Disclaimer: I Do Not Own Glee or any of the lyrics used in this story.
"In places no one will find, all your feelings so deep inside. Was there that I realized that forever was in your eyes, the moment I saw you cry. I wanted to hold you; I wanted to make it go away. I wanted to know you; I wanted to make your everything alright."
-from 'Cry'
It was about one o'clock in the afternoon when Rachel finally dragged herself out of bed. Memories of the previous night, and the chivalrous, messy haired, pool champion that had carried her up to her room fresh in her mind, a smile graced her face as she made her way into the bathroom.
After a very refreshing shower, complete with maybe not so impressive renditions of a few of her favorite love songs since she knew Brittany would be at Santana's for the weekend, she made her way out and helped herself to a nutrigrain bar. It wasn't much, but it would do for now.. She stretched out on her bed and turned on her television, taking the rare opportunity to lose herself in some mindless entertainment. She immediately stumbled upon 'The Notebook' and paused her flipping, settling on it to watch. It was one of her favorite movies of all time.
Noah and Allie were on screen, arguing outside of her parents house at his car. She watched the tight set of his jaw as he avoided eye contact with her, trying to brush off her ramblings. She frowned at the picture, immediately thinking of Finn. If the young pair had just been open with one another, open about their feelings and what they wanted, things might have turned out differently. They might have avoided all those years of estrangement, all of that confusion, and heartbreak in Allie's fiancee's case. It seemed like such a waste, but then again, all of those things were what shaped their epic love story. It all built up an intense, true romance, and showed them that their love would stand through anything; they were soul mates, to the end.
She didn't know if Finn was her person like that, if he would turn out to be the one that she grew old with, and impressed their children with their pool playing skills, but she couldn't deny that's what a part of her wanted. All of this time she had spent playing this game with him, trying to win him over, and in the end it looked like he had just dug his way even farther into her heart. It was strange how things like this could just grab you, change your whole life so quickly, without you even really realizing it.
Even back when she dated Sam, she never had a clear picture that he was the end for her. He was comfortable, he took care of her, and her dads approved, but that was about it. There was never any complexity, any passion, or real love. Then, and even when she was a little girl, her happy ending had always been just a vague concept, a distant fairytale. Now, she had a very clear picture in her mind of what her future looked like, and it was a little unnerving how that could be when she wasn't even dating the guy.
By the time the movie was over, she had come up with a plan for their future. She could be a famous actress, her dream job made even more acquirable with the way she was excelling in her courses; and he would be a professional pool player, or anything really, he was just so good at everything. Or, he was majoring in Sports Exercise, he could support them with whatever kind of profession he had intended for that. They could have two children, a boy and a younger girl, and they would have family game nights, and live on a large property so that they could all ride four wheelers together, or camp, and be outdoorsy. He would be there to teach them everything that he knew, much like he had done for her, and she would be there to encourage and push them along the way. It was a beautiful picture, and it warmed her heart to lose herself in the musings, but deep down she hadn't completely forgiven Finn for his misdoing quite yet. She knew that the little game wasn't over for them, but she was already planning the grand prize. Her phone buzzed against her nightstand, interrupting her thoughts and she reached over to grab it, beaming when she saw that it was a message from Finn.
Can you come to The Playground
It hadn't even been a whole twelve hours and he already wanted to see her? She grinned at her phone, deciding to toy with him a bit first.
Geez, I don't know, I think I've had enough of you for one day :p
Happy with her response she leaned back, keeping the phone balanced on her knee as she awaited his cheeky reply. Seconds later her phone buzzed again.
Please...
Confused, and a little worried at his lack of playfulness, she hopped down from her bed, typing him a quick 'okay'. She pulled on a pair of leggings, and an over-sized shirt with some boots and quickly made her way to The Playground.
Rachel power walked the whole way there, and when she finally walked inside she found Finn sitting in the bay with his back to her. Walking around to the entrance, she opened the door to the small bay area and took a step inside, her breath catching in her throat when she saw his face. His eyes were red rimmed, a glazed shine to them, hinting to future tears, and his cheeks were puffy.
"Finn" she breathed, "Finn what's wrong?" He said nothing, only turning his head slightly to meet her gaze. "You look even worse than you did last night. Is that what this is again? You were wonderful Finn, honestly you-"
"Burt's in the hospital...my step-dad" he whispered, cutting her off.
"Oh my...that's...what's wrong? Is he okay?"
Finn shrugged his rigid shoulders, the movement very uncomfortable even just to watch. He blinked his eyes, holding back what he was obviously feeling. She looked at his face, his deep brown eyes full of more emotion than she had ever seen them and her heart ached with the need to comfort him, to do whatever she could to make his smile return.
"I don't know" he choked out. "Kurt just text me to tell me to come straight to the hospital when I got off work, that they had taken him to the Emergency Room early this morning. It's his heart again" he said, rubbing a hand back through his already messy hair. Obviously this wasn't the first time he'd taken out his frustration on his soft brown locks.
"But you don't get off until-"
"Eleven. I'm not gonna be there for him, I'm never there" he whispered, looking down at his shoes. "He's been my dad, the only dad I really knew for such a long time now, but I hardly treat him like one."
Rachel stayed silent as she listened to him rant, he obviously needed to get this out. She clasped her hands together in front of her, fighting back her sob as she watched this beautiful, strong boy unravel in front of her.
"We didn't get along at first, I actually kind of hated him. He was taking my Dad's place, and at that point it just felt so wrong to me you know? Like he was sneaking in and taking over my dad's spot in the family, like he was trying to replace him or something. I guess I always kind of held that against him in a way. Before I moved out, the only time we really spent together was watching games, and the most I'd seen him recently was working on that stupid four wheeler together at the shop. He did that for me you know, it's not like he could ride it, but he knew I would want to. I'm really so selfish aren't I? I can be such a jackass sometimes, and I take advantage of people who don't deserve it" he continued, looking up at her. "I don't mean to, not really. I just...I wish I could change that now. He might be fine, this might not even be as big an episode as he's had in the past, but I can't stop thinking about what if it is."
"You should call Kurt, or your mom and find out what the case is, it might help to ease your mind" she suggested quietly, leaning against the counter.
"I can't. I don't know if I'm ready to know. I wanna be there so bad, but what if he doesn't even want me there? Kurt is the one who told me to come, my mom hasn't even called me Rach. It's not like I'm ever around anyway, they don't want me there, not really, and I don't blame them."
"You take that back" she scolded, taking a step towards him. "They are your family Finn, and in spite of the problems and the tension you've had, they would absolutely want you there, no matter how long it takes."
He merely shook his head at her, again running his hand through his distressed hair. She took a deep breath, dragging up a not so fond memory to share with him from her own past. It took an example to help him see last night, and if that's what he needed to see past his own insecurities then she would share with him again.
"Finn, I was raised by two gay fathers, do you know what that means? It means that I had a mother who was not a part of my life aside from my conception and birth" she started, holding his gaze. "I longed for her from the time I was a child, it was like an obsession. I wished she was around to brush my hair, and dress me up for picture day, or let me cry on her shoulder and give me advice when a boy at school would break my heart. Every Mother's Day I would make her a card, and keep them in a box at the top of my closet and it made me feel connected to her somehow. Not that my fathers weren't good to me, and they did a good job at all of those things, they did. However, I wanted more. When I was in high school I finally tracked her down, my real mother. She was beautiful, and talented, and everything that I'd ever imagined her to be. She was a theater teacher at my rival high school, and she was excellent. I reached out to her, to try and build the relationship I'd craved, but she didn't share that desire."
"What? How is that even possible" he asked, his brow crinkling up in confusion.
"I just didn't fit into her life. I wasn't the baby she once had, and that was the concept that she had frozen in her mind...I didn't fit into that at the time. Kind of like Burt and your father" she continued, noting his guilty expression. "Her not wanting to share a relationship with me didn't mean that I loved her any less though Finn. Like it or not, she was my mother, the only mother I had and that was that. Eventually, we exchanged letters, and she even came to my graduation party from high school. It's an estranged relationship, and dysfunctional, but it's ours, and somehow it works. Could it be better? Yeah, most relationships probably could be, I've learned you just have to embrace what you have and make the most of it."
"You're so strong Rachel, I don't give you enough credit for that. I would have probably hated her if I was in your shoes, but you're just a much better person than I am." He sighed, the defeated expression immediately returning to his face. "I wouldn't blame Burt if he hated me...I'm not his real son."
"He does not Finn, he loves you."
"How do you know?"
"Because I know you. I know how easy it could be for someone to love you, even if you're not really theirs." She held her breath as he returned her stare, the overwhelming emotion bubbling up inside her. She held his watery gaze steady until he finally nodded.
She loved this boy, she was never more sure of it than she was in this very moment. She had seen so many sides of him the past few months, but seeing him open himself up to her was so much more than she had ever expected it would be. There was so much more to the tough, carefree exterior he put on, a soft, insecure side that she yearned to fix. Not only to fix him though, to fix herself. Never before had she shared this story with anyone aside from her best friend in high school, and partially with Sam. She hadn't really come to terms with the complexity of it herself until she had expressed it to Finn though, and in an odd way it was therapeutic. She stared at the boy who had turned her life upside down, and at the same time managed to make her so much wiser, stronger, in more ways than one.
"Thank you" he finally whispered.
Without a thought she moved forward to where he sat, wrapping her arms around him, pulling him into her embrace. She immediately felt him return the hug, his arms wrapping tightly around her middle, and she could feel him slightly tremble. Her cheek was pressed right against his face, and she would swear that she felt a single tear as it fell, wetting her own skin as they were connected. She pulled him closer as he buried his face into her neck, and could feel the tension ebbing from his body the longer she held him. The tender moment seemed to last forever, but ended so soon, as she felt him finally start to pull away, subtly wiping the back of his hands over his eyes to remove any traces of the tear. She offered him a watery smile as he composed himself, feeling her chest squeeze. He really had such a hold on her, it was like he had reached in, latched onto her heart and wouldn't let go.
"God, I look like such a little bitch" he said, smiling slightly as he stretched out his limbs.
"Certainly not. You have feelings Finn, we all do. You shouldn't hide from them" she said purposefully. "Now, I think you have a phone call to make" she added, nodding toward his phone.
"I think I'm going to skip the phone call and go straight to the hospital" he said, determination ringing in his voice. "We've been empty the last few Saturdays, if I tell Will he'll probably let me close early. I can always re-open later if I need to" he mused, convincing himself as he picked up his phone to call his boss.
She sat quietly, listening as he worked out the details with Will before he finally hung up. He walked over to the cash register, counting the money and tidying up before he left.
"Well, I hope everything is alright Finn. Give your family my best wishes, and please let me know how things go."
"Actually" he said, turning from his work, "I was actually wondering if you could come with me."
"I'm sorry?" Holy crap.
"If it's weird, you don't have to. But, I don't really know what I'm going to find when I get there, and I...well if it turns out to be bad, well I would really like you to be there. You just, I don't know you make things better, kind of" he mumbled, shutting the cash register rather loudly. "But if-"
"I'd be honored to accompany you Finn" she said quickly, stepping forward to place her hand on his. "That's what friends are for."
He nodded gently, walking around the bay to pick up his things. He grabbed his laptop bag, his phone, and the keys to the Playground and shut off the lights in the bay. She followed him out the back doors after he had locked up, and they made their way in a companionable silence to his truck.
She followed Finn through the halls of the hospital, eying the random artwork decorating the walls. When they had reached his father's room she again felt his tension seeping into her, and soon his large hand reached down to engulf her tiny one. She didn't know if he even realized he had done it, he didn't look down or acknowledge her in any kind of way. She almost pulled back from him, having planned to wait outside when he walked into his father's room, but she couldn't bring herself to do so. If he needed her there by his side, that's where she would be.
He paused in front of the closed door, and took deep breaths, prepping himself for what awaited. Silently Rachel squeezed his hand, lacing her fingers through his in a show of support. "You can do this."
They pushed open the door to find a bald man sitting up in bed, surrounded by the pale skinned boy she recognized as Kurt, and the lovely Carol that she had met just the night before. All three pairs of eyes were trained on the television, a screen showing the words 'Duck Dynasty' popping up before their attention moved over to the pair of them standing in the doorway. She could feel the relief flood through him as it flowed through her as well when she realized that he must be doing fairly well if he was sitting up watching television with a granola bar tucked into his hand.
"Finn sweetie! I thought you were at work" Carol cried, standing from her seat to come over to them. She pulled her son into a hug, and immediately pulled Rachel in for one as well.
"I was, but I got the news and I closed early to be here. I didn't know what was going on."
"Oh you missed all of the action" the young boy said, turning to gaze at his father sternly. "If you ever try to convince her into making you fried chicken, or anything of the sort again just because 'you want it', I will personally lock you in a closet with a lifetime supply of tofu and celery. Do you understand me?"
"Give me a break Kurt, I'm fine. No reason I can't have some more in a few months" he grinned, winking at his wife.
"Fine, oh of course. I would call having a mild heart attack as a result of your lack of will power, and being rushed to the hospital fine. You were lucky, very lucky" the boy scolded, trying to feed his father a carrot stick. "Look at me, you have me behaving like an overprotective mother in front of Finn's friend...wait, what" he said, doing a double take to stare at Rachel.
"Um, hi?" she whispered, still holding onto Finn's hand awkwardly from the doorway.
"Oh honey, this is Finn's friend Rachel. I had the pleasure of meeting her last night when they stopped by" she added with a knowing smile. "I was hoping we'd be seeing you again, though not under these circumstances."
"Huh" he said, eying the pair of them, his gaze lingering on their entwined hands. "Good job son, she must be something special" he continued, smiling at Finn. She looked up to see Finn returning the smile in earnest, light dancing in his eyes as they shared the moment.
"She's alright" he answered, breaking the gaze to scrunch his nose up at her. She giggled at his funny face, amazed that he had yet to release her hand. Almost as if he was onto her he released the hand, walking forward to stand at the side of the bed his mother had vacated. She couldn't turn her eyes from him as he sank down in the seat, striking up a conversation with the man. It was beautiful, watching the progress happen right before her eyes, feeling like she was a part of it. She barely felt the intense stare coming from his brother, or even his mother.
"Thank you so much for coming with him" Carol whispered, breaking her trance. "I know my son, I know why you're here. He's a good boy, he's stubborn as all get out, but he's a good boy with a good heart. I think you already know that though, don't you?"
She nodded mutely, the blood rushing to her cheeks as she was found out by the object of her affections' mother. Oddly enough, it wasn't awkward. She felt accepted by the warm smile the short, dark haired woman shot her.
"Excuse me, but I've yet to be formally introduced" Kurt piped in, walking over to the two of them. "Kurt Hummel" he announced, sticking out a hand to Rachel. "Finn's much more likeable, intelligent, and sane brother" he said coolly. She laughed as she took his hand, shaking it.
"Rachel Berry. His much more charming, cool, and talented friend" she replied, sticking her tongue out at Finn from across the room. Kurt followed the action, taking in Finn's bright smile before turning back to her with a thoughtful gaze. "I like her" he said, seemingly to himself. He looked down, checking his phone suddenly. "Oh, he's here!" he cried, bouncing over to grab his things up from around the room.
"Where are you going?" Finn asked.
"I've been here since early this morning Finn, I'm in dire need of a shower, and some real food..don't start" he added before Burt could second that last statement. "I'll be back in a few hours, for now I'm going to have lunch with my boyfriend and get freshened up." Her stomach chose that moment to roar, reminding her that all she'd eaten today was a nutrigrain bar. Crap. "Hungry" the boy asked, quirking an amused eyebrow at her. "You're welcome to join us, if you like. It'll give me a chance to get to know you better."
"And by that he means pick you apart, and judge you not so silently" Finn added, standing to approach them. "Good luck getting her go eat with you dude, she won't even have meals with me anymore."
"We've already decided that I'm the superior, more interesting brother here Finn. I'm sure she would be delighted to have lunch with me" he taunted, holding out his arm for Rachel.
"Do you really mind" she asked, looking up at Finn.
"No Rach, you're hungry. Go ahead before they try to do surgery on you to remove whatever monster is in your stomach."
"It was not that loud" she pouted, her chinks pinking as she accepted Kurt's arm.
"It was pretty freaking scary" he said.
"I don't usually, but I have to agree with him. You need supplement, and fast" Kurt added.
"Told you, judgmental" Finn grinned, and Kurt laughed along with him.
"Don't listen to him. We're going to have a great time" he sang, leading them out of the room. "How long do you plan on staying here Finn?"
"Uh, I don't know. As long as you guys need me to I guess" he answered, rubbing the back of his neck. The slight shock was evident on his brothers' face, but he hid it quickly. "Well you can't expect to keep her here in this depressing hospital that long, I'm sure she has other things to do with her day." Not really. "Do you want us to take her home when we're done?"
"Is that okay with you" he asked. She nodded her head, knowing that he needed this time with his family. "I'll text you later, okay? And thank you, for coming with me, and everything" he added in a whisper. Carefully, he leaned down, brushing his lips across her cheekbone, setting her skin aflame.
"How sweet" Kurt cooed, shrinking at Finn's glare.
Once the two brothers had shared their goodbyes, and she bid farewell to Burt and Carol, she allowed the smaller man to lead her out of the hospital and to the curbside. She floated on air all the way to a small car and she followed Kurt's lead, climbing into the backseat.
"Well isn't this a coincidence" the voice from the front seat called back to her. She looked up to the familiar face of Blaine, smiling at her.
"Of course, you two already know each other" Kurt said, putting the pieces together mentally.
"We do, it's good to see you again Rachel. Here. With Kurt's family. Am I correct in assuming you were with Finn" he asked with a smirk.
"You know too" Kurt asked before turning to her with determined interest. "Spill."
"What" she sputtered, looking to Blaine for back up.
"I'm with him Rachel, let's hear it" Blaine laughed, shifting the car into gear and pulling out of the lot.
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