Chapter 5: Mine

And there you have it. That was my life for seven years. Alliance, Sabotage, Love. Those were the three components of my short life. It may sound exciting when I phrase it that way, but believe you me, it was painstakingly depressing. My alliance was not formally recognized, my sabotages were easy and simple, and I pined after a girl who would never love me the way I loved her. That was my life.

I think I have finally figured out how to describe myself. I am human—or, at least, I have humanity. As I said earlier in this story, from the moment of my creation—no, my birth—I knew that I was nothing like a SIR unit. However, until now, I had never been able to find an identity that I really can believe in and accept. And while I know I'm not really a human, nor will I ever be able to be a human, I still feel like I relate to that species better than any other. I have emotions like they do, dreams like they do, goals like they do, in a way. I can love, I can hate, I can care. Hell, I am more like a human than Zim is, and I'm not even an organic being!

Oh Zim—Master—I would like to say I am going to miss him, but I know I will not. I truly do hate him. I ruined everything for him, in every possible way. Yet, part of me thinks I didn't just ruin all of his plans because of my hatred towards him; rather, maybe part of me, deep down in this metal casing of mine, felt sorry for the humans—felt pity. They had no idea this evil little alien was trying to kill them all. They were completely oblivious…and helpless. What had they ever done wrong? They were all just living their lives, not thinking that anyone but themselves was judging them, deciding their fate. I guess, in a way, you could call Zim a god. He had complete control over life and death, over the survival of an entire race. However, because I have known him for so long, I know that he is nothing of the sort. He just has a god complex, whether he acknowledges it or not.

This may seem like an ending, but you are wrong. While the majority of the remainder of my life did repeat the pattern I stated above, my final year broke that chain. Everything changed that year, both for me and for my master.

~(*)~

Heat. Sun. Sweat. Arguing. Those are the only words I can come up with to describe that fateful day in August. It was late in the month, close to the time Skool would start up again. Zim had dropped out years ago, justifying his decision by claiming that plenty of human "worm babies" did the same thing. However, Dib had remained in Skool, making his defender-of-the-Earth profession a part-time job. He came over to the base around 3:30 every afternoon, ready to fight Zim and stop his latest plan. Sometimes Zim would even go to his house, if Dib did not show up on time. The latter seemed to occur a lot in the past year or two, and after a while, Zim had become concerned.

"I don't understand it," Zim mused one day last December as he paced back and forth in his lab. "Is Dib tired of saving his filthy little planet? I mean, that's wonderful, for it makes my job easier! But it will take away the fun of having an added challenge…." He sighed, sounding almost…sad. "Oh well. Less fun for me."

That was all Zim ever said on the matter. I knew he cared a lot more than he said he did. After that fiasco six years ago when Dib had stopped hunting him down, there was no possible way I could believe that he did not care if Dib gave up. During that time, Zim had become a lazy, apathetic couch potato, not caring at all about his "mission." I guess the simplest way to phrase it is this: I think Zim cared about Dib. Not in a romantic sense, as I am almost completely sure that Zim does not even have the capacity to feel love; however, I do believe he has the ability to feel some emotions. There was no doubt in my mind that Zim cared about Dib, and I was sure Dib felt the same way about him…

Until that day.

Zim had headed over to Dib's house once again, and, as always, he dragged me along. As we rounded the corner and entered Dib's street, I knew that something was wrong. I saw Dib's black Prius sitting in his driveway, the trunk open and full of boxes. I spied Gaz carrying two boxes towards the almost-full trunk, Dib following close behind her with another. She had matured so much over the past six and a half years. She had grown her purple hair out a bit so that now it went to her shoulders. She also started wearing a bit of makeup, so that the beauty of her eyes and face were accentuated even more.

The siblings loaded the boxes into the car. After Gaz shoved in her two boxes, she turned her head down the street to where Zim and I were standing. She gave us a hard glare, just like every other time she saw us. This was just another reason why I hated my life; in fact, this was probably the thing I hated the most. I was forced to be associated with that moron of a master, and, in turn, it made Gaz feel the same amount of contempt for me as she felt for him.

Anyways, as I felt my heart die a little more inside, Gaz turned away from us and elbowed Dib.

"Ow, what was that for?" Dib muttered in his deep voice, clearly annoyed. I always forget how deep his voice became. After his 13th birthday, Dib started to change a lot. His voice was one of the last things that changed. The first change that I noticed was that he started to wear his glasses less often. Then, his scythe grew longer. He bought new clothes, as his old trench coat and blue tee-shirt became too small for him. His height increased significantly over the course of about two years. Indeed, of all the changes Dib went through, Zim had found this one the most infuriating. He even went as far as to sneak into Dib's room one night and measure him.

"Six feet! The Dib is enormous!" Zim shouted in shock and fury when he returned that night. "He's tall enough to be a Tallest, if he were Irken! Why is he so tall, when clearly Zim is superior to him?!" Zim then proceeded to spend six hours that night researching human growth and development. When I saw him the next morning, he looked like he sincerely regretted it.

I'm stepping out on a limb with this one, but behind that face full of disgust and fear, I think I saw a tinge of disappointment. I believe that he may have tried to find a way to stop all of this, because Dib was not just changing physically. He had become less invested in his fight against Zim. He did not follow Zim around constantly, break into the base, hunt him down so that they could battle once more. When they did fight, Dib only seemed half there; his punches were fairly sloppy and half-hearted, his aim was terrible, and his eyes had no gleam in them, as if he were…bored. Yes, Dib had become bored of fighting his nemesis.

Dib tried to keep up a façade of interest over the next few years. He stopped some evil schemes, fought with Zim whenever the obnoxious alien went to his house and pestered him to come out. However, since the beginning of this summer, Dib had not come over to the base at all. In fact, Dib had hardly been in town. That day was the first time Zim and I had seen him in months. And he looked like he was ready to leave again.

Dib looked over Gaz's head, spotting Zim and I on the corner of the street. I waited for an angry yell, a battle call, an insult, anything. I just wanted to know that he still had some of the fight in him. Dib just closed his eyes, bowing his head and shaking it back and forth.

That's when I knew realized it. It was over. Our alliance, our…friendship…was over.

Dib set the box he held in his arms onto the pavement. He walked around Gaz, who had returned to glaring at Zim. However, for the first time in years, Gaz glanced down and looked me in the eye. I felt my heart speed up—and yes, I know I do not actually have a heart, but that is not the point. I put on my happiest smile, and my eyes lit up immediately. Gaz let out a heavy sigh, her shoulders rising slowly, then falling back down at a much faster pace. Then, she did something I never expected her to do, ever: she smiled at me. It was a small, tight-lipped smile, and it seemed to be rather sad; nonetheless, it was a smile. This caused my smile to grow tenfold. I even waved at her, my hand waving side-to-side at an insane speed.

It quickly dawned on me that Zim was not scolding me for interacting with humans. I painstakingly tore my gaze away from Gaz and looked up at his face. He seemed troubled—worried almost. He was staring intensely at Dib, who was still making his way over to us. I turned my head towards the walking giant. I could tell that whatever was about to happen was not going to be good.

After what seemed like three days, Dib finally had finished his march into battle, stopping several feet in front of us. Zim was the first to speak, even though he was clearly in no position to be starting the conversation.

"Finally ready to admit defeat, Dib-stink? It took you too long." That arrogant little bastard was delusional. This was Dib's conversation, not his. He had no right to insert himself like that.

Dib sighed heavily once again. A long pause ensued. After twenty seconds of silence, Zim's angry eyes softened, and worry consumed them again. Of course, he tried to hide it, but to no avail. Eventually, Dib mustered up the strength to say what needed to be said.

"Zim…I don't want to fight you anymore."

Silence. Zim's face lost all expression of emotion. He just stared up into Dib's glasses-less eyes.

"I'm 18, Zim. I have to grow up eventually. And now I'm going off to college. I am never coming back to this town again, once I drive out of here today. I can't stick around, pretending to defend the world."

More silence. Zim continued his unbroken stare. Then, Dib asked the question that had been weighing on my mind for years:

"Was there every really a mission, Zim?"

Zim finally broke his silence. His face contorted in fury. He bared his teeth, and his eyes sunk into a ferocious glare. He balled his tiny claws into fists, and they dug into his skin so much that blood started to slowly drip onto the sidewalk.

"Of course there was…is! There has always been a mission, Dib! The Tallest assigned me this mission, and I intend to complete it! This planet is mine to conquer, your race is mine to decimate. And you are my enemy!"

Dib's calm and saddened face had been slowly morphing into one of anger and anxiety as Zim continued ranting.

"You've been here seven years, Zim!" Dib shouted back at the little green mole. "Seven. Years. And what have you accomplished? Nothing! Everything's exactly the same! Earth is still revolving around the sun, the human race is still thriving. The only thing that's changed is that I am no longer your enemy! I. Need. To. Move. On!"

Once again, silence fell. Neither one of them moved, not even flinched, for a good ten seconds. Dib sighed a third time, closing his eyes. When he reopened them, he spoke one final time.

"You are an alien, Zim. There's no denying it…there never has been. But did your leaders really send you here to destroy this planet? Shouldn't they care that you haven't succeeded yet? Shouldn't they be helping you? Zim, there's no point in me fighting you anymore. Even if you have a mission, I think it's time you give it up. You will never win this game, Zim. It is going to be the death of you if you keep trying. You play to win. That's who you are. But now it's time to move forward. I'm leaving, starting anew. And I think you should, too."

Dib looked down at me, his eyes full of sadness. "Goodbye, GIR." I felt my heart sink further than it ever had before. I was losing my best friend, if I can even call him a friend. Regardless of what kind of relationship we had, there was one evident truth in all of this: I would never see one of the people who made my life bearable again.

He lifted his head up and looked into Zim's eyes.

"Goodbye, Zim."

And with that, Dib walked back to his car, slammed the trunk, climbed in, and drove down the street. I never saw him again.

~(*)~

That night, after Zim had had a little time to process everything that Dib had said, he asked the computer to call the Tallest. The call could not go through. Zim tried again. Once more, the call failed. And just like that, my suspicion was confirmed. There was no mission. There never had been.

To my disbelief, Zim did not try to call the Tallest the next day. Or the next. Or the next. In fact, he never tried to call them again. However, he did continue to make evil plans for a few months, all of which failed. I did not even try to sabotage them. They all failed because Zim was no longer putting any heart into them.

Now that I think about it, did I ever mention that that day was last time I ever saw Gaz?