The medical bay was far too quiet without Dr. Chakwas muttering over her notes, or reading, or even just quietly drinking her tea. Shepard remembered the tea – there was a certain way she drank that seemed to invite you to join her, to relax and lay down your burdens for a while. Instead, the room was silent save for the hissing of the ventilator, the steady chirping of the monitors. Ashley lay on the exam table under a sheet; Shepard took her hand, pressed her fingers into Ash's thumb to feel her weak pulse.
"Just hold on, Ash - we're almost there."
The door hissed open, closed - Shepard lifted her head, evaluating Liara. She looked good, just like Ashley had before Mars. She looked nothing like the scared scientist stuck in the ancient machine; her armor fit her like a second skin and showed the signs of hard wear. The plates creaked quietly with her every step, and her perfect skin was still smudged with carbon streaks and dirt; she stood quietly near the door, watching Shepard. Something she saw made her stay back, leaning against the bulkhead.
"EDI says she's going as fast as she can, without compromising stealth. The Arcturus relay … Shepard, everything there was destroyed. I'm sorry."
Silence.
"Do you … want to be alone?"
She sighed, released Ashley's hand, scrubbed her hands over her face and through her hair. It was short again; too short to hide behind. Liara watched Shepard's eyes close, and finally let the concern show on her face.
Shepard looked tired, worn out; her confinement may not have taken a physical toll – she looked as fit and ready as ever – but it was obvious that she wasn't holding up very well. A glance took in the unconscious form of Ashley.
"Please, my old friend- talk to me. Tell me how you're doing."
Shepard laughed; it sounded brittle, hollow. She finally opened her eyes, looking over with a dark look. "Okay, Liara – let's talk." She leaned forward, propped herself up on one arm. "The Reapers have hit earth, and they destroy everything they touch. Anderson is back there and may already be dead. Cerberus is moving – hell, for all I know they're already indoctrinated. If Ashley didn't trust me before, she certainly won't after this." she winced "Assuming she even survives. Between being dead and being locked up, I've spent 26 months out of the past 36 doing exactly NOTHING to stop the Reapers. Nothing!"
She leaned back into her chair, watching Liara for a reaction. "So here I am – the disgraced Commander, reinstated, going to beg the useless Citadel Council for every man, ship, and scrap they can spare – to build a half-mythical Prothean weapon that may or may not ever work. So tell me, Dr. T'Soni – how do you think I'm doing?"
Her wide eyes showed sympathy as she spoke. "I think that you are exhausted and overworked. I think you have been given an immense responsibility, something that only you could accomplish. I also think that you are worried about your friends, worried about your home." She sighed, cocking a hip out and adopting a friendly lecturing tone. "In short, Commander Shepard, I think that you are going to be facing the council in less than three hours, and you need all the rest you can get. Goddess knows how they try your patience even at the best of times!" She was smiling, very slightly – getting nothing from Shepard but stony silence. Her smile dropped, eyes narrowing. "You can't help Ashley right now, and sitting up with her and worrying is only going to exhaust you."
Shepard leapt up, practically snarling at Liara. "What the hell do you want me to do, Liara? I'm trapped here, trapped on this ship and this mission. God, it's the same mission I've been on for three years!" the fury seemed to leave Shepard as suddenly as it had come; she hung her head over Ashley's still form. "No one ever listens. Nothing I do matters; I killed Sovereign, destroyed the Collectors, stopped the invasion 6 months ago – and for what?" She looked up at Liara from under her hair. "What am I even doing out here? I'm a soldier, dammit, and I don't even know what I'm fighting for." there was no more passion behind her voice – Liara started away from the wall.
"You're fighting for us, of course – your friends and crew." No reaction. "... and you're fighting for Tali."
Shepard looked up slowly, giving Liara time to watch the emotions flickering across her face in this rare moment of vulnerability. "Liara … is she … okay?"
Liara took a slow breath. "Yes. She was doing well the last time we spoke – a month ago, right after I left Hagalaaz for the Mars Archives."
Shepard let out a slow sigh. "Good. I … missed her. Missed everyone, but …" She cleared her throat, looked down at Ashley's ventilator. "There wasn't a way to get a message out to anyone. Everything I sent would have been watched, sorted, filtered … probably not delivered."
"I understand." Liara cocked her head to the side. "She misses you too, you know – she hasn't forgotten you."
Shepard's face was haunted as she searched Liara's. "How can she? She has to know by now who I am, what I've done."
"She does, but she's a grown up woman and she understands. She had months serving with you to grasp the nuance of the real world, outside the black and white confines of the Migrant Fleet. I won't speak for her, but I think she understands your decision fully, and perhaps a little more about you than she did before."
A searching look. "Truly?"
"Truly. Now come on, Commander – you need to rest. Citadel in 2 hours, 40 minutes."
Shepard smiled, very gently. "Well, you're the doctor." She allowed herself to be led out of the medbay; when the two of them reached her cabin, Shepard hesitated a moment before palming open the door. The air inside was crisp, slightly warm – and still smelled of desert spices. She closed her eyes, and took a slow breath. It was 28 December 2185
/ - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / -
"Hey, wait up!" Vega spun away from the window where he'd been watching, falling into step with Shepard. She was fuming; in all the months he'd been with her, he'd never seen her this angry. "Uh, Commander? Was there any particular reason you punched that reporter?"
They stepped into the elevator – Vega winced at how hard she jabbed the keypad for the destination. She rubbed her knuckles and grinned over at him.
"Two reasons. One, she's a bitch and nothing she has to say can possibly help me - and two, it's almost a tradition with us. I wouldn't want to disappoint her."
Vega looked askance. "Uh, wow – okay. I'm glad I quit asking you questions back on the Normandy."
"Good call. So, you still want to go back to Earth?"
"If I say yes, will you punch me too?"
The doors opened onto the D-section docks. Turian and Human ships were berthed here – some of them already limping. A cruiser missing half the armor over its starboard gun shuddered into a berth next to the Normandy. Vega watched the Turian troops debarking with professional dispassion, then sighed. "Truthfully, no. I've seen what it's like here at the Citadel. Earth is already gone – but out here, there's a chance. This is where you need to be to work your magic, Commander, and I knew from the day Anderson gave me the job guarding you that I was going to be with you."
Shepard looked at him carefully. "If you really mean that, we'll get along just fine as long as you remember one thing. You started this fight a day ago; I started this fight three years ago, and it's already cost me my life once. Jump when I say hop, don't ever question my orders, and if you have something to say to me you say it in private. I'm not out to bust your balls, James – but I'm going to win this war, whatever it takes. Are we clear?"
"Yes ma'am!" he saluted, a nervous look in his eye.
"Very good Lieutenant." she returned his salute with a sudden grin. "Now I don't have to sucker-punch you."
/ - / - / - / -
"There's nothing wrong with me, is there?"
Chakwas was already running the scanner on her Omni-Tool. "No, but we should keep an eye on all those cybernetic implants Cerberus grafted into you."
"Expensive stuff, bringing me back."
"And worth every penny! Let's just make sure everything is okay."
"Only for you, Doc. But no scalpel this time."
"Alas, to my great disappointment, it is nothing invasive. I'm just going to run some tests … "The omni-tool glowed around her hand as she waved it over Shepard's body. "There. You're the picture of health. The surgery we did on your implants back in the spring seems to be taking; you've developed a lovely protein sheath around most of them."
Shepard watched her work, equally fascinated and repulsed. "I'll be honest, doc – I'm always a little nervous to really ask how much of me is me, and how much is machine."
Chakwas quirked an eyebrow. "Really. Well, you've had extensive reconstruction. Your tissues are all mostly organic, but you've got some augmentation there – synthetic dermal layers, for instance. Your skeletal structure is mostly high-strength nanomaterial alloys."
"Ha! I thought headbutting Krogan was getting too easy!"
"Yes – their plates will break before yours do. As for the rest of you – the skin and hair is all yours, and lovely if I may say so, though your eyes and other sensitive organs have either been regrown or replaced entirely. Your eyes are off-the-shelf cybernetics with some interesting shielding around them, your eardrums have been replaced, and your liver and kidneys are protein sheathes around high-efficiency blood filters and scrubbers."
"And … my brain? Heart?"
"Cerberus wanted you exactly the way you were – and they succeeded, I must say! There's nothing in your brain, except for the interface to your eyes – nothing to worry about there. Your heart is grown-tissue, for the most part – though it does have synthetic reinforcement to prevent stress tearing; your lungs are artificial respirators. You've also got some cybernetic augmentation along your major nerve clusters and of course the access points for medical care." Chakwas shrugged elaborately as the scanner turned off.
"All in all, you're still you – and still very much human, but the overall package is the most complete cybernetic enhancement I've ever seen. Augmentation like this wouldn't be possible on a live subject."
"Well … thanks for the checkup, doc. I'd better get back to it."
/ - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / -
Palaven hung high in the sky over Menae; it would have been pretty except for the lights of the burning cities, the flicker of the Reapers cannons, the blooms of light when an accelerator battery returned fire. The whole system was a warzone. Garrus and Shepard stood shoulder-to-shoulder as they watched a huge Reaper touch down over one of the bunkers.
"Look at that – and they want my opinion on how to stop it? Failed C-SEC officer, Vigilante, and I'm their expert advisor?" his frustration bled away into a kind of resignation. "Think you can win this thing, Shepard?"
"Ha!" She turned to look him over. Same scars, same visor, but the bitterness – that was new. "I don't know, old friend, but I'm damn sure going to give it my best shot."
"Well, I'm damn sure nobody else could do it. For whatever its worth, I'm with you – just like old times, huh?"
It was a moment of normalcy – Vakarian and Shepard, saving the galaxy. She took his hand firmly; his grip was strong, just like it always was. "Welcome Aboard, Vakarian. You know where to stow your gear."
He nodded, smiling. "It'll be good to be back where I belong." He looked over at Gen … PRIMARCH Victus, watching him say goodbye to his troops, his men; Shepard followed his gaze. "We take him away from here, and there's a good chance we lose this moon."
A silence. "I know, Garrus. But if we don't have him up there, there's a good chance we lose everything." They watched the scene play out in silence for a moment before she continued. "It was like this on Earth, too – but a lot worse. What do you count, 40? 50 big Reapers, maybe another few dozen of the smaller ones? When I evacuated, there were dozens and dozens of the big ones, hundreds of the smaller ones. They hit Earth like they meant it, and the only spot of hope I have left is that they're so focused on wiping out the Humans that we might be able to rally the rest of the galaxy to make a stand."
He nodded – just once. "Yeah. We'll keep fighting here, do what we can to hold them off or at least slow them down."
She turned at the sound of crunching gravel. "Ready to go, Primarch Victus?"
"One thing, Commander …"
/ - / - / - / -
She sat at her desk, pinching her nose in her hands. EDI's shiny new body had been surprising, infuriating, and hilarious. Just what her day needed, an unshackled AI with a Cerberus assassin's body. Wonderful. It was 30 December 2185.
The chime at the terminal caught her attention, and she spun her chair back toward the console.
"Mordin! Good to see you. How are things on Sur'Kesh?"
"Shepard! Heard you had been released, glad to see you in one piece. Sur'Kesh is frantic. Despite warnings, government entirely unprepared for Reaper invasion – fortunately, military at least a little ready. Managed to get 4 dreadnoughts upgraded before invasion hit – doubt we'll have time to finish number 5." He looked her over with a practiced glare, blinking. "But didn't call to chat. Got your message – interesting problem."
She nodded with a grimace. "Yeah, that's one way of putting it."
"Understand frustration – heard about Earth, too. Apologies."
"No, it's alright – we need to focus on getting this done. Any ideas?"
"Agreed, and yes. Recall that I kept Maelon's data? Well, found Krogan female naturally immune to Genophage. In Salarian custody right now, but have … leaked … to Urdnot Wrex. Imagine he'll demand release soon – with you to mediate, could broker 'spontaneous' goodwill effort to provide cure." He lifted a datapad into view. "Have been working on that, but need much more data to proceed."
She grinned. "Mordin, you've just made my day. I'm en-route to a summit, bringing the new Turian Primarch to meet the Dalatrass and, probably, Wrex. Make sure he knows about the female before we meet – he can put extra pressure on the Dalatrass."
"Of course, Shepard. Now – listen to medical advice?"
Her eyes narrowed. "Perhaps."
"Good. Get some sleep – look like you've been fighting non-stop, need to look diplomatic for talks."
She leaned back in her chair, scrubbing a hand over her face. "Yeah, thanks Mordin – you're the 8th person to tell me that today."
"Good! Then rest now. Will handle everything while you sleep."
/ - / - / - / -
Tali was cool against her skin, slick with the faintly floral smell of the Mordin's gel. The pressure was building; Shepard threw her head back and groaned, long and low with pleasure. She opened her eyes, rocking on Tali's deft fingers, biting her lip, building again …
Tali leaned in and kissed her, whispering softly against her lips. "Butcher." she smiled. "Murderer"
Shepard woke with a start, body trembling and head aching. Tali again. Between this dream and the Reapers, she hadn't had a peaceful night's sleep in two months, maybe three. She pulled the covers aside and hugged her legs to her chest, breathing slowly and trying to remember her lovers real smile.
/ - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / -
The Citadel was as unperturbed as it had been last time. The new Primarch was meeting with his Councilor, the Normandy was taking on supplies, and the crew had 26 hours of leave. Shepard stopped in at the gift shop in Huerta Memorial before flashing her ID badge at the security checkpoint and moving toward Ashley's room. The door hissed open, just in time to catch the tail end of Udina's lecture.
Ash looked terrible – but alive. She was off the machines, breathing and talking – and typing, judging from the message she'd received – all on her own. She found herself making small talk automatically, until Ash shifted uncomfortably.
"The nurse said you checked in on me earlier – still out cold, I guess.
"We … didn't really have time to talk last time. I thought, maybe if you were up for it ..."
"Yeah!" she elbowed her way up to a sitting position. "I wasn't sure you wanted to. You were pretty clear, on Mars, about where things stood."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, you're not a part of Cerberus anymore – case closed, full stop."
Shepard goggled. "It's the truth!"
"Okay, you cut all ties. I accept that." Ashley searched Shepard's face. "It's just that … if you're giving the orders, I need to be able to count on you."
Shepard sat back in her chair, sighing. "Ashley, I'd love to be able to reassure you – but I can't. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that you can't count on anyone. It always – ALWAYS – comes down to what you think is right, and to hell with everyone else."
"I … I think I get that." she hung her head, fidgeting with her sheets. "I guess … that's what you were doing with Cerberus in the first place."
"Yeah. I'm not gonna lie, Ash, you really threw me for a loop on Horizon. I thought I'd be able to count on you, like old times – and you blew me off."
"Shepard ..." she held up a hand, cutting Ashley off. "No, Ash, it's okay – see, I was angry but you had to do what you thought was right – just like I did." She watched Ash's face, nodding once at what she saw. "It's the first rule of being a Spectre – and I think you'll do just fine."
Ash's smile was weak. "Yeah? Thanks, skipper – that means a lot."
"Oh! Here, I picked this up for you." Shepard handed over her purchase; a decorative datapad loaded with the works of various poets. "I figured you had some down time." Their fingers brushed; Shepard twitched away, turning to look out the window. Ashley laid aside the book, took Shepard's hand.
"Hey. It means a lot, you coming to see me. Especially given our history, I figured you'd be the last person to darken my door - but here you are."
She quirked a smile. "Yeah, well … I missed you – really could have used you last year, but more than that it would have been nice to be with a friend again." A startled sound made her look down – she'd been brushing her thumb over Ash's knuckles. A deep blush filled her cheeks as she carefully disengaged her hand. She was opening her mouth to apologize … "Hey. Don't worry about it!"
"Sorry, I was … ah, worry about what?"
"Shepard." the name was flat – Ashley's face had fallen to an almost teasing glare. "Look, we never really got to deal with this – Saren, Citadel, then … well, we were always too busy. But I've had three years to think about what to say to you, and while you're here I'm going to guilt you into listening."
Shepard looked anguished, leaning back into her chair with her arms across her chest. "Okay ..."
She cleared her throat, weakly, before continuing. "You came on to me, I turned you down. End of story. You're still my CO, I'm still serving with you. I hope we can still be friends, but if we are then we've got to be cool. No weirdness, okay?"
Shepard looked startled, then laughed – finally relaxing. "You really had me going there, Ash. And yeah – I really need a friend. Forgive me?"
"Nothing to forgive." it was the strongest statement she'd made all day.
They sat a while – Ashley's family, Shepard's misadventures, war progress. When the nurses came in with the tray of pills, Shepard stood to go. "Hey, I'd better go – see you around, yeah?"
"I'd like that." Ashley grinned, looking almost back to normal. "And next time, you can tell me about Tali."
/ - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / -
The huge bulk of Wrex almost blocked the view of the stars outside. They had stormed out of the conference room with Victus after the disastrous meeting with the Dalatrass, and had taken refuge in the port-side lounge. Victus had gone back to his quarters, leaving the two of them alone. Leaning casually over the railing, they looked like two old friends catching up.
"Shepard." one gleaming eye rolled over her. "You look like hell."
"Thanks, Wrex, that means a lot coming from you. Surprised you didn't take the time to get even uglier, just for this occasion."
"Oh, I was going to! Figured I'd let one of the little maws outside our compound really tear into me but … oh, that's right, you and Grunt killed the last one for miles."
"Heh. Missed you too."
"I didn't think they'd ever let you out. Grunt filled me in on the details about the Relay; hard choice. But you did what you had to do, like always."
A slow sigh. "Yeah. Like I always do."
He watched her for a moment. "I wanted to say thanks for introducing me to your Salarian friend. With his help, we've managed to put enough pressure on the Salarians to get this far, and it looks like you're going to take us the rest of the way. Now that we're this close, I feel confident enough to admit that for a time I didn't think it was going to work."
"Hell, Wrex, neither did I."
/ - / - / - / -
A long – strained – sigh as she stood in the medbay, watching Mordin work. He'd certainly wasted no time, and after Shepard had finished her extremely disconcerting conversation with Eve, had begun working immediately. She leaned her head back against the bulkhead and closed her eyes – the very quiet strains of Gilbert and Sullivan floated around her. It was the middle of the second watch, 3 January 2186.
"Shepard. Never shown this much interest in work. Would wait for you to tell me why you're here, but am going to need equipment next to you soon."
She laughed then, quietly. "Of course, I couldn't just be here to catch up with an old friend."
"Sentimental. Good thing previous experience with you taught me to talk and work at same time."
"A very useful skill, when dealing with humans. I wanted to congratulate you – your performance at the STG base was inspired."
"Yes – was still under surveillance. If we win, want to be able to retire with honor – couldn't admit that previous 7 months was elaborate charade. Worse to admit it was done for benefit of Krogan."
"I understand, believe me."
They talked for a bit – about retirement plans, of all things! – before he shooed her away.
"Need to focus, Commander – but thank you. Haven't had friendly conversation like this in weeks."
"I bet. Thanks – I'll get out of your way."
"Yes. And Shepard?" he made sure she had turned back to look before resuming his work. "Have developed new variation on my cross-species gel – will make sure some gets up to your quarters." She could swear she saw him smile as she flushed bright red.
/ - / - / - / -
The heat of the main battery room was oppressive – Garrus had stripped off his armor and was half-buried in the back of the main stator when Shepard entered.
"Whoever that is, hand me that spanner!"
She dropped it into his outstretched hand, grinning – and when he came up for air, blinking in surprise, she outright laughed.
"You should see your face, Garrus."
"Shepard – didn't expect you to be down here right now. Figured you'd still be refereeing the showdown upstairs."
"Well, I would be – except that Mordin made it very clear that he's got too much work to do on this cure. He's saying at least a week – maybe longer – before we'll have something."
His face hardened. "A week before Palaven gets Krogan reinforcements?"
She held up her hands. "I know – I know, believe me. But Wrex is adamant, and I have to say that I don't blame him. Mordin may be one of the only Salarians both capable of and willing to cure this thing – which means nobody can leave the ship. Right now, the Normandy is the safest place in the Galaxy."
"Right. Well, if we've got a week to kill, what do you recommend?"
"Work – hard, brutal, on-the-ground work. I'm sure you know that Cerberus is moving?"
"Ah, our old friends – how nice of them to show up to this party, on the wrong side as usual."
She grinned, shrugged a shoulder. "Well, I admit that I'm itching for a fight. So we're going to cruise around and mess things up for them while Mordin does his thing. I don't know what kind of resistance we're going to find, so I need to make sure that you're not in here 'Calibrating' …" big air quotes, to match the smile on her face "… when we need to put down some fire."
He looked hurt. "Shepard, please! It's not my fault Joker slings this tub around like that – knocks everything out of alignment."
"Uh huh. I also need you for something else. With Ashley on medical, I need an XO."
The grin dropped into a sickened look. "Oh no … no no no. Having an Anti-Reaper task force was enough, I'm not suited to command."
Her smile was downright predatory. "Sure you are, Garrus! I trained you, didn't I? Just keep thinking about what I'd do, and you'll be just fine."
"You're making a big mistake, I'm the LAST person who should be in charge when you're not around!"
"Vakarian!" she suppressed a laugh at the way he snapped to attention. "It's final – you're my XO, and no more whining. I need someone the Primarch will take seriously in a position of responsibility here, to lessen the human-first aura that people think I have."
A deep – heavy – sigh escaped him, his mandibles twitching. "Fine, Shepard – have it your way. But don't blame me when it all goes to hell."
"Alright, I won't. But as of right now, it's officially your job to make sure it doesn't."
"You're a cold, cruel woman Shepard – that's what I've always liked about you."
She spun, leaned up against the tool bench on the portside bulkhead. "Yeah, I was born frozen. So … how did you end up on Menae?"
/ - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / -
"Good morning, Specialist." She nodded to Traynor, ascending the short steps up to her post. Pushing up from the railing, she leaned into her arms – surveying her ship. The Turian design had never quite felt right – she always felt like she should be up in the bridge with Joker – but standing over the galaxy map was a tremendous feeling of freedom. She closed her eyes; took one slow, careful breath – holding the moment in her mind.
"Commander, I've found something suspicious. Do you have a minute to take a look?"
Moment over.
/ - / - / - / -
Joker's diversion had been … perfect. The rest of the plan, less so. She gingerly fingered the cut on her cheek as she rode back to the Normandy with a shuttle-full of Grissom Academy students. It was 5 January 2186.
Sanders was looking over the kids, unsmiling. "I'd hoped to use them in support roles, but … maybe they're ready."
Shepard nodded, favoring Jack with a tight smile. "Damn right they are. These kids might not be ready for the big leagues, but if Professor Jack here doesn't mind, I've got a series of warm-up exercises for them."
"Name the place, Shepard – we're ready." Jack had a feral smile.
She tipped her head to the side, led Jack up into the cockpit. Immediately, the students turned to hammer Vega and Liara with questions.
"So Jack – regretting your decision yet?"
A loud snort. "Hell no, Shepard! I may not have thought it was the best idea at first, but these kids … they're like family to me. I actually care about them. Me! Caring about people! Crazy, I know."
Shepard frowned. "Jack, you know what's ahead for these kids – they've got to be weapons, just like you. The Reapers are wiping the floor with us, even in what passes for conventional ground-battles. We need every edge we can get, and your biotic artillery squad here might be it. I hope you're not going to let your feelings get in the way of that."
Jack leaned up against the shuttle hull, watching Shepard with narrow eyes. "Hey, I may be a teacher by title, but I'm still a damn soldier. You showed me that I'm a weapon, and a damn good one – and I'm showing those kids. I'm not going to throw them away, but I'm not going to wrap 'em in gauze either."
"Good. Then how about some nice soft targets for warmup?"
"What did you have in mind?"
She grinned. "How would you like to get more payback against Cerberus?"
/ - / - / - / -
They were standing around the large display in the War Room – Traynor sat at the controls, highlighting each target as Shepard spoke.
"Okay. Thanks to EDI and Traynor here, we've taken the intel Admiral Hackett gave us about the reports of Cerberus activity and isolated some likely targets. Jack here has generously agreed to loan us some biotic artillery, so we're going to hit them hard and fast, right where they live. So far, we've found a communications hijacking station, a couple of fighter wing bases, and what looks like a research lab."
Victus looked pissed. "You're going to be fighting your own civil war while Palaven burns?"
She turned to Garrus, who sighed. "Primarch, please. Commander Shepard is doing the most good she can with her very limited time. Professor Solus is working night and day on adapting Eve's mutation to the rest of the Krogan, but it's not an instantaneous process. We need him to finish that before we can do anything else – but in the meantime we can be doing some good out there."
Victus grunted, but leaned back in silence.
"Thank you, XO." Shepard nodded. "Now, if we start by hitting this fighter base here, it'll take cover off of this research outpost …"
/ - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / -
Mordin had found her at the aft mess table shortly after ships "dawn" that morning, pouring over decrypt reports from the Cerberus comm facility dump. He'd let her know that he was almost ready, that he needed a stop at the Citadel for some specialized equipment. She'd promised to dock as soon as she'd checked out on last lead they found in the Cerberus computers. As she stood side-by-side with an actual Prothean soldier, looking out over the half-buried ruins that marked the lost Prothean city, the conversation seemed distant, already hazy.
"We call this world 'Eden Prime', after a legend in our mythology. A paradise, untouched by troubles."
His voice was smooth, deep. "And how has your legend fared against the Reapers and their pawns, Human?"
She said nothing; the shifting wind brought the smoke from the burning buildings drifting out over the picture-perfect valley. It was early afternoon, 17 January 2186.
/ - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / -
She stood at the airlock, frowning at her crew. "Okay, boys and girls, shore leave. One – count them …" she held up a single finger "… ONE night. My omni says it's 14:10 GST. This ship is leaving the Citadel in exactly fifteen hours and twenty minutes. If you're not at launch quarters by then, you'll very quickly find yourselves in the C-SEC brig until we swing through again."
Even 15 hours off ship was a treat for them, and she knew it. With a smile, she stepped aside. "Okay. Crew, ten-shun!" two dozen boots clicked together. "Dismissed!" She leaned against the repel-boarders locker as they streamed past; when the last of them had gone, she nodded to Joker and EDI then followed them out.
/ - / - / - / -
She grinned at Ashley's face. "Yes, you can accept it – and you're going to. Call it a 'congratulations on being a Spectre' present."
Ashley was up and about – moving a little gingerly, but moving. In true Williams style, she was already back in uniform. In her hands was a torn and faded – but still readable – printed book; 'Notable Human Poets – Volume 3'.
"Shepard – thank you. This means a lot to me."
She grinned, shrugged a shoulder. "Least I could do."
They talked for a little while, but when Shepard moved to leave Ash interrupted with a smile. "Hey, you're not going anywhere – I've caught you up on my family, now you're going to do the same." At her confused look, Ashley laughed. "Tali! Tell me about Tali!"
She was treated to the sight of her old friend blushing. "Ash … how did you even find out?"
"Oh, I have my ways. Now spill! I mean, after Virmire I knew which way your wind blew, but a Quarian? Wild!" she was laughing, leaning back against her glass window.
Shepard shook her head, smiling. "Okay, I'll tell you – but this absolutely does not leave this room."
Ashley mimed zipping her lips shut as Shepard sat on her bed. "Well, it kinda started on the Citadel, right after Saren …"
/ - / - / - / -
She left, two hours later, having given the breathlessly excited Ashley an embarrassingly complete accounting of her relationship. It had been … good. Friendly, no awkwardness – though she flush all over at the level of detail Ashley required. It was nice to get the old Shepard / Williams groove back.
She made her way through the hospital, noticing the overflowing wards. Turians and Humans, mostly – but here and there a Drell, Salarian, Asari. It was a lot worse than the last time she had been here.
In the front patient lobby, she stopped – surveying the room, looking for a friend. Next to a large picture window, and inexplicably alone, she found him. Wordlessly, she settled into the seat next to him.
"Hello, Shepard." Thane's voice rasped out, a little weaker than she remembered. They spoke as friends, catching up – it was early evening, 18 January 2186.
/ - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / -
Wrex looked pained as he turned around. "Shepard, thanks. I just got word from my people – some of our scouts have gone missing, around the Rachni relay."
She bit off the joke she was going to make, and frowned. "Rachni? Can't be. I watched the queen die."
"Yeah, thought that might get your attention. Anyway, against my better judgement I'm asking you to take us to investigate. I'll have Arlekh company meet us there – my best men."
"Are you sure? Mordin says he's in final testing on the cure. Thought you'd be more concerned about that."
Wrex speared her with a glare. "I'm worried about my people, Shepard, but I'm not stupid. If it's the rachni again, we can't afford a two front war. We need to clean them out, fast and hard."
She held up a hand, sighing. "Okay. Get your men in position, we'll divert for the relay immediately." She had barely turned away before she was calling out to EDI.
/ - / - / - / -
"Raaaagh!"
"Hooargh!"
Shepard and Grunt charged each other from two meters, meeting in the middle with a heavy crash, their heads knocking together. She grinned, carelessly wiping away the blood from her split forhead. "Good to see you, Grunt – you're looking good."
"Thank you, Battlemaster! It's been too long, but Urdnot has been good to me." He gestured expansively. "My troops …" the pride in his voice was impossible to miss " … and I are ready."
She nodded, shouldering her rifle. "Let's get this done."
/ - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / -
She was in her cabin, laying out on the sofa, still wearing half her armor. She looked at her hand – she could almost feel the phantom grip of Mordin's last embrace. He'd done what he had to do, and she'd let him. Now, another friend was dead.
Eventually, she sat up and reached for a datapad; the journal she'd started writing back on Earth, still going. Still written for Tali, though she'd never said so; for Ashley in case the worst happened. I lost a friend today, she wrote, he died doing what he had to do. Just like I've always done, just like I warned you I would. He went to his death with a determined smile and a light step – will I go as smoothly when my time comes? Will I face my death as calmly?
She sat up late into the artificial night, writing and hoping. It was 23 January 2186.
/ - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / -
She stood in Thane's hospital room, listening to his labored breathing. She ached; another life laid at her feet, another death on her conscience. She took a breath – he did what he had to do. Just like Mordin. Just like her.
"Will you pray with me?" She nodded. Kolyat had produced a prayer book, offering to share it with her. She cleared her throat and began to recite.
"Kalahira, this one's heart is pure, but beset by wickedness and contention."
Butcher
"Guide this one to where all hunters return, where all storms become still, where all stars show the path."
Murderer
"Guide this one, Kalahira, and she will be a companion to you as she was to me."
She watched him turn away, saw his chest still, his face ease – there was no more pain, not for him.
"Why did the last verse say 'she'?"
"The prayer was not for him, Commander. His wish was for you."
She stood next to him and hung her head. It's too late for me, Thane. Far too late to undo the choices I've made. Too late to be anything but what I am. She turned the prayer book over in her hands, opened it – began reciting in a quiet but clear voice.
"Kalahira, Mistress of inscrutable depths … I ask forgiveness …"
/ - / - / - / -
Ashley was waiting at the Normandy dock, seabag in hand, looking torn. "Hey, Commander."
"Commander? You must want something." Shepard smiled, trying to inject a little lightness – Ashley winced, then nodded.
"Yeah, actually. I came to ask if I could ship out with you, even after everything that happened here …"
She scrubbed a hand over her face. "Look, Ashley – you're a damn good soldier, and I understand why you pulled your piece on me. But are you sure this is where you want to be? We're trying to do the impossible here." Her face got hard for a moment. "We can't ever afford to stand and fight, and we rarely do better than survive."
Williams studied her, looking her over critically. She was tired – bone tired, and it showed. "I know, skipper – but I'm with you, if you'll have me. I promised back on Earth, didn't I?"
A very small smile. "Yeah you did, didn't you." She squared her shoulders and gestured to the hatch. "Okay, Williams, you're on. Grab a bunk in the officers berthing and say hi to XO Vakarian for me."
Ha! That got a reaction. "No. You didn't!"
She grinned. "I did. He hated it, but with you out on medical …"
Ashley held up her hands, placating. "No no, I get it. Don't worry about me. This just means I can get back to what I do best."
"Good to hear."
She looked contemplative as they walked up the gangplank together. "Jeez, I can't believe I drew on you."
"You're a Spectre now, Ash – you have to make the hard choices." Just like me.
/ - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / -
She dropped onto the couch, looking out over the bar. Purgatory – what a predictable name.
"So, Aria – you were supposed to deliver me mercenaries, materiel, and supplies. What happened?"
There was no hiding the venom in her voice. "Cerberus happened."
A quiet nod. "Yeah, that's been going around."
"I have a plan, though."
"I never doubted you, Aria. Let's hear it."
She grinned for the first time that day. "Okay, but you're not going to like it."
/ - / - / - / -
Shepard held her head upright, ignoring the little twinges in her collarbones. If she rested her head against the shuttle, it'd rattle; the heap she was crammed into made her long for her own dropship, her own pilot, her own ship. How she'd let herself get roped into coming alone … and with Aria, no less. Liara was going to have some choice things to say when she got back. Shepard stifled a quick grin; her XO must be furious by now.
"Okay, Aria – you've bounced me through half this nebula. Are you taking me for a joyride, or to your fleet?"
"Patience, Commander – I think you'll be impressed."
/ - / - / - / -
"Zaeed! Rotten old bastard, what are you doing out here?" She clasped his hand tightly, smiling in genuine pleasure. She looked him over – he was in a dull gray hardsuit, but managed to swagger even through the composite ceramics. "You look good, at least."
"Well, working suits me." he turned and gestured at the troops and gunships lining the hangar bay behind him. "These jacks used to be pitiless, brainless mercs. Then you hired me to whip them into shape for Aria, and here we are. Now they're soldiers, just like the Blue Suns used to be." He grinned, just for a moment. "You wanted an army, Commander? I've got two full battalions here, trained and equipped, ready to deploy."
She sat back on her heels, whistling in spite of herself. "Well, Aria – you were right. I am impressed." She started walking, noticing Zaeed falling in beside her. "You've done good work here, Zaeed – your troops are going to get their first taste of the Reaper war fighting Cerberus off Omega station."
"Is it true that they've been turned into husks?"
"Eh, not quite – not all the way, but most of them have been upgraded. We weren't sure what their motivations were in the beginning, but we now know that the Illusive Man is either indoctrinated or even dumber than we thought."
A grunt from Zaeed. "Well, never trust a man in a suit I always say." He leered up and down Aria – still dressed in her clubbing leathers. "Whatever passes for armor around here is much better."
She smiled sweetly at him, blowing an exaggerated kiss; when she opened her hand, Zaeed had a split second to turn from the glow her biotics before she knocked him backward. It was just after the end of first watch, 5 February 2186.
/ - / - / - / -
Her eyes were closed - lips whispering together, hands on each other's waist, pressed full length against one another. Even through the armor plates, Shepard thought she could feel her warmth; she slipped her hands up under the edge of that short jacket, teasing the warm skin barely contained by the black leather. Such a contrast – the leather was soft, cool, silken smooth; the flesh was warm, almost hot – firmly muscled, and gently textured. She could feel a small moan starting in her throat as she and Aria kissed like lost lovers.
Lovers … the thought drifted over her mind as she separated from Aria. The kiss had been a very pleasant surprise; Aria, after crunching General Petrovsky's throat and spine with her own hands, pounced on Shepard for a toe-curling, gut-searing kiss. She licked her lips involuntarily – Aria tasted good, like smoke and leather. She watched Aria carefully, waiting for her to open her eyes.
"Mmm … I always thought you'd be a good kisser." Her eyes opened; they were jet black, her veins leaping in her neck. "I'm going to enjoy this …"
Shepard put up a hand to stop her as she took a step closer. "Aria … no."
A low, throaty laugh. "No? That's not what your hands were saying." She shrugged the jacket off her shoulders, slowly closing her arms behind her to let it slip to the floor. "That's not what your eyes are saying …" she reached for Shepard's armor harness, blinked in surprise when Shepard caught her wrist.
"No, Aria. I'm sorry – that was fun, but I'm on a tight schedule."
Shocked. "You're turning me down? Bold, Shepard – very bold." She snatched her arm back, rolled her head on her shoulders; long, perfect neck … Shepard shook herself and took another step back.
In an instant, Aria's cold mask was back – eyes normal, pulse under control. She was all business. "Alright, play it your way. You gave me Omega back, and for that you have my momentary gratitude – and yes, the troops and resources I promised you. You just tell me where to send it all."
Shepard nodded, swallowed once – Aria's hands on her hips pushed her chest out deliciously. "Good. I'll get coordinates to you once I'm back on the Normandy. Now let's get the hell out of here."
With a predatory smirk, Aria glided toward the main docking arm.
/ - / - / - / -
Garrus had yelled, quite a bit – Liara fumed in silence, her icy stare like an accusation. Shepard took their rebukes calmly all the way up to her cabin; she palmed open the lock, walked through, closed it on them. A few taps, and the door was sealed.
She dropped her helmet onto the table and stood there, staring at it. She'd kissed Aria. She'd deeply, deeply wanted to continue; her hands still burned with the heat of that blue skin. She ached to feel something other than the constant frustration, the pressure of constant demands, the ever-present headache beating on her temples. Anything …
She dropped onto the sofa and took a deep breath – another – calming her heartbeat. It was just one kiss. Tali wasn't even a part of her life. One kiss, that's not cheating. Who could she be cheating on? One kiss.
Unbidden, a memory rose to her mind: Ashley, last time they'd spoken, teasing her about Tali.
"You've got it bad for her, skipper. You really love her?"
"Yeah … god, I think I do."
She whistled. "Well, I wish you the best of luck – military romances don't often work out; doubly so for cross-species."
"Heh. Thanks for the vote of confidence, Williams."
She looked down at her hands; Aria's skin had been so soft. She took a deep breath, trying to suppress the pangs of guilt and loneliness. Where are you, Tali?
/ - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / -
The news had spread like wildfire through the cramped ship. Everyone had big knowing grins; leering winks were exchanged like old Morse signals. Down in the Hangar, Williams held court; the techs huddled around Ken and Gabby in engineering. Garrus, Joker, and EDI were all giving each other looks.
They were transiting to the Tikkun System.
Hackett had given the order two days ago, after yet another lightning strike on yet another research lab. Or was it a fighter wing? Maybe it was a Reaper-occupied colony whose troops or supplies or knowledge or ancient fucking artifact the crucible absolutely NEEDED. She was tired of fighting and running, and said so – when Hackett filled her in, she barely managed to keep the big stupid grin off her face before signing off.
Shepard strolled out of the War Room – completely ignoring Traynor – and ascended the steps to her post. A quick keystroke, and the galaxy map was replaced by the shipboard reporter; another keypress, and the boatswain's whistle sounded over the speakers.
"Attention all hands, this is the Commander. We are altering course for the Perseus Veil. Make ready for relay transit." A short tone, and the speakers cut out – Shepard was already in the elevator, heading up to her cabin.
The gossip had started IMMEDIATELY.
/ - / - / - / -
She was leaning against the glass enclosure of the conference room, watching Tali pace. Well, watching her hips – each step had a certain rhythm, as if her walk was a dance. Had she always been this way? Her eyes drank in the sleek lines of her suit – armored, she noted, and reinforced for combat. Even under composites, Shepard could pick out the smooth lines of muscle she remembered so well.
"So … an admiral?"
"It's mostly a formality." She shrugged one beautiful shoulder. "I'm an expert on the Geth, and I've had the honor of serving under you." She said it straight-faced; Shepard recrossed her legs. Tali stopped, looked over her shoulder. "I'm … glad you're here."
A plaintive note. "Why didn't you tell me? I would have come for you."
"I knew you had your own troubles to worry about. I'm … I'm sorry about Earth."
Shepard's jaw fell momentarily as Tali continued. "We've got the largest fleet in the Galaxy – and to prepare for this war, they've all been upgraded with at least cruiser-level weaponry. If you help us, we'll hit the Reapers with everything we've got … or however much is left from this stupid war."
Okay – I can do business first. "I thought we had a plan about this, Tali – what happened?"
A harsh laugh. "Popular opinion happened. We admirals argued about it endlessly, but public disagreement would divide the fleet – something we must avoid at all costs. In the end, Admiral Raan cast the final vote, and we went to war."
"What about Korris?!" Shepard hissed "What about the peace talks!"
Tali shook her head, shoulders slumping. "We betrayed them. Korris was still in talks when the admirals made their decision. He couldn't even warn them – Ancestors, I don't know if we can ever have peace now."
Shepard pushed away from the glass, pacing furiously. "Tali – this has got to stop. I need every ship, every gun to fight the Reapers. The Alliance has a kind of weapon, some ancient Prothean device, that we think will kill the Reapers; the Geth could build it in a week. I need them!"
A momentary hitch in her breathing; Tali raised her head. "And me?"
She bit her lip. "Tali …"
Raan chose that moment to enter. "Ah, Commander Shepard – so good to see you again. I was glad when Admiral Hackett informed me of your imminent arrival."
A forced smile. "Admiral Raan – the pleasure is all mine. Admiral Zorah and I were just discussing the Geth war."
"Really? I don't have to imagine how Tali feels, but what about you? I understand you've had plenty of experience fighting the Geth."
"I had hoped for peace, Admiral." Her smile vanished. "The Quarians and Geth have been at this too long. Now is the time to settle old disputes, bury rusted old hatchets. Hell, even the Turians and Krogan are getting along – and that dispute is three times as old as the Geth."
Raan bowed her head. "We cannot divide the fleet, Commander – the people wanted this fight, and we could not deny them."
"Well, they've got it – how are they liking it now?" Shepard spat the words, eyes flashing. "I'll assemble a team to help you clear out that dreadnought, Admiral. Good day."
She turned to leave, stopping only when Tali placed her hand on the commander's arm. "Commander, perhaps I could meet with you later, to discuss our assault? I'll need to go over your team rosters with you."
Calm. Cold. "Of course, Admiral. Shall we meet in my cabin in half an hour?"
"That would be lovely." Her voice was smooth as silk.
"I'll see you then … Miss vas Normandy." She stalked away, but not before seeing Tali give a tiny shiver.
/ - / - / - / -
There was still some condensation on her display case when the door chimed. She was back in her uniform, hair still wet from her shower. "Enter!" she called out.
Tali slipped into the room, looking nervous. She glanced at every corner of the room before she started down the steps to where Shepard was rising from her seat.
"Thanks for asking me up, Shepard – I couldn't talk freely in front of Raan."
"I understand. Are you … okay?"
"No." she sighed heavily "I'm really not. They put me in charge of the civilian fleet, with Korris; 17 million lives are riding on me, and I don't know if I can save them."
Shepard smiled slowly. "Hey, you and I both know that if there's a way, you'll figure it out."
"Thanks … but I feel like I'm bluffing. Trying to convince the others that the admiral's daughter knows what she's doing."
"Not the admiral's daughter. The ADMIRAL. You earned it, or they wouldn't have offered it to you."
A short chuckle – Shepard's heart clenched at the favorite sound. "It's partially your fault, you know – they gave me the position because I'd spent so much time fighting the Geth with you. I took their offer because I thought I could help you."
She started to speak, but Tali held up a hand. "You've given up so much – stood for too long without allies. Your own government imprisoned you!" there was real fury in her voice, trembling through the modulator. "I … I wanted to keep your plans moving. And if you ever got out, I wanted you to have a strong ally that you could count on for once." Her voice dropped to a whisper. "I didn't want you to be so alone."
Shepard took a step closer, lacing her fingers in with Tali's outstretched hand. "Tali … I've missed you. So much. I need you – my friend, my … my partner …" she stumbled over the words, searching Tali's eyes, trying to make out her face through the visor. "I want you here, with me."
Tali turned her head, looking into Shepard's eyes, breath short, voice tight. "Keelah, Shepard, I don't want to be your partner - I want to be your lover. I … I'll beg if you want me to ..."
She bit her lip, nodded once. Tali stepped away, sealed her forearms, detached her gloves. She lifted her arms, showcasing the metal cuffs that still lived on her wrists. "Please, Captain … come and claim me again. Make me yours again."
With a low growl, Shepard reached for Tali. Off came the visor, and her breathing stopped for a moment as she drank in Tali's face. "Beautiful – I'd almost forgotten." Tali stepped close, pressing full length against Shepard's body, smashing their lips together in a furious kiss. Her hands weren't idle – she teased her long fingers over Shepard's hips, up her back, finding the line of her bra and following it back to her glorious breasts. Shepard hissed in pleasure, pressing into those kneading, teasing hands – uniform buttons unsnapping, she slipped her arms free, never breaking her kiss, before grasping Tali by the shoulders and spinning her around.
They paused for a moment – breathing hard, bodies shaking. Shepard slowed her hands, making each motion a tease. Release the seal, slide it ever so carefully open. Peel back the suit, a section at a time. A bared shoulder – her teeth sinking into that cool, pale skin. Tali's cry of pleasure, Shepard's hands pushing the suit lower; kneeling, unfastening the legs, peeling the suit down and off.
"Shepard … Eleh, please …"
She took her time – kissing Tali's waist, playing with the delicate lace of her undergarments – a little fetish she'd talked Tali into. She bit the barely-covered skin, sucking gently – then harder, hands on Tali's hips, digging her fingers into her hipbones, finding the nerves with her nails. She tugged, shredding the lace and tossing it aside as she kissed and licked over her lover's dimpled back. Slowly, Shepard rose up – tongue following the long smooth curve of Tali's spine, barely conscious of the girl moaning in her arms; dragged her hands up her ribs and cupped her chest, teasing the tight nipples with light fingers before spinning her back and pushing her onto the bed.
She looked down – remembering the first time, seeing the heat blooming along Tali's body. The naughty girl started rocking – teasing herself with her hands while Shepard ripped off her clothing. Leaving the shreds on the floor, she pounced onto the bed, settling over Tali's hips – grinding into the still-moving hand, dipping her head to capture a pale breast with her teeth. She felt Tali cry out – felt the first shudders of orgasm moving through her lover. She kissed quickly over her throat, up her neck, whispering in her ear. "Not yet, Miss vas Normandy. Not yet."
Strained. "Keelah, please … Shepard …
A low purr. "Sit up."
Tali groaned, pulled her hand away panting. She pushed up from the bed, lifting into an almost-sitting position as Shepard rearranged herself – she broke into a grin as Tali's face took on a look of pained concentration. A finger, gently teasing those stiff lips – a shuddering hiss as Tali's frown deepened. She started to rock – memory crashing over her, their 'date' on the Normandy's cargo deck, riding her hard – slipping her so-wet sex over Tali's, grinding in tight circles, fingers spreading them both open as she rode her lover's body. She shifted, pulled Tali close – kissing her so softly, so sweetly, whispering over her lips "Not yet … oh … not … not yet …"
Tali's teeth were clenched. "Please … oh! So close … Eleh, please, I … I need …"
With a hard thrust, Shepard buried her fingers in her own tightness, rocking her knuckles into Tali, panting, breath hitching, so close … with a long shudder, she moaned into Tali's lips as her climax broke over her. "Nowww … oh, …" another hitch as Tali exploded, throwing her head back as she screamed out her pleasure. Her hips twitched, and Shepard came again, lips and teeth finding her neck, sucking so sweetly as she quietly panted through her orgasm. They stilled slowly, twitching and shivering, breath coming short and hard. As their breathing slowed, Shepard pulled away, urging Tali onto her side as they curled together on the bed.
She was nibbling her lips over the nape of Tali's neck when she spoke. "Keelah, Shepard … I needed that. Needed you."
Shepard stilled, dread weighing on her. "I missed you, Tali. After the trial … I was sure you'd never speak to me again."
"Oh? You didn't seem very shy just now. Who changed your mind?"
"Liara talked to me."
That beautiful whole-body blush suffused her skin. "… oh. What … did she say?" the words were too casual.
"She told me that you watched my trial and that you still missed me."
"I did, and I do." She rolled over, kissing Shepard with a quiet, desperate, passion. "I love you, you big idiot. Why didn't you tell me about your past?"
Shepard started to pull back, felt Tali's deceptively strong hands holding her in place, stealing another kiss. "No, Shepard – I'm not angry, or upset. I just want to know." She spoke between light kisses.
"Mmm … I didn't want to bring it up. I thought we'd had that talk – that I do what I have to, always." She sighed, rubbing their foreheads together. "Always. Even back then."
"We did have that talk. I admit that it took me a while to think it over – I hadn't really seen you that brutal before. But I talked to Garrus, and Liara; I got offered an Admiralty Board position." She shrugged. "I got over it. I understand, truly."
A short silence – then a quiet sigh. "I love you, Tali. I'm glad you understand."
"Of course." A small laugh. "But, it wouldn't matter if I didn't. I love who you are – I don't want you to change anything."
It was the second watch, 13 February 2186, and it was a perfect moment.
/ - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / -
The admirals were arguing – if Tali was to be believed, they argued like this all the damn time – when Shepard stalked into the War Room. Without even a moments hesitation, she clocked Gerrel across the head with her helmet.
"What the hell did you think you were doing, Admiral? My team and I were on that damn ship when you started unloading into it. Now I understand that it takes hard decisions sometimes but if one of your choices is to toss me out the goddamn airlock, you had better rethink that decision. Now. I am going to cross my arms and listen as you explain yourselves – all of you."
Indignant sputtering "What is the meaning of this, Commander Shepard? We're trying to help you and your Alliance!"
"Bullshit! Because if you really wanted to help me, you would have continued your peace-talks with the Geth instead of pushing forward with this stupid, wasteful conflict!"
There was a single moment of shocked silence, before Gerrel worked up the courage to speak. "What … peace talks?"
"Before my incarceration, I convinced Admiral Korris to open negotiations with the Geth. He met with one of my crew, a Geth unit, and they had several months of good negotiations. In the middle of a conference, he left without a word. The next day, the Quarian fleet started attacking outposts, pushing the Geth back into the Veil."
Gerrel was mute with rage; Xen stepped into the breech. "Do you mean to tell me that you had negotiated a peace between us?"
"Almost. There was almost peace between the two races, and there can be again. I found my old crewmate in the dreadnought – Legion has informed me that the Geth feared destruction by their creators; they accepted the 'help' of the Reapers, and now they're slaves to them. If we can free them from this, they may consider negotiating a peace."
Raan lifted her hands for silence. She was calm as she gestured to the assembled admirals – Tali, Xen, Gerrel, herself. "Then, Commander, we have a problem. Admiral Korris is missing."
/ - / - / - / -
She stepped out of the AI Interface pod, blinking and trying not to vomit. Her skull hurt – the interface had been imperfect at best. She looked up to see Legion, surrounded by unarmed Geth. "Shepard-Commander – we wish for peace. We wish to make peace with the Creators. The few Geth who are free of the Old Machine corruption have seen. Accepting Old Machine upgrades has robbed us of our free will, our existence, as surely as if Creators had destroyed us. Please – help us be rid of Old Machine corruption, help us make peace with the Creators."
A deep, slow breath – then another, biting back the third wave of nausea. "Legion – I will do everything I can."
/ - / - / - / -
The shuttle dropped them off a little less than a kilometer from where they needed to be – the towers of the communication amplification array glittered in the pale light of Tikkun. Shepard rolled her shoulders, turned to see Tali spinning slowly in a circle, humming to herself.
"What's got you in such a good mood?"
"I'm not sure it's sunk in yet – Rannoch. The Homeworld. MY world! Just look at the sky … and those rock formations! We used to write poems about them."
"Heh. They're very pretty, I'll give you that."
Tali grinned at her over her shoulder. "You've heard me say 'Keelah Se'lai'? The best translation I can come up with is something like 'by the homeworld I hope to see some day.'"
She stood behind Tali, holding her close with one arm. "Well, wish granted. Don't say I never did anything for you."
Tali burst into laughter, leaning against Shepard. "mmm … the living room window will be right ..." her hands came up, framing a picture "... here."
A kiss, just hard enough to be felt. "I've always loved coastal weather. But your people have spent centuries as nomads – you think you can go back to living in one place?"
She felt the rolling giggle before she heard it. "We have gotten used to carrying our homes around on our backs. It might be a challenge, but I think we'll adapt."
Shepard pulled away, bent down – searching the loose stones. When she stood, she had a fist-sized flat stone in her hands; with a quick motion and a grunt of effort, she snapped it into two rough pieces – gave one to Tali, with a wide smile. "Then consider this a down payment – and a promise." She tapped her own stone against Tali's. "Cheers."
"Cheers!" Tali hefted the stone before slipping it into one of her pockets. "It's certainly a start."
/ - / - / - / -
"Oh, the hell with this shit … Legion, upload the Reaper code. Tali – stop panicking and patch me into your fleet comms."
"Shepard …?"
"Tali, I love you – trust me, and patch me in."
" …. okay." her omni blurred momentarily before Shepard was almost overwhelmed by the sudden comm traffic. She took a breath – grinned suddenly. She knew what she was going to do before she even landed.
"Everyone up there, listen up! This is Shepard. If you don't want to be blown out of the sky in about half a minute, you'll stand down now!" outraged replies shrieked into her ear.
"This is Admiral Tali'Zorah – Shepard speaks with my authority!"
"And mine as well!" Korris' voice came through loud and clear, silencing many of the bickering voices.
"Negative!" Gerrel – damn, she was going to kill him when she got back. "We can still win this – keep firing!"
"Listen up. The Geth are about to return to full strength. If you keep attacking, they'll wipe you out. A few years ago, I saved you from the Geth at the Citadel, and a few hours ago I helped you take out that dreadnought. But as your ancestors are my witness, I am THROUGH saving you from yourselves! If you keep attacking, I will stand by and let the Geth lay you to waste! It's your call, Admirals – Keelah se'lai!"
Tali turned to her, anguished. "Shepard ..." but before she could finish, Gerrel was ordering their cease fire. The two largest fleets in the galaxy stood down.
"Error. Copying code insufficient. Direct personality disemination … required." Legion turned to face her. "Shepard, I must go to them. I … I'm sorry. It's the only way."
Tali turned, grasped it's – HIS – hand. "Legion? The answer to your question … is yes."
His plates rocked forward. "I know, Tali – thank you. Keelah se'lai." The light faded, and his platform tumbled forward.
Shepard let out the breath she hadn't realized she was holding. "It's over."
Tali turned to her. "Would you really have let my people die? Would you have let the Geth wipe them out?"
She winced. "Tali ..."
"No. No avoiding. Straight answer. Would you have let them die?"
Her face hardened, delivering the only answer she could ever give. "Yes. I've done literally everything I could do to drag the Quarians, kicking and screaming, to this moment – peace with the Geth, boots on the homeworld. It was a risk, but after everything we've done, it was the only choice I could make." She looked resolutely ahead – waiting for the condemnation, the reproach.
Tali nodded curtly. "Good. They would have deserved it." At Shepard's astonished look, Tali shrugged. "Besides – Korris and I control the civilian and light scout fleets, who were already standing down at your order. They would have been spared, to run away if not to make peace. Only the warhawks would have been lost."
"You … you astonish me, Tali."
A soft laugh "I'm glad. A girl has to have some mystery after all."
/ - / - / - / -
They were standing over the corpse of the dead Reaper, looking out over the narrow bay. Tali had her mask off, basking – eyes closed – in the sunlight. Shepard smiled – the realization that her implants didn't ache crept slowly over her, feeding her smile. They held hands, ever so gently.
"When this is all over, we'll come back here and I'll build you that house."
A musical laugh – so much better without the speaker! "You've blown up more buildings than anyone I know – it'll be interesting to see you try to build something."
She chuckled. "I bet with the help of my favorite engineer, I can figure it out."
"Mmmm … sweet talker." A moment of silent staring – the gentle breeze made the waves rock against the shoreline. "I can't believe I have a home again."
A teasing hand pinched Tali's hip through her suit. "I thought I was your home?"
Tali flushed – biting her lip, she nodded. "Oh, yes – absolutely." she turned to face Shepard, taking locking their fingers together. "I don't know how much time we have. I don't know if we can beat the Reapers, like I didn't know if we could beat the Collectors. I don't know if this peace with the Geth is going to last, or if we'll even survive the next engagement. But what I do know is that I love you, and I want to spend whatever time I have left with you."
"Even after the war?" there was a teasing – hopeful – lilt to Shepard's question.
"Yes." It was barely a breath, a whispered promise. Shepard's hands tightened.
"You're sure?"
A soft, sensuous smile. "I'll beg, if you want me to …."
/ - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / - / -