—"
"Well, I'm working for them now," Jamie said. "Some things aren't appropriate..."
Click.