Chapter Thirty Three
I was on watch on the platform of the cell block, darkness overpowering the vastly large room. It was a tense shift to say the least, a nervous one for certain.
Rick had ordered that no one was to wait out in the guard tower tonight; too dangerous a journey. He and Lori had spent hours on end staring at the monitors but had found the same conclusion as before. Nothing. As each hour passed, the couple grew agitated and wary. It got to the point where Herschel had to demand for the pair to leave, insisting that he would take over and would alert them if he saw anything. They were adamant at first but gave in eventually and from my position, I could see that the couple were resting in their cell - a much needed rest too - as Herschel scanned the monitors in the security room as he'd promised.
The group were edgy, the day's events demolishing us all. T-Dog and Allen had been mourned but energies had been drained now and I knew none of us could cope with any more if Carl and Daryl didn't come back. I for one, knew I wouldn't cope. With each growing hour, my hopes and passions began to fade. I had spent a long time merely staring into an empty space with nothing meaningful to think about. My thoughts were dull and lifeless now.
I tried to take my own advice - think of the positives of the situation. I was struck dumb for a moment but eventually conjured up a few.
The threat of Andrew and Big Tiny was over. I thought it was safe to conclude that we wouldn't have any more hassle where they were concerned. The hesitance towards Axel would no doubt linger, but he wasn't a threat at all to the group. If he did turn against us, it surely wouldn't be very hard to overpower him - he was only one man against a group of us. But I didn't think he had it in his character to react against the group anyway. It seemed safe to say that he provided no threat to us, unlike his dead inmates had.
Sophia was alive and well. That was certainly something I was glad for. My attention was drawn to the cell the little girl would be resting in and my thoughts lingered over her confession earlier that evening. "Love you" - such simple words, but held so much meaning. I was stunned by them and felt myself freeze over. I was glad Sophia was asleep and wasn't expecting a response as I didn't think I would have been able to provide her one. I couldn't remember the last time someone told me they loved me. It had effected me greatly, but in a good way. And I couldn't help but smile a little, the feeling of being loved by someone warming my entire being for a moment.
I continued to think things over, trying my best to avoid the topic of Daryl and Carl, but was suddenly interrupted by the sight of movement in one of the upper floor cells. Rick and Lori's to be exact. I watched patiently as a figure rose from the bed and lingered in the doorway for a moment before stepping into the moonlight streak.
Rick stood a moment, gazing up and down the cell block before turning towards me. I frowned in confusion, wondering if he intending to relieve me of watch duty - though I had every intention of rejecting his offer if he did - as he made his way toward me. I raised an eyebrow when Rick reached the end of the walkway and as the man crouched in front of me. There was a pause before he spoke.
"I'm just going outside for a bit." Rick breathed, quietly. My frown only deepened.
"Isn't that dangerous during the current situation?" I muttered. Rick patted the pistol strapped to his waist in answer to the question.
"I should only be an hour." He promised. "Hold things down here for me?" I nodded numbly, not sure whether to protest. Rick didn't continue anymore conversation, merely stood up and walked away. Though not without giving me one meaningful last look.
I watched his figure as he walked along the upper floor balcony and quietly down the metal steps. Confusion was all I felt. Why was Rick going outside at this moment in time? Wasn't it too dangerous? He reached the cell block door and undid the cable around it, securing it back on when he exited. I continued staring at the door, wondering if I should go talk to Herschel in the security room about this strange behaviour, though my thoughts were suddenly stopped again when more noise in the cell block was heard.
From the lower level, I saw another figure exit their cell and when they walked into view of the moonlight glimmer, I felt a horrible feeling overwhelm me.
Shane didn't appear to take any notice of me, having seemingly forgotten of my ever-watching gaze on the platform. His eyes only gazed at the cell block door in which Rick had just previously exited. His strides made me uncomfortable; forced and fierce. He walked with meaning towards the cell block door, opening it and securing it as Rick had done before him. Then the cell block was silent once more.
Even from this distance, I had seen the odd look in Shane's eyes. One that had a hidden depth and darkness within. I didn't trust the man one bit anymore. And the sudden need to leave the cell block overpowered me and the scene before me seemed far too suspicious for me to just stay quiet about it.
I rushed to the security room quickly, trying to keep my movement as quiet as I could as to not wake the rest up. Herschel glanced up at me when I appeared and frowned.
"Did you just see that?" I asked. Herschel nodded slowly. "What do you think that was all about?"
"I don't know, my dear." Herschel replied, sighing. "But I sense something happened when Rick and Shane were out; the pair seem different now." I swallowed hard and nodded.
"Shane didn't have Rick's back when he should have." I told him. "Big Tiny said Shane should kill Rick, get him out the way and step into his place. Shane didn't challenge him and it almost cost Rick's life if I hadn't have stepped in." Herschel nodded again, turning to the monitors.
"Then I'm very concerned right now." He muttered. "Shane is a very complex man, someone whom I will not deny in saying I've detested with my every being since the moment we met. I've never trusted that man since he stepped on my farm all those months back and nothing's changed now."
"I'm going to go after them." I quickly announced. "Make sure Rick's alright." Herschel studied me for a moment, thoughtfully.
"You want someone to come with you?" He asked. "I could wake Glenn or Maggie-" I shook my head.
"I'll be alright." I smiled slightly, though it felt too forced. "Keep an eye on things here?" Herschel promised he would and I quickly took my leave, my pace rapid and with intention.
I opened and secured the cell block door as my predecessors had done before me before glancing up and down the corridor. They could have gone either way. Though after recalling Rick saying he would head outside, I set off at a quick pace towards Cell Block C and the exit into the yard.
At each step I took, the dread began to build. Something wasn't right. The fear of walkers seemed to transpire now and all I was focused on was getting to Shane and Rick as quickly as I could before anything happened. What was going to happen, I did not know.
I took the corridor from Cell Block C to the yard in practically a sprint. My gun weighed heavily against my side and I scolded myself for not getting it out on the way here - that could have been drastic if I had come across any walkers. The door to the yard was ajar a little and I hesitated a little before opening it. Peeking out, I expected to see the pair and was surprised when the yard appeared empty.
Strange. Though I decided they were probably further down in the grass compound. My heart began to race rapidly as I made my way across the concrete and my ears picked up the distant but raised sound of noises. For a moment, I wondered if perhaps the pair just needed to talk and that was why they had both come out. Maybe I was just being a nosy and shouldn't pry into their privacy? Though when I reached the gate separating the yard and compound, I saw that perhaps my inkling had pointed me into the right direction.
The pair stood facing each other, a few paces apart. A furious, almost deranged and animalistic, expression was plastered on Shane's face while Rick looked surprisingly calm. I hesitated, glad I hadn't been noticed, but also completely stunned by the scene before me. What was going on?
"So this is where you planned it?" Rick began, stoically, his voice never wavering. His eyes pierced into Shane's with darkened determination and I remained in confused silence on the sidelines, observing the pair in wonder.
"Good a place as any." Shane replied, he appeared to tremble. His demeanour was slumped, nervous? This only increased my confusion.
"At least have the balls to call this what it is," Rick hissed suddenly, his lips almost curling up in a snarl. "Murder." Murder? My eyes widened, what on earth was this? What the hell had I missed? "You really believe that if you go back into that cell block alone, no me-"
"Why don't you hush up-" Shane tried, weakly. Rick ploughed on regardless of the protest.
"You really believe they're going to buy whatever bullshit story you cook!?"
"Well, that's just it, there ain't no story." He titled his head slightly as he observed his friend - exfriend perhaps now? I couldn't understand what was happening, what was this talk on murder?, though felt no will to intercept. "A stray walker attacked you from behind, I killed it but it was too late for you, man. I'll have to drag in a walker to take a chunk from you - make it believable, but I'll manage." His lips turned into an animalistic snarl. "Ain't gonna be easy, but Lori and Carl will get over you. They've done it before. They're just going to have to."
Just then, Shane pulled out his gun and did something I didn't think he would do - aimed it at Rick's head. I couldn't believe the scene before me, I knew I should step in but I was so in shock, I couldn't bring myself to move. Rick didn't look surprised by his once-friend's actions and stared back down the barrell of the gun, that could potentially end his life any moment.
The air was silent for a moment, the tension thick and growing. Two once best friends pitted against each other in desperation and anger. There was nothing but hatred in each other's eyes, something that shouldn't be there at all. I always knew something was building between the pair, but never had I imagined an outcome like this. I wanted to step in, step up to Rick's aid, but I couldn't. This was for Rick to deal with, I realised.
"Why?" Rick hissed finally, taking a small step closer. "Why now? I thought we worked this all out?"
"We tried to kill each other, man." Shane chuckled. What, when? I gathered a lot must have gone on during the time alone together when looking for Andrew and Big Tiny. Something significant apparently. A definite break in their friendship? "What, you think- you think we're just gonna forget about it and all go ride off into the sunset together?" Amusement twinkled behind the burning hatred and despair. I now seemed to understand what Lori meant - this wasn't Shane. This was a being filled with so much hatred and desperation, merely a shell of what Shane used to be.
"You're gonna kill me in cold blood?" Rick challenged. Shane didn't answer. "You screw my wife. Have my children, my children!, call you daddy? Is that what you want?" The anger was brewing within the leader. "But life won't be worth a damn, I know you. You won't be able to live with this!"
"What do you know about what I can live with?" Shane shouted suddenly, the cracks slowly breaking and showing only a ruined man. "You got no idea what I can live with, what I live with!" Violent gestures and flailing arms. "We talk about what I can do, Rick, what about what you can do? Here I am." Arms spread eagled for a moment. "C'mon, man, raise your gun."
"No." Rick breathed, shaking his head at his former partner. "No I will not."
"What happened, Rick, thought you weren't the good guy anymore?" Shane demanded, his voice loud and boisterous. He was letting himself out, letting go of all the feelings he had been repressing for so long. The end result was terrifying to say the least. I heeded to Lori's foreboding and wondered what was going to happen when he collided with his destination. It was coming, I sensed. "Ain't that what you said?" Rick didn't heed to the demands and taunts. "Even right here, right now, you ain't gonna fight for them? I'm a better father than you, Rick, I'm better for Lori than you, man." Shane paused almost to let his bitter comments truly strike hard, Rick's face turned up slightly with anger. "Because I'm a better man than you, Rick. Because I can be here and I'll fight for it. But you come back here and you just destroy everything! You got a broken woman, you got a weak boy. You ain't got the first clue on how to fix it." He snarled at the leader with distaste before raising his gun again, abandoning all extravagant arm movements now. He had made his point. "Raise your gun." Loud and clear.
"You're gonna have to kill an unarmed man." Rick muttered, shaking his head. A tense silence followed as Rick held his hands up slowly. "Watch my hand." Carefully, Rick reached down towards his belt where his pistol was strapped. "Nice and easy." He slowly removed his gun from its holster and a feeling of dread washed over me, but still I couldn't move. "Easy does it." He took a few small steps towards Shane, slowly as if not to startle the blaring giant that was the human wrecking ball - Shane. "Now listen to me, Shane." Still more steps. "There's still a way back from this." His voice was so calm, so soothing. I could tell he must have been a great negotiator in his cop years. Shane seemed unable to tear his eyes away from his friend, his breaths were shallow and audible even from where I was standing. "Nothing has happened here. We're gonna lay down our guns and we're gonna walk back to the cell block." He was giving Shane a chance, a chance to redeem himself despite everything that had happened between them? "Together. Back to Lori, back to Carl." He was so close to his friend now, Rick held the pistol out for Shane to take from him. "Put this all behind us."
There was a moment of suspense as the pair regarded each other one last time before Shane broke the contact to look down at the weapon being handed to him. This was the chance Rick apparently was waiting for.
In a blink of an eye, Rick had shoved the barrell of Shane's gun aside and just as quickly had forced the blade he procured from the back of his belt into the stomach of his friend, plunging it in with force and a hard grunt. Shane's gun echoed off a shot and Rick grasped the man's overpowering stature as Shane slumped forward from the attack.
I couldn't believe the scene before me. A hand flew to my mouth, muffling all gasps or cries that may have come out. The determination in Rick's eyes as he forced his blade into his once closest friend's stomach was terrifying and disorientation took over me.
Rick and Shane fell to the ground, Rick cradling the latter's body as blood began to pour from his wound. The dying man choked as he struggled to breath and Rick's body wracked with howling sobs of a broken man. It hurt to listen to the pain between two once brothers in arms.
"Damn you for making me do this, Shane!" Rick grunted, his voice so hoarse and thick with tears. I staggered forward a little, though not enough to gather Rick's attention. "This is you, not me! You did this to us!" The man's once calm form was now demolished into a fit of weeping sobs, so unlike anything like the leader we were use to seeing, the side he kept hidden - the side that now wept for the thought of his dying friend. "This was you, not me. Not me!" Shane grunted as Rick pulled the knife from his stomach and more blood gaped out. I considered going to get Herschel; he could fix Shane up and everything would be fine. But it wasn't fine, not anymore. Rick was wrong in what he said; there was no going back from this. "Not me!"
Upon the last final cry of despair, Rick discarded the knife and stared down at his dying friend with a lost expression. He looked confused, unsure, on what to do and almost attempted to soothe Shane in his dying moments. Though finally, Shane coughed one last gut-wrenching choke from his bloodied lips and his struggling limbs slumped and his head lolled to the side in defeat. The deranged and animalistic look Shane once had had faded and Shane passed on with an almost sorrowful look, a lost expression even. He died looking perhaps like he once was, not the Shane driven to desperation, but the Shane long before that. He died in Rick's arms, the arms of his brother.
Rick's bitter laced sobs echoed though the air, piercing through me like the blade of a knife. A desperate knife to kill your best friend? The man stared around into the darkness, though I was unsure of what he was looking for. He looked defeated and exhausted and I remained at a distance, not approaching him until he had had the moment to realise what he had done. Regret it perhaps? Or just to comprehend it?
When the leader's sobs - which sounded almost like a dying animal - had ceased, I braved another few steps forward, though tried to be careful not to startle Rick from his trance. His eyes found mine in almost an instant and nothing was said between us as were merely regarded each other across the grass compound. I swallowed hard, glancing down at Shane's form still in Rick's arms. Gently, Rick let Shane's body fall back onto the grass and he stood, shaking a little on his feet. His clothes were blood stained, as were his hands and face. I said nothing of it and Rick didn't seem to care.
"He was a threat." Rick breathed suddenly, his voice just carrying to me. He glanced at Shane's body with a sorrowful expression, that threatened to break again, before he backed away and took a few steps towards me. "You heard what he said, how he tried to kill me." He put his back to Shane's body and approached me some more, though hesitantly stopped a distance away, as if to judge my reaction to it all.
"I knew I was listening?" I asked, quietly.
"I wanted you to listen." Rick murmured evenly. "I knew what Shane was planning, but I wanted someone to hear him, so they'd believe me. So the group would believe me. I'm not a cold bloodied killer."
"You killed him." I stuttered, stopping Rick for a moment. He swallowed hard, sniffing back the tears.
"I know." He tried, nodding a little. "But I did it for the good of the group, you have to believe me. I need you to believe me." He paused, his voice almost hinting at more sobbing. He shook his head. "I need someone to believe me." I observed the man's form, wanting to believe him, but still trying to comprehend that Rick had just killed his once friend.
"I want to," I breathed. "I really do."
Rick's face softened slightly and he opened his mouth to try some more, but a gun shot suddenly went off and we both turned just in time to see Shane's body hit the floor, very close to Rick's feet. What?
"What the-" Rick muttered, as we both approached the body, though something else caught out attention entirely.
"Dad!" A voice cried from nowhere and we looked up to see a bobbling sheriff's hat sprinting towards us. Rick's face broke out into another sob, though one of joy now, as he rushed to meet his son and the pair embraced. Rick's voice muttered his praises for his son's wellbeing and I smiled fondly at the pair, already imagining Lori's incredulous expression now when we brought Carl back safe and sound. It seemed that the tragedy of Shane's death was masked over by the safe arrival of Carl. But was he alone?
I glanced up when movement caught my eye and I was almost stunned with grief when I saw who it was. The figure moved slowly towards us, his eyes gazing down at the body on the floor before raising to meet mine. It felt like so long since I had seen those eyes and the whirlwind of thoughts and fears that had been raging through my mind since I knew he was missing, hit me with brutal force and I almost choked in bittersweet laughter at their meaningless now.
Daryl was alive.
The happiness that overwhelmed me was something I hadn't felt before and one I couldn't understand the meaning behind. I didn't care. Nothing stopped me from closing the distance between us swiftly and throwing my arms around the hunter's heavy, and safe, shoulders. I was surprised when strong arms held me close in return but relished his being and blessed him a thousand times over for being here.
"Oh, thank God you're alive." I breathed, suppressing a sob into his shoulder. Daryl's body wracked a little as he chuckled, I then remembered how much I loved that sound and that only increased my weakness.
"Ya shoulda had a bit more faith in me." Daryl muttered with ease. It felt good to hear his voice again and I would have happily remained clinging to him if Rick didn't start talking.
"Thank you so much, Daryl." Rick spoke. Daryl pried his arms from me, gently pushing me away to regard the leader. I glanced at Rick, with Carl clinging to his side, fresh tears in each of their eyes. "I mean it. I'm in debt to you after what you've done for Carl." Daryl swallowed hard, glancing at Carl with a soft smile before shrugging.
"We look out for each other in this group, done what anyone else would do." Rick beamed at his hunter's modesty. "We miss anythin' interestin'?" Rick's expression flattered a little and Daryl noticed this. "We take any hits?" Carl looked suddenly distraught.
"Mom?" He gushed desperately though his father soothed him.
"Mom's fine, she's resting in the cell block. Worried herself sick over you." Rick informed him, patting a hand lightly through his son's hair. Carl looked relieved and Rick smiled a little at him, before turning back to Daryl with a solemn expression. "We lost Allen and T-Dog." Daryl's face fell. "Andrew and Big Tiny caused all this."
"Where are the bastards now?" Daryl asked, his expression now dark.
"Dead." Rick replied, glancing at me briefly. "Ruby and I dealt with them." I felt Daryl's gaze on me for a moment before all attention was diverted to the body on the ground.
"Shane turned, Dad." Carl spoke, breaking the silence between the four of us. "He turned into a walker. And I shot him." Rick swallowed hard at his son's confession. I was stunned by it to, having assumed Daryl had taken walker-Shane down, though realised that Daryl only carried his crossbow on his person. The idea of Carl having to put Shane down overwhelmed us all. "Does- does that mean I murdered him?"
"No." Rick shook his head, crouching down to meet his son's level. "You did not kill Shane." He paused, tearing his gaze away from his son to briefly allow them to pass over the body. "A lot of things happened tonight, some good and some bad." He paused and stroked his son's face. "Shane had to die, he was a danger to the group. I would not allow him to carry on like he did anymore, not after everything and certainly not when the baby is born. You have to believe me, Carl, that Shane wasn't good anymore and he hasn't been for a long time. That wasn't Shane." I'd heard that before. "The bad thing is, is that the old Shane, the one we knew and loved, was lost behind all the anger and envy. The only way Shane could be at peace again was for this to happen." He paused to see his son's reaction and I saw how vulnerable the leader looked as his sanity must have weighed in the balance for his son's reply.
"I believe you, Dad." Carl nodded, resigned, and Rick smiled at his son, fondly.
"And you came back to me. That was the good thing that happened tonight." The father and son shared a moment of solitude before Rick rose to his feet and turned to us. "We better head back to the cell block. In the morning, we'll make plans to recover the prison back and collect T-Dog's and Allen's bodies to be buried out here. Andrew's and Big Tiny's bodies are to be burned with the walkers."
"Sure thing, boss." Daryl muttered, nodding, providing Rick with a mock salute. Rick smirked a little and patted the hunter's - now, most likely, his second-in-command (taking Shane's empty place) - back as a friendly and welcome-back gesture. Rick led the way towards the prison, Carl's hand gripped tightly in his, probably in fear of losing each other again. Daryl and I trailed behind.
"Dad, will Shane's body be buried or burned?" Carl asked, an echoing question that stunned the leader into silence for a moment. I listened intently, curious now to hear the leader's answer as so much appeared to depend on that now. Though I couldn't see Rick's face, I knew his expression was most likely a thoughtful one as he delved his reply.
"Shane will be buried." Rick replied finally and there was something satisfying with the answer. "Along with T-Dog and the rest." Carl nodded at this and fell silent.
Carl's and Rick's pace quickened considerably once we got inside the prison, probably in anticipation to give Lori the good news. Daryl and I hung back and I felt as if a million and one things needed to be said between us, but nothing was coming out. I glanced up at him, the man who I had been in so much despair over, the man whom I had unquestionably decided I had feelings for.
"What?" Daryl asked, probably sensing my stare probing the side of his head. When I didn't reply, he glanced down at me with a raised eyebrow - an expression that was once familiar, but now appeared to be so new to me after the absence of his presence. I smiled slightly and shook my head, looking away with a grace as if all my wishes had come at once. "Ya gone cuckoo in my absence? Forgotten how to talk to me?"
"I'm just so happy that you're alive." I admitted. "I thought you were-" I cut myself off, swallowing back the pain I felt when I imagined the possibilities of Daryl's demise. "We saw you on the monitors being chased by walkers, it didn't look so great and we feared the worst."
"It was fuckin' tough, I'm not gonna lie." Daryl muttered. "Had a few close calls, but Carl 'nd I managed to barricade ourselves in some janitor's closet 'nd get ourselves onto the roof. Kid's stronger than he looks, I'll give him that. Gotta hell of a lotta courage than I give him credit for." He shrugged. "We're back now though."
"I was so worried." I continued. "I thought I'd lost you and I couldn't-" I trailed off and I could sense some tension from Daryl. The hunter grunted a little.
"We've lost people before, ya would have gotten over it pretty quick." Was that an insecure tone to his voice? I shook my head fiercely.
"No I wouldn't." I stated, firmly.
Ahead of us, Rick and Carl had reached the cell block and had rushed inside. Their calls could be heard within and I knew they were announcing their situation. I wanted to follow after them, to see Lori's reaction to her son's safe appearance, though Daryl's steps slowed a little and he stopped to linger a little way back from the entrance. I stopped too, turning to face the hunter with a questionable gaze. Why had he stopped?
"Why do you look at me like that?" I muttered, trying to gouge the piercing stare Daryl was imploring into me. It was the same one I had seen all that time back in the guard tower, the one before an intimate moment ensued…
"Why do you say those things?" Daryl asked in return and I was confused for a moment.
"You don't believe me?" I breathed, realisation hitting me.
I delved into his expression and then recognised the expression of vulnerability and sadness. Of course he didn't believe me, I thought as I remembered the stories about his home life. Though surely someone had expressed kindness towards him before in such a manner? My heart ached when I looked into Daryl's eyes for the answer and saw nothing but pain. Pain of rejection perhaps?
When I held him the second time, he didn't seem to expect it and tensed in the first instant. Though he hesitantly put an arm around me and resigned into the embrace. He reminded me of Sophia; the fact that there was something so innately good about each of them despite both having been filled with broken memories and a haunted background. Daryl's brother, Merle, was different as he was not so innately good. There was something about the younger Dixon that remained vulnerable compared to his older, more boisterous brother. The pair shared attributes that I realised now gave their relation away. Each time Daryl would get angry, a part of Merle would creep through and I wondered if between the pair of them, I was being shown a glimpse of what it was like to grow up inside the Dixon household over the course of each of my time with them.
Neither Dixon embraced other contact. Merle seemed to outright déteste it whilst Daryl almost appeared afraid of it. Was it was easier to cure someone of a hatred or of a fear? I wondered. Though despite of their outright awkwardness to civil order, the connection I had with each of them - individually - seemed weird now I thought about it. I wondered what force had brought me to them and why it seemed like I was the only one who could be capable of a companionship with both of them, and not just Daryl's younger self or neither altogether. It was a strange and curious situation, but one I was more than happy to embrace.
"I hope one day you will believe me, Daryl." I muttered into Daryl's ear. He flinched a little at my words, as if receiving a blow. This was another attack on my heart. "Because everything I say to you is true. I would never lie to you and I hope you know that. I care about you, Daryl, a lot." After I uttered the minor confession, I wondered how much of an effect that would impact Daryl. As expected, the hunter tensed under my words, though soon relaxed. He didn't reply or return the gesture and I didn't need him to. I didn't want him to return a forced gesture if he didn't mean it, as long as he knew my feelings, that was good enough for me.
"We should head inside, they'll wanna see ya." Daryl said, finally. He pulled himself away and scratched the back of his head in a nervous fashion. I smiled slightly.
"They'll be excited to know you're alright." I countered and Daryl smiled back as if he believe it. I hoped he did.
I regarded the hunter one last time in his state and tried to process a sane and functional thought in my head. Daryl gazed back, almost expectantly, and many ideas passed through my mind before me as to how to approach the next immediate step between us. The step chosen was one quite abrupt and I acted rashly before I decided to back down. Why not take the plunge?
Without allowing a moment to breath, I closed the gap between Daryl and I; taking his face between my hands and guiding his head gently to mine. When his lips touched mine, I felt his entire body tense and I realised I probably should have provided Daryl with some warning before acting. I didn't pull away though, my fingers and lips tingled beneath Daryl's skin and when Daryl didn't shove me away I decided he was either too stunned or had accepted the kiss for me to initiate stopping. What was I doing? His lips were soft on mine, unexpectedly so. My head burst with so many thoughts that I couldn't think straight and was glad when Daryl's hands found the top of my arms for support as I didn't think I could have remained standing much longer.
The kiss lingered for a moment before Daryl pulled away a little. He remained close enough though, his forehead pressed against mine, my breath mingled with his. Nothing was spoken between us though the silence just seemed to blare heavily against my senses. I kept my eyes closed, even when Daryl's hands dropped from me and he backed up, in fear that I'd open them and he'd be staring back at me with nothing but contempt and disgust. Daryl wasn't the only one that feared rejection.
Tentatively, I opened my eyes and found Daryl's instantly. But he wasn't looking at me with contempt or disgust. There was a mixture of confusion there, which I expected, but his eyes were soft also. I didn't know what was supposed to happen next - this wasn't the normal situation for things like this to be happening - or how to explain myself to him. It appeared I didn't have to though as a voice from within the cell block called us. Rick had apparently gotten worried when we hadn't followed on after them. Figures.
"Time to go, huh?" I braved first. Daryl nodded once, stiffly and my heart sank a little.
Daryl moved to step around me though paused for a moment, staring at me through narrowed eyes. I raised an eyebrow and opened my mouth to ask him what was wrong, though his hand reached towards me, halting what I was going to say next. Hesitantly, Daryl's hand weaved its way through my hair and he gently drew me closer before gingerly placing his lips against my forehead. The kiss stunned me and I was astonished by Daryl's actions. It filled me with warmth though and I found myself leaning into him. He backed up again quickly, dropping his hand and smiling slightly down at me.
Nothing more was said between us as we entered the cell block, our home, to greet the ones we loved, though there was something different between us now. What kind of different, I didn't know, but my skin burned from Daryl's kisses and the intimacy would definitely leave a great etching in my memory now. And I couldn't help but smile briefly at Daryl when I met his gaze and was surprised by the small nod I received in return.
This was certainly something new.
…
Beside the ones already filled, three new graves had been dug and filled with our three fallen companions. Words were spoken about each of them, Allen first followed by T-Dog and lastly for Shane.
The latter was met with an awkward silence at first before Rick ploughed his way through a eulogy worthy of his once firm friend. Tears were shed for each of the fallen and it was certainly a day for great mourning.
Next to me, Lori stood, her face tear streaked. Her arms wrapped around the shoulders of her boy, whom she had barely let go of since their reunion, while one of Carl's hands gripped Sophia's tightly. When observing the woman, I noticed her eyes lingered toward her husband with an almost unsure expression. The pair had barely spoken two words to each other since Rick's announcement of Shane's death and what had occurred that night had hit Lori hard. Some nights I had tried to talk to the mother, try to reason that Rick's choice was one made with good intentions. She seemed to understand this, though I knew the blow had left a gaping wound that needed a bit of time to mend.
Time mends all wounds. A cliché saying perhaps? One I could imagine Dale hollering to us all in this time of his much needed wisdom. Though during the bitter time spent beside each grave of the fallen, our reassurance was that time would mend the wounds of what had happened. When given time, we could rebuild our stability again.
When the last of the funerals ended, the group departed back inside, passing the burning embers of the remains of walkers that we had burnt earlier that day. Barely a glance was given towards the ash pile and every single one of us ignored the familiar looking bodies that lay on top of the pile, that had not quite finished burning yet. Even Axel refrained from sparing a glance towards his once fellow inmates. The hellish creatures were dead - though not without rendering us with losses. And though we couldn't bring our friends back, we could attempt to repair the damage that the inmates had left behind and our mockery to them would be the fact that their plans had failed and we were still living.
(Author's Note): Well, that was a very intense chapter for me to write! I struggled the most with the Rick/Shane scene and it's execution. I guess you've probably realised that I've taken the dialogue from the show regarding that scene (obviously adapted bits to fit the situation) and I hope you guys are alright with me doing that. I'm not one for just re-writing scenes from shows and films, but I felt with this particular scene that it could be allowed. I mean, the scene in the show was certainly a memorable one for me, probably one of my favourite moments in the entire Walking Dead and I couldn't think of a more appropriate way for Shane to go. Hopefully it came out alright for you guys and that you liked it?
And Shane's place in my story is over now. I hope that my choice to prolong his death for my story was the right one; what do you guys think about how thinks panned out for Shane here? I've really enjoyed writing him and I'm actually glad to have kept him on longer than expected, rather than killing him off earlier on in the farm scenes for example. Guess all that's left to say now is R.I.P Shane Walsh!
And yes, immense Daryl/Ruby in this chapter, (took my time, didn't I!) which I hope came out alright? I don't pride myself in writing romance so hopefully you guys can provide feedback on how I did? And a crucial point would be regarding Daryl's character in it all - is he still his Daryl Dixon self or am I swaying a little on the OOC side of things? Please inform me if so!
Anyway, thanks for the comments and reviews, please tell me what you think of the latest chapter! I'll try update when I can for you all! :)